Help for a newbie, 2 readings

[seeker]

I'm very new to this. I have always used Tarot, but lately the Eastern philosophies have captured my attention and the I Ching is no acception, though I admit to finding it rather complicated, but maybe I'm making it harder than it is. I would, however, like some more educated opinions on 2 readings I did here online.

A little background, I have been married 7 yrs, but have steadily become more unhappy in my marriage for various reasons. Recently, I met someone and I developed feelings for him. He ended the relationship because I was married and he had a prior bad experience in a similar situation. However, I am still left w/an unhappy marriage. I have agreed to attend counseling, as I believe it will help us whether we decide to stay together or not. I was looking for some guidance, not sure if I phrased the questions well, but I asked "what direction should I take in my marriage?" and "what would happen if I left my husband for this other person?" (I admit I have hopes that if I decide to end the marriage, he would come back) Yet I am in a difficult situation and there are many things to consider, not just my own feelings. Also, I feel like I loved my husband once, and should give us a chance to find our way back to that. I used the Wilhelm translation.

Result of first question: Primary 36 Ming I/Darkening of the Light, Receptive/Earth, Clinging/Flame, 6 changing lines, Relating 11 Tai Peace, Receptive/Earth, Creative/Heaven 6 changing lines.

Result of the second question: Primary 49 Ko Revolution Tui Joyous/Lake, Li Clinging/Flame, 6 changing lines. Relating 42 I Increase, Sun Gentle/Wind, Chen Arousing/Thunder.

I am not sure about the changing lines or the relating. Going with just the Primary, it seems like I would be better off to end the marriage, but I am not sure if I am reading it correctly. What I am also getting is that I should not do it now, as there were a couple of lines that referred to not moving forward, but I am not sure if it was saying I am waiting or that I needed to wait. Several lines refer to being firm and correct, but I am not sure what that means. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

 

[french_taoist]

Seeker, welcome to Clarity!

Regarding your 1st reading, from my understanding, if you manage to avoid confrontations, getting too involved in arguments with your husband, and if you try to step back and relax a little bit this could have very positive effects on your marriage.
Hexagram 36 is the opposite of Hex. 6 which is about conflict and argument.
Hex. 11 is extremely positive and is about harmony.
The 6 moving lines may mean that it will take a lot of effort from you, but I'll leave that one to those more experienced than me with the I Ching ;-).

As for your 2nd reading, with hex. 49 the I Ching warns you against making change in a whimsical fashion. Also, change should occur gradually and gently. This is not the time for a violent revolution. If change occurs under these conditions (gradual and gentle) change will be successful.
The 6 moving lines again may mean that for the change to happen you'll need to consider things seriously before making any change and that it'll take some time for the change to occur.
Hex. 42 is very positive. However, for your endeavors to be successful your motivations shouldn't only be about your well-being but also about the well-being of the others involved.

Hope this helps.

I wish you the best.

 

[jte]

Hi, Seeker and welcome -

I'm a little unclear on what lines you drew - on your first question you say you got 36 to 11 - that means that the 2nd line (only) should be moving: in other words you drew 36.2.

It's generally accepted that moving lines are pretty important in Yi answers (although there is some variation in personal styles).

So, assuming I'm correct that got 36.2, I'd say the Yi is suggesting that you act to work on/try to fix your marriage. This counsellor you mention might be the "swift horse" mentioned in the line that comes to help with the situation.

My 2 cents, hope it helps...

- Jeff

P.S. Although I'm not a Tarot user myself, there are (or at least have been) others around here who use both Tarot and Yi and like both. Not sure if any are in "active" mode right now, though, in terms of posting. When you get a chance, you might try a forum search for discussions on Tarot/I Ching comparisons - could prove informative... - J.

 

[cal val]

Hi Seeker...

I'm not sure about how you read your throws either since you say you got 6 changing lines both times... and neither of the two secondary hexagrams you got would result from all 6 lines changing. 36 would become 6 and 49 would become 4 if all 6 lines changed both times. Also, it would be truly amazing if all 6 lines changed both times, and I personally would sit up and listen intently if that happened to me.

So all I really have to say here is I think it's really great you've consented to marriage counselling. Even if it doesn't save your marriage, you will have a great opportunity to learn about yourself and experience personal growth. I can just about bet the farm that you'll discover the reasons you think you're unhappy aren't the reasons at all... that they're the symptoms, not the cause of your discontent.

And, having been there, got the t-shirt, washed it so many times it's falling apart, I know that until I got to the root cause of my unhappiness in my first marriage, I wasn't able to make any new relationship work. If you decide to leave your husband for this other man and forego the counselling, I hope you have more success than I did.

