Generally feeling trapped in life, can’t see the way forward, 5.1.2 changing to 39

[FoxChiron]

This is going to be a bit of a long post and I forgive any who can’t devote the time to read it, but today was a day where the I Ching was trying to tell me some very important things that I do not understand at all, and when I try I get locked into a vicious cycle of unproductive thinking that turns quickly into self-abuse.

There’s a recurrent pattern in my life where I can’t find a purpose and feel very lost and lonely, then something occurs to me to do or an opportunity presents itself. The next step after that is that I’ll finally start to get attention from women again, of course because I’m focused on other things and no longer desperately chasing validation that way. Once a woman gets my attention, things sour and the woman doesn’t just reject me, she goes for my throat.

I experienced a minor version of this with a woman on a dating app, she got weirdly sarcastic and insulting after asking to see my writing and accused me of being all academics and no personality even though we barely had spoken, and it sent me into a big spiral downward and inward. I went into a frenzy reading the oracle, abusing myself for being unable to fit in with people and find acceptance. I asked a lot of questions but I guess they were really all different versions of the same one: what is wrong with me?

I honestly feel like I was made wrong. I can’t find meaningful work, I barely pay my bills, I can’t make personal connections with anyone who wants to keep in regular contact, and I can’t find a romantic partner.

In various questions asking for the solution for this for the last 15 hour so hours that I’ve been paralyzed and unable to do anything but sit and think, I received 1 unchanging three times, 1.1.6 changing to 28 twice, 28.1.6 changing to 1 twice, and the first reading I mention in the title, 5.2.3 changing to 39 twice.

The last time I got 5.2.3 I had asked what the lesson in the situation was that I am not able to understand, that someone here might help me with.

The best I can make of it is that Heaven has a plan and I need to wait for the way to reveal itself. That seems confirmed by the ridiculous odds of all these repeated readings.

At the same time I have an intuitive feeling that I can’t just lay back and passively take whatever happens. I feel stuck between being totally powerless to change anything and being totally unable to finally give up completely on life

I have no idea how to break this deadlock.

Any perspective is appreciated, and thank you if you read all this even if you don’t know what to say.

 

[diamant]

what the lesson in the situation was that I am not able to understand
5.1.2 > 39

Line 5.1 shows someone happy to live away from busy places. And yet the character for 'waiting' (or 'needing') is still there. You're waiting for something, you need something, which according to what you say is human interaction, but you're not actively participating in the game, so to speak.

Then, and while being out of practice as described above, you take a step to get closer to the water. In line 5.2 you make a move to the sand, which causes discomfort. You don't feel well in that position and so 'ending it is lucky'. All this results in 39, no-go, dead-end, you feel stuck.

It does sound like you're quite tied up in knots, and I feel for you, it sounds very frustrating. How about you discuss these issues with a therapist, who might be able to help you untangle, and most importantly stop the self-abuse? Once you're able to stop that, you'll be better equipped to stop others from abusing you. Another tip from me would be, when you feel frustrated, don't cast general questions. Focus your questions, e.g. "what action can I take in January towards (a specific) goal?"

 

[Trojina]

I think anyone's heart would go out to you being so down on yourself....and I was about to write a long answer all about the 28>1 and the 1>28 which looks like the need to outgrow this whole level of thinking....then something made me think I'd seen your name, answered another of your threads and so I looked. I did answer and so did others but you never came back, not even to click the thanks button

Here

Asked for my life’s purpose, received hexagram 53 changing to 39

Hello, long time listener first time caller. I understand that a question like this is highly personal, vague, and thereby probably difficult to provide enough context for, but I’ll do my best to do so as briefly as I can. Recently, after some synchronicities which led me to the book, I’ve...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

I don't feel I want to spend time answering you as I'm not sure you read what I wrote before and it took me a while to write out.

You are depicting yourself here as the victim of misfortune and flaky treatment from those you try to connect with, you say

I honestly feel like I was made wrong. I can’t find meaningful work, I barely pay my bills, I can’t make personal connections with anyone who wants to keep in regular contact, and I can’t find a romantic partner.

....but you've ignored the connection from strangers here who answered you. Also there's similar theme to the questions on your earlier thread, you feel as if you were a great failure in all aspects of life, so if you go back to that thread you may also get some insight to the things you ask here.

For meaning in life don't look from the outside in, you won't find meaning there because that will be the meanings of others/society which has deigned what makes life meaningful. Switch it inside out, a bit like 1>28 and 28>1 and start with what life means to you from the inside and work outwards from there and you should find alignment with your own purpose the spark that drives your life, hexagram 1.

I think it's time to outgrow the mode of self evaluation you have. In 28 things are stretched to the limit, overtoppling, outgrown, with the change lines it topples into 1, life energy. then you have a cast where 1 almost bursts into 28.


If a child is learning to throw a ball it doesn't do well if there are a group of kids circling her saying 'you can't throw that ball, hopeless'. When the other kids turn away and forget her she'll probably find her own way to throw the ball. Howabout parking a car in a small space (good image for 1>28) ever tried that, had trouble and then people start watching and your performance gets worse the more people watch? If they go away you can park easy. I'm saying your inner critics are just like those people. They stand around you saying 'you aren't doing that right, you won't do this, you never do'. They need to go away.

