Hello again !! I got a problem.. I need help! 3 questions on sexy time..

[meganj]

Hello everyone! It's been awhile.
To pick up where I last left off, my pregnancy so far has been pretty good, going through the emotions and body changes as well as hormonal I've had an ok journey so far!
Me and the dad are back together, I moved back in with him mid feb and we've been working together to try to make this work.. Not just for the Sake of the baby but because we both realized we had a lot of growing up to do and we want to do it together so things are good relationship wise (mostly, we have our days of course and some things we are still working through) but there seems to be one reoccurring problem I just don't know how to solve..
And that's our sex life, I still love him and am very attracted to him, but I can't orgasm since I got pregnant, now before that we had argued a bit about him being too tired to do it, not wanting to go downtown and well it getting to be a bit routine... (But I think that's cuz he was mostly tired?)
But now since I go pregnant I have not been able to orgasm at all... Finally tonight he agreed to go down and still nothing we made love and then still nothing!!
I'm getting frustrated now.. I know it's not his fault and probably not mine but idk if this is permanent or what! I googled it and it said that this is common for pregnant women.
But I have a bit of anxiety like omgg what if I can't ever do it again!

Is this being unable to orgasm a permanent thing?
32.3.5>47

Is my sexual attraction for Michael gone? ( I know I said it isn't but who knows right )
2.1.2.3.5>5

Is he satisfied with our sex life? ( he says he is,but maybe because i am not I think he is too)
50.4.5>57


Thank you!!! :bows:

 

[Trojina]

Is this being unable to orgasm a permanent thing?
32.3.5>47

It looks from 32.3 as if this may have something to do with your sense of bargaining in the relationship. Gifts, of sex/love etc don't feel good in 32.3. If you feel he isn't genuinely there for you, subconsciously, it may be turning you off. If you feel he is with you just cos you are pregnant that may be affecting you. This can just be in your mind so you have to look at that feeling. I think when feelings change so do orgasms with someone. 32.5 I think shows a shift in values....things have changed, you are in a different role to one another, you need time to catch up with other parts of the relationship

Is my sexual attraction for Michael gone? ( I know I said it isn't but who knows right )
2.1.2.3.5>5

This says don't stress over it, relax, it can all come back in time. Enjoy other things together...eating and drinking, going out, doing what he likes doing, nourish other parts of the relationship. Allow and encourage all other aspects of the relationship to grow. If sex was once very central and isn't now then I don't think the idea here is to try to rush back to sex as it was but just be there for him more in other ways....for now.

Is he satisfied with our sex life? ( he says he is,but maybe because i am not I think he is too)
50.4.5>57

If he says he is what else do we have to go on ? I think the best thing is not to worry about this too much.
Don't try to make anything happen. Let it be as it is for now.

 

[moss elk]

Hey, nice pic!

Keep in mind that during this time of pregnancy, things are different than before,
And different than they will be after. Dont try too hard to make things right now like they were before.
accept them as they are and make the most of it.


Is he satisfied? 50.4.5>57

Seems like he is (line 5).
But he may feel incompetant (line 4) for not being able to bring you to orgasm like before.
i'd suggest that you may make a point to have him read the articles you found about the difficulty some women experience with orgasm. About 50: you are cooking up a bun in the oven, and also it could be counsel for you to make an effort to nourish him. (The sage nourishes the virtuous and able person) in the sense of his feelings or confidence. "Hey this happens to some women"

I will refrain from making obvious jokes about 57 here.

 

[blue_angel]

As someone who's had children, I think Trojina may be onto something worth considering. I'll share with you my own experience. Of course we must take into account every woman is different.

Sex for me during my baby making days was not a focus. However, during pregnancy a lot of times your organs are a lot more sensitive. Easier than ever to orgasm. And maybe this goes also with feeling like a beautiful woman. To be apart of being the giver of life. My women friends all experienced something similar. Practically animals in heat and yet already well done.

On the other hand two things occured for me. One, I learned the man, the father didnt have the love for me I thought he had. Talk about your major turner offer. In fact when we begin to believe its possible someone does not love us or is incapable of loving us, all attraction kinda just flies out the window, and can be nearly impossible to get back once its lost.

Second, if we begin to feel very delicate, and are really recognizing ourselves as a spiritual vessel with a miraculous growing life inside of us, that tends to become the focus and we lose touch briefly with sexuality. Especially if there is any disconnect with the father.

When all is in accord, the sexuality usually doesn't get lost, it becomes that much more beautiful, because "hey we helped make this life together." I've
experienced all of the above at one time or another. Just rest. Be gentle with
yourself. I don't think your answers say yes or no. They don't give
permanence, as nothing is permanent. Everything changes. So all you can do
is work with what you have and figure out what's going on with you now,
while keeping some hope & faith.

