Hex 55.3.4 to 24: Past action/Future consequences

[starryblue]

Hello. This is my first post but I've been lurking in the background for a while, trying to absorb what knowledge and wisdom I can.

I asked about the current situation between me and another person and how this will evolve in the future without any intervention or effort. Here's the background: we met when he acted as a mentor for me at work and while he was not (and still is not) available to be a romantic partner for me, I wanted to keep him as a friend as he was the most wonderful man I'd ever met. Over the course of four years, fate pushed us together and pulled us apart (there were strange events beyond our control) and while we seem to have a deep connection, he suddenly stopped contacting me. He seemed happy to see me (yet there was a weird apologetic tone) when I would drop by to see him. He was in a position to provide me with days of employment and suddenly stopped doing so, and the only thing I could figure was that he was uncomfortable with my hero-worship or worried about where our connection might lead (it seemed to be mutual). So I wrote a letter to him, apologizing for chasing him around like a puppy and making things uncomfortable, and I pledged to never bother him again. I removed or packed away all remnants of him and really tried to move on but for some reason, 1.5 years later, I'm unable to cut him loose from my mind and my heart. Every once in a while (especially when I'm feeling strong, like I'm moving on) he, or some reference to him, will get tossed in my path again. It's like the universe is toying with me, actually!

So I want to keep my pledge of non-contact but it honestly feels like something needs to be done. If I can't do anything, I want hope that there will at the very least be change, because I'm seemingly stuck.

The last word I would use to describe the situation is abundant. Successful? Not in any way that I can see. And while I'm being exhorted to make a decision and take action, I have already made a decision and taken an action which prevents me from further action! I recognize that I'm currently still grieving the past and not sure how to stop. Is this friend my "broken right arm" mentioned in line 3 and should I take it to mean that this gulf between us is both permanent and correct? And I've read elsewhere that the hidden lord refers to something auspicious that appears not to be at this juncture. Could I take this to mean that this massive, uncomfortable partial-disconnect is a good thing?

And as for 24 - I worry that it fills me with false hope. I hope for a return. I hope that things are able to get back on an even keel with him. And in seeing 24 come up, I am heartbroken. Because my honest reaction is that I miss him so much that it's clear to me that I'm not getting over him and I despair of ever doing so. But at the same time, I want for things to be settled between us, particularly if we will keep popping into each other's lives. The part about "If someone is meant to be with you, you will never need to leave your path to chase after them" resonates with me... I'd appreciate any input, especially if I've read things wrong!

 

[diamanda]

Hi starryblue, and welcome.

You say that this man was not, and is not, available romantically.
So I take it he's married (or at least seriously partnered).

55.3 speaks of "broken arm". Broken bones are a serious thing, and yet they heal with time.
55.4 speaks of meeting someone in secret.
And 24, in my experience, shows an easy-going attitude in relationships.

I believe this guy at some point had serious issues with his partner.
He then did things behind her back (perhaps you fall into this category).
24 most probably shows the time when the 'breaking' has healed, and he's fine with her again now.

I'm sorry to hear you've got so many feelings for someone so unavailable.
So "without any intervention or effort", as you put it, this is not going anywhere I'm afraid.

 

[starryblue]

Thank you diamanda. Fortunately, there was no great scandal or physical involvement (the things behind someone's back that you refer to). No impropriety... At the most, it was just a great personal connection which is probably why I find it so hard to give up on. It is for the best that in his world, some healing has occurred if indeed you are right about the spouse (he never talked about her at all, even after he started putting distance between us); I just wish it had happened in mine as well! It saddens me that I've lost him from my life and seemingly will never have him back in any limited capacity. But I guess that was why I sent the letter in the first place: limited capacity wasn't working. I had to somehow set my freedom into motion... I have managed to arrange a situation where I can no longer chase him, but I really wonder when I'm going to be free!

 

[starryblue]

And just a follow up - by the intervention/effort comment, I know that I painted myself into a corner by pledging never to bother him again (and I really won't, because I promised). I tried to slam the door shut with that letter, but I've created a worse situation and my feelings still exist. I feel like I need to do something but know that because of the promise, I cannot. Maybe I need to move to a new city, change my name and appearance and pretend to be someone else until it sticks!

