Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Hi everyone,
I recently asked iching about my relationship situation between me and my boyfriend. And I got hexagram 41 with changing line 3, 4, and 5. I understand the explanations for line 4 and 5. My question is in line 3, which I think the three people are me, my bf, and his daughter, although I am not 100% sure. The reason why I think his daughter is the third person is because a lot of fights between me and my bf within this one month caused by his daughter. His daughter is a teenager, she gives me attitude sometimes, guess it's because she doesn't like her dad has girlfriends (my bf told me she wants him to hang out with her mom). And my bf never says anything when he sees that, he told me she has her right of having opinion. Plus, when we three hang out, my bf only pays attention to her, and she seems like his gf more than I do. And I can tell she's trying to make me jealous sometimes. I understand that's his daughter, but it's hard to control that weird feeling, especially when I see him does small talks with his daughter.
So now my question is, is it the hexagram suggesting me I have to leave because there is no way he will choose me over his daughter? Is that the only solution? I really don't know what to do because I love my bf.
You are the adult here ...I think line three is telling you that you are three people walking and that eventually, she will walk off and find her own friend. Handle this carefully and the results will be that this kid will come to trust you
Hello Stal,
The ICs original response is that 'diminishing one's affliction' will follow 41.3, thereafter you'll
have a situation of 'to partnering belongs a tortoise, spring significant, the origin above shielding
indeed' being one of the most auspicious lines in Hex 41.
Such a response is reassuring, however when one asks basically the same question again on the
same day, one might receive a contradiction, hence 8.3. The next question further contradicts
and reinforces the original response, by informing you that you've approached a 'mature stag'
hence caution is advised, and thereafter the picture is one of union 'significant, brightness indeed'.
Hex 3 depicts a new beginning involving difficulties such as 'the growth of a tender shoot piercing
through the soil'. (The Original I Ching: Ritsema & Sabbadini)
Something might happen. Wait and see. I wouldn't suggest you leave. Teenagers, especially girls
in relation to their fathers do have such a reaction - quite natural. If you could somehow show
her that your intention is not to 'take away' her Dad and that you're sincere and well meaning she
may change her attitude. Perhaps when she's around focus on her, show interest in her life and
activities - become friends.
Hope you'll manage to work things out.
Yes, this is a wise way of looking at it.
Stal2, no point being angry about how close they are to each other ... She will always be his beloved daughter. That's a given.
But if she is a typical teenager, she will grow up and start to have relationships with people her own age. It's just a matter of time.
Reduce your anger. Find some way to relax. And good luck is coming to you! Someone is going to give you 2,100 tortoise shells -- or the modern equivalent -- really soon. And that is true wealth
Please know that I am not a "reader" or anything like a psychic but I do have life's experience as well as a dep faith in the I Ching to guide us. Please take my comments as given with the best of intentions but I make no claims as to my "accuracy".
Hex 41 means reducing that which is too much. Thomas Cleary says: "stopping desires".
I take is to mean "diminishing excess". Now one way to dimish excess is to give away what you don't need. Make a sacrifice. (I've been doing a lot of reading about this) :bows:
I can very much relate to the behavior of the man's daughter here. She feels she is being displaced by the changes in her father's relationship to her mother. She feels like she is loosing Dad to you. Her feelings of jealousy have to be addressed and she has to be reassured that she remains in her correct place "as his beloved daughter" and that it is Mother that is being displaced and not her.
She has to be told that she is not only not at fault but that her mother's I father's problems are not hers and that she, in spite of what Mom might be saying, does not have to take sides. She has to be firmly told where her relationship boundaries with her father are - by him, not you.
This is where reduction comes in for you. You must never become someone who takes him away from her when she needs him more. You are the adult here and if you take this on, you're going to have to make some concessions and sacrifices in your expectations of romance and fantasy. Get grounded and get real about what you're going to give up in order to help this child grow through this period of time without damage to her or your relationship with him. I think line three is telling you that you are three people walking and that eventually, she will walk off and find her own friend. Handle this carefully and the results will be that this kid will come to trust you and grow out of her very negative emotional position towards a healthier one. Hex 3 is saying this might be hard at first but persevere.
Mostly, I'm simply telling you what my gut says to. Been there, got the tee-shirt and sold it at a yard sale. Being a step-parent can be the pits if you think you're going to waltz in and take Mom's place. Make the place your own in a very compassionate way and your guy will will think you're his savior
Thank you so much, themis. Now I think I understand better what the iching is trying to tell me. I am still a little worried about 8.3, but since you said it might be just a contradiction, I would rather take it this way instead of thinking anything negative.
I asked iching again about if it's telling me I should leave him. I got 8.3 to hexagram 39.
Stal,
Adopt a different attitude towards the teen. Surely you realise she needs reassurance re. her
place vis à vis her Dad. Enjoy her company, show interest in her life and she'll open up to you.
What ensues will benefit all three of you, the relationship will be more harmonious and her
feelings of insecurity and betrayal will vanish with time. Take it one step at a time ... tread
carefully.
Sometimes when we get 8.3 it means that person can be of no assistance to us, given what we need.
I think of hexagram 8 as cooperation. When we need something, we cooperate.
The father is obviously not going to cooperate with you against his own daughter. That doesn't make any sense.
As to what else that 8.3 reading may signify -- I wouldn't ignore it. I don't believe the I Ching contradicts itself in alternate questions. I think the I Ching might be telling you not to rely too much on this man, because his ability to be your good buddy might indeed be quite limited, more so than you understand at this time.
Line 41.3 and now 8.3 says it all.
You are in with the wrong people, and therefore you will be forced out sooner or later. The kid doesn't like you and will turn her father against you for sure, its just a matter of time before the big bang occurs and it will.
Then how would you relate 41.4 and 41.5, which came with 41.3. I appreciate you're trying to help me with the interpretation. But I just don't think it's a good idea you only focused on the negative part. Sorry if I sound defensive.
My question is in line 3, which I think the three people are me, my bf, and his daughter, although I am not 100% sure. The reason why I think his daughter is the third person is because a lot of fights between me and my bf within this one month caused by his daughter. His daughter is a teenager, she gives me attitude sometimes, guess it's because she doesn't like her dad has girlfriends (my bf told me she wants him to hang out with her mom). And my bf never says anything when he sees that, he told me she has her right of having opinion. Plus, when we three hang out, my bf only pays attention to her, and she seems like his gf more than I do. And I can tell she's trying to make me jealous sometimes. I understand that's his daughter, but it's hard to control that weird feeling, especially when I see him does small talks with his daughter.
I thought this is what the resulting line of your first oracle was, wasn't it #1? Trust your own judgement!
I recently asked iching about my relationship situation between me and my boyfriend. And I got hexagram 41 with changing line 3, 4, and 5. I understand the explanations for line 4 and 5. My question is in line 3.
It can take some time for 41.3 to work itself out.
Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).