Help with some readings -what action to take?

[em ching]

Hi,

There are a couple of readings that I'd appreciate clarification with as to what course the Yi is encouraging me to take.

Firstly, there are a group of people who I am aquainted with but unsure of - basically I distrust them although individually I like them, there is often a sense arrogance - perhaps it's the tribal mentality ( I am not a 'fully fledged member of their group' although set to live with some pople that are...) I have always felt on the periphery of groups - which I think is better - the Yi often comments on the negative aspects of grouping and factionalism! but I find myself often feeling timid and acting out of character around them, like I need to prove my worth when I speak to them (I know it's my problem - there is a quote : 'People can only make you feel inferior if you let them'..)

All this wouldn't matter so much, but as I will be living with a couple of people from that group, I know that I will continue to encounter them in the future, and I'm tired of the paranoia they make me feel as I would like to just get on with them, so I asked what do these guys (they are males) think of me?

48. 3 - 29
(I have received the well before when asking why I sense that certain people don't like me - perhaps they can't see my worth because of some weak or needy vibe I emit?)

I then asked what hexagram represents my life?
17.2 - 58
(17.2 worried me ' He surrounds himself either with good or bad company... throws himself away on unworthy friends...') Is the Yi warning me here about those I am set to live with or just generally? At the moment I feel I can trust them, and we get on, but they are also a part of the above mentioned group in which I wasn't accepted.... this is my worry about the living situation because it could mean mixing more with people I don't think particularly like/ respect me..

so I asked should I live with them?
39.3,4 - 45
Does this mean I am headed for danger or that they are the 'trustworthy companions' of line 4??

Thanks a lot

 

[em ching]

Ok so the answers aren't warning me against continuing to put myself in a position where I associate with these people but to go with the flow (which I intend to do anyway) and to work on the negativity which I feel from others, but which actually has roots in myself and my self-critical attitude?

I also am considering making contact with someone who I haven't really spoken to properly for a while, but I'm not sure if my motives are self-damaging because of this person's dubious behavior in the past, or perhaps again I interpret it that way because of my excessive paranoia and suspicions of others, though he has generally been nice...

I asked should I consider him a friend?
24.6 - 27

I have read that 24.6 is an unfortunate line so should I leave it? It would not be beneficial to return to contact with this person?
Then again Providing nourishment could be saying it could be beneficial as people nourishing each other through contact?

For more clarification I asked 'Does that mean I should make contact?'
15.1 - 36

Does this mean I shouldn't over-think it and just do it? It won't make that much difference? Or that I should stop considering it - darken the light on the subject?

Thanks again :bows:

 

[willowfox]

so I asked what do these guys (they are males) think of me?

48. 3 - 29

They probably think of you as being the untouchable virgin who does not allow anyone to get too close to you, you are most likely a good looking woman but you give off a warning, "no trespassing".

 

[willowfox]

I then asked what hexagram represents my life?
17.2 - 58

Well, line 17.2 warns you to be very aware of the company that you keep in life, it suggests that you stick with the more highly educated types as that will help you advance yourself in this life.

While Hex 58 is telling you to lighten up and enjoy yourself more.

 

[willowfox]

so I asked should I live with them?
39.3,4 - 45

Not until you ascertain who your real friends truly are, then go ahead.

 

[willowfox]

I asked should I consider him a friend?
24.6 - 27

No.

 

[em ching]

That's really great thanks willowfox - my instincts said no about this particular guy anyway - why should I pander to people who have made me feel bad in the past!!

Well I'm pretty sure they're real friends.. but I guess that will only become clear as time goes on and i share a house with them.. is the Yi saying to go along with it, but be mindful, because ultimately it could lead to a Gathering together which is good? Because unfortunaltely I am not going to be able to see them until the time comes to move in, so I won't be able to gain greater insight into how the situation of living with them will pan out and whether I am truly comfortable with them as friends, though they seem to want me to live with them.. I just don't want to willingly throw myself into the line of fire! I think I have reservations about them mainly because of the company they keep (the above mentioned guys) and perhaps I don't fit in and shouldn't force myself on them (though I haven't been pushy with it.) At the moment on balance though I feel I'd prefer to live with them than alone or with strangers.. so perhaps I should just take the good with the bad on this one..

