Hex 17 unchanged regarding a question about bringing up a child

[veronica]

I am currently reading a book by Steve Biddulph "Raising boys" and as I am reading it i am getting increasingly upset. The book talks about the strong need for mothers influence in a boys life especially in the years 0-6. When my son was born, I was half way through my university degree and had to go back to uni when he was only 4 months old. My mum looked after him during the day which was a godsend but still, there was a lot of early days separations. Then when he was 1 I left his emotionally abusive father and a few very difficult years followed. Although I tried my best I am sure I was preoccupied with anxiety and worry a lot of the time and feel like I have not given my son the nurturing he needed at the time. Now he is nine, he is moving to a different, more independent phase in his life and I feel like I have lost these precious years with him. I asked today: Have I failed my son as a mum in his early years? I got hex 17 unchanged. At the first glance the answer seems reassuring but then I found a comment by Hilary from 2013, when she describes it as: "no growth or progress until the demands of the time are met". My question was about the early formative years in the past so does it mean that I have failed? Please help with the interpretation because I cannot see clearly past my anxiety on the subject. Thank you!

 

[mirian]

Hi Veronica,

I don't think you have failed. I see hex 17 as saying that you acted according to that time in your life and moved according to the events that were going on then. You had to move away from an abusive person, you had to go back to university, so you did what was right, this is what hex 17 is saying. You followed the best path you could've done and that was the best example you could have set to your son to follow too. That's the way I see it, anyway.

 

[Trojina]

I hope you don't mind me linking to your previous thread on this http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/frie...best-course-of-action-with-my-son-Hex-2-lt-24 it's just I remembered it and felt it was relevant as background. I can remove the link if you prefer. Did his behaviour improve ?


I don't think there is any way 17uc could be saying "yes you have failed as a mother". I can't be sure what it means for you here but it seems quite a sort of umbrella answer for quite a vague question. I say 'vague' but what I mean is the question itself raises questions. Let me repeat it

Have I failed my son as a mum in his early years? I got hex 17 unchanged.

Failed according to whose standards ? You said yourself you did your best. You could only do what you thought was best at the time. You followed the demands of the time as you saw them.

Can you judge yourself by what some 'expert' says in a book ? He doesn't know your particular circumstances.

I find it hard to see how 17uc fits here because it is a question about the past but all anyone can do is follow the demands of the time at the time. The Image of 17uc says at nightfall take rest. Often this can be literal, turn in, get some rest, put the book down.


There's no use thinking of the past it is the present that matters. Don't strain to see the past just follow the demands of the time now. Also 17 can sweep one along with it. Perhaps in your son's early life you were swept along with things that happened and you just went with it as best you could.

 

[diamanda]

I agree with the other posters, 17 doesn't show fail. 17 for me means "to be continued", "still ongoing". Or as Trojina put it, "it is the present that matters". Your son is still very young. These are still his early years, he is still being formed, so I believe it's best for you to focus on this ongoing process instead.