Getting out of a Rut

[kestral]

Dear Community,

I have been lurking for awhile as I try to read and learn more about the I-Ching. I can safely say that I've had a lot of time to do so

However, for the past few months, I feel as if my life has been in a rut. I was laid off in July and since then, have been trying to find employment without success. My love life has mirrored my work life in that I haven't been successful in this area of my life either. Days and nights seem to go by uselessly and I feel as if I'll never get out of this. If it is true that the only thing to be sure of in this universe is change, then I am amazed at the complete lack of change and the complete sense of stagnation in my life. Everything I have tried has not worked and I feel as if I will never get out of this. Hoping to gain some wisdom and insight into my situation, I consulted the I-Ching and asked, What can I do to get out of the rut that my life is currently in, could you please advise? The answer given was Hexagram 18 (Moving lines: 2, 3, 4) changing into Hexgram 35.

As well, a couple of months ago, I met someone of the opposite sex at my favorite coffee shop that I had wanted to approach romantically. I thought I had missed that chance and at the time, felt a great sense of regret that I had not done so. I went there tonight and it appears that she is back (perhaps a second chance to do so?), I asked the I-Ching how I should proceed with her, the answer I received was Hexagram 30 (with moving lines: 1, 3, 4, 6) changing into Hexagram 2.

It's so much easier to help other people read the I-Ching, but I find myself too close to my own situation to read myself. Having read the Wilheim and Legge translations, on the surface I have some idea but the commentary in the moving lines seem to contradict each other. I would greatly appreciate any insight follow community members could offer.

 

[hilary]

Dear Kestral,

Hexagram 18 is about seeking out deep-rooted problems and dealing with them. It would seem that there is something unpleasant behind the rut. It is one of the most ancient hexagrams, apparently dating back to ancient practices to discover the source of an affliction, divining to find out which ancestor was responsible and needed more attention. This is not so far as it might seem from modernity, seeking out the source of problems ? very often ?ancestral? ones, inherited from our parents ? and paying attention to them. The Judgement actually describes this as a tremendous opportunity to make a fresh start. ?Corruption, fundamental success. Harvest from crossing the great river. Before seedburst three days, after seedburst three days.? ?Seedburst?, Jia, is the first day of a ten-day cycle, the beginnings of new growth. These are the times surrounding a new beginning, both preparing for it and watching over its initial stages. The Image suggests a vigorous approach, ?stirring the people up to nurture te?.

Line 2: ?Ancestral mother?s corruption. Constancy is not possible.?
(It seems that the word usually translated as ?managing? or ?dealing with? actually means ?ancestral?. It doesn?t make all that much difference, as having found the source of the corruption it will evidently need dealing with.)
The difficult part of this hexagram (at least in my experience) is finding what it is in your own inner depths that corresponds to the moving lines. At line 2, the problem is with the mother ? with nurturing, gentleness? A lot depends on what you associate with your mother (or even with the whole idea of the feminine). Constancy means the divination (the answers you hear when you listen?) and your consistent, determined response to it; something of a test of your persistence. Yet this quality is somehow not in harmony with the time: perhaps it is too single-mindedly determined, even too righteous. I think this implies that the problem is too close to you to be dealt with through detachment ? the Step of Change (created when just this line changes) is 52, suggesting that sitting with this quietly rather than seeking to grasp and analyse it could bring results.

Line 3: ?Ancestral father?s corruption. There are small regrets. Without great error.? Again, it?s time for some personal associations. Authority, providing, setting rules? Or something entirely different?
Traditionally, the problem that causes the regrets is said to be too much vigour, or precipitate action, in tackling the corruption. This is clearly the lesser of two evils, given line 4:
?Enriching father?s corruption. Going on sees shame.? ?Going on? means moving on from the past ? without dealing with the mess it has left, I imagine. This line is about a dangerous tendency not to face the corruption, perhaps even to collaborate with it. These ?riches? are movable goods ? things that can be passed on. Something you inherit from your father, or from some paternal or patriarchal quality, that is both rich and corrupt?

Sorry that this is so unhelpfully non-specific. This hexagram really does call for serious self-questioning, and there seems to be little I can do except to suggest some lines of approach. Good luck with it.

Hexagram 35 is the area of your life where the Corruption is concentrated, and also perhaps the ultimate response, or goal, for you. It?s about making progress by virtue of the gifts you are given. If you?ve only read Legge and Wilhelm, you will have missed out on the (more accurate) recent translations:

?Prospering. Prince Kang makes use of a gift of horses to multiply the herds. In one day?s sun he mates them three times.?

In other words, Kang (whose name means ?calm?) is in favour, has a gift of spirit and strength, and he makes extremely good, intensive use of it and passes on his good fortune. When you do have opportunities, it is vital to seize them and work with them with furious energy ? not to hesitate, or wait for something better to come to you. The sun shines brightly for a day, the trading at the market is lively. The Image encourages you to look also at the source of the light ? the sun comes forth from the earth (in the ancient Chinese perspective), and the wise disciple looks to the origins of his own light to brighten his te. There is a strong hint here that you are that source.