QUOTE 48. 3 - 29
They probably think of you as being the untouchable virgin who does not allow anyone to get too close to you, you are most likely a good looking woman but you give off a warning, "no trespassing".

Oh dear - yeah that could be the case I probably come across as too reserved as I am frequently unable to relax - especially in groups! Well I don't know how to change this about myself.. I guess it'll come with confidence - hopefully - I just don't seem to have the (social tools) to achieve my aims and feel secure with my peers! It's very frustrating and I have lost friends because of this I think, albeit disloyal ones,
Perhaps asking the Yi on how to take steps to become a more open person would be a good idea - though I guess that mostly comes with experience..

QUOTE While Hex 58 is telling you to lighten up and enjoy yourself more.

Yes that'd be a lovely habit to take over my perpetual worrying!
Though I can't ignore the warning bells in my head sometimes!!

 

[em ching]

so I asked should I live with them?
39.3,4 - 45

Not until you ascertain who your real friends truly are, then go ahead.

That is something I cannot be certain of - as I shan't be with them again until the time comes to move in - I asked once more:

On balance should I live with them?
55.4 - 36

I think this is positive - "convince and give power to ones actions through ones own conviction, by being honest, and most of all: by trusting the gods unconditionally" Lise

ie that I should accept the current path offered to me and ride it, along with my fears, as there are positive aspects to the situation too (abundance)? The moving line is described as auspicious- though when I first read it I thought perhaps it was saying I would be moving into darkness by living with them? Or that I should not allow my fears destroy and darken the good in the situation - expressed by abundance?

The reason I am resisting is because I know there are dangers here, and I feel insecure at the prospect and maybe these doubts should be heeded and I should extract myself from the group? Or maybe that is letting my fears and weaknesses needlessly dictate? I'm just not sure but I guess from the readings on balance saying I should just go with it - difficulties and all??

Thanks

 

[em ching]

I'd just appreciate a pointer really - as to whether 55 Abundance - 36 Darkening of the light represents the situation in a positive or negative light? I can't tell whether there's a warning here, or to go ahead with the living prospect? Or is it just saying I should darken the light on my worries on the subject - trying to quiet me down a bit?

Thanks

 

[diamanda]

What do these guys think of me? 48. 3 - 29
They don't appear to be thinking much, and they don't appear to
be thinking clearly, and this leads to danger. Either this, or the
I Ching is telling you that you're approaching the subject in the
wrong manner, departing from goodness and your inner truth,
and this again leads to danger.

what hexagram represents my life? 17.2 - 58
This shows you the problem, and its solution. Your problem is 17:2.
The way to overcome it is by making sure you only hang around with
people who make you feel good and happy, and with who there is an
equally and mutually fulfilling exchange.

so I asked should I live with them? 39.3,4 - 45
I would take that to mean no. 39's basic meaning is 'can't be done'.
Go back to people you know you are compatible with.
"this is my worry about the living situation because it could mean
mixing more with people I don't think particularly like/ respect me",
i think you've answered it here. Your happiness lies with people who
you feel good about, people you like, and they like you back, clearly.

I asked should I consider him a friend? 24.6 - 27
No... 'turn back'. This is not the correct approach. Strong warning.

Does that mean I should make contact? 15.1 - 36
No, just go about your business, and hide your light. This person is
hurtful. Listen to what you said about him: "because of this person's
dubious behavior in the past". How can he be a friend, if his behaviour
was dubious in the past, and you two haven't spoken for a while..?
This does not sound as a description of friendship to me.
"why should I pander to people who have made me feel bad in the past",
again, you already know this.

"Well I'm pretty sure they're real friends.. but I guess that will only
become clear as time goes on and i share a house with them", i would
say on the contrary, that even solid friendships and family relationships
can be ruined by living under the same roof.
Again, have another look at what you are saying about them.
"Well I'm pretty sure they're real friends"
"whether I am truly comfortable with them as friends"
"I have reservations about them"
"perhaps I don't fit in"
And also: "I have lost friends because of this I think, albeit disloyal ones"
well, good you 'lost' them then!
This whole thing tells you what 17:2>58 is telling you. Stop blaming yourself
for being too 'paranoid' etc. The 'alarm bells' you mentioned seem to be
actually very spot on. Heed them. They mean that the people in question are
not right for you. Do not hang out with the wrong company, or with anyone
with who you don't feel comfortable with. Find friends you feel at ease with.

