Hexagram 41.2.3 to 22 on cleaning stepchild's room

[UnrivenFuss]

I just moved in with my husband, and he's been a divorced parent of a girl for 10 years. Naturally (or not...) the house is a bit of a mess. I love to keep my environment clean and tidy and I am trying to put the house in order while he works, but it's always a struggle to have him agree with my changes and opinions.

My 15 year old (step)daughter lives with us half the time and is very sweet to me, even though we are just getting to know each other - her father and I got married not so long after starting a relationship and we are from different countries, so there was never time to bond.

She is depressed (going to therapy) and her room is a real mess. Dirty dishes, dirty clothes and trash all over the floor, and more that I don't even feel like disclosing. My husband refuses to be hard on her, says he's tried everything and says that she will rather lose all privileges than clean up after herself. This is a girl that gets new clothing regularly, eats as much junk food as she wants and is very snappy with her dad. I feel it's really unhealthy for her to live like this and as I was cleaning the house I collected some of her clothes to wash. I feel like cleaning the whole room, but I don't want to be invasive of her space. At the same time, I feel like doing it for her doesn't really attain the goal of making her realize how unhealthy her space is.

I asked the Yi if I should clean her room. The answer was hexagram 41.2.3, changing to 22.

In Bradford Hatcher's translation, 41 is:

41.0, Decreasing
Be true
Outstanding opportunity Nothing is wrong
But it calls for persistence
Worthwhile to have somewhere to go
How is this applied?
A pair of simple rice baskets may be used for the offering

Is this an opportunity for me to not act and give up my impulse to intervene?

Line 2

41.2, 9 2nd, Zhi Gua 27: Yi, Hungry Mouth
(Fan Yao 27.2: subverted appetite, dismiss norms, hunger in hills)
Worthwhile to be steadfast
To go boldly is ill-omened Avoiding decrease increases one
41.2x Nine second merits steadfastness:
Concentrate in order to accomplish the goal

The master of the temple scrubs and waxes the floors, prepares the monk’s meals, cleans up the altar and keeps the idol smoking. But for all of this humble service, he doesn’t give anything up. These are the steps on his path, this is exactly the life he has asked for, the price he has chosen to pay. The very nature of his position is a hard look at the nature of sacrifice.

This one confuses me. It talks exactly about cleaning... For me, cleaning her room is not a problem, but I want her to learn why it is important and at the same time not make her feel diminished by my action.

Line 3

41.3, 6 3rd, Zhi Gua 26: Da Chu, Raising Great Beasts
(Fan Yao 26.3: fine horse, daily training, having a place to go)
Three people set out
And in due order lose one member A single person sets out
And in due order finds a companion
41.3x One person sets out:
The third gives rise to uncertainties

Another line confusing me. Does it mean that if I clean her room my action will be regarded as arrogant and leading to further estrangement?

Changing hexagram 22

Does it speak about my desire for seeing things ordered, clean and beautiful?

I am a real beginner, so all help will be greatly appreciated!

 

[Trojina]

Without an answer from Yi I'd say "NO DO NOT GO IN HER ROOM"

Taking Yi's answer into account I'd still say "NO DO NOT GO IN HER ROOM"

41 asks you to diminish involvement, keep offerings modest as they are enough. I think 41.2 here says there is no need to jump in here. You'll be happier if you don't.

41.3 says three people walking reduce to two. It seems pretty literal to me. It's great that she is sweet to you. 15 is a difficult enough age let alone having to accommodate a step mother so she's done well there. Soon enough she will leave home and find her own path in life, it will be in the next few years so don't push for more than you are offered right now. This is how I see the 41 here 'don't push for more'. Soon enough there will be two of you instead of three.

You cannot clean her room or even go in it without her permission anyway. To me that is a fact so how can you clean her room anyway without invading her privacy. She's a teenager not a child and I think you'd be pushing your luck to clean her room without her permission.

If she gives you her permission then that's another matter.



I think the 22 also asks if it's really necessary to do this ? I'd say it's not only unnecessary it's not possible without her permission.

Is this an opportunity for me to not act and give up my impulse to intervene?

Yes I think so. Also it is entirely normal for 15 year olds bedrooms to be messy.

 

[UnrivenFuss]

Thank you for your reply, Trojina, I appreciate your interpretation and advice.

Anyone else?

