Genuinely interested in others views, 38.4.6 to 19

[MeltingPot247]

Hi all,

I asked the question "What if I request/ accept Tuesday shift".

It's for my job, and the only reason I was thinking of accepting it, is because I'm trying to limit my time at home with my partner.

We had a discussion yesterday, and prior to that I was contemplating moving out due to one key request of mine he had been overlooking, re: spending a certain day together at a certain place with a special family member - but once we resolved that, another issue presented itself, because he had not been fully truthful about the amount of time he had been spending with this family member - which came out in front of the both of us when we visited them.

He had been telling me that he had been visiting this special person on the weekends, which was true - but he hadn't been staying there.

It's interesting then that I received the response of 38.4.6 - 19 for this job related question, when my mind was on our relationship - "What if I request/ accept Tuesday shift".

This response can be summarized -

Opposing Nearing...

When the way of the home is exhausted, you naturally turn away, and so Opposing follows.'

Changing Lines
Line 4
'Opposed, alone.
Meet an inspiring man.
Joining together in truth and confidence.
Danger, no mistake.'

Line 6
'Opposed, alone.
Seeing pigs covered in muck,
The chariot loaded with devils.
At first drawing the bow,
Then relaxing the bow.
Not robbers at all, but matrimonial allies.
Going on meets the rain, and so there is good fortune.'

The summary of hexagrams seems to demonstrate my state of mind, but the lines seem to indicate I shouldn't stay away from him/ home for an additional night.

He works during the day, and I've recently started accepting graveyard shifts so that we would be like ships passing in the night...I started taking these shifts before I had proof of what I already instinctively knew about his half truths - yesterday I put it to him what I instinctively knew, he disagreed on the spot - but then his family member confirmed it a few hours later

He might be trying to do/ be better for me which is why he thought white lies was better than telling me the truth...

For me when I tell white lies, it is often because I'm doing something that I want to do - that is not meant to hurt others or for them to carry/ take personal.

I accepted the terms of our relationship as being open from the start, moreso for him, coz he knows I'm monogamous - but I haven't really found myself interested or attracted to other men, whether they claimed to be monogamous or not. Though I've mentioned to him, it's not him being with others that will ever hurt me - but that I would be hurt if there was something really important that I wanted to do, or both of us to do - which was the case yesterday.

I hope the above description makes sense to some here - I wanted to check if others agree or disagree with my interpretation, or see something I do or don't?

 

[Matali]

Hello,
I think 38.4.6 – 19 is about your relationship, not work. I also think you are very lucid about the situation. So, why do you worry since you say you're not interested or attracted to monogamous men? So, that means you like polygamous men. Even if indeed, I see polygamy in these hexagrams, I do not see a break between you. It is the first time I see a woman monogamus who want a man polygamous : how do you do it ?

 

[MeltingPot247]

Hello,
I think 38.4.6 – 61 is about your relationship, not work. I also think you are very lucid about the situation. So, why do you worry since you say you're not interested or attracted to monogamous men? So, that means you like polygamous men. Even if indeed, I see polygamy in these hexagrams, I do not see a break between you...

I edited my post above re: my statement about not being attracted to monogamous men...I just haven't clicked long term with any other man whether they claimed to be monogamous or not.

I guess I worry less over time, as we make new small progresses slowly with one another over time.

I have dated other men before who seem to want a certain type of woman in a certain kind of way that I am not - they may or may not have been truly monogamous but either way we didn't click - this man is the only one I like and love - I don't specifically like polygamous men in general.

I don't know if I will ever love another - so I'm not going to try to as I have in the past.

I'm working on this relationship, and pretty much just helping him to see I accept him how I found him.

I care about him and who he cares about - just as I care about most people in general... so he didn't need to tell me he was spending more time with this special family member, when he was actually staying elsewhere too. I guess he was trying to spare me what he thought would hurt me - it did in the early days - but then I started imagining him caring for these other people as he cares for me, and them caring for him as I do too - and that fills me with compassion and understanding.

His body, his choice - my body, my choice... We are both physically healthy - regular check ups.

P.S Aside from the underlying love that I have for him, I was considering taking the extra shift and asked "What if I take the extra shift"

The extra shift was going to be the consequence for him not telling me the truth that I instinctively knew when I gave him the opportunity to be more transparent about with me about everything...