Also most people with this much self judgement have imbibed it from negative familial influences. It's not even your self judgement it's been laid upon you. Make it go away.


So in 28>1 you try to park your life in a small area of approved criteria for 'successful living' which you list as relationship/money/meaningful job and it doesn't necessarily fit because life is more than than that.
28.1.6>1 all these criteria you demand for 'success' are too much for you! It's something to grow out of as it is almost as an adolescent thought pattern. You look for a 'solution' and you get 1. Life itself,1, does not need a solution in order to go on living, the idea of 'a solution' is something to outgrow.

I have answered a bit more than intended, they are interesting answers.


I'm hoping you will return to this thread and the previous one.

 

[FoxChiron]

I think anyone's heart would go out to you being so down on yourself....and I was about to write a long answer all about the 28>1 and the 1>28 which looks like the need to outgrow this whole level of thinking....then something made me think I'd seen your name, answered another of your threads and so I looked. I did answer and so did others but you never came back, not even to click the thanks button

Here

Asked for my life’s purpose, received hexagram 53 changing to 39

Hello, long time listener first time caller. I understand that a question like this is highly personal, vague, and thereby probably difficult to provide enough context for, but I’ll do my best to do so as briefly as I can. Recently, after some synchronicities which led me to the book, I’ve...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

I don't feel I want to spend time answering you as I'm not sure you read what I wrote before and it took me a while to write out.

You are depicting yourself here as the victim of misfortune and flaky treatment from those you try to connect with, you say



....but you've ignored the connection from strangers here who answered you. Also there's similar theme to the questions on your earlier thread, you feel as if you were a great failure in all aspects of life, so if you go back to that thread you may also get some insight to the things you ask here.

For meaning in life don't look from the outside in, you won't find meaning there because that will be the meanings of others/society which has deigned what makes life meaningful. Switch it inside out, a bit like 1>28 and 28>1 and start with what life means to you from the inside and work outwards from there and you should find alignment with your own purpose the spark that drives your life, hexagram 1.

I think it's time to outgrow the mode of self evaluation you have. In 28 things are stretched to the limit, overtoppling, outgrown, with the change lines it topples into 1, life energy. then you have a cast where 1 almost bursts into 28.


If a child is learning to throw a ball it doesn't do well if there are a group of kids circling her saying 'you can't throw that ball, hopeless'. When the other kids turn away and forget her she'll probably find her own way to throw the ball. Howabout parking a car in a small space (good image for 1>28) ever tried that, had trouble and then people start watching and your performance gets worse the more people watch? If they go away you can park easy. I'm saying your inner critics are just like those people. They stand around you saying 'you aren't doing that right, you won't do this, you never do'. They need to go away.

Also most people with this much self judgement have imbibed it from negative familial influences. It's not even your self judgement it's been laid upon you. Make it go away.


So in 28>1 you try to park your life in a small area of approved criteria for 'successful living' which you list as relationship/money/meaningful job and it doesn't necessarily fit because life is more than than that.
28.1.6>1 all these criteria you demand for 'success' are too much for you! It's something to grow out of as it is almost as an adolescent thought pattern. You look for a 'solution' and you get 1. Life itself,1, does not need a solution in order to go on living, the idea of 'a solution' is something to outgrow.

I have answered a bit more than intended, they are interesting answers.


I'm hoping you will return to this thread and the previous one.

I owe you an apology, I don’t remember going back to that thread and reading the answers after posting, and it’s clear you put a lot of effort into a genuinely insightful answer, one that would be worth reading again and again when I feel myself start to slide back into this immature way of viewing myself and the world around me. I have almost a laser focus on attaining these things I think will make me worthwhile and it’s like tunnel vision that cuts me off from everything.

What you wrote there and here rings very truly to me. I have actually been grappling directly with the realization that the way I see myself is broken, the way a bone might be broken as you said in the other post, and that it happened before I grew into any wits that might have helped me see more clearly. That the way my internal monologue runs reflects the way I was talked to and treated when I was very young. The other day I dreamed that a man tossed me a bottle of water to drink as he told me that I have an intergenerational curse that closes me off to people, that it’s my job to solve.

It’s uncanny the way you describe getting stage fright when people are watching, that too is a recurring pattern in my life, I can think of big moments in my life where that played out and I see it in the minutia of seemingly inconsequential happenings like getting nervous and awkward when my boss is around. The first thing I ever saw when I tried active imagination was a giant eye that stared at me and made me feel like a bug whose hiding rock had just been lifted.

It’s true too that I have created a pass/fail standard for my life that involves those superficial indicators of success, as if managing to prove I’m worth something to other people would prove it to me. The fact there is I would be ashamed to express a judgement like that about someone else or to hold it. I don’t think other people who don’t want or have those things are less, I guess that means it’s not really “me” to judge myself that way.

I think both there and here you’ve hit the truth of the answers, and I regret missing the opportunity for better understanding that was already sitting there in the other thread. Thank you for having the patience to point me back there.