...life can be translucent

Menu

Help

em ching

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
796
Reaction score
8
Hello,

I am basically feeling quite anxious at the moment. I had a great few days though with a friend and felt really comfortable with him and had fun. My time with him also really healed me my after my 'terrible encounter' (see previous thread) and I didn't feel like a freak with him. We have since returned to the group that we're both a part of and I feel the dynamic has changed since we got quite close just the two of us and now everyone is back again. This is fine but I suppose I crave that intimacy again, though nothing definite happened, romance wise. I know I'm attracted to him but maybe he isn't I suppose, and now that we're back in the group of course it's not the same. And I know nothing serious could happen for many different reasons, not to mention only having a short amount of time left together, but how I felt just the two of us gave me a high and now I feel low because I'm afraid that however well I get on with people, there's always a component missing that prevents commitment and/or a real attachment/relaxed and close friendship, because of my insecurities and sense of inferiority. I am also slightly doubting the iching today and feel alone. Also as I said, anxious that I have a deep seated problem, mainly from low-self esteem, that is stopping me from living a full life with others and setting me on my parent's path which scares me. Aside from emotional problems I'm feeling better in terms of my life's direction I think...

I asked the I ching: can you help me with this sense of loneliness?
44.1,5,6 > 34

Why can I not be constantly open and relaxed with people?
29.1,4,6 > 9

Does he want to get closer again?
26.2,4,5,6 > 49

Help with these would be much appreciated. Maybe I just haven't met the right person, or maybe it's me....

:rolleyes::bows:
 

em ching

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
796
Reaction score
8
Sorry for this negativity. I am trying to find inner peace. Reading quotes from the Zen Buddhist Thich Nhat Hahn. Hoping it'll become a part of my physiology soon.
 

Tohpol

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Jan 25, 2007
Messages
3,566
Reaction score
134
I asked the I ching: can you help me with this sense of loneliness?
44.1,5,6 > 34


Things have become destabalized largely because of this encounter with the young man you've been talking about which seems to have pitched you back into negative thinking. This will get out of proportion if you let it and feelings of loneliness and other related imbalances will join in. Don't trouble yourself so much about what others think, what they should or shouldn't do according to your emotions. People will come to you naturally not because you want them to but due to who you are. There should be no need for coercion. Friends and lovers should drop into your lap like "ripe fruit" provided you have taken the time to develop sincerity and have dropped any notion of persusasion based on intense desire. This can actually set up an emotional "static" that folks will pick up on. Once that has been understood, people that meet us can be trusted and relied on.

Finally line 6 seems to suggest that you are engaging with the object of desire - be it this guy, or the notion of being with others and being perceived in a certain way - as of paramount importance. It isn't, though it may seem like it. Withdraw for now and be true to yourself. Let things happen naturally and try not to focus too much on what you don't have. Things will slowly improve.


Why can I not be constantly open and relaxed with people?
29.1,4,6 > 9


Again, you are seeking to force a way rather than allowing it to happen naturally. Your perception of who you think you are is as much a problem as the perceived circumstances. This has become a bit of a pit as a result. You have continued to fall back on erroneous ways of thinking and so the pit gets bigger. Always strive to be sincere and be willing to ask for help if you need it. This perception of self and circumstances may be around for a while as it is part of your personality and childhood conditioning. It won't disappear overnight. But never give up. Never see yourself as a victim. You will eventually change things of you don't press forward too hard and expect too much too soon.

Does he want to get closer again?
26.2,4,5,6 > 49


This could be read as an answer to your question directly but I think it's more likely to refer to you, rather than the young man. Your attitude and action is what's important here. Essentially, wait and accumulate the energy you need for a greater advance later on. Don't force things. When you allow such an accumulation partnered with absolute trust in the Universe then you begin to flow into what is natural for you when the time is right. That takes patience. Without it, you'll attempt something without the requisite energy and thus the emotional (negative) energy would propel you into all sorts of bad choices and ill advised actions. What you gained would be frittered away on premature action. By waiting, you can neutralise the dangers that are inherent in this situation. It is not passivity however, what you are doing is accumulating something wonderful inside you that will have consequences for the future. Trust that process. Have faith in it - with or without this man - it will allow you to find exactly what you need leading to a fundamental transformation of your perception.

Hope that helps a bit.

Topal
 

em ching

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
796
Reaction score
8
Thank you so much Topal.
Rational speaking. I'm just so conscious now of my bad habits of thinking, but they are so supported by my feelings that they can't fail of a hearing. I almost feel as if I'm not clever enough to see things from another perspective. To think differently and thus act differently, and save my life...

