Hexagram 41, New poster question

[sophie]

Hello and greetings - I am new to this list.

I was wondering what you all thought of Hexagram 41, 1,5 > (4, 61) 59 to describe the short-term developments in a rekindled relationship (briefly, my ex got back in touch with me a few months ago - we live quite a distance from each other - and since then we have been edging towards and away from each other - both wanting to be together, but he has problems to sort out, and I don't want a romantic relationship until he has).

The two changing lines appear to contradict each other, but I am thinking they are both stages in development - that is, delaying gratification and allowing for things to decrease at the moment and not imposing my presence on him as he sorts out his issues, is opening the way for increase at a later stage, based on inner truth (41,5>61).

How do you see it?

 

[laylab]

That sometimes, less is more .

 

[Trojina]

I remember getting this 41 -59 and wondering more or less the same thing as you about the contradictory lines. For me in reality we just drifted apart. What described the situation perfectly in the end was not the lines but the sentence the 2 hexagrams made - decrease leading to dispersion. Of course it may play out entirely differently for you - see what others say, I was just sharing as I remember getting this so well and puzzling over it for a long time.

 

[sophie]

Thank you

That sometimes, less is more .

Undoubtedly. It reminds me of the John Hoskyns poem on absence, the last verse of which goes:

By absence this good means I gain,
That I can catch her,
Where none can watch her,
In some close corner of my brain:
There I embrace and kiss her;
And so I both enjoy and miss her."

I remember getting this 41 -59 and wondering more or less the same thing as you about the contradictory lines. For me in reality we just drifted apart. What described the situation perfectly in the end was not the lines but the sentence the 2 hexagrams made - decrease leading to dispersion. Of course it may play out entirely differently for you - see what others say, I was just sharing as I remember getting this so well and puzzling over it for a long time.

It will be interesting to see (as in - sitting on the edge of my seat kind of interesting!). The question concerned short term developments. The long term developments between us were described by 49, 4 > 63, which seems to point to a big change through changing the foundation or "centre" of the relationship (I would say - trying to adapt "form of government" or "mandate" to a relationship!) - leading to some kind of fulfillment.

:bows:

 

[willowfox]

Hex 41.1 says that when he has sorted his problems out then it will be time for him to help you, but this line says that it is up to you, how far you want this relationship to develop.

Hex 41.5 if he makes you happy then nothing can prevent the relationship from developing.

Hex 59 now the blockages to your reunion can be dissolved and any other outstanding problem can be sorted out, so any disunity or other hard feelings can be dispersed and this can then lead to cooperation between the two of you. So set aside any selfishness or any emotional hang ups and all should go well.

 

[sophie]

Hex 41.1 says that when he has sorted his problems out then it will be time for him to help you, but this line says that it is up to you, how far you want this relationship to develop.

I don't think I need help for myself - it's more a case of us creating the right conditions for a reunion to happen. We separated because of these problems, and he's still battling with them. I'm wondering if it's not more about me trying to help him - and making sure I don't "diminish" his own necessary inner work by trying to be too helpful. This line might also suggest to me to keep a low profile to allow him to do that inner work, but not so low as to let him feel I am not interested (because I am interested!). On its own, it changes to 4 - suggesting this is a learning and maturing experience for us both.

Pondering.

Hex 41.5 if he makes you happy then nothing can prevent the relationship from developing.

Hex 59 now the blockages to your reunion can be dissolved and any other outstanding problem can be sorted out, so any disunity or other hard feelings can be dispersed and this can then lead to cooperation between the two of you. So set aside any selfishness or any emotional hang ups and all should go well.

There are quite a few blockages - those problems I mentioned. But this seems to suggest that the blockages will be dissolved once the relationship starts developing again (not the other way round) - which is intriguing, because I always assumed that he'd have to sort out his problems first, before we could have a relationship. Or are the blockages in question the residual emotional hang-ups resulting from the problems that separated us? That would make sense in the context - and in the progression from 41, 1,5 to 59 - especially when one brings in the long-term developments hexagram 49,4 > 63, which suggests that a final resolution to this matter will come from a radical change (rather than a drifting away).

Thank you for the input

 

[willowfox]

There are quite a few blockages - those problems I mentioned. But this seems to suggest that the blockages will be dissolved once the relationship starts developing again (not the other way round) - which is intriguing, because I always assumed that he'd have to sort out his problems first, before we could have a relationship.

No, the blockages must be sorted out before a relationship can successfully develop, harmony must be restored and the ability to communicate together must be dealt with. These are all pre relationship things that have to be dealt with before any progress can be made.

 

[sophie]

No, the blockages must be sorted out before a relationship can successfully develop, harmony must be restored and the ability to communicate together must be dealt with. These are all pre relationship things that have to be dealt with before any progress can be made.

Good, yes - that's the way I had initially understood it - I was intrigued by the alternative (and wondering, in practice, if the alternative would work, given the history!)

And this movement you describe will be accomplished first through a decrease of involvement, without going overboard - 41,1; then through an increase (41,5).

It reads like the movement of a tidal river - first a low tide, then as the tide rises again and the waters swell, the blockages can finally be dissolved.

What came just before this moment (up to a week ago) was a time of in-depth communication between us during which he opened up and "brainstormed" a lot of his issues. He's still stuck, however - he admits it. And this "stuckness" has led to us both retreating from the other - for my part, to reassess the situation and my involvement. It's always during these times that I find the Yi brings most guidance and wisdom.