Hexagram 16.4 to 2 - best approach?

[veronica]

I split up from my 6year old son's father 5 years ago. After 5 years of absolute hell and eventual court battle for shared custody we now have a court order in place. My son's father didn't get what he wanted but, due to a lack of firm evidence, his mental and emotional instability were not taken into consideration, and he still got far too much access in my opinion. However, I know how harmful his behaviour can be long term so I struggle every time my son goes to his dad's. Bradford advised me a few months ago to accept the situation but I am still finding it a struggle. I'm trying to keep my mind busy on other things, working hard, developing my new business etc. but acceptance just does not want to come my way.

Today I asked "how best to deal with the situation with X?) and I got 16.4 - 2. Hex 16 might be referring to my imagination working on overdrive here and possibly worrying too much about things that are not taking place? (my son getting emotionally damaged). Not sure how to interpret the changing line and Hex 2 (I bet Bradford would tell me here that I have to work on my acceptance)

Your views would be highly appreciated.

Many thanks,

Bx

 

[Liselle]

It's very difficult to be accepting of things that you fear are bad, especially when it involves loved ones like your young son. In this case, you don't have much of a choice since it's a legal matter. Hex 2 as the relating hexagram - how you relate to the situation - could reflect your struggle with acceptance.

When I read the part of 16.4 that says "Doubt not. You gather friends around you / As a hair clasp gathers the hair", I wondered if there are other people involved with your son's situation who will help look out for him, and/or possibly keep you informed, either of concerns or to be able to tell you that his dad is actually doing okay with him? Professionals, other family members, people you trust?

I hope this difficult situation works out as well as possible.

 

[goddessliss]

Hi B, I think line 4 refers to using resources to work on yourself, the stronger you are mentally and emotionally the better you're equipped to be of strength to your son. I've a feeling some of what you worry about is not real. Personally I have been in your situation,although with 3 sons not 1, and I went with the theory - the way I deal with the situation is how the boys will deal with it - being a parent is giving you a chance to be the best positive, shining example you can. My boys are adults now and I can tell you my theory was right. It didn't matter how their father dealt with it(which wasn't good), it was how I dealt with it for/with them and the reflection of my relationship with them versus the relationship they have with their fatheris the telling. IIt's not a competition and I don't feel haha I better than you towrads him because it's not about us it's about the well being of the children. - Liss

 

[Trojina]

Yes I think this answer suggests you may be overlooking the fact you can have a lot of resources for support here. Rather than worry about the father get proactive making connections with other supportive factors that certainly seem to be there. I do think you may be worrying too much and not seeing or using supportive influences in the situation. In 16.4 people tend to fall in with your goals if you express them....you do have to be proactive in 16.4 but you find your suggestions, wishes, inspirations , ideals are all things people will easily go along with.

You have a lot more support in this situation than you think...If for example you feel your son is being treated abusively when he is with his father then if you voice that in the appropriate channel perhaps you can change things.

However it sounds like there is no concrete abuse happening here you are just worried about the father's general instability. As others have said there may be ways round that. Presumably you talk it through with your son when he comes home....and hopefully since the father clearly wants contact with his son then he must love him ? Children can be very resilient to all kinds of odd parents but as long as they get the love it seems to go okay...? I mean you went through hell with the father but that doesn't mean the boy will does it ?


Sorry probably saying too much when I don't know anything about the situation...but at least I think this answer encourages you to take heart and certainly not despair. You have a tone of despair in your post and remember this despair can be picked up by your son and you don't want him to pick up those vibes of worry, hopelessness and despair do you ?

I agree with what previous posters said and of course Liss has been through all this herself so she knows what she's talking about.

 

[veronica]

Thank you so much for your extremely helpful answers, Lisa, Liss and Trojan. Liss, thank you for sharing your situation with me. My husband keeps telling me that the most important thing we can do for my son is to give him the stability and constancy he does not get with his father and that my son will be able to recognise that in the end and make his own choices. Your message has just reinforced that.

Trojan, I have been chewing over your message since yesterday (and no, you have not said too much at all! I'm Polish - we are brutally direct and like the same in return . This morning after reading your message again it appeared to me that it might be a good idea to contact the social worker involved in the case, to express my concerns. She must know available resources (eg. child psychologists etc) who will be able to listen to me and either reassure me or advise what to watch out for in terms of any danger. I don't know why this has not occured to me before. You are right, the situation does feel desperate at times (my little boy is only so small and vulnerable) and you have given me a direction and hope. Thank you!