I want to be strong. A distinct character or individual, but don't seem to have the components. I don't know what I'm doing with my life either. I kind of like teaching but not sure if I'm that great at it. I know what has inspired me in the past - literature and sometimes my own writing - but I don't know what to do with that. Teaching in China for another year seems like the way I'm going but I don't know if I'm doing it for the right reasons. I hope to teach in a very beautiful city though - Suzhou - but I suppose I'm just scared that this is me running away from who I really am and what I'm capable of. I just don't want to go home. I just don't know myself, and can't gauge others.

Yikes. Don't mean to sound so... but the longer I live, the more I feel that I'm just a little bit of (not up to much) history repeating....
 

em ching

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
796
Reaction score
8


Don't trouble yourself so much about what others think, what they should or shouldn't do according to your emotions. People will come to you naturally not because you want them to but due to who you are. There should be no need for coercion. Friends and lovers should drop into your lap like "ripe fruit" provided you have taken the time to develop sincerity and have dropped any notion of persusasion based on intense desire. This can actually set up an emotional "static" that folks will pick up on. Once that has been understood, people that meet us can be trusted and relied on.

Finally line 6 seems to suggest that you are engaging with the object of desire - be it this guy, or the notion of being with others and being perceived in a certain way - as of paramount importance. It isn't, though it may seem like it. Withdraw for now and be true to yourself. Let things happen naturally and try not to focus too much on what you don't have. Things will slowly improve.


Why can I not be constantly open and relaxed with people?
29.1,4,6 > 9


Again, you are seeking to force a way rather than allowing it to happen naturally. Your perception of who you think you are is as much a problem as the perceived circumstances. This has become a bit of a pit as a result. You have continued to fall back on erroneous ways of thinking and so the pit gets bigger. Always strive to be sincere and be willing to ask for help if you need it. This perception of self and circumstances may be around for a while as it is part of your personality and childhood conditioning. It won't disappear overnight. But never give up. Never see yourself as a victim. You will eventually change things of you don't press forward too hard and expect too much too soon.

Does he want to get closer again?
26.2,4,5,6 > 49


This could be read as an answer to your question directly but I think it's more likely to refer to you, rather than the young man. Your attitude and action is what's important here. Essentially, wait and accumulate the energy you need for a greater advance later on. Don't force things. When you allow such an accumulation partnered with absolute trust in the Universe then you begin to flow into what is natural for you when the time is right. That takes patience. Without it, you'll attempt something without the requisite energy and thus the emotional (negative) energy would propel you into all sorts of bad choices and ill advised actions. What you gained would be frittered away on premature action. By waiting, you can neutralise the dangers that are inherent in this situation. It is not passivity however, what you are doing is accumulating something wonderful inside you that will have consequences for the future. Trust that process. Have faith in it - with or without this man - it will allow you to find exactly what you need leading to a fundamental transformation of your perception.

Hope that helps a bit.

Topal


Helped thanks :bows: But... I'm just not living up to my standards - can't adopt them!!! Can't not feel like a victim.
I know. Lame. It's very defeatist I know. Argh.
 

tigerintheboat

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Sep 22, 2006
Messages
1,612
Reaction score
49
Live The Questions

I want to be strong. A distinct character or individual, but don't seem to have the components. I don't know what I'm doing with my life either. I kind of like teaching but not sure if I'm that great at it. I know what has inspired me in the past - literature and sometimes my own writing - but I don't know what to do with that. Teaching in China for another year seems like the way I'm going but[I] I don't know if I'm doing it for the right reasons[/I]. I hope to teach in a very beautiful city though - Suzhou - but I suppose I'm just scared that this is me running away from who I really am and what I'm capable of. I just don't want to go home. I just don't know myself, and can't gauge others.

Here is Rilke's advice to someone who was young and had many questions. I have quoted it before, and thought about it over and over again since I first heard it almost 30 years ago. It stands as fresh and relevant now as it did then.

“I want to beg you… to be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, that cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

Tiger

 

em ching

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
796
Reaction score
8
Thanks for that Tiger.
I did go off on a bit of a downward spiral there... But I'm feeling more positive again now. Well feeling ok about myself. Fine. The golden middle way eh - best to keep to that :) Emotional ups and downs like these are definitely showing me the value of religion - in the sense of striving to acquire inner peace unaffected, or at least able to withstand outside events and emotional reactions more, staying calm. Recently learnt the reason Buddha is depicted as fat - because he swallows all your woes and worries because he is such a happy and positive person they cannot affect him. Even if someone spat on him he would rather let it dry than wipe it off so as not to acknowledge the negative impression of the spit and spitter! Lol... I have prayer beads - big fat buddha heads - to remind me of this.