Love,

Val

 

[seeker]

Thanks for everyones advice. It does make things somewhat clearer. Based on what is going on in this situation I think the I Ching is telling me I have options, but I need to think carefully and take my time with any decision I make. The thing about saving my marriage if I put forth effort and consider others, don't have a problem considering others, that is part of the reason I haven't left yet, but on the other hand one of the problems is that I feel like all the effort is coming from me. Other than agreeing to counseling, I haven't seen him do anything that says anything is going to change. Life with my husband can be very difficult, he was in an accident 2 yrs ago and afterwards we discovered he is bipolar. He is being treated, but even with medication, he is just not the same person I married. Everything for the last 2 yrs has been about him. I have to take care of everything. But I won't give up until I exhaust all the possibilities. We have been together 7 yrs and have a child, so I will not do this lightly. It was just really nice, with the other guy, that I was the focus for a change, I had someone that put my needs above his. Up until that point I hadn't realized how much things had changed or how unhappy I was. As far as the hexgrams I got, I did it here with the online version, and those were the numbers it listed, but perhaps I misinterpreted which lines were changing; it said change next to the line so I assumed that meant it was a changing line, but I may have misinterpreted it. Thanks again for the help.

 

[cal val]

Seeker...

*HUG* Here's a wonderful site I hope you will find useful. It's a resource center for significant others of people with bipolar disorder ---> http://www.bpso.org/.

As I'm sure you know, one of the symptoms of a bipolar episode is indeed egocentricity and narcissism. Everything is about them. But, when not in an episode, people afflicted with the disorder can be the most caring, sensitive and loving people in the world as I'm sure your husband has been. There are ways you can help him and your family deal with the egocentricity and other symptoms of an episode, and there are ways you can help him stay stable and avoid episodes. It's all there on that site with a wealth of other information plus a support group and information about support groups in your area. You're not alone.

My hat is off to you and my heart goes out to you.

Love,

Val

 

[cal val]

Seeker...

I just had a thought that made me grin...

One of the ways you can help your husband avoid an episode is that if you see the seeds of one... cancel activities and appointment for the next few days, put on mellow, pleasant music, reduce background noise by a decibel or two and... dim the lights... or literally hexagram 36.

Love,

Val

 

[candid]

Hi Seeker,

Hope you don't mind my two cents.

My instincts on your readings focused to exactly what Val has reasoned or intuited. 36 was your original answer, and the question itself was the most relevant.

Hiding away your light as an answer to "what direction should I take in my marriage?" makes a lot of sense. You take it private, together. Before you can know whether its better to stay or leave, you must know of any potential for improvement. If you learn that "its" just not there, then you can decide more easily. If you learn there is still a potential relationship there, you may chose to continue working on it.

Your situation hits close to home, as I was primary care-giver to my ex for the last ten years of our marriage, who suffered significant hypoxia, resulting from an acute asthmatic condition. Calling it a personality disorder would be putting it gently.

This leads to another possible meaning for 36. You may retreat into darkness to save your light, but if your light can not any longer shine, its time to get out of the cave and live. Sometimes Yi?s answer isn?t about the right thing to do. Sometimes its just a picture of what is. What you do about it is up to you.

I don't believe anyone can tell you what is right or wrong in this instance. There's consequences to either road you choose. The important thing is that you choose it, so that you will never feel victimized by it.

All the best.

C

 

[seeker]

Again I appreciate the help. I think Yi is confirming what I already knew. Figuring out the potential for improvement as Candid said, thats exactly what I'm trying to do. I love my husband very much, but the romantic level of feeling appears to have faded, he seems to be now just my best friend. But I want to explore if I can get the romantic feeling back before I just give up and walk away. But admittedly, his form of bipolar is difficult to live with, he is a rapid cycler, so his mood changes hour to hour, and sometimes minute to minute. If I can't find a way back, I want to find a way to make this as easy as possible on him and on our daughter. I did another reading today asking more about myself, what would bring me happiness and how to achieve that happiness. I got 43, changing 3,4,5 to 11 and 39, changing 2,3 to 29. What I got from that is that I need to look in myself and that I am going in circles, spinning my wheels to the point where any direction could lead to problems. I also get the idea that I need help from an outside source to figure things out, maybe the counselor we are going to. I am going to try to continue my spiritual seach, something I renewed as of late, and I am going to see how this counselor thinks we should proceed in our relationship. Thanks again for everyones input.

 

[dobro p]

I asked "what direction should I take in my marriage?" and "what would happen if I left my husband for this other person?"

Your first question is excellent. The second one's okay too.

Result of first question: Primary 36 Ming I/Darkening of the Light, Receptive/Earth, Clinging/Flame, 6 changing lines, Relating 11 Tai Peace, Receptive/Earth, Creative/Heaven 6 changing lines."