 

[goddessliss]

Hi UnrivenFuss 41>22 decrease your desire for clean and tidy in her room - it's your issue not hers. You have started a number of sentences with 'I feel...' On the other hand my house gets cluttered and untidy when my mind does and you mentioned her not so great state of mind so I wonder how she feels.
When she's not there close her bedroom door. When she's there close her bedroom door. Get to know her and she may end up trusting you enough to open up and in time that room will get cleaned.

 

[butterfly spider]

Listen to Trojina - DO NOT TIDY HER ROOM. This is the reading too.
However you could IMO just offer to clear up the plates and dishes - for use by others. Make this your aim. Empty rubbish perhaps. Ask her if this is OK. If not then don't bother.
In a way this is your problem to overcome. Unless the room is infested with cockroaches then is it really a problem? Her room represents her state of mind.

What worked once for me was offering to redecorate the room - we chose colours material etc. this was good at the time although one year on the beautifully decorated room had returned to its cluttered mess

Sorry cross posted with Godessliss

 

[UnrivenFuss]

Thank you goddessliss and butterfly spider, I appreciate your answers.

 

[Liselle]

From the relating hexagram 22 (superficial, adornment), 41.3 (balance and finding the "right size"), and Butterfly's comment - maybe there could be a happy medium? Somewhere between not going in there at all, and cleaning everything thoroughly?

For example, I like Butterfly's suggestion of removing literal garbage and dirty dishes. If you don't do those things, as Butterfly said, it will start affecting the rest of the house and family - you won't have the dishes you need, smells from garbage will infiltrate the rest of the house, mold will grow, etc. It's her room, but it's your house and things. Why should you have to fight with, say, cups that have had milk congealing in them for weeks?

You could do things like that, without touching anything else. Things that only affect her and no one else (e.g. clothes), let completely alone. Use the lightest possible hand.

 

[UnrivenFuss]

You are probably right, lisa. Thank you for your input. The reason why I got in there to take dirty clothes from the floor is that there's so much of it it will soon get out of hand. When we ask her for her laundry she gives us 3 shirts and a pair of trousers, and a few days later tells her dad she needs to do laundry again, which is really disturbing of our plans (we have to drive to the laundromat).

By the tone and direction of other people's replies to my thread I realised this is really my issue and my own inability to deal with disorder and a need to control others. I guess it comes from growing up in a house with alcoholics and drug addicts who didn't give a damn. I really take pride in how my space looks and feels.

Thank you everyone, your answers are deeply appreciated.

 

[Trojina]

It's her room, but it's your house and things

Well no, if it's her dad's house it's her house. I mean I don't know the scenario but if she was already living in that house with her dad it's far more her house than the step mother's house. Hang on...

looking back...

I just moved in with my husband,

sounds like she moved in to her husband's house. Her husband's house will always also be his daughter's house while she is of the age to live at home anyway.

 

[goddessliss]

Hi UnrivenFuss
I too used to have the need to control this sort of thing due to a crappy upbringing and being married to a substance abuser but having said that there are still limits. At present I have issues with my daughter in law being so lazy her home is close to filthy and when they came to visit at Christmas her inherent disregard for my home pushed me to breaking point. Although I understand it's partly her laziness and the fact she was brought up like 'a princess' I also recognise it's none of my business but....this has now brought about the issue of me not visiting them and I won't invite them to my home. Liss

 

[Liselle]

Well no, if it's her dad's house it's her house. I mean I don't know the scenario but if she was already living in that house with her dad it's far more her house than the step mother's house. Hang on...

looking back...


sounds like she moved in to her husband's house. Her husband's house will always also be his daughter's house while she is of the age to live at home anyway.

Well, I didn't mean it's not the daughter's house at all. I understand your point that the daughter was there first - I agree that's important. It's also important for a stepmother to tread lightly and gradually with her step-children's feelings and pre-exisiting life. Failure to do so results in all kinds of bad cliches.

However in general the adults in a home have primary say and responsibility over what goes on and how their house is maintained, not the children.

I just think there has to be some sort of compromise, for the sorts of sensible practical reasons I mentioned. I mean, it sounds like that room is really bad. Laundry is one thing - rotting garbage is another (if that's really the case).



[Edited] And even with the laundry - I don't think laundry is worth destroying the family over, or the first priority, but maybe they could work towards something like "Here's when we're going to the laundromat. If we don't have your clothes, they'll have to wait until the next time, or you can hand-wash them if you want." I'd think the girl would quickly figure out what's the easier option.