 

[Sixth Relative]

Hi starryblue

When asking about the current situation of a relationship, hexagram 55 covers from december 15th to november 1st. In this case, from december 15th, 2015 to november 1st, 2016

Right now, the situation is under line 2 (from february 7th to march 31th, 2016): If she goes and tries to enlighten her ruler who is thus emblemed, she will make herself to be viewed with suspicion and dislike (Legge); therefore, it wasn't the best time to send the letter.

Then, it would come line 3 (from April 1st to May 21th, 2016) Things wouldl be even worse, like if the relation is completely broken. Most probably, you won't get any answer from him during that time.

Finally, line 4 would arrive (between May 21th and July 15th, 2016) Only then there would be a possibility for a meeting. Not necessarily a romantic one, though. Most probably, you could get some kind of answer or communication from him.


Wish you all the best

 

[diamanda]

Starryblue, when you sent him that letter, he could have tried to dissuade you, to change your mind. He could have tried at least to explain. He didn't. You were only trying to protect yourself by sending it. I totally understand how difficult it is for you, however I'm certain you did the right thing. Otherwise you would be bound in your heart for a lot longer, harbouring false hope for him and thus in essence closing the door to another man.

I really wonder when I'm going to be free!

I don't think we ever fully forget such deep feelings. However, they can be pushed into a much more indifferent level when we substitute the partner with another, and then our love for the new person starts to grow. Ok you did say you were not partners, but the special feelings you describe for him sound like you're in love. There doesn't seem to be any worth in investing more of your time on this guy. Feelings are feelings and we can do nothing about them - but please mind your actions. Go out there and meet someone new

 

[starryblue]

Hi Sixth Relative,

Thank you for your response, and including all those dates! I sent the letter back in December of 2014 (yes, all the way back then) and have made no attempt to contact him since, so I'm wondering if the reading applies to the present-day, line 2 would then indicate that I should continue to hold firm to my non-contact promise? You've made me think a little more about line 3 too - I am right-handed and he and I often wrote to each other (I absolutely loved writing to/for him). If my right arm is broken, then our line of communication is severed, at least temporarily. To extend the metaphor, maybe that's why I've been stuck - aside from the broken arm, my heart is still broken, and until I can get over my feelings for him, I will remain stuck. Line 4 does seem to indicate that we will meet again, but as equals, and in my current state I am certainly not - not only is he ranked higher within our organization, he had me chasing after him which puts me in an inferior position personally. And while he has either gotten over or compartmentalized whatever feelings he had for me, I have not been able to move on, making us unequal. I will certainly be mindful between May 21st and July 15th that a meeting may occur... and I will update the thread with any development! Thanks again for your help.

 

[starryblue]

Hi Diamanda,

Thank you so much for providing another perspective - I think it is the one I need to get me through this (finally!). I think he did have those feelings too and perhaps as I mentioned in my response to Sixth Relative, still might... since writing the letter, I've seen him twice. The first time, I saw him out of the corner of my eye when I was in a meeting room. He kept walking by and looking in and I pretended I didn't see him. The second time we had no choice but to acknowledge each other and he did as he'd always done when we met by accident: he "jumped" like he'd just been hit with an electric shock. However, I couldn't read his facial expression - was either angry or embarrassed (maybe both). You are completely right that he could have done *something* after reading that letter but he did nothing. I couldn't figure out what I was expecting back from him, when I'd just told him I'd never bother him again. But yes, an acknowledgement would have been sufficient. Even if he said, "Yes, you're right, we'd better not see each other because something might happen," it would have been *something.* But he was a coward, and even worse so because over the course of getting to know each other he learned how deeply I'd been traumatised in a relationship in the year prior to that. And he must have known how badly I was hurting but it was easier to ignore me and hurt me worse than be up-front and get me moving on. Come to think of it, maybe that angry/embarrassed was both emotions at once: maybe I've "shamed" him by being the one meet it head-on and call it as it is while he cowered and avoided the situation. Given that he was my mentor, is higher-up professionally, and is sort of "old-school traditional male" that probably doesn't sit well with him. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have helped to shake me out of this awful, painful state. Now, of course, I'm going to have to listen to angry breakup music but let's face it - that feels MUCH better than the "baby please come home" stuff.

 

[Sixth Relative]

Hi starryblue

I sent the letter back in December of 2014

Well, this changes the interpretation.
a) Right now (line 2), it's not a good time to take any initiative;
b) April 1st to May 21th, 2016 (Line 3 ), something is broken... I take it as you letting the whole thing in the past for good
c) May 21th and July 15th, 2016 (line 4) you find the right partner. Most probably it won't be him but someone else.