I'm also making tracks on life plans. But still not 100% sure. So your quote is actually perfect - don't fret about the answers - live the questions :) I guess the answers are inevitable but take their time eh :) And don't mind watching as you stumble and fall trying to get to them sometimes right! Jokers.

Thanks Topal and Tiger as always

:bows:
 
Last edited:

em ching

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
796
Reaction score
8
Getting to know you.... 27-31

I asked a question concerning my way with relationships and friendships.

What do I not give out, that makes it hard for people to get to know me and feel close and relaxed, and love?

27.1,3,4,5,6 > 31

I don't nourish good influences? Because I end up shying away when I am getting on well with someone, or at least I get carried away... Or I am too needy, rather than an independent person that can be a good influence on another? As 5 lines are changing could it be saying I need to transcend my hunger for love and acceptance from all, and just wait to be courted myself by someone who's really inspired/attracted to me or have more faith that those that accord with me will feel close and relaxed with me naturally? Or that I need to go get my own food? Flirt more? (I'm rubbish at flirting) Have confidence that I have enough as I am?

Hmm... I'm just not good at feeling confident in my friendships because I always feel lacking. Though I'm working on myself so I no longer feel, like a non-whole person.

Thanks for any ideas if you have on this reading.

Em :bows:
 

Tohpol

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Jan 25, 2007
Messages
3,566
Reaction score
134
I asked a question concerning my way with relationships and friendships.

What do I not give out, that makes it hard for people to get to know me and feel close and relaxed, and love?

27.1,3,4,5,6 > 31

I don't nourish good influences? Because I end up shying away when I am getting on well with someone, or at least I get carried away... Or I am too needy, rather than an independent person that can be a good influence on another? As 5 lines are changing could it be saying I need to transcend my hunger for love and acceptance from all, and just wait to be courted myself by someone who's really inspired/attracted to me or have more faith that those that accord with me will feel close and relaxed with me naturally? Or that I need to go get my own food? Flirt more? (I'm rubbish at flirting) Have confidence that I have enough as I am?

Hmm... I'm just not good at feeling confident in my friendships because I always feel lacking. Though I'm working on myself so I no longer feel, like a non-whole person.

Thanks for any ideas if you have on this reading.

Em :bows:

In actual fact, you have quite a strong awareness of yourself, your positive aspects as well as your negative aspects but at the moment - as is natural at this point in your life and with some spiritual awareness too - you are flip-flopping between your two natures. The shying away and getting carried away are all symptomatic of that. You may have discovered there are two of you now. Em 1 and Em 2. The former is a victim and says woe is me and wants to eat worms and die; this part of you seeks nourishment in all the wrong places because that's what your body chemicals and society at large tells you to do; the Em 1 that houses the doubts, fears and negative emotions that keep you locked in circular thinking. The latter, Em 2 is just emerging...she is strong, sensitive, nurturing, loving and inclusive. She also has a good sense of humour to put Em 1 in her place! This is the part of you that is pushing up through the darkness and represents you as an emerging healthy, happy and mature personality.

It is a natural process but the degree of suffering that you go through depends entirely on how conscious you are of that process and how willing you are to make certain choices. But you have to give it time. Don't expect too much and don't be so hard on yourself! Try to practice observing those feelings as they rise and accepting them. A bit of negative thinking has it's place. They ground us and keep our attention focused. You are experiencing is a lot of extremes that you've accumulated from others through your life and perhaps the natural tendencies of your personality that just needs time to re-calibrate itself. Remember, we live in a sea of energies that flow in and through us from an enormous variety of sources - most of which are not condusive to natural living so it's no wonder many of us are all over the place.

27 is very appropriate Hex.

What do I not give out, that makes it hard for people to get to know me and feel close and relaxed, and love?

My take on the lines:

Line 1: You are fixating on the source of nourishment outside of yourself (as almost all of us do) and this is never going to provide you with what you want / need. Building up your confidence and self-esteem won't come from depending on others' energy which is more or less what this comes down to. In the end, we must all find the nourishment within ourselves,(indepedence) otherwise we become reliant on the external world of things and people to provide nourishment for an essential emptiness. That inner nourishment is not easy to fill, but it must be done if one is to have enough "fuel" to love yourself and others.