On balance should I live with them?
55.4 - 36
No. You need to hide away from them. There is someone else in your life,
a true honest friend, who you should turn to. There is too much darkness
around. Shield yourself. Turn to the trusted friend, in order to protect
yourself from the darkness. These people are hurtful.

 

[em ching]

Thanks so much for giving your time there Diamanda :bows: very much appreciated!

What you said there makes sense - it perhaps speaks to the painful reality I am trying to avoid - I do have a trusted friend in the area I wish to live - and others who I feel more comfortable with I think - but they have all already got somewhere together - and I am off travelling which is why I felt it would be good to return to living with people I already know, and have had good times with in the past though as I said there are lingering doubts which I'm not sure isn't just the result of my overly fretful mind - as I'm sure I'll still be able to spend time elsewhere and I won't have to join them if they mix with the ones I definitely don't feel comfortable with.

Your interpretation that the Yi is saying No I shouldn't live with them does make my heart sink - I don't know what other course to take. And I don't want to cause any upset to them - although I think they'd understand - It's just that I've experienced living practically on my own before which was horrible and the reason I felt grateful and happy to be living with people again, but now that is becoming gradually clearer that that may not be the best way for me - if my insecurities and paranoia's are worsened by continuing the connection with certain harmful people, which would probably be the case as they are all friends - I'm just afraid that seeking out accommodation with strangers would be worse than going ahead with living with them.. and in the past I have enjoyed spending time with them..

I suppose, as I am away volunteering for a couple of months, that might bring me more perspective. Perhaps another question - such as 'would it be preferable to live with strangers?' is in order...

Thanks a lot

 

[willowfox]

On balance should I live with them?
55.4 - 36

To me this says yes but you must think this move through carefully, think before you leap, find a person who that you can trust in the new household and be your friend/adviser. Hex 36 is only telling you to watch yourself here as like anywhere, there will be people who are not so friendly towards you there. You are going to be a newcomer, so act with caution and restraint in the beginning.

 

[em ching]

Hi,

Thanks - yes I already know to be on guard about it - but I do feel that I have no other option, as I don't want to live on my own or alienate anyone..

My questioning has been to help me decipher whether my doubts are founded and that in the long run I'd be better off out of it, ie I was looking from an outright warning from the Yi - or the suggestion of decisive action in my readings to turn back.

However I have interpreted readings on the subject so far as neutral I think - conceding that there are difficult aspects but that overall I should go ahead (perhaps as long as I don't allow myself to be influenced by the negative people that will inevitably continue to be in my life because of who I'd be living with, but my friendships needn't be dictated by those I live with..) Perhaps the readings are also advising me to ensure I retain contact with those I do trust (which I'd do anyway), though this was part of my worry that I would become more of an outsider within the house, so I think it may be (another) test of my strength in social situations - they're never easy with me it seems!

So I asked finally:

Should I take a chance and go ahead and live with them without seeking alternatives?

28 Preponderance of the Great (Unchanging)

Hmm, is this saying that again there are weak aspects to the situation but as long as I remain strong I should maintain my alliance with those I am going to be living with as this is the right way? (despite the negative aspects of the situation)
Or should I heed the last line - 'water over one's head'?
Or does the line 'There are things that are more important then life' say that who I live with is not as important as I am making it out to be and thus I shouldn't worry as long as I remain true to myself?

As always thanks a lot

Clarification on how to read 28 unchanging would be really great so that I can put the subject to bed a bit

 

[rodaki]

hi Em ching, let's give this a try . .

The way I see it, 28 can work both as an image of where you are now and how things look as far as your living with these people goes . .

Present: This situation is overloaded with worries for you right now (your ridgepole is sagging) and you need to make up your mind fast. This is an exceptional situation you need to deal with otherwise you might be trapped under the burden of your own fears, so be swift and effective.