I hope that you will be able to make something useful of all this? I?ll tackle the second reading as soon as I can!

 

[pocossin]

Hello Kestral,

In late July I believe you posed the question "How does she feel about me?" and received 28: 2 = 31. In the Midaughter I Ching discussion group, I used your question as an example of how the Sabian Symbols could be applied in interpreting hexagrams with changing lines. The email is titled "Using the Sabian Symbols" and Google will give you Midaughter.

I didn't post to Clarity because so much time had passed, but it might still be relevant to you.

At Midaughter there is also a reply by LiSe, who correlated the Sabian Symbols to the hexagrams. LiSe has a great website, but I have been unable to access it recently.

Best wishes,
Tom

 

[kestral]

Hilary and Tom,

First of all, I want to thank you both so much for writing back to me. When I am stuck in a rut, the most difficult part of dealing with it is that I feel as if it's me against the entire world, with everyone and everything working to foil my efforts to move forward. Your replies gave me a sense that I am not alone.

I was curious to know if you have read a book by Jean Shinoda Bolan called "The Tao of Psychology: Sychronicity and the Self":

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0062500813/qid=1006687621/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_15_2/002-6089951-8674419

I just finished reading it and the reason I mention it is because first of all, it relates to the I-Ching in that this book is about Synchronicity. It mentions the I-Ching quite frequently and was very inspiring and helpful in learning to better understand the nature of the I-Ching. There is a line in there somewhere that says that you cannot fool the Tao/I-Ching/Syncrhonicity, or try to hide anything from this wise and powerful source, because in the end it will reveal the whole truth.

Tom, your coming across this thread here feels so much like an event that can only described as Synchronicity. Not only that, but little did I know at the time I wrote my post here while in Alaska that there was any more to that, only to find out that there was more to be revealed by the messages you wrote on a message board that I have never even read. It just goes to show that sometimes, our actions, no matter how seemingly small, end up causing a larger ripple than we think.

Based on your description of the posts on Midaughter, I was able to find the posts you are referring to:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Midaughter/messagesearch?query=kestral

I was really hoping that I'd get away with one here, but it appears that I have been caught red-handed! You're probably wondering what I mean so I will explain...

The post here I wrote while in Alaska in August, the situation was that along with my interest in Miss Alaska, I was interviewing for a job there. I did not find out the status of my job until I returned to Toronto, which is about 3200 miles away from Alaska. Because of the distance, to me, the only chance of my even hoping to win Miss Alaska's heart is if I was living there, and the only way I could live there is if I could work there. Well, the interview went well, in fact, the hiring manager ended up throwing the original job description out the window and asked me to write my own, with greater responsibilities and higher salary, which I did and he found it acceptable. But there was lots of red tape involving the local and state government to deal with. And when the North American economy went down the drain, punctuated by the catalcysm on September 11th, I pretty much lost hope from there, and haven't heard from the company since there. They haven't called me and I haven't called them since then and I pretty much gave up on everything.

Since then, I have been trying to find a job here in Toronto. The funny thing was, early in my job search, I simply put my resume on a job site and I got a number of phone calls and emails. Even more ironic was, at the time, I actually turned down a number of job offers. To say that my heart was not in it would be an understatement. Someone could have offered me the job of CEO of Nortel and I wouldn't have been happy. Well, not quite, but I did feel that since I was not able to do what I really and truly wanted to do, which was to be in Alaska and try to be with the person of my dreams, that I whatever job I would take here would have to be PERFECT (of which there is no such thing) to make my unhappiness. In other words, I was hoping that money and power would make up for the lack of love and fulfillment of what I really want. But after turning down those job offers, since then, it's been difficult (to say the least). The most frustrating thing is, I am not getting called back for interviews for jobs where I am fully qualified, so much so that I could match line by line the skills and qualifications requirements to that of my resume. As well I have been trying very hard to put aside my feelings for Miss Alaska, with great difficulty. Lately, it's been even more difficult. It seems that everywhere I go, the word "Alaska" hits me. If I watch TV, it is all too often that character mentions Alaska (and considering how little TV I watch, it's pretty far-fetched). I am on a newsgroup for the Toronto Maple Leafs (a hockey team here in Toronto, so very region-specific), and next thing I know, I'm privately emailing someone from who I find out is from Alaska (a fan of a local hockey team 3200 miles away? What are the odds?). I was on an IRC chat channel yesterday for MacOS X Developers and next thing I know, I'm chatting with someone and we get along, so I ask him where he's from and his answer is... Alaska. A while back, I went to the bookstore to buy a book, and as I am waiting for my book to be rung up, the only magazine on display at the counter looking right at me was a travel one and the feature caption in big bold letters: "Alaska Wide Open".