Line 3: This reiterates the point above but takes it further in that you are actually giving away the precious energy you have within yourself that could be "grown" to make the REAL you. Just like a garden, you need tending with the right soul food. You have to seek it out. You know what gives you light. Don't deny it. Feed it with thoughts and focus of a warrior. This makes the point further, that you are identifying far too much with a projected image that isn't you. You are not the herd. So, don't run with it. Whether being to austere or too addictive - it all amounts to the same thing: a denial of your true nature. And if you have no idea what that is...Time to found out as you tread new experiences.

Line 4: The logical consequence of taking note of the last two lines will gradually produce results that will come from a natural resonance with those of like kind. If you send out the right signal, in time, events and people will respond. Not through wishing, yearning, or desiring but through establishing the correct signal and energy within yourself so that when the response comes, (the fertilization of 44) then you will have the wherewithal to apply that energy in fruitful ways. Before that can happen you have to have faith and trust in the process.

Line 5: Seems to be about that process itself. This is a re-calibration of your inner self, your perception of who you are and how you interact with the world. You are opening the channels so to speak and being gentle with yourself while you also discipline your intellect in soaking up negative thoughts all the time. Be LIGHT. Be joyful and don't take things to heart so much. Make a stand to nourish yourself in ways that do not leave you vulnerable. Again, this is the plant pushing up through the earth and you have to let it gain strength. That strength is also the Yi. It is your teacher and it will guide you very well indeed if you really listen. Do that, and in time nourishment will come to you from unexpected sources.You can really channel this desire in a way that will have profound implications. Make the decision and see how reality changes.

Line 6: So, when you have laid the foundation for nourishment from within, where the soul can truly grow within you then there will be no need to seek energy from others except as a consequence of a natural exchange. What's more, you'll know when and with whom to share yourself, whether mentally, emotionally or physically and of course, all three. At the same time, that means as well as having taken responsibility for your own nourishment you'll be dealing with others' too. YOU will be a source of nourishment! So, be attentive and be aware.

All that leads to H.31 in the background: "Influence" and "Nourishment" - intimately connected.

The only line that Yi didn't give you was line 2...The fact the line was omitted is interesting in itself. Perhaps this suggests you've yet to make that real leap in deciding what is going to nourish you long-term.

Bon courage!

P.S. For the record, I had a rather similar period myself when I was in my early twenties, so I can understand what youre going through. It does get better - if the effort is made.

Topal
 

peter2610

visitor
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
410
Reaction score
42
Hi Em Ching,

I'm just not good at feeling confident in my friendships because I always feel lacking. Though I'm working on myself so I no longer feel, like a non-whole person.


There's not really a lot to add here to the replies you've already received. The only point I would emphasize further is to seek a natural balance and don't be influenced into seeking from others what you 'feel' you lack. As Topal points out, this has the opposite effect by weakening your own independence - and actually strengthens others rather than yourself. The basis of self-affirmation is virtue, inner truth, rather than external brilliance. If you try to grasp it externally it simply slips, like sand, through your fingers. Inner growth and certainty require, as Topal pointed out, work and effort; navigating this inner dimension is like sailing in uncharted waters but you can use the I Ching, if you like, as your compass.

Peter
 
Last edited:

em ching

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
796
Reaction score
8
You may have discovered there are two of you now. Em 1 and Em 2. The former is a victim and says woe is me and wants to eat worms and die; this part of you seeks nourishment in all the wrong places because that's what your body chemicals and society at large tells you to do; the Em 1 that houses the doubts, fears and negative emotions that keep you locked in circular thinking. The latter, Em 2 is just emerging...she is strong, sensitive, nurturing, loving and inclusive. She also has a good sense of humour to put Em 1 in her place! This is the part of you that is pushing up through the darkness and represents you as an emerging healthy, happy and mature personality.

.... You are experiencing is a lot of extremes that you've accumulated from others through your life and perhaps the natural tendencies of your personality that just needs time to re-calibrate itself. Remember, we live in a sea of energies that flow in and through us from an enormous variety of sources - most of which are not condusive to natural living so it's no wonder many of us are all over the place.

.... You are fixating on the source of nourishment outside of yourself (as almost all of us do) and this is never going to provide you with what you want / need. Building up your confidence and self-esteem won't come from depending on others' energy which is more or less what this comes down to. In the end, we must all find the nourishment within ourselves,(indepedence) otherwise we become reliant on the external world of things and people to provide nourishment for an essential emptiness. That inner nourishment is not easy to fill, but it must be done if one is to have enough "fuel" to love yourself and others.