 

[rosada]

Certainly you should not go into the room uninvited but certainly you could ask for permission. Have you asked the girl if she'd mind if you cleaned up her room? What did she say?

 

[Trojina]

Certainly you should not go into the room invited but certainly you could ask for permission. Have you asked the girl if she'd mind if you cleaned up her room? What did she say?

typo ? you meant 'uninvited' ?

 

[Pearlescent]

Speaking as a woman with memories of adults (my mother and stepdad) cleaning my room without my permission as a teenager, I would agree with everyone else about not going forward with it. I always felt so violated and powerless when it happened and afterward I couldn't find my things, sometimes things I wanted to keep got thrown out. It is her domain, the one thing she probably can control completely in her life, so allowing her to do so is an act of kindness. That said, perhaps a balance can be struck about the dirty dishes and things, (in my case I am much different now, cleaning my house every day as I recognize the connection between the inner and outer state of being) so maybe little things could be achieved for everyone's benefit.

By the tone and direction of other people's replies to my thread I realised this is really my issue and my own inability to deal with disorder and a need to control others. I guess it comes from growing up in a house with alcoholics and drug addicts who didn't give a damn.

I think it's pretty cool you've recognized that this is really your issue, not a lot of people can do that. I'm pretty sure that's what the reading emphasized with 41 as well.

Would it help things if you set one day a week, like Sunday or something, to be laundry day? And let her know she should have all her clothes for for that week together by Sunday otherwise she'll have to wait until next week.

 

[Liselle]

Yes, what Pearlescent said - moving everything around and throwing things away and so forth is not at all what I had in mind.

27 as the fan yao of 41.2 might even hint literally at food - removing actual garbage and dirty dishes - and it might also be seen as doing things which are absolutely necessary (27 referring to necessities). Maybe that's making too much of the fan yao, though - not sure.

But 41's reference to "two baskets" might say something similar - I gather it usually means you won't be asked to sacrifice more than you can afford...in this case maybe it could mean do only what you absolutely have to. As Trojina said, "diminish involvement, keep offerings modest as they are enough," - it's just I don't necessarily see that as saying keep out altogether. It might be more that doing just a little bit will be good enough.

I do understand the issue of trust, though...from the daughter's point of view, as soon as someone comes in her room at all, how will she know they only did what they said they'd do (garbage, dishes)? In time she could tell just by looking - "oh, I see the cups and banana peels are gone, but everything else is still all over the floor, just as I left it" - the problem would be in the meantime, before she has a chance to observe results.

I even thought of maybe putting a basket or something outside the door, like a hotel, for her to put her dishes/garbage in...I don't know. (1) Her house is not a hotel and it would really make UnrivenFuss seem like a maid, (2) would the daughter do that? If she's that depressed, it's still more effort than just letting things stay where they fall. (I am kind of worried about her depression.)

Don't know. This is difficult in several ways. I'm standing pat, though, that things cannot be allowed to rot and grow mold in there, if it is really to that point. And the rest of the family needs dishes. Those sorts of things are not just "UnrivenFuss's issue," IMO.

 

[UnrivenFuss]

@Trojina, when two people get married they establish a certain set of spoken and unspoken agreements. One of them is that we are the adults of the household and certain things must be done our way. My husband wanted me to move in with him, partly because he couldn't move abroad with me because of his responsibility towards his child, so he accepted to "merge" his life with someone he sees as an equal. My standards of cleanliness are higher than his, him being a man and all, but they are not unreasonable.

Your contribution pushed me to think about my own projections and perceptions on the matter, but truth is this is not just "my problem". You were right about the urgency and the way I was about to do things, but when people are angry they tend to act rash. I have spoken to my husband and asked him to pursue certain changes, and tried to reinforce them as well, but the situation as proved more difficult than expected, because the youngster we are talking about has little sense of respect for communal space and does not accept being told what to do, not even by her father who, as you saids, owns the house we live on.

If every parent were to apply the view you suggested, then we would all be working to support little tyrants. No one can live without concern for other people's space and preferences, and that must be learned from a young age. A preference to be in a dirty environment is not shared by most of us, and therefore, I believe the majority needs to be respected. It's not like I've had a "travelling stranger" 56 moment.

