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settan3579
visitor
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2022
- Messages
- 20
- Reaction score
- 8
Hello, this is my first shared reading, and a bit long, thank you for reading it if you do so.
I've been studying Yi Jing for around 5 years now. My relationship with it was pretty intense and consistent at the beginning, but now I find myself using it only when it is particularly difficult for me to get a grounded sense of what needs to happen in my life. For context, I am 23 years old and have recently transitioned from living at a Zen Center for 6 months to being back in the "lay" world. In the course of living at the temple, I met a woman my age at a summer camp they host every year, which we both were volunteering for. Things felt very natural with us, though I was wary since it had been 4 years of being intentionally single for me so that I could focus on healing and my spiritual practice, given that my track record with relationships was marked by anxiety ruining things.
For a month we established a good friendship that ended up moving towards something more. She, however, is still getting over a 6-year relationship in which she was quite happy. It ended a year ago. Our communication has been incredibly good, and when she brought this up I acknowledged it and said that I was still willing to work with it since she and I both feel like a good fit. She agreed to continue exploring things.
Lo and behold, my anxiety crept in and I got to a point of too frequently bringing up how we were feeling about each other and where our relationship was at. I had a traumatic childhood and have suffered from mental health issues before, but felt like I was in a place to work through those difficulties unique to relationships. However, she felt like she was hurting me and more certain that she wasn't ready for a relationship after her previous one since she still cried a lot about it. I often held space for those tears. We continued to have fun with each other and enjoy company, but she said that sometimes it made her sad to be feeling that way with someone else and she questioned being physically intimate.
Though we tried to change our dynamic, both of us still have a deep care and attraction for the other and don't particularly want the other out of our lives. It has been about 5 months that we've known each other, 4 months of more intimacy. My anxiety is now giving me serious issues, and she is feeling that I simply check in about how she feels about me too much and has stated that if I want a relationship, that has to not happen. I would like to change that pattern and have been in therapy (the second time) for a year now. The past few days have been incredibly challenging for me internally, plus I had covid a week ago, and it has bled out a little into our dynamic.
I take responsibility for how my choice to pursue this has caused both of us difficulties, and she has also been clear that while she feels strongly for me, she's not ready for a relationship. Yet, she still treats me quite affectionately and wants to spend time with me. I feel very little of this is on anyone besides me and how I am going to move forward from my past. She has been clear that she is still a willing participant, however, and that it isn't all on me.
With this in mind, I asked the Yi Jing today, using a phone app (not my favorite, but it helps in a moment):
"Is there a way to repair this relationship with V?"
and it answered:
7.1>19
After work, I meditated for a while and threw coins. The question was:
"What is the course of action that is in line with the highest truth, love, and goodness for V and I?"
and it answered:
25.6>17
My understanding is that there is potential to repair, given a detailed plan of action and firm resolve to stick with it. As for the course of action, does it seem correct that I'm being scolded by the Yi Jing for pushing on a closed door? I'm not very good at using the changed hexagram in readings. Initially, I was happy because 25 and 17 have always seemed to be more positive hexagrams. 25 also denotes, however, the unexpected and says that if one is not as they should be, they meet with misfortune. Perhaps neither of us is quite "as we should be" in this situation, and are trying to make something work too quickly? We have both expressed that the other is a good fit in a long-term committed partnership, but timing may seem to be the crux of the issue. If I had to guess at the course of action, it would probably be the Yi Jing saying "You've pushed too much, stop and allow for things to be natural again." Do those seem accurate and is there more insight into what these lines and hexagrams might be saying?
Re-establishing a writing practice and daily meditation seem like viable paths for me right now, regardless of what ends up coming of this.
As a bonus, I drew two oracle cards as well. One was about celebrating the fact that I've reached a pivotal point in my "hero's" journey, and the other was about transforming my fears into fuel for a conscious and holistic life.
Phew, if you've read all that, you're a saint. I'm curious to hear people's interpretations and/or comments on how I'm relating to it all. Being quite young in life and the study of this text, the wisdom of experience is appreciated.