Line 3: This reiterates the point above but takes it further in that you are actually giving away the precious energy you have within yourself that could be "grown" to make the REAL you. Just like a garden, you need tending with the right soul food. You have to seek it out. You know what gives you light. Don't deny it. Feed it with thoughts and focus of a warrior. This makes the point further, that you are identifying far too much with a projected image that isn't you. You are not the herd. So, don't run with it. Whether being to austere or too addictive - it all amounts to the same thing: a denial of your true nature. And if you have no idea what that is...Time to found out as you tread new experiences.

Line 4: The logical consequence of taking note of the last two lines will gradually produce results that will come from a natural resonance with those of like kind. If you send out the right signal, in time, events and people will respond. Not through wishing, yearning, or desiring but through establishing the correct signal and energy within yourself so that when the response comes, (the fertilization of 44) then you will have the wherewithal to apply that energy in fruitful ways. Before that can happen you have to have faith and trust in the process.

Line 5: Seems to be about that process itself. This is a re-calibration of your inner self, your perception of who you are and how you interact with the world. You are opening the channels so to speak and being gentle with yourself while you also discipline your intellect in soaking up negative thoughts all the time. Be LIGHT. Be joyful and don't take things to heart so much. Make a stand to nourish yourself in ways that do not leave you vulnerable. Again, this is the plant pushing up through the earth and you have to let it gain strength. That strength is also the Yi. It is your teacher and it will guide you very well indeed if you really listen. Do that, and in time nourishment will come to you from unexpected sources.You can really channel this desire in a way that will have profound implications. Make the decision and see how reality changes.

Line 6: So, when you have laid the foundation for nourishment from within, where the soul can truly grow within you then there will be no need to seek energy from others except as a consequence of a natural exchange. What's more, you'll know when and with whom to share yourself, whether mentally, emotionally or physically and of course, all three. At the same time, that means as well as having taken responsibility for your own nourishment you'll be dealing with others' too. YOU will be a source of nourishment! So, be attentive and be aware.

All that leads to H.31 in the background: "Influence" and "Nourishment" - intimately connected.

The only line that Yi didn't give you was line 2...The fact the line was omitted is interesting in itself. Perhaps this suggests you've yet to make that real leap in deciding what is going to nourish you long-term. - Yep!

Bon courage!

P.S. For the record, I had a rather similar period myself when I was in my early twenties, so I can understand what youre going through. It does get better - if the effort is made.

Topal

I know I've just quoted almost all you said here but it's so brilliant! So well put. And manageable. I'm feeling much better at the moment. And I've made a decision which feels good. I am going to take a job teaching kindergarten in Suzhou, southern china for a year. Finally something feels right, or at least I'm definitely more than 50% sure - or it could be that because I'm feeling better in myself, what I do doesn't hold dread and doubt, and this just seems the natural next step as I don't want to leave China yet, I'm enjoying teaching overall, and I'd have free time to do other things besides teach - so I wouldn't feel I'm going completely off track as I don't feel teaching will be a long-term vocation. Suzhou is called the Venice of China and it doesn't disappoint! I actually visited a Taoist temple there and started talking to a monk - in vv broken chinese :) - about the I ching, and he drew the trigrams and wrote them in Chinese characters etc. It'd be great to learn to write chinese a bit, and learn more about Taoism.

So yeah, things feel fine - there's meaning again. Feeling enthusiasm and faith, and like I'm on land not sea. I'm also not feeling broken-hearted at the moment (for a change) just loving towards people (maybe some more than others lol), but accepting of the way things are. They may not as perfect as they could be in my ideal world - but how many perfect loves can you have in a life time eh? And I still need time. I'm still a seedling, with the occasional - ahem - Em1 interference :rolleyes:

Thank you so much :hug::bows:
 
Last edited:

em ching

visitor
Joined
Apr 13, 2008
Messages
796
Reaction score
8
...Don't be influenced into seeking from others what you feel you 'lack'. As Topal points out, this has the opposite effect by weakening your own independence - and actually strengthens others rather than yourself. The basis of self-affirmation is virtue, inner truth, rather than external brilliance. If you try to grasp it externally it simply slips, like sand, through your fingers. Inner growth and certainty require, as Topal pointed out, work and effort; navigating this inner dimension is like sailing in uncharted waters but you can use the I Ching, if you like, as your compass.

Peter

That's really lovely. The I ching is definitely like a compass sometimes. I heard that it inspired Phillip Pullman to create the Alitheometer in his Northern Lights trilogy.
Yes we're working with dark matter folks - or dust I think he calls it :)
Nice.

Em :bows:
 

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).

Top