Liss, I did decrease my desire to clean her room, so thank you for your suggestions. Every time she opens the door the house reeks of stale. I have been accused of washing clothes with no detergent because when clothes are left unwashed for weeks in a row no amount of detergent is effective, etc etc. And the funny thing is I almost feel like I'm invading someone's privacy by telling this story, but it's also my own story. I am trying to yield like the bamboo

 

[rosada]

Thanks for getting back to us, UnrivenFuss. I read somewhere that the biggest problems in a marriage are not finances or religion or politics or even fidelity. The number one cause of disharmony is imbalance between a couples' 22. Vision of how the home is to be maintained. When a tidy person marries a slob there is bound to be trouble.
Anyway, if the girl refuses to straighten up and the dad wont require her to then you should probably Decrease your expectations.

Feng Shui is the oriental art of placement. According to the rules of feng shui how we have things in our house effects how the energy flows in our life. Thus for you to have live in this house of clutter is not healthy for you. However, If you have your own room in a house - much like a tenant renting a bedroom - then that room becomes your "house" and the effects of the feng shui of the main house on you personally are minimized. Traditionally what makes your room a separate "house" is putting a lock on the door. If that seems too extreme then perhaps you can at least conceptualize your bedroom in your mind as being your separate home and do not think of the rest of the house as your responsibility.
You might also try investing in special cups and plates that have each person's' name on them. Or just lay in a supply of paper cups and plates. Don't use the other ones and then it's not your responsibility to clean them. If eventually there aren't any clean regular cups left - because they are all on the floor in the daughter's bedroom - perhaps then these people will recognize they have a problem - and it's not your problem!

 

[steve]

Hi

I understand the question was should you clean her room but I am just wondering if you were really asking more than that.

I agree dont just go in her room, that will only make her think you have no respect for her then she will show less for you than she is now.

What exactly does line 2 mean?, one should serve without losing dignity, I am just trying to help, i think that maybe it may have some answers if someone knows how to pull it apart, just a thought. Is the line saying that she should only help to a degree.

I have a stepmother, she is part of the family maybe in someways more than me. remeber when she came along it wasnt all together smooth
I think dad's seem to be softer on their daughters, you can see he is trying to keep a balance but not doing a good job,

Just wondering if someone can help more with line two or possibly break it down or clarify if i have line 2 correct.

Steve

 

[Trojina]

@Trojina, when two people get married they establish a certain set of spoken and unspoken agreements. One of them is that we are the adults of the household and certain things must be done our way. My husband wanted me to move in with him, partly because he couldn't move abroad with me because of his responsibility towards his child, so he accepted to "merge" his life with someone he sees as an equal. My standards of cleanliness are higher than his, him being a man and all, but they are not unreasonable.

Not sure why, 3 months later, you are saying this to me in particular Your ideas on marriage are your own affair. Here we were discussing the issue of you going in to your new step daughter's to room to clean. I gave my view of the cast.

If every parent were to apply the view you suggested, then we would all be working to support little tyrants.

What ? What view was it you imagine I suggested ? I've re read the thread and don't see what specific view you refer to here ? I certainly do not favour children becoming tyrants so please don't attribute views to me that I do not hold.

No one can live without concern for other people's space and preferences, and that must be learned from a young age. A preference to be in a dirty environment is not shared by most of us, and therefore, I believe the majority needs to be respected. It's not like I've had a "travelling stranger" 56 moment.

again I'm not so sure what your point is or why you are picking on me to argue with. It's not like I personally have a preference for a dirty environment or anything. I don't understand your idea of the 'majority' here. You aren't living in a shared house with friends but father and daughter so it is hardly a question of 'majority' rule. This is to do with relationships. She hasn't become a 'minority' because you married her father. She is surely as important as she ever was and you have to adapt to her as much as she does to you because of the newness of the relationship, which you explained in your first post.

However the idea of 'majority' is pretty literal in 41.3 ! Three people become 2. Hmm. I initially took that as the girl being 15 won't be living there forever, she's growing up and will have her own place in a few years. Now I'm not so sure how this line would manifest.

My 15 year old (step)daughter lives with us half the time and is very sweet to me, even though we are just getting to know each other - her father and I got married not so long after starting a relationship and we are from different countries, so there was never time to bond.

Now that's a very delicate situation and it is quite gracious of her to be so sweet because many teenagers wouldn't be especially when they are depressed. So your cast of 41.2.3>22 suggests as I said 3 months ago not to push for too much more at this time. In fact I wouldn't change anything I said in my first response I don't think.