 

[meganj]

Hiiiii, i do think hes there for me hes really changing a lot to try to make this work..
hes more understanding, and wants to listen to what i have to say and work through things with me, if i have an issue he tries to make it better. and in turn im learning to forgive and be understanding.
When we first got together though I thought, why does he want to make this work now, like I left him and he let me walk away and not even 2 1/2 weeks later after I moved out and stuff, I find out i'm pregnant.
Now he wants to make it work, so I did go through some stuff regarding that, and being unable to trust him.. he was talking to other women while with me and calling them beautiful, etc... so his honesty was in question while we were together and not being able to trust him was a deal breaker. Now you know all this is happening and were getting really close again, but its like he's really letting me in, it's different this time. He deleted any social media sites, the only ones he has is Facebook and Instagram which he rarely goes on, and yeah he doesnt really talk to other women. But still I wonder right, why did it take all that for him to be all that for me? It makes me wonder and question a lot of things.. and even though that sounds all bad, i've rectified a few things in my mind and am beginning to understand maybe a bit more.
I've asked him over and over why are you doing all this now? But in the end I still do love him and I do feel he loves me and cares for me.. its just my mind wanders back to that sometimes like its unable to make a decision about whether he REALLY loves me or not. I think when someone loves you they don't do that to you, but I also understand people do make mistakes and sometimes it takes a lot for them to understand the value of that. I guess I never will really know what clicked in for him, trying to be a responsible adult and father, or if he's owning up to his own mistakes..
This has effected how i feel for him sexually I must admit, and I did wonder that's why I questioned whether or not this was a permanent thing. Like I can't trust his true intentions so it's effected me on a subconscious level. I think when a person shows you who they are and how they value you the first time thats how they really feel, its like raw unedited feeling.
But I also believe in second chances lol kinda..
I just want something that lasts, and of course this could be connected with how i feel about him in bed.
Also because hes tired a lot it doesnt last very long, so I feel rushed to make it happen... I have told him bout this alot, and how its becoming routine ( i feel kind of bored, and not very turned on). He doesnt take his time with me anymore, and it lacks excitement like it used to not because I dont feel like its getting old.. but because he doesnt do foreplay at all. so at the end of it all, I feel a bit disconnected.. I dont know what the problem is, maybe he doesnt have that connection with me.. or maybe its a mental block for me, or maybe it sbecause he's tired.. how am i supposed to know whats wrong so i can fix it now and it doesnt become a problem for us later.. or us spending all this time working at things together just to find out its not there. I loathe the thought of me putting all this effort in just to be so disappointed
so i feel like i should make it happen right now.

About the other stuff, we have a very good friendship and life together otherwise, i've never had someone make me laugh so much, and I am sure he would say the same about me.. we are very compatible in other ways. Hes like my perfect imperfect match. its just there are some thing that get in the way, and i understand no relationship is perfect so i think maybe these are issues that other people go through :/
I have been meeting his family, and us connecting on important levels, working on stuff together.
so its not like sex is central because it's not, most days i dont feel like doing it at all, i have a sense of wholeness and togetherness that sex doesnt need to add to, which unlike my other bf's sex was very important, but even before I got pregnant I enjoyed doing it but it was always different with him. But like Blue said, maybe I need it to happen to feel like a beautiful women, a loved women, someone who is wanted and enjoyed. I like that spiritual connection I have with him when we go there, but I havent been there in awhile with him..
Anyways right now I kinda feel fat and unattractive, and that shouldn't matter but I don't know maybe things will get better after the baby.

 

[meganj]

wow typing all that felt like a book, but looking at it now its not that long..
I guess theres just a lot of thought regarding this..

 

[blue_angel]

Your feelings are very common amongst women everywhere. I want to say "feel beautiful, feel like a human being, with the miracle of another delicate soul within you" don't feel fat and unattractive, its this time that you glow the most. But I don't want to say that. Because you must feel what you feel. Your feelings are yours. So you must work through them in your own time and own way.

Maybe he is tired. Maybe ... he's looking at you as a sacred vessel carrying his child and if he hasn't been able to see sex as a spiritual connection, and doesn't grasp that, it may be that during this period of incubation, he isn't able to perform sexually. Either way sounds like he has his own underlying issues he'll have to figure out. Unfortunately I am not a psychologist so I can only help by sharing my own experience and research I've done.

It is awesome that you connect on those other levels. There is some kind of a saying "focus on the blessings you do have and the more you can do this, the more you will receive" try not to focus on "fixing" anything or making anything "right". For all you know, it may not he broken. And if its not broken you certainly don't want to go fixing something not broken and end up braking it in the process. Yikes, I need to learn to follow my own advice.

Maybe now is not the time to focus on why he is there. But to be appreciative he IS there. Many times now days, the men jump ship and run. But for whatever his reasons, he's stuck around. That says "something" at least to me. Enjoy what you can, let time, and nature heal the rest. Of course in the end, its up to you to do what you feel is best.

Best wishes on your journey, may your baby be healthy, have all its little toes and fingers, and may you all be blessed.