Help interpreting 33.2 -> 44 re: considering break-up

[loathsome_dove]

I'm in a weird limbo state with woman I've been dating for nine months. We went on a two-week break in response to her being uncertain she wanted to stay together. We talked on the phone last night (she lives out of state) and now she wants to see me in-person in a few days to see how she feels as she thinks she might want to stay with me over the summer without guarantee of it continuing beyond that. I'm not sure it's a good idea to continue the relationship, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to break it off either. So, of course, I turned to the Yi for help. I specifically asked "What should I expect if I break up with [woman in question]? I received 33.2 moving to 44. I'm confused on how to interpret this given how I worded the question. I mean, if I asked "should I break up with [woman in question]?" I could easily interpret 33-retreat as a clear yes that I should do this—especially with it moving to 44, which specifically indicates not to marry a woman. But I have no clue if the Yi is advising me in this situation whether to break things off or retreat from the notion of breaking things off. Is it telling me, "hey, if you break up with her you're going to end up marrying a different woman and regretting it."? Any help is much appreciated, here.

 

[Trojina]

I'm in a weird limbo state with woman I've been dating for nine months. We went on a two-week break in response to her being uncertain she wanted to stay together. We talked on the phone last night (she lives out of state) and now she wants to see me in-person in a few days to see how she feels as she thinks she might want to stay with me over the summer without guarantee of it continuing beyond that.

Huh - you must feel like some sort of object she's going to come and look at to see how she feels. What ??? I think an appropriate response might be 'fcuk off' quite frankly.

Not only that having looked you over to see how she feels about you she thinks she 'might' want to stay with you over the summer' but you mustn't get your hopes up of it continuing.

Erm maybe you could do a lot better than this with someone else ? It sounds like this is all down to what suits her with not a lot of thought about your feelings.

Maybe as I don't know the situation as you do I have the wrong idea ? But she sounds like a selfish cow to me from what you've said so far. Unless of course she's being so tentative because she is unsure you want to commit so she's being defensive ?

I'm not sure it's a good idea to continue the relationship, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to break it off either. So, of course, I turned to the Yi for help. I specifically asked "What should I expect if I break up with [woman in question]? I received 33.2 moving to 44. I'm confused on how to interpret this given how I worded the question. I mean, if I asked "should I break up with [woman in question]?" I could easily interpret 33-retreat as a clear yes that I should do this—especially with it moving to 44, which specifically indicates not to marry a woman. But I have no clue if the Yi is advising me in this situation whether to break things off or retreat from the notion of breaking things off. Is it telling me, "hey, if you break up with her you're going to end up marrying a different woman and regretting it."? Any help is much appreciated, here.

I don't think Yi is advising you what to do, it often doesn't, it's not there to take our choice away. What I think it is saying is that you likely won't succeed in breaking up with her because you are too attached to her and she to you. Now I have seen this line for people who have actually broken up but what happens is the person isn't fully let go of even though they've broken up. 44 isn't 'the future' here it is the 44ness of 33 which Hilary writes of in wikiwaing as '

'Retreat's Coupling, it's desire to create bonds, even to something slippery that makes it hard to form lasting connections. And also Retreat dealing with the uncontrollable and unpredictable, a breach of the usual patterns..'


So Yi isn't telling you what to do it's telling you how it is. You're kind of trying to retreat but can't and even if you do you will probably be thinking about her. The line gives no augury , it's neutral, like a statement.


What are you going to do ?


From a stranger's perspective, given what you've said, I think she's treating you a little bit too much like a cream cake she's not sure she wants to eat but she wants to keep it on the table to keep her options open.

But maybe I'm being too harsh after all you have only been dating for 9 months.


Do what you truly want to do. I have the sense with this line if you refuse her you will be thinking about her anyway.

So you asked what to expect if you break up with this woman and Yi says 'you are tied fast to this woman'. Are you going to break up ?

 

[becalm]

Yikes sounds like she's using you when it suits her. Is she looking for a free Summer holiday? If she lives in another state how have you actually been dating? I see Line 2 as Retreating into yourself and leting go of the self imposed restrictions you're putting onto yourself to give her what she wants. So if you let go of her you will no longer feel in such an awful limbo.

 

[moss elk]

What the others said about you being used as an object.

I'm in a weird limbo state with woman

Welcome to 33.2 (44),
Where exists simultaneously conflicting forces:
The urge to retreat and the urge to come to meet.

This word sums it up nicely:
Ambivalence is a state of having simultaneous conflicting reactions, beliefs, or feelings towards some object. Stated another way,ambivalence is the experience of having an attitude towards someone or something that contains both positively and negatively valenced components.

 

[Trojina]

Let's have the actual line in front of us, from Hilary's translation in wiki

'Holding onto it, use yellow cowhide.
It will never be capable of getting loose.'

Speaking from plenty of experience with the line, when it says 'it will never be capable of getting loose' it means it will never be capable of getting loose. When you're tied up with someone you can say you're untied as much as you want, you can leave the country and forget them entirely without forgetting them, because you're hooked (44).


It may also be the case that she hangs on to you when you don't want her to even though it doesn't look like that now.

Another way to see it is that in retreat you take the precious piece with you, which kind of ties into my first description. This is something whereby even if you withdraw you take a part of it with you.

So you asking what happens if I finish, well you can finish it but it looks a bit more involved than that.