Also you may not be aware of it but if you read your first post again it does sound like you might have some resentment towards her here

This is a girl that gets new clothing regularly, eats as much junk food as she wants and is very snappy with her dad.

You sound like you don't like the girl here. Is that untrue ? Do you like her ?


As Steve said the impression you give is that there is more to this than her being messy.


BTW I cannot reply here further at all so please feel free to disregard everything I have said as complete and utter nonsense in this thread if you wish to.

 

[UnrivenFuss]

Trojina, I've been reading this forum for a long time, and even if I don't participate, I want you to tell you that I respect and admire your contributions a lot. You are generally very insightful and I appreciate the generosity of anyone who takes time to respond to a thread. In this particular case, I wanted to come back for an update and to see if there were other comments on the reading, and upon rereading some of your comments I felt the tone was a bit too harsh. I am sorry if you were upset and I kindly ask you to reconsider not coming back to this thread. I obviously let my insecurities take the best of me.

I do like my stepdaughter, but her behaviour reminds me of someone I know that made my life and the life of other people around me very miserable, which I know is partly a projection I've been trying to work on. So yes, Steve, you are right. But I also think that when people grow up without rules and obligations, it may give them a misguided sense of entitlement, so my interest in this is not only to "save myself".

Wilhelm on 42.2 seems to suggest limited action as others have suggested:

Nine in the second place means:
Perseverance furthers.
To undertake something brings misfortune.
Without decreasing oneself,
One is able to bring increase to others.

(...)

To render true service of lasting value to another, one must serve him
without relinquishing oneself."

Imagine someone who grew up like in this kind of "all is allowed" frame ends up doing drugs and physically abusing their own mother because they think they are entitled to things she can't give them. That's the reality I lived while I was growing up, and of course it means something that once again I have a similar situation to live with – having to learn detachment, it seems. The behaviour is uncannily similar, even the speech and thought patterns, so much that one could say they are two people playing the same role...

I know to like someone is not enough, so I just asked Yi How can I learn to love my husband's child?

I had asked something else today, regarding the feeling of having received transcendental "help" and the answer was the same!39.5.6, changing to 52.

39 "Obstruction"

Difficulties and obstructions throw a man back upon himself. While the
inferior man seeks to put the blame on other persons, bewailing his fate, the
superior man seeks the error within himself, and through this introspection
the external obstacle becomes for him an occasion for inner enrichment and
education. [Wilhelm]

Can this mean I am making the passage from inferior to superior man with a little help from my friends?

39.5

Nine in the fifth place means:
In the midst of the greatest obstructions,
Friends come.

39.6

Six at the top means:
Going leads to obstructions,
Coming leads to great good fortune.
It furthers one to see the great man.

52 "Keeping Still"– I believe it points to the need to stop trying to force a change, to deal with issues as they come, or to wait for love to come when it's supposed to. I have been trying. I do believe there can be as much love in just loving as there is in trying to love. I still have difficulty interpreting the two changing lines.

Thank you and I am sorry again if I seemed to want to pick a fight with you, Trojina :hide:

 

[UnrivenFuss]

rosada, thank you for your suggestions. I have been working with my husband to establish rules regarding dishes as it's been suggested here, and that has worked out. Having lived with junkies when I was a kid, completely unable to change my environment in spite of all effort (meaning I cleaned the house myself), I am extremely sensitive to what's around me and know for a fact that when I am in a bad place, things get more untidy than ever (except untidy for me means one chair full of clothing and all the rest OK...). I am acquainted with feng shui and I've had to make a few changes since I moved here, for the sake of my well being, but apart from this one room I've been keeping things clean and tidy enough. Again, it's not like I am paranoid about cleaning, I am not. We live in a small house in a very expensive area and we can't afford to move yet, so it's very hard for me to make my "house" here for now, but I do get what you're saying.

These little irritations now and then show me how much I need to evolve. I am not perfect, just trying to find balance.

 

[goddessliss]

Hey chick, But I also think that when people grow up without rules and obligations, it may give them a misguided sense of entitlement, so my interest in this is not only to "save myself".


It sounds like you grew up without rules and obligations either if you grew up in a substance abuse environment - so what do you think your sense of entitlement is?
Usually people who grow up in substance abuse homes have a strong need to control their environment and everyone else around them because everything in their lives was so outta control growing up. I get it. I lived it.
Is your sense of entitlement the right to control? I appreciate this is a completely different perspective to what you may be talking about with his daughter but in her young life she had no control over what happened in her little family breakup - I know because I watched my son live through this himself. He's good now but man it took many years for him to sort it out.