Since the job prospect in Alaska fizzled, I took it as a sign that I was not meant to be there, but at the same time, here I am in Toronto, not able to get anything done, to move forward, to get over Miss Alaska, having a difficult time. Now here I am in November trying to ask the I-Ching for guidance on how to get out of my rut that I am in now and about approaching someone else, and the past comes back to confront me - the I-Ching is not going to let me off the hook that easily, it appears! Tom, I have to tell you that for weeks now, I have stumbled around listlessly, with a complete lack of focus or concentration, my mind a fuzzy hammer with thoughts blurry from disinterest. When I went to the Middaughter board and read your's and LiSe's posts, I was so amazed that you've captured my inner emotions, feelings, and how I saw the situation at the time, so very well. And here it was, all that time, sitting on a message board I knew nothing about, and it took the serendipity of me asking about something completely different (or maybe not so different) for this all to come to the light, something I have been trying so hard to bury. I have to tell you that for the past 30 minutes, I have been writing this and pacing around excitedly with a burst of renewed energy, I haven't felt this energetic or clear-minded for what seems like weeks if not months. For some reason, when I read your posts about Alaska and Miss Alaska, all of a sudden life had meaning again, and there was something important in life that was truly worth living for and working towards. Yet what does all this mean now? And what should I do? What I want more than anything in the world would be to fulfill my dream of being in Alaska with the person of my dreams, but what if I can not have that? I have dealt with disappointment before and I know that if something is not meant to be, there is nothing I can do about it and the only thing I can do is to accept it and try my best to get over it and move on lest I go nowhere and be in pain from denial for a very long time. But what if this was only meant to be a delay? While I have been stuck in a rut these past few months, I also know that I have grown a lot internally, since I have had so much time to read great books and think, and I've even learned quite a few new computer skills. But the obstacles to what I really want seem so insurmountable and I just don't know if I can take the disappointment again as the fear of getting hurt is so strong that it hurts just thinking about it.

Hilary, I think what you said about mother and father were very poignant as well, and have a lot to do with that inner growth that I am referring to. I think that by nature, my parents are very pessimistic people, always expecting the worst out of people and situations, and I have been working very hard all my life to break out of that limited mode of thinking. It was my mother who taught me to fear the world and everything in it, and I have been struggling to learn on my own with little help how to face the world with courage in spite of fear. I think that it has always bothered me greatly that my parents divorced when I was young, since I am idealistic by nature, I always felt that true love lasts forever, and when they broke up when I was 13, it made me fear that perhaps there is no such thing as true love, that my relationships will all end in tragedy, and that fear probably still dogs me to this day.

Wow, I can't believe that I wrote all this in one sitting. There is so much to think about, but at the same time, the answers I have recieved have only led to me to ask even more important questions. So should I try to pick up where I left off in my quest to go to Alaska and be with the person of my dreams? Or do I bury this into the past, accept that it was not meant to be, and try to move on? Does Hexagram 18 (Working on what has been spoiled) refer to facing and dealing with these fears that I have just mentioned? From there, how do I make Progress (Hexagram 35)?

As the distractions of home are many, I have agreed to house-sit for a friend for the next 10 days. Since her house has no cable TV, broadband Internet, or a telephone for me to answer, I thought that the lack of distractions would be a good way to achieve the outer quiet needed to sort things out internally. I didn't know what I was going to do or think about once I got there, aside from a stack of books I have that I have been meanign to read, but it appears there is more to think about during that time now. Of course, I don't know if I can make sense of everything that I have absorbed here.

If you have read all the way to here, I thank you for taking the time to do so!! According to my word count at this point, this post is over 1900 words alrady. It appears that I've written a lot more than I intended to, but if you wanted some additional background information, consider it provided!

Once again, I want to thank you for replying, if there's any additional insights you could offer, I would be deeply grateful!!

Kestral

 

[pocossin]

Hello Kestral,

I haven't read Bolan's book. It's something to look forward to. Experience does seem to present itself when we are ready to recognize it, and when the season comes, it brings its own resources.

You certainly aren't alone, because we are all together is some sort of mysterious human enterprise. Life has been a billion years in the making in this chemical dimension (I'm learning from Dharma). We've escaped a lot of ruts before, and if my email can give you just a foothold and a little boost, I'm very satisfied.

About negative inheritance from parents, it gets built in at the cellular level -- like Dharma says -- but it can be gradually changed. There's no reason to keep it alive and run the risk of passing it on. As a rather insular white Southerner, you can well imagine some of the negative inheritances I have had to work through. There's no reason to let the dead past nullify the living present.

Even negative inheritance isn't a total loss, since some disappointments and failures make room for something better to grow. When we see whole cultures dominated by negative inheritance, from personal experience we know that they can grow out of it.

Best wishes,
Tom