...life can be translucent

Menu

Hexagram 8.2.3.5 Love. Sounds Hopeful?

ariel13

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
230
Reaction score
7
Hi all,

I recently began a relationship with a man who enthusiastically pursued me for the better part of a month. He literally called and texted me nearly everyday. He was so excited and seemed so open, sincere and available. He introduced me to his friends and cooked dinner with me and all kinds of really relationship-y stuff. Everything was going fine until he came over for dinner the other day. I noticed right away something was a little different. I felt a bit uncomfortable interacting with him, and now I realize it must have come from him.

We had a good evening anyway; ate, watched movies, drank cocktails and went to bed, were intimate, snuggled, etc. Then I woke up the next day, and he was wide awake laying next to me. He never does that. He normally just snoozes with me. And then often either has brunch with me or somehow tries to involve me in his plans for the day. Sometimes I've declined and other times have hung out for a bit. Anyway, he woke up this way, and we had this brief discussion about how he was feeling kind of freaked out. He said he was having this kind of flighty feeling, like commitment phobia. He's really mature and grounded and articulate. So he was just like, hey I feel this way, and realize I shouldn't be talking to you about it. He said he had a weird wave of sadness based on his past relationship loss (he came out of something long term about 6 months ago). He apologized for "being weird" and left to go to work.

Later he texted me saying he was sorry again about being weird but then said something about taking a step back. I asked if he could clarify, and he said that he needed some space bc he was dealing with these feelings of mourning over his last relationship and was having a hard time with them. So, I was like sure. I sent a frowny emoji and said "I guess let me know when you are feeling better." His only response was "ugh." It's been almost a week now, and we've had no contact aside from on Instagram (just him liking stuff I post). I'm just so confused and don't know where I went wrong or if I did. I don't know what "space" means, and I'm afraid to ask for clarification now for fear of pushing him away more by making him feel pressured.

By the same token I'm beginning to get kind of mad. Like, I don't feel that I deserve this, and it really feels like the rug being pulled out. I mean why would you pursue someone so relentlessly and then just disappear? I'm freaked out and also feel super triggered by all my past relationship "ghostings" and stuff like that. I feel like I just shouldn't contact him, bc that never works out for me. Sincerity seems to be the worst thing for a budding relationship with a man– ugh. Like I feel that I need to be more mysterious or a bigger bitch or something.

Anyway, I asked what the possibility of rekindling things with him is and received hexagram 8.2.3.5 changing to 46. It seems like a positive reading, but I'm not sure if it's actually positive with regard to the relationship.

What do you think hivemind? I appreciate your help as always.

:bows:
 

rosada

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Jun 3, 2006
Messages
7,146
Reaction score
155
"Hivemind" - I love it!

Some random thoughts about 8. seeking union and the various steps one takes along that path:
8.1 First be in perfect union with yourself. Be absolutely in love with your life just the way it is. Otherwise how will you know if being with someone else is better?
8.2 Hold to him inwardly - keep the faith!
8.3 Holding together with the wrong people - Don't settle for second best.
8.4 Hold to him outwardly - Let the world know you care.
8.5 We make ourselves available but we do not act as the pursuer. If the man is sincere, he will come for you.
8.6 We out grow whatever similarities brought us together or maybe we have our questions answered, our curiosity satisfied. Whatever, the union needs a new reason to continue.
 
Last edited:

radiofreewill

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
436
Reaction score
10
Hi ariel13,

"What's the possibility of rekindling things with him?"
8.2.3.5 to 46 ~ A friend of his (.2) from days gone by (.3) can help the two of you (.5) to fly high (46).

It sounds like he needs someone to talk to in order to process his feelings ~ a truly good guy friend who knows him and can help him dust-off the loss of his last relationship, and the sense of failure that comes with it, and get him back into the present.

I think you are right not to contact him ~ let him work on this in his man cave for a bit ~ that sounds like the 'space' he needs for now.

The challenge for you is to remain peacefully centered as the ghosts of your own past return to riddle your self-confidence with doubt and make you feel self-protective in a self-sabatoge-y way. Don't feed your fears ~ make art with them!