Future living together: Again an exceptional situation, loaded with all sorts of threats and danger. A lonely course, you will need to be on your toes a lot, paying attention to your surroundings and the dynamics of the environment. This does not mean that you can not or should not go on with it, it only warns you that if you can not do otherwise but go on you will be faced with an extremely perilous passage (not much easy living there). This is something you can achieve but it will demand prolonged superior behaviour on your side. On the other side of it though, I'm sure if you make the passage you will get out of it having learned valuable lessons about yourself in sticky situations . .

hope this helps a bit . . .

best of luck!!

rodaki

 

[em ching]

On the other side of it though, I'm sure if you make the passage you will get out of it having learned valuable lessons about yourself in sticky situations . .

rodaki[/QUOTE]

Maybe - but I don't want to end up damaging myself by going ahead with it - but at the moment I truly feel that I have no other alternative. They are not bad people but they mix with people that have treated me badly in the past... but if I continue living in that area I will want friends around - and as I said don't want to live alone or with strangers - and I'd be cutting myself off from those who expect me to live with them...

Maybe I should just plough ahead - and as you said remain strong... there's positive and negative aspects to every situation I guess (which could make it more rewarding - perhaps I'd resolve things with these other people if I do.. or it could get worse... ) I would just like for once to feel happy and secure with people/ groups and I don't think that will be quite afforded to me there... perhaps something else will come up but at the moment I don't see it.. and as you said yes I need to decide and resolve myself to a course of action soon..

I asked online; should I live with them? (I know I shouldn't keep asking but I'd like a definite sign - though whether I'd actually act on what I'm told is another thing - here is an example where my interpretation and belief in the Yi could really alter my future!)

I received 44. 3, 4 Coming to meet - 59 Dispersion - I'd say this is pretty in the negative eh?

 

[rodaki]

but why keep asking if the answer given may not be important to you?

I feel that your question has been answered clear enough already, but perhaps this is not what you really need to ask at this point since no matter what, your living situation for next year does not look very rosy . .
It could be that you would benefit more if you asked what is the best way to handle the difficulties lying ahead, or what is there for you to learn by this challenging time . .

Just a suggestion

rodaki

 

[em ching]

Yes you're right Rodaki - I did think that after my last post - not very constructive questioning

I will take up your suggestion and ask how to deal with the upcoming difficulties (shame I know they are going to be there but fore-warned is fore-armed - hopefully I'll be able to take steps to make things ok, and maybe even turn it into a positive, or at least make the best of it... and hopefully develop on the relationships, rather than have them deteriorate as a result of my 'outsider' status (which they may not even feel as acutely as I do!)

Thanks again

 

[rodaki]

Good luck with that!

rodaki

 

[em ching]

Ok, last leg;

How can I deal with the difficulties inherent in this upcoming living situation?
9.1, 3, 5, 6 The taming power of the small - 7 The Army

My first impression was negative - perhaps that I wouldn't be strong enough to deal with it?
However the moving lines speak of loyalty (line 4) : "pleasure shared is pleasure doubled" perhaps suggesting that there would be support there if I trust them and keep to my word?
However other lines speak of misfortune and turning back: 'he returns to the way suited to his situation' and arguments and 'difficulties too numerous to permit a happy result' (line 3).

I then asked Should I live with strangers instead, in the same area?
24.5 Return - 3 Difficulty at the beginning

Would you say this could be saying that I should return to the people I know, though it will be difficult at the beginning?
Or that changing my path and looking for other options would be right for me?
(line 5: "If he has done something wrong he should make a noblehearted resolve to confess his fault.")

Thanks a lot

 

[em ching]

Does 9.1, 3, 5, 6 to 7 the Army suggest I am too 'small' to deal with the negative forces of the other hurtful people - perhaps represented by the Army? Or that it will require all my strength and discipline to keep myself separate from certain influences while living there?

