Help with 45.5 >16 seems positive but cant be too sure!

[unique1]

on and off relationship for over a year..big age difference ..He cant see a future but won't clearly say goodbye. he has said he cant give 100% and his behavior shows it ...I finally ended it with dignity and grace today saying I see his point of view and that hes right we have no where to go especially if he cant see a future.. We have a very strong sexual connection, but not enough to keep us moving forward ..he is practical and I am a dreamer, he also admitted that in this last month break he has been frequently speaking to a woman hearing that today I immediately said goodbye ... I asked Yi Now that I have ended it what can I expect to happen now from his end/from him..I think sub consciously Im asking to see if he will com back within 8 weeks..

GOT:

45.5 > 16


I would be so grateful for any clear feed back..I dont feel to be in the leader position what so ever

Eternal thanks

 

[kkappa]

on and off relationship for over a year..big age difference ..He cant see a future but won't clearly say goodbye. he has said he cant give 100% and his behavior shows it ...I finally ended it with dignity and grace today saying I see his point of view and that hes right we have no where to go especially if he cant see a future.. We have a very strong sexual connection, but not enough to keep us moving forward ..he is practical and I am a dreamer, he also admitted that in this last month break he has been frequently speaking to a woman hearing that today I immediately said goodbye ... I asked Yi Now that I have ended it what can I expect to happen now from his end/from him..I think sub consciously Im asking to see if he will com back within 8 weeks..

GOT:

45.5 > 16


I would be so grateful for any clear feed back..I dont feel to be in the leader position what so ever

Eternal thanks

You really didn't need to wait for him to end it - your own validation that this was a limited experience was enough proof to end it. But at least you didn't stick around for more hurt. Darling, pick up the pieces now and ask yourself why you were running after an emotionally unavailable man, and why didn't you want to run for the hills when the first signs of him being so were there?

This is also what your reading says - stay away from him and stick to your duty, which is YOU taking care of your best interests while he is not keeping those in mind at all. Do this and all remorse will disappear for you.

And being a leader is not a choice here, you ARE the leader, because you took control of your life and chose to do better by yourself. You don't need him to validate that you were right in choosing to end it by secretly wishing for his return. You are right anyway and you are better off without this kind of treatment from him. Any choice that communicates taking care of your own needs is right by default, regardless of whether he likes it or not, but he will at the very least respect you more for it.

 

[unique1]

Thank you kkappa! I welled up with tears reading your interpretation...Because it rang true..
Thank you..Thank you

 

[meng]

Darling, pick up the pieces now and ask yourself why you were running after an emotionally unavailable man, and why didn't you want to run for the hills when the first signs of him being so were there?

Thank you, for saying what ought to be a sticky quote at the very top of the Shared Readings area. It should spare a lot of angst.

Yet, I had another sense which washed upon the shore; that of the all or nothing mindset, and how limiting it is, and how harmful it might be to a potential friendship, working within ethical boundaries. However, if that inner truth isn't working between them, it won't be satisfied with friendship only.

 

[kkappa]

Thank you, for saying what ought to be a sticky quote at the very top of the Shared Readings area. It should spare a lot of angst.

Should, but doesn't We all want to be the exception to the rule and more often than not, good looks/great sex gets the best of our judgment.

And thank you for your kind words!

 

[kkappa]

Thank you kkappa! I welled up with tears reading your interpretation...Because it rang true..
Thank you..Thank you

Good luck to you, it'll probably hurt for a good while, but trust that this is going to help you make better choices in the future! Go easy on yourself

 

[unique1]

Thanks Meng...Friendship down the line....Hmmmm??? not sure...The chemistry between us is ridiculous (he has even said we can be left alone if we want to be platonic and he has NEVER wanted a platonic relationship) So I feel that is out of the question now. possibly when if and when I am in another relationship where ALL my needs are being met (or at least more than he was able to) will I be able to not be attracted to him and be friendly. Its happened before. Who knows...

And Kkappa I will try to be easy on myself...
I need to do a new reading for the prospect of new greater love coming into my life..the slate is entirely cleared at this moment..but honestly not holding onto false hope regarding my situation. feeling very very sober...not a shread of fantasy going on in right now.

I asked Yi what the prospect is of me meeting/being partnered with the right one for me in the near future (by mid march 2013, got specific!) not promising looks like this is a time for me to just take care of me and have no expectations or hope a a near future relationship. And that a retreat is appropriate

62.5.6 > 33


Darn

 

[meng]

I once had a guy, or should I say, he once had me...
he showed me his room, isn't it good, Norwegian wood?

He asked me to stay and he told me to sit anywhere,
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair.

I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking his wine
We talked until two and then he said, "It's time for bed"

He told me he worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told him I didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath

And when I awoke, I was alone, this bird had flown
So I lit a fire, isn't it good, Norwegian wood.

(lyrics by The Beatles, gender changed to suit context)

unique1, I wasn't implying a friendship for you two down the line. I was pointing out that a stronger inner bond, along with more noble intentions must exist before that could ever be possible.

 

[kkappa]

Thanks Meng...Friendship down the line....Hmmmm??? not sure...The chemistry between us is ridiculous (he has even said we can be left alone if we want to be platonic and he has NEVER wanted a platonic relationship) So I feel that is out of the question now. possibly when if and when I am in another relationship where ALL my needs are being met (or at least more than he was able to) will I be able to not be attracted to him and be friendly. Its happened before. Who knows...

And Kkappa I will try to be easy on myself...
I need to do a new reading for the prospect of new greater love coming into my life..the slate is entirely cleared at this moment..but honestly not holding onto false hope regarding my situation. feeling very very sober...not a shread of fantasy going on in right now.

I asked Yi what the prospect is of me meeting/being partnered with the right one for me in the near future (by mid march 2013, got specific!) not promising looks like this is a time for me to just take care of me and have no expectations or hope a a near future relationship. And that a retreat is appropriate

62.5.6 > 33


Darn

Take some time out to really feel all the hurt and disappointment, I don't think that wave has quite hit you yet. It's not very likely that you'll meet "the right one" (which I don't believe in - every person in our lives is right for that very moment for however long it lasts, because they're there to teach us important things about ourselves) right now anyway because you're not in the state of mind yet where you're able to carry off a healthy relationship. Running after emotionally unavailable men is a big red flag about you not believing that you deserve better. Why is that? Set your values straight first, know what you will and will not accept in the future and stick to them through thick and thin. Then you might just get lucky