Seems like after letting this relation behind you can open yourself for a new one.

Wish you all the best

 

[starryblue]

Thanks Sixth Relative. I'm intrigued by the ability to assign date ranges to events - I wasn't aware that this was possible, so I'll have to do a bit more reading I guess!

As for

c) May 21th and July 15th, 2016 (line 4) you find the right partner. Most probably it won't be him but someone else.

It will definitely NOT be him. Something in me seems to be hardening up a lot - the more I think about it, the more I think that if he was a man of integrity and he had any respect for me at all, he would have communicated something (anything) back to me. Even a goodbye would have been nice. He's not the man I thought he was, and for some reason I've been unable to see that for over a year, but better late than never, as they say. Thanks again for all of your help!

 

[Sixth Relative]

Hi starryblue

I'm using Andree's technique for date assignment

http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?10933

 

[starryblue]

Hi Sixth Relative,

I apologise for not thanking you earlier for the link to Andree's technique! I meant to, but I should never try to check things on my phone because I put it off to when I'm at a computer (and the 50 million things that occur before I get there distract me). So thank you, much after the fact!

I'd also like to let you know that your dates are lining up, at least insofar as me pushing through the grief (I feel somewhat ridiculous to be whingeing about unrequited love at my age, and giving it such a lofty term as "grief" but that is the way I feel). Interestingly... I'm in a position where I will possibly see him in the very near future. I've worked at one location in another city for a while but now I'm going back to being sent all over the place on daily assignments. And while there are hundreds of employees who get sent to over 100 locations, guess where I'm getting sent? Yes, to where he is now in charge. It seems like the universe is lining me up for some kind of a show-down (or smack-down). The readings I've done look sort of "final nail" and as much as I'm trying to weasel out of going at all, it looks like it might be one of those must-do things that's going to come and find me one way or another.

I asked Yi why I was being sent there and received 49 UC. So I'm thinking this radical change/metamorphosis I'm looking at is a shedding of the past. It sounds like it might be a little painful though! I have recently experienced a number of startling revelations and accepted the fact that a lot of my aspirations in life were based on what other people encouraged me to aspire to rather than what I wanted. So I've stopped playing along and have decided that what other people deem "success" isn't necessarily what will be successful (or happy) for me. So I've shed the expectations of others, and while they will no doubt see the external changes they are nothing compared to the internal ones!

Asking what will the result be if I cancel (because I can cancel the assignment myself, but he will know and there's part of me that doesn't want him to see me "running scared") I received 50.3.4.5. 50 itself seems good but 3 indicates stopped progress while 4 makes me wonder if I'm going to really infuriate him by cancelling. 5 says it is advantageous to persevere... persevere in avoidance or persevere in facing him? I guess my question wasn't so good.

I asked as well if our meeting will go towards healing the rift or if it will cause further destruction and received 30.1.5.6. That I'm reading as there will be a light shone on the whole matter. It made me laugh - twice! - because of two references that I read in DeKorne. "Care of the cow brings good fortune": I referred to myself as a silly cow in my letter to him. In line 1, it mentions footsteps that are "confused": in a poem that I never sent, I used that visual in the poem itself where I talked about the way he and I danced around each other. In any case, it looks like 5 involves some tears (presumably for me) and 6 is putting things in order forcefully. I do wonder if I'm going to get some kind of a "cruel to be kind" smackdown after all that will result in positive change.

Seeing my name he could have cancelled me and brought in someone else - while it's a random thing, he can also pull strings to get me pulled from the job. He has the power (and it wouldn't be difficult), but he has not done anything to stop me from coming. There were only 3 reasons I could think of for this: he's curious as to how I'm doing (it has been a year since I last saw him), he did sincerely care for me at one time and doesn't want to interfere with my ability to make a living, or he wants the opportunity to have a conversation. He has never seemed the yelling type but maybe he wants to "set me straight" to the point I will no longer harbour any feelings towards him. When I asked, "why didn't he cancel this assignment" I got 22.2, which looks like its an optics thing, with little to do with me: he doesn't want to look bad.

Anyway, that was a long semi-update to an old thread but it always drives me bonkers when there's some good advice given and we don't hear what happened. Well, the date range provided by Sixth Relative appears to be very accurate. I will post an update (and do a post-mortem) on what happens ...