 

[UnrivenFuss]

goddessliss, of course I take that into account and I can assure you I am not disregarding the child's needs and issues, which is exactly the reason why I posted this question and the Yi in the first place, and followed your advice. I try to act right and with respect for all parts... including myself! Entitlement means I'd expect things to go my way no matter what and don't take people's feelings or needs into account. Everyone's interpretation of the hexagram so as to limit my action (not cleaning the room) was the right one. I am trying to understand these relationship dynamics and myself through them. The only thing I feel entitled to is the opportunity to make my life better and feel as safe in my own house as every other member of my family. Thank you.

 

[goddessliss]

Relationship dynamics are so tricky, you think you sort it and the goal post moves again!!! The feng shui has helped me too. I've had a bit of trouble with the dynamics between myself and my landlord cause he's not very nice and can disregard how I may feel about certain things. I put some mirrors up on my windows so the mirror side is facing outside and within a week things are so different. The guy has been so helpful and kind to me just because he can.
It will sort itself for you too in time and it sounds like you're doing your best and being open to working through it from all different angles.

 

[UnrivenFuss]

I put some mirrors up on my windows so the mirror side is facing outside and within a week things are so different. The guy has been so helpful and kind to me just because he can.

Wow, I never imagined that could be done, very interesting! Thank you and everyone for your kind words. :hugs:

 

[Trojina]

Thank you and I am sorry again if I seemed to want to pick a fight with you, Trojina

Oh no need to apologise at all UnrivenFuss (your name fascinates me, what does it mean I wonder) and thank you for your very kind last post to me. I'm sorry you felt my tone was harsh. It is true that the stereotype of the 'wicked step mother' is very powerful in our culture going back a long way to the very first stories we hear like 'Snow White' and indeed many do have unhappy experiences with step parents so that could have affected how I heard you. I do see you are making great efforts with the girl and also I appreciate it is hard to live with someone who is not doing her share of keeping the place clean.

When I said I wouldn't be able to answer further here it wasn't because I was mad with you but because I'm not well right now and if I answer further I'm even more likely to get my wires crossed. But I'm sure with the intentions you have you will be able to resolve all this.

I had asked something else today, regarding the feeling of having received transcendental "help" and the answer was the same!39.5.6, changing to 52.

Lovely answer. The yang pattern is 20, yin pattern 19 so this does look like the approach of 'ancestors', viewing you, helping you. It seems to me a very noble aim to try to love your stepdaughter and this is what the cast shows IMO.

Also this is long term work (39.6). What happens between you now will affect the future relation between you which also of course has an effect on your relationship with your husband. Presumably he will be happier to see things working well between you and maybe even grateful for positive influences you have on her. She won't be a teenager for long, she may even have her own home and child within 10 years and not many carry their teenage slovenliness into their adult lives I don't think. Someone may have already said this but to improve her current habits maybe start small (41 reading) for example 'training' her to do one small thing a month like bring the cups out of her room and rewarding her with your time, a chat and some tea and cake or something, so in the end she gets to want to please you maybe. What about doing pleasant domestic tasks together ? I've seen a relative bonding extremely well with a step daughter over making chocolate cake together (and some washing up thrown in )

 

[UnrivenFuss]

Thank you again, Trojina. That's precious advice and we did end up having a good time cooking the other day.

It's funny, because I have been a stepdaughter to my dad's girlfriends, which were all lovely to me (some of them still call), and when he got married his wife just rejected me (I was a teenager) and didn't want me around. I never even lived with her, so there was no opportunity for friction, but the whole dynamic was strange. After going away to study I came back home and she was completely different with me, even called me her daughter. So I totally understand (or at least try to) the other side of things. We are in this world to be of service to one another.

UnrivenFuss is a rather silly anagram for Venus in Furs. But I like anagrams

I hope you feel well very very soon!

 

[Trojina]

The yang pattern is 20, yin pattern 19 so this does look like the approach of 'ancestors', viewing you, helping you. It seems to me a very noble aim to try to love your stepdaughter and this is what the cast shows IMO.

Oops got that wrong as yin pattern is 34 not 19 so that favours you having a solid presence there.

The fact you were a step daughter yourself is interesting especially with regard to 39.6. The work you do now with her has long term impact but also the experience you bought forward from your past nourishes that.