 

[em ching]

Hi,

To you does this say that i am capable of meeting the challenge and coming through it unscathed (relatively) and that there are good people there to whom I should be loyal? or that changing to the 'Army' is a warning against putting myself in that situation?
Would be really interested in an interpretation to aid my learning

 

[diamanda]

Hi em ching,

How can I deal with the difficulties inherent in this upcoming living situation?
9, lines 1,3,5,6, to 7
No it does not suggest that you are too 'small', not at all. It suggests that this
feeling of 9 (feeling too small) should and will soon be overturned, into 7, you
taking control of the situation, and this is the way you can deal with any
difficulties that will arise.
9:1 says, return to the way, ie, return to your own path. You know in your
heart how to tell good people apart; you know who you're compatible with.
Return to that, to your self, to what you know is good for yourself.
9:3 - a 'split' is unavoidable; arguments; no matter if you are correct, they
cannot be avoided.
9:5 - turn to your 'neighbours' (either neighbours indeed, or close friends).
Unite with others in sincerity, with people you know you belong with.
9:6 - No matter how correct you will be, you'll still be in peril.
7 - army/war

Actually come to think more about it, it could either be saying that if you do
go to live with them you'll be constantly on your toes, and no matter what
approach you take, the friction will just augment, from arguments into war.
Or, that you should take the hint 'return', 'unavoidable split', 'don't persist',
and try to take control of the situation (eg by considering other options, i
know you said there aren't any, but perhaps if you give it a last go with your
older friends?). In any case, you are definitely not too small to deal with any
of this!

Should I live with strangers instead, in the same area?
24.5 Return - 3 Difficulty at the beginning
I agree with your interpretation, 'come back', return, not the right way.

As Rodaki said, all your answers are negative, all indicate a lot of trouble
ahead, and the solution has been given already (so I asked should I live
with them? 39.3,4 - 45 = road blocked, come back to your own people).
Again, why not ask around, ask your closest, people who you are certain
are good, and ask for help? you never know, something good might come
up from that quarter.

 

[em ching]

Thanks so much for taking the time to answer me there very clearly put.
Thing is, friends with whom I do feel more comfortable with have already made arrangements and though I have dropped hints, I feel it is probably too late - and I shall be away for a while too... other than them there is no one else I can turn to...

... well I have a month at the least until I need to properly decide and I suppose there is a chance something might come up - someone did advise me to have faith in synchronicity on this one (ironic you'd think I'd have pleanty of that by now having found so much help and comfort in the answers of the Yi!) but to me that would just mean sitting back - and sitting back would ultimately lead to living with the people I am unsure of, as that is the current plan - and as you (and I) interpreted - the Yi does not seem to be advising me to live with strangers...

So I do feel stuck... but I will try and put it out of my mind now as I am going away, and hopefully that will put it into perspective, and I will put faith in fate (as the Yi always advises) and see if anything comes up - or I have a revelation.. otherwise I cannot see it going any other way than my living with them... and perhaps some good times will balance the difficulties indicated by my previous answers? perhaps hints of positive aspects of living with them were overlooked? (clutching at straws maybe... hmm, I don't know eh... why is nothing ever simple! (especially where human relations are concerned

Thanks a lot :bows:

 

[diamanda]

Well, my opinion is that neither 'dropping hints' nor 'sitting back' will do the
trick in this case. The I Ching answers you got, do not say that either. I really
think you should just ask, straight and simple, all your close people, if they
can think of any alternative for you, or keep you in mind if they hear anything.
Then, at least you'll have sown a seed! Your closest might think you're just
happy to live with those new people, and if you don't tell them clearly, then
that's a certain way to miss a possible chance elsewhere! fingers crossed!

 

[em ching]

Hello,

Thanks ever so much - well I have just asked a close friend if there was any possibility - but I'm not putting much faith in it as I feel I am too late there- this is probably my fault - I'm being taught a lesson about not trying so hard with people - I should not perhaps have put myself again within the paths of a group that had previously rejected me - perhaps it was some vanity of mine - that I wanted to prove myself to them in some way - when actually, as you've said, they're just not my people.

Trouble with that is though, that the ones I'm set to live with I have got on well with in the past - which is why a part of me thinks it could be ok and I should be loyal to them, but my doubts are greater than my sense of assurance - as they enjoy the company of people I can only call bullies..
Oh dear, well only time will tell and I have done all I can re living with more suitable people I think...

thanks again :bows: