He's playing with me, how does one get out with dignity in tact?

[laylab]

So, here is more of the outcome and it's NOT good.

I opted for honest portayal of my emotions and intentions with Mr X and well, got burned..; *am burning right now*

All that Hex 7 wasn't just about me. Although I was using organized discipline to try to protect myself, he used it as well to get what he wanted. When I stopped and just let my heart show, he took me for one hell of ride.

Whoever said that women are the manipulators? Manipulation, thy Name is Man.

Tired of the mixed signals and games I asked IC

Why is he behaving the way he is now?

Answer Hex 7 with changing line 3 leading to Hex 46 Pushing upwards

So I took a deep breath and asked, "ok then, what is his real *agenda* with me then?"
(because it seems he definately has one)

Answer

Hex 44.1
Liason leading to Creative power

So the answer seems obvious.

Now, I am in love but not loved in return. How do correctly interpret the message of 44.1 and what is IC trying to tell me about Creative Power?

I hope its telling me that there is some larger force, ready to lead me to something beautiful.

signed,

Seriously Broken Hearted and Humiliated Layla

(am waiting for Trojan to say, "I told you so"...please go gentle!)

 

[laylab]

ps
I also found out that over the past 3 years he has been with at least 6 other women either for one night stands or flings while in his long term relationship.

ladies, if you ever come across a taken man, whether married or otherwise...run, don't walk away.
No matter how over powering the attraction feels, if he hasn't the courage to leave his relationship before starting another one, he's a coward. And the same goes for women too.

 

[Trojina]

Hi Layla well looking on the bright side you may not have a relationship with him but seems to me you have a pretty strong one with the Yi. Its very emphatic and persistent in how it answers you isn't it - nothing random there - I mean 7 again ! I would take heart from that because when I get repeated answers like this just makes me feel more connected to a reliable source.

I think 44.1 advises you have to be firm with either him, yourself or both. I don't know exactly how things stand between you, but 44.1 doesn't like hes going to give up on you anytime soon - Yi describing him as a hungry pig rampaging around well okay doesn't have to be describing him - but theres appetites and impulses rampaging around here with destructive energy hence they need 'checking with a brake of bronze' as Wilhelm puts it I think. Bluntly if you had a great physical relationship you may be in danger of getting sucked back into that and I think the Yi advises you against that. I guess the danger you expose yourself to here is your own emotional pain and disapointment each time you let him in - so to speak

Even if you hate him right now after a while in a different mood you may still be receptive to him, thats the danger. I feel the Yi advises you to beware of that in future, even a while down the line.

Not sure how i see hex one as relating hex here. Like Dobro when one line changes I put alot of emphasis on it and don't regard the second hex so much. Others of course do it differently.

 

[laylab]

Trojan,

Honestly, at this point I think his displays of "emotion" were contrived to get the reaction from me that he wanted. As I had broken it off and then he came back with this "oh I can't sleep without you in my life, bla bla bla". I didn't fall for his lines as much as I did his facial expression and kiss. He is either a fantastic actor or truly confused himself.

But when I consider that I am not the first woman he has cheated with, I tend to believe that the first (acting) is his MO. Either way, he is causing me emotional pain but I am not causing him any..he has had me right where he wants me.

I don't want to play these games with him. Just want out and to get back on track with something good and pure and uncomplicated by agendas.

You're right though, he is a little piggy *snort snort*
I am leaving for a few weeks on holiday, will be good to put lots of space between myself and the situation.

As far as my relationship to Yi,..it does bring me a sense of security and confidence. A friend I never knew I had. But compared to yourself, Bruce, Topal, Willow and Hilary, I am in infant..knowing very little about it. Does Yi mean oracle?

I'm going to go watch Charlottes Web and read The Tao of Pooh to remind myself that some Pigs are Good Pigs

 

[willowfox]

"Why is he behaving the way he is now?

Answer Hex 7 with changing line 3 leading to Hex 46 Pushing upwards"

Hex 7.3 suggests that he does not have a clue what he is doing, he has no clear goals in his head as to what he wants from the relationship, this speaks of total confusion.

Hex 46 says that he would like the relationship to grow but how can it when he is in such a chaotic state, he lacks any idea as to what he should be doing under the circumstances, so this does not bode well for a successful outcome.

 

[bruce_g]

ladies, if you ever come across a taken man, whether married or otherwise...run, don't walk away.
No matter how over powering the attraction feels, if he hasn't the courage to leave his relationship before starting another one, he's a coward. And the same goes for women too.

Sage advise.

 

[laylab]

Well thanks Bruce..but I don't deserve the praise of a compliment. As in this case, my sage awareness came a little too late, only AFTER I behaved like a complete idiot!

*must remember to do the sage thing in the first place next time*

 

[asci_blue]

I wouldn't call him a coward, I'd say he's brilliant. Not correct of course however but think of it like this. You've got a regular who you are always with plus having fun on the side. It's a win win situation. The ever proverbial have your cake and eat it too.

As for getting out of the situation it's easy. If you live with him, pack your stuff while he watches, kick'em where it counts on your way out and call it good. If he lives with you leave his stuff on your lawn, do not break anything.

 

[laylab]

From a convential perspective that rewards men for being "players" or "ladies men" etc etc..maybe he is brilliant, brilliantly egocentric...but still a coward. It takes courage to do the upright thing when faced with temptation but in his case, he seeks out or looks for the temptation. Unhappy with a life of monogamy he persues relationships outside of the bounds of propriety. Even if he is, at one point, sincere about his feelings, he is still cowardly choosing to stay in a relationship with another woman who believes that he is faithful to her.

The thing about having your cake and eating it too,...one must be careful not to choke on it.

Fortunately I do not live with him. Getting out of it is pragmatically easy as far as that goes. I can simply cut off contact (which i have done) and delete his number and not respond when he calls or text or emails. Just delete the messages before I get them. So far I haven't gotten anything.

If Trojan's interpretation of 44.1 is correct, he will come back for another round of manipulation. Now I have the time in between to brace myself and re-focus on other things. Like spiritual development. But I know he is a weakness for me. The Yi tells me over and over again that misfortune comes to those who overestimate their strengths and underestimate their weaknesses.

 

[bruce_g]

Well thanks Bruce..but I don't deserve the praise of a compliment. As in this case, my sage awareness came a little too late, only AFTER I behaved like a complete idiot!

*must remember to do the sage thing in the first place next time*

Don't underestimate yourself. Learning from our mistakes is really learning. Repeating our mistakes, well, that sort of speaks for itself, doesn't it. But even then we can hopefully learn. It wouldn't be called the forbidden fruit if it wasn't forbidden. But if we never bite the apple, how would we really know? - unless of course we just take someone's word for it; in which case we spare ourselves the grief, but never taste the nectar of life.

 

[laylab]

Actually, I am being a bit too harsh on him in my writing here, because I am feeling hurt. The other side of me, the rational side, understands that people (especially myself) are neither simple or perfect and that life is not all black and white.

The main purpose is to move foward with something beautiful. That is why I said, "moving on with dignity",..anger isnt dignified so I best cut the anger towards him that I am relecting here out.

Today I took a long walk through the city and decided to go to the book store and by a book called, The Intention Project. about quantum physics and how we create our own reality. I also, as joke to myself bought Why Men Marry Bitches LOL hahahahahah seriously! I giggled when I got to the counter because I had, Psychology Magazine, The Intention Project, a book from Deepok Chopra and then this, white and pink covered "Why men marry bitches"...

anyway..as I walked through the city I worked on my intention and imagined myself refocused on a daily basis on family, my job, having a life of abundance and happiness. By imagining various scenerios. it is amazing how we can lift our mood by doing that.
He, Mr. X, kept popping into my mind but this time I imagined myself only being kind but firm and holding my boundries, demanding respect and honesty.

When I got back I thought of what Trojan said about 44.1 and wondered how my correct focus and energies (that I imagined) would influence my ability to deal with any contact with him that he would initiate and what I should anticipate.