If this means you drew 36.2, then it indicates that the marriage is wounded in some way, and that if you throw yourself into helping it get back on its feet, that approach is fortunate.

"Result of the second question: Primary 49 Ko Revolution Tui Joyous/Lake, Li Clinging/Flame, 6 changing lines. Relating 42 I Increase, Sun Gentle/Wind, Chen Arousing/Thunder."

You drew Hex 49, which talks about throwing off outmoded forms, which is exactly the context of the situation you're considering in this question. If I understand the results of your toss correctly (I think you drew 49.3.4.6), then the results are mixed. On the one hand, it's saying 'don't do it - talk about it and think about it some more', and on the other hand it's saying 'yeah, it's time for a change and you've got the power - go for it'. Finally it talks about a complex situation in which some forces resonate with genuine change but in which some forces change superficially only, and that it's better to reside in firm correctness than to go out and change things big time.

On balance, it looks like the oracle's talking about inner conflict rather than a clear path ahead when you're talking about divorce. But when you're asking about staying in the marriage and making it work, the oracle's thumbs up about that.

 

[RindaR]

Seeker,

Is he responsible about the extra self-care needed? meds? therapy? If not, I see another way to look at 36...

Rinda

 

[seeker]

He does take meds and goes to therapy, but I do not know how honest he is with his therapist as she prefers I not attend. I go to his appts with his psychiatrist when I can and often I have to clarify things for him or remind him to mention certain things. However, he doesn't do much outside of that, which I do see as a problem. I was reading the bipolar site that was suggested here and I have read several books on the subject, and he does not do much to monitor his behavior or try to control it himself. I often try to point out when he is experiencing one of his irritable moments (his mania often manifests as irritability), and he just gets angrier. Instead of recognizing that I might be seeing an episode coming on that he isn't aware of, he is just resentful. So, from that standpoint how else would you see 36?

To Dobro, that was what I got too. The message is sort of mixed which is why I was confused. But maybe the problem isn't the message but the situation. Maybe the Yi is simply reflecting the conflict within myself. I think it is showing me that either option could be successful, but that I need to take my time to make the right decision for me, to not make this decision rashly from a point of anger or passion or frustration, but to explore myself, who I am and who I want to become and then choose the option that holds the best future for all concerned, not just myself. I have recently come to realize that my current situation is very similar to the ending of my first marriage; I see a certain pattern. I have realized that when I am with someone, I tend to let go of who I am, to stop searching, stop evolving and become instead a reflection of the other person. Of course, one cannot maintain that forever, eventually the shell begins to crack as the real you tries to emerge. I am now on a journey to try and reestablish myself, to find out who I really am, so part of the reading may be reflecting that conflict. I am currently walking a fine line, trying to turn within to discover who I am and what I want, but also trying to be open to my husband to work out our differences. The two goals are often diametrically opposed.

 

[RindaR]

Hididng Brightness

Seeker,

I'm wondering if this might mean it could be helpful to limit how much you use your own light to compensate for the chaos his disorder brings, and instead use it to anticipate problems for you and your child, protect yourselves, and let him live with and learn from the results of not taking responsibility for his own self care.

LiSe says first: "To be what you really are, to live the life that belongs to you. That is what everybody wants, but most spoil it because they think it is enough to do just that. Open and impulsive they jump into life, only to find out that everything and everybody counteracts."

He may be reacting to your help by letting you do it, so he does not have to change, and you may be reacting to his need by taking responsibility for it, for managing it or it's sequelae...

...and then the piece I see as self-protective: "Do not deny obstructive forces, explore them and recognize them, so you know what measures to take or how to circumvent them."

When you use almost all your own energies coping with his stuff, he does not get any excercise in doing that and then may not be as motivated to work at managing his own life. He may feel overwhelmed by it, and see you as keeping the chaos at bay. That dependence can feel good for awhile, and can also keep you from seeing what you need to be doing for yourself and your child.

You end up being his other half instead of being yourself, and that's a tough place to stay for any length of time. As much as you may want to fight back your own needs, they may squeeze out the cracks in your armour in ways that are unpredictable, such as your attraction to this other man, general irritability, etc... (...and that's _not_ to say that those feelings are not real or valid!!!)

I'm thinking that it may be very difficult to feel romantic when the "you" that has felt that way in the past is being displaced by a need to compensate for his behavio(u)rs...

The message may be Hide your light - keep it for yourself and your child, allow him to see first-hand the need to grow and change by facing the consequences of his lack of responsibility, and then see if the love can be renewed.

I'm also wondering if .2 indicates that his behaviors have caused some real damage in your life, and that you might use your intuition to see where and how you need to protect yourself from more of the same.

Rinda - more than open to the insights of others as to the valididty of this reading...