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B4ASBCguPYwDVmRKcUQ0ODNTdjQ

So, in a sense, the two of you are going through the same thing in parallel, and each of you need to do your own work.

With a little help getting free of old baggage, imho, the Yi is saying that your relationship together could soar into the future...

I hope this helps!
 

rosada

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Jun 3, 2006
Messages
7,146
Reaction score
155
Studying these lines a bit more...
First, thinking how 46. Pushing Upward follows the group fellowship hexagram 45. Perhaps this describes a situation where one is wanting a friendship to build up into something more and 46 says small steps, small shared experiences are the answer.
Then looking at the lines for 8. Seeking Union. 8.2 encourages you to continue to have hope, to stay connected in your heart, 8.3 could refer to his uncertainty and also be advising you that you too mustn't assume more is possible than there really is, and 8.5 could be cautioning you to wait until he reaches out to you but also could mean you could reach out to him but in a very open sort of way.
The main idea is it looks like you're being counseled to dial this whole thing way back.

Maybe send him an email saying,
"This may not be a perfect romance but it could be a perfect whatever it is. How about meeting up with an old friend for a cup of coffee - no strings?"

Venus, the planet of love, and Saturn, the planet of commitment, are both about to turn retrograde in the next couple of weeks so there's a strong pull for holding back new romance.
 

ariel13

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
230
Reaction score
7
Hi Rosada and Radiofreewill,

Thank you for your help!

But ugh. I jumped the gun and contacted before I read your replies. I'm not sure if it was a dumb thing to do or not. For some reason I feel like it's fine though.

When I contacted him I texted him and just said "hey?" and then he responded asking me how an evert went that he was supposed to attend with me originally. I said fine but that I felt we left things really weird when last we talked and asked how he was doing. He basically said that he is curled up in an emotional cocoon and still very upset, because he said he had to go to a memorial service for a friend and ran into his ex. He said he realized he was really hung up on her. So of course I thought he was saying that he was still in love with her. And I was like, can we just talk I need some closure here if you are going back to your ex or whatever (I was panicking). He said, "it's not like that." There is no going back and I wouldn't want to if I could. He basically just said he has all of these unresolved issues he has to work through. I basically said that I was sorry that I bothered him but really frustrated that we couldn't talk, because I kept misunderstanding him. He said "I can't talk right now." He apologized a couple of times. Then I sent one last text saying that I understand him being upset, but that I have feelings too, and this has been upsetting for me as well. I then added that I just wished we could go back to the easy, light-hearted relationship that we had before. That I thought we had a lot of fun together and that I think sometimes you just have to let go of things and do what feels good. Then I said, "I will leave you alone, but I miss you."

He hasn't texted back. Weirdly, I kind of don't care though. It seems like he's messed up, and there is no use pushing the issue. Also, he is so good natured and such a good guy. I just kind of feel bad for him now. He also has this weird way of responding to me in a way that is calming. I don't know, something about his responses just made me feel better even though it looks kind of grim for "us."

Rosada, I love that you know about astrology too. I have moon in Aries, and he has moon in Taurus, so of course I am hot-headed, passionate and quick to pop-off or text someone I shouldn't on a whim! And he is moon in Taurus– calm, steady and loyal. It seems an unlikely match, but I think that's why he calms me, because he is like the opposite. He doesn't freak out like I do. Like in this situation. I just feel my frantic texting didn't really freak him out, even though it would have freaked out a lot of people. Also, I didn't realize that Venus and Saturn were going retrograde soon, but I know that Jupiter is transiting my 5th house and went retrograde literally the day he withdrew from me. He is a Leo, so ruled by Jupiter. Damn, the timing was exact. Also, I appreciate your advise. Maybe in a few weeks I'll say hello and see how he is doing again. I think we will be friends even if this romance doesn't work out, because I just think so highly of him. There is just a lot of warmth between us.