But this answer suggests to me that I don't need to spend more time away from him...that there should be no consequence for the little white lies as they came from a good place in him, trying to spare my feelings because he didn't realise I care for the other people he cares about - to me we all deserve his love and he deserves ours too because of how he treats me, I know he must treat others just as well.

I've seen too many people be treated badly, abused. Him caring for other women aside from me, is not abuse. There aren't enough good men like this one, so he's actually helping more of us than some men out there in relationships treating women badly.

Obviously he knows his own limits, boundaries and is making efforts to strike the right balance with me for us and our relationship.

 

[dfreed]

I received the response of 38.4.6 - 19 for this job related question ... "What if I request/ accept Tuesday shift?

I think the response is YES, you should request / accept this work shift.

The cast indicates to me that this is not ultimately the best solution, but one that will work for you; it indicates an end to, or lessening of hostilities, where you, or he, or both of you first "draws your bow, and then releases it" (based on Field trans. of 38.6). Requesting and/or accepting this shift will help make the situation more workable for you.

 

[MeltingPot247]

I think the response is YES, you should request / accept this work shift.

The cast indicates to me that this is not the ultimately best solution, but one that will work for you, and indicates an end to, or lessening of hostilities, where at first you, or he, or both of you, "draws your bow, and then releases it" (based on Field trans. of 38.6). Requesting and/or accepting this shift will help make the situation more workable for you.

This makes sense too - thank you for your interpretation

 

[marybluesky]

Your cast doesn't seem bad.

You "join" this shift & despite hesitations at the start, it will go well.

 

[redoleander]

What stands out most to me here is the hidden line of 41.6. The suggestion is to do whatever won’t make it worse or exacerbate the tension. So, if taking the shift gives you that space then it’s a good idea. Doing what is most natural that doesn’t take away from your relationship ends up increasing it

 

[MeltingPot247]

I have accepted the extra shift but it is not until tomorrow night and I haven't seen him since I posted this as he is not due back from time away until tonight when I'm at my already rostered shift.

For me, it will be interesting to see how I manage myself physically/ emotionally when he returns.

I'm attempting a 21 day prayer fast - abstaining from alcohol/ sex and only eating raw vegan diet... Hoping it will help bring some clarity for me about where I want to go in life and who wants to go with me, and who I really want to go with too. I like myself and have thought about going it alone, but I have found it hard to set physical boundaries with him and myself in the past...and it's the physical which still upsets me sometimes even though we have good chemistry / connection in that sense.

I hope to have something useful to update about this in a week or three to four weeks time

 

[Matali]

Think about vitamin B12

 

[MeltingPot247]

To update this thread:

I did the shift, but it was one of three 12 hr graveyard shifts and I had two hour afternoon day shifts at a job I was transitioning out of - so I ended up having two days following off and did not give in temptation that week or the next one.

The food fast wasn't 100% raw vegan...the whole time - but during this month I did really well at my new job and was promoted to Supervisor last week.

However I broke my no sex component of fast fully on 17th November and health official set my self isolation from that date as I've only been to work (hospital) and home when my colleague and I last had contact and they were confirmed covid positive.

So my fast was to help me figure where I wanted to be and who with...

I've concluded that the answer is with my children and closer to my workplace as I love my job ... I still love partner as well but not as easily or que sera sera as in the past, whatever that means. I'm currently living with him in his studio apartment (that he owns).

I do know I need to work and save before I can get a place for myself and children.

As Supervisor my income is higher than it was in the past, so I need to make sure that I keep excelling at work to keep my job/ finances more secure.

I'm seeing this as a long term career as I've had the best time since I started, the people and environment is dynamic, humbling and makes me grateful to be alive (work at hospital) - and I want my children to be here with me - the first Covid separated us, they wanted to stay at their old schools, friends and with Nan in another town with no work for me / suitable housing for us, I applied for many roles there.

So I know where I want the be and who with - my children are now on board with moving to and living here with me...

My partner would have to decide if he is willing to move with us - if not... I think it would be better for me to focus on work and household...

There are others he can turn to instead of me, and when I'm with my children - I'm happier than ever. The three of us (mother, daughters) get along more often than not ... I am filled with so much love when I see them. But yes, we also have our not so perfect moments as well.