Palms together,
Settan
I've been studying Yi Jing for around 5 years now. My relationship with it was pretty intense and consistent at the beginning, but now I find myself using it only when it is particularly difficult for me to get a grounded sense of what needs to happen in my life. For context, I am 23 years old and have recently transitioned from living at a Zen Center for 6 months to being back in the "lay" world. In the course of living at the temple, I met a woman my age at a summer camp they host every year, which we both were volunteering for. Things felt very natural with us, though I was wary since it had been 4 years of being intentionally single for me so that I could focus on healing and my spiritual practice, given that my track record with relationships was marked by anxiety ruining things.
For a month we established a good friendship that ended up moving towards something more. She, however, is still getting over a 6-year relationship in which she was quite happy. It ended a year ago. Our communication has been incredibly good, and when she brought this up I acknowledged it and said that I was still willing to work with it since she and I both feel like a good fit. She agreed to continue exploring things.
Lo and behold, my anxiety crept in and I got to a point of too frequently bringing up how we were feeling about each other and where our relationship was at. I had a traumatic childhood and have suffered from mental health issues before, but felt like I was in a place to work through those difficulties unique to relationships. However, she felt like she was hurting me and more certain that she wasn't ready for a relationship after her previous one since she still cried a lot about it. I often held space for those tears. We continued to have fun with each other and enjoy company, but she said that sometimes it made her sad to be feeling that way with someone else and she questioned being physically intimate.
Though we tried to change our dynamic, both of us still have a deep care and attraction for the other and don't particularly want the other out of our lives. It has been about 5 months that we've known each other, 4 months of more intimacy. My anxiety is now giving me serious issues, and she is feeling that I simply check in about how she feels about me too much and has stated that if I want a relationship, that has to not happen. I would like to change that pattern and have been in therapy (the second time) for a year now. The past few days have been incredibly challenging for me internally, plus I had covid a week ago, and it has bled out a little into our dynamic.
I take responsibility for how my choice to pursue this has caused both of us difficulties, and she has also been clear that while she feels strongly for me, she's not ready for a relationship. Yet, she still treats me quite affectionately and wants to spend time with me. I feel very little of this is on anyone besides me and how I am going to move forward from my past. She has been clear that she is still a willing participant, however, and that it isn't all on me.
With this in mind, I asked the Yi Jing today, using a phone app (not my favorite, but it helps in a moment):
"Is there a way to repair this relationship with V?"
and it answered:
7.1>19
After work, I meditated for a while and threw coins. The question was:
"What is the course of action that is in line with the highest truth, love, and goodness for V and I?"
and it answered:
25.6>17
My understanding is that there is potential to repair, given a detailed plan of action and firm resolve to stick with it. As for the course of action, does it seem correct that I'm being scolded by the Yi Jing for pushing on a closed door? I'm not very good at using the changed hexagram in readings. Initially, I was happy because 25 and 17 have always seemed to be more positive hexagrams. 25 also denotes, however, the unexpected and says that if one is not as they should be, they meet with misfortune. Perhaps neither of us is quite "as we should be" in this situation, and are trying to make something work too quickly? We have both expressed that the other is a good fit in a long-term committed partnership, but timing may seem to be the crux of the issue. If I had to guess at the course of action, it would probably be the Yi Jing saying "You've pushed too much, stop and allow for things to be natural again." Do those seem accurate and is there more insight into what these lines and hexagrams might be saying?
Re-establishing a writing practice and daily meditation seem like viable paths for me right now, regardless of what ends up coming of this.
As a bonus, I drew two oracle cards as well. One was about celebrating the fact that I've reached a pivotal point in my "hero's" journey, and the other was about transforming my fears into fuel for a conscious and holistic life.
Phew, if you've read all that, you're a saint. I'm curious to hear people's interpretations and/or comments on how I'm relating to it all. Being quite young in life and the study of this text, the wisdom of experience is appreciated.
Palms together,
Settan