Radiofreewill, I like your interpretation that maybe he will be able to talk to a friend that can help him process his emotions. He has a good friend I'll call A who he works with. I met A and his girlfriend and couple of times, and the four of us had a blast together. I know A likes me, and he saw the chemistry between me and the guy who I'll call B. I think A and his girlfriend were excited that B found someone nice, because I think they know the ex too and probably saw that whole situation go downhill first hand. Maybe A will talk to him and help him figure things out. Also, he is so mature, he already said he thinks he needs to get into some counseling. Damn, a man who actually admits he needs counseling and is open to it! Jeez no wonder I am twitterpated– a true diamond in the rough!

Anyway, I thank you both for your interpretations. I probably shouldn't have reached out, but what's done is done. I think it will be okay in the end. And maybe you are right Radionfreewill– maybe we can "push upwards" into a romance in the future. I don't know... But I think you are also right Rosada– everything is going to have to be really dialed back at this point. We needed to slow down anyway, it's true. I'll try to keep the faith that this is just a momentary roadblock, but I do think he's got a long haul ahead if he is still this upset about the past relationship.

Thanks again so much for both of your insights.

:bows:
 

ariel13

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
230
Reaction score
7
Well, to add a little more to this.. of course I say I don't care, but it's just bc my emotions are still kind of swinging back and forth with this.

I asked the iChing a couple more questions. Two were was about B's feelings for me.
I asked "Does he love me?" and got Hex 30 unchanging. Then I asked (ugh yeah kind of a repeat) "How does he feel about me?" and got Hex 17 unchanging.

Then I asked "What attitude should I take towards B for the best possible outcome of our relationship?"
I received Hex 62.2.6. >3. I imagine this is the most important of the questions since his feelings for me have little to do with how our relationship will play out. The only thing I am really getting here seems to be saying I should look within and ask myself what my inner truth is here. I keep trying to grab onto a gut feeling about this, but I'm not getting much except a sort of ambivalent resignation.. then Hex 3 just seems to be mirroring the difficulty of the situation.

I don't know what do you guys think? The lines feel contradictory, like I'm being warned, but we should hang out?? Lol I don't really get it.

I have two other guys I've been texting with– one keeps asking me if I want to hang out. Maybe I should just go hang out with him? I don't really see that as a relationship with a lot of future potential, but I guess I could take my mind off... maybe that's the cup I should be sharing? haha

*shrug*

What do you think?
 

radiofreewill

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
436
Reaction score
10
30uc ~ Yes
17uc ~ He's pursuing you
61.2.6 to 3 ~ Give him space to mourn his loss, or he may fly away

He's told you he loves you...he's clearly been pursuing you...and now he's asking for some space to sort out his past...

Can you 'B' comfortable with ambiguity ~ while he heals from the past and resets for the future?

Some things are worth waiting for ~ why not give B the space he says he needs?

And, in the meantime, why not hangout with the other guy, too ~ because nobody wants to wait forever?

But, mainly, my advice is to give B the space he's asking for...and ~ as hard as it may be ~ to *wait* to see how he comes back.

I hope this helps!
 

rosada

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Jun 3, 2006
Messages
7,146
Reaction score
155
I have a different perspective but there is no rule that says two readers should agree...

Does he love you?
30. is made up of two fire trigrams. Like two suns indicating one day following another, this image suggests a feeling of taking things one day at a time. Furthermore, Fire needs to have something real for fuel. Without change lines the image suggests two individuals that may have a certain respect for each other but there is no indication of what the connection is or whether there is any fuel to keep the fire going. The position of 30 in the sequence of the hexagrams could be emphasizing that the man has just survived a very difficult relationship - 29. The Abysmal - and now wants to see you and others as separate, independent people - 30. The Clinging - before opening up to any romantic 31. Influence.

How does he feel toward you?
17.uc "At nightfall the superior man goes indoors for rest and recuperation." His inner feelings are in hibernation mode. This is not to say he wont wake up later on and want to reactivate the friendship but for right now he wants to give it a rest.