Here is the response (that damn Hex 51 AGAIN!!)

if i focus on creating my reality, my new job and my spirt and behave as i imagined today, how will X respond?
Your Present Hexagram 51

Your Changing Lines

You have several Changing Lines,

The first changing line is line 1
The movement of this first line indicates a time when good fortune follows sudden change. If we remain open to all possibilities in a time of crisis, sometimes the results will be shockingly positive.

The second changing line is line 3
The shock of unexpected change can be almost paralyzing. At such a time, your concentration is easily scattered, and your mind can come to resemble the Milky Way. Focus! Focus is what is needed in such situations; start with small details, and gradually rebuild normalcy around you. Normal habits and routines can become an armour which keeps external misfortune from seeping into the soul.

The third changing line is line 4
A nimble mind evades on-rushing fate much as a matador swings away from the charging bull. But even a nimble mind can become mired in muck. Too much complexity in your life, inhibits your mobility, and may make you a tempting target for the bull-horns of fate.

In the end I realized, "wait, it's not his response that matters..again it is my response, my reality.

Over and over again the IC says, 'OK, here is what you should probably expect from so and so but I'm only telling you this becaues your bugging me abotu it..what I WANT you do to is focus on YOUSELF..your beliefs, your strengths, weaknesses and potential.

Yes Mam!

 

[Trojina]

Hi re 44.1 I wouldn't say for sure he will contact you, i don't like to make predictions - but I think the whole issue is still much alive for you and you may be tempted to backtrack, especially if he calls you.


So IMO seeing things in black/white terms in this instance is likley to be more of an ally to you than taking the liberal 'nobodys perfect' route - cos 44.1 does recommend a strong brake - if you don't keep this thing in check it'll be jumping all over the place again - its easy to lose control here.

Think of him like a incredibly desirable but harmful drug you're withdrawing from - that desire for the drug is the lean pig kicking about -

 

[laylab]

Trojan, I made a solemn promise to a male friend of mine that if he calls, I won't pick up and if he text I will delete it before reading it.

I had a dream a few weeks ago about my son (totally different situation and not related) but in the dream my son was driving on the interstate and I was in the back seat, BUT, my foot was on the brake, even though he didnt know it.

If only I could have a dream like that regarding Mr. X!

 

[bruce_g]

If only I could have a dream like that regarding Mr. X!

What makes you think it wasn't indirectly about Mr. X? Your youth was driving but you had your foot firmly on the breaks. Sounds like a creative expression of 44.1 to me.

 

[Tohpol]

Actually, I am being a bit too harsh on him in my writing here, because I am feeling hurt. The other side of me, the rational side, understands that people (especially myself) are neither simple or perfect and that life is not all black and white.

How many times do I hear that from women. Never, NEVER underestimate the degree of manipulation from some individuals - especially men in this regard. Sure, people are not perfect, that is true, but folks really need to get up to speed that there's a whole lot of plain old narcissistic people out there that play on the sensibilities of empathy and the seeking of love and companionship. This guy sounds very much like a classic version of the above and he knows exactly how to press your buttons.

I think Trojan is spot on. It IS a drug. And that "dance" that characterises such dynamics can only be broken when we fully see it for what it is. Very difficult to break the pattern but very rewarding when we do so. It opens up authentic possibilities for a true union rather than the vampiric dance that so many of us end up succumbing to.

Topal

 

[Tohpol]

I wouldn't call him a coward, I'd say he's brilliant. Not correct of course however but think of it like this. You've got a regular who you are always with plus having fun on the side. It's a win win situation. The ever proverbial have your cake and eat it too. .

That depends if one see's women as a conquest and a trophy to mount on the wall of one's ego. Then, yes one could say he is "brilliant."

Topal

 

[cejudesc]

laylab

One would say.. since people who said "he loves you, he will leave his wife and join you" has probed to be wrong, you may try another advice (Jesed's advice): stop asking about this concern anymore. Resist the temptation for asking why.. what to do... Discipline yourself about that. Focus on your self development.

Remember: the first time 51 comes to us, is a warning; if we learn the lesson, we develop ourselves; when 51 comes for the second time the risk is shown in 51.4


One would say this, but what do I know anyway?