What should your attitude be?
62.Preponderance of the small. "Small things can be done, great things cannot be done." There is an emphasis here on being extremely careful to maintain one's dignity and to follow instructions precisely. In the sequence it describes the time after a great revelation - 61. Inner Truth - and how one should then maintain poise to let the message sink in. In other words, you owe it to your dignity to leave it alone as he has instructed.
62.2 Extraordinary restraint. Do not try to force anything.
62.6 "He who in times of extraordinary salience of small things does not know how to call a halt but restlessly seeks to press on and on, draws upon himself misfortune."

3.Difficulty at the beginning.
Well obviously it is not inappropriate for you to be totally confused by his behavior! His instructions for you to just be patient sure aren't giving you much to go on! However this hexagram is telling you the energies around this situation are in total flux at the moment so hang back, don't try to cross the river while the bridge is still being built.
 

ariel13

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
230
Reaction score
7
Hi Rosada,
I don't time to write a full response just this moment, but just wanted to say that unfortunately it turns out you are spot on on all of this. I ended up speaking with him again and did not use extraordinary restraint. I'd say this is fortunate or unfortunate depending on your perspective. I feel like the Yi always advises one to be more restrained or passive. That's not really my style. So I really let him have it. And I think he fully deserved it. Will write more soon and fill in details, but was just floored at how right you are about this.
Thank you so much for your insight.

More soon.

:hug:
 

mulberry

visitor
Joined
Jun 9, 2012
Messages
424
Reaction score
4
How did this work out, ariel13? The original reading seems pretty clear he wasn't a good one for you. My experiences with casting 8.3 have been crystal clear over the years: red alert, wrong person! (Or people, really. I've only gotten this in for friendships and social groups.) 8.5 is also pretty clear, Yi is saying step aside and let him choose whether to come back or flee. You can't force people to be with you (I mean, you know this), and when he's already been so withdrawn (and I'd add, he's been quite bratty too!) you won't benefit from giving him more obvious interest.
 

ariel13

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
230
Reaction score
7
Hi Mulberry,
Thanks for you response on the other thread. I'm thinking on it and will follow up soon. Ugh. This one was really bad. This was the one I was upset about when I ended up inadvertently getting involved with the wishy-washy guy. This guy withdrew completely. It was almost like I was ghosted, except that he spoke to me just in a very, very limited way. He was HOT HOT and heavy and treating me in really the sweetest most attentive ways, actually going out of his way to call me and communicate with me all the time. I felt very pursued, and then he just dropped me like a hot potato out of nowhere. He said that he saw his ex at a memorial service for a friend and from that point was unable to speak to me or communicate at all.

My friends and our mutual friends were just as freaked out as me (still are). It was so, so strange. It's like he projected all of this stuff from his past relationship directly onto me. In our last interaction, I reached out in a very friendly manner just saying that I was thinking of him that day, because I went to an art supply store that he recommended. I said that I was sorry that our last interaction had been so unpleasant (I called him up and yelled at him after he ghosted or attempted to). I thanked him for letting me express myself and just told him I was thinking of him and that I hoped all was well. His response was curt and cutting. He simply said, "I know you needed to hurt me, and you did. I am just trying to figure out how to be alone now. Peace to you." I don't know how to describe, but it felt really cold. I don't think we will even be friends. It was really bad. It made me cry. :(
 

mulberry

visitor
Joined
Jun 9, 2012
Messages
424
Reaction score
4
Oh, Ariel, how awful. What an emotionally dangerous person. I'm sorry this happened to you. 8.3...yikes. I think of it as one of a trio of warning lines expressing shades of a similar idea, the other two being 62.3 and 58.5. I considered this one the most direct and also the most hopeful of those three, in a way, as it tends to show up (in my experience) before the association with the other person is too deep. There's still time to get away, to protect oneself. A little late now, I know, for you in this situation, but maybe helpful if you ever get this line again?

Beyond anything to be found in the readings, he just sounds extremely cruel. It's good you got away from him, though it doesn't resolve the damage he inflicted. I hope you feel better soon.
 

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).

Top