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What is this "week of silence?" This is supposed to be a relationship, not a monastery, right? Will chanting be allowed during the week of silence? Aaaaahaaa Aaaahaa Ahaaaem.... Are you mourning the dead or something? Maybe the week of silence is for the dead relationship...
Get a ferret and get out, don't look back, don't even talk about him... Just move on... And get a ferret
Yi answers you....that you are coming at this question via the idea that tending to the details (hex 9) will actually help you make a decision (hex 43...or you have the belief that there is some detail in his decision process about you that if only you could fathom you'd know what to do to make his behaviour humanSo my supposed bf, changed his mind yet again, I feel like my emotions are being strung along like it doesn't matter how I feel.
"why does he keep changing his mind, and go from hot to cold back to hot?"
"Should I just forget about him and move on?"
Perhaps I will find my joy in not pursuing him.
I don't like to say how he feels but this is a picture of someone who has no idea where they are (29.3) ......who is on the edge (hex 28)....who, to be fair, does appear to need a break from emotional intensity (29.4)"How does he feel about us?"
3>Danger upon danger, he is pausing and waiting for a way out of this situation.
4>If we help each other then we can find a way out together, I think this could also be related to my moving out.
Hex 3 unchanging is often pretty chaotic....this guy is nowhere near ready to make committment and sure enough thats what his behaviour has shown. We have slagged him off a bit as treating you like crap but from his perspective he really isn't ready for committment and he needs to explore and grow not settle down. I don't think the answer says he won't come back....one day...or that he will come back...but he seems to be totally immersed in his own process right now. For you to try to gain emotional sustenance from a person who is in this phase themselves emotionally just doesn't work as you have found out. I think if you want to end it well you could acknowlege he really can't support a committed relationship with you...but you could stay in touch"will he come back or is he done?"
I think thats been answered. You need to totally back off the idea of a relationship with him where hes there for you etc because hes emotionally chaotic...ie hex 29, hex 3. You may wish to maintain a friendly sort of relationship with him....I don't know. The answer suggests to me a genuine friendship may be possible since there is generosity there, somewhere. Or it may simply be highlighting that he has been generous in some way....although we see him as hurtful...he has shared something. Did he provide the place you live ? It could be just showing not to think of him too badly since he did provide you with something when it was needed. The answer may also refer to you calling on others help that you can trust"should I stay away from him?"
because he needs to get his own head together. Any kind of full on phase of inner growth needs space and solitude...generally. He has asked for solitude. Just give it him. He may naturally feel ambivalent as he doesn't want to forgo company and intimacy etc...but the fact is he cannot support a relationship with you"Why does he want a week of no talking at all?"
Thats reflected in the 29.3.4>28 answer I think....hes treading water, not in a safe place emotionally...sounds like he drew you into his whirlpool , perhaps clung for a bit of help (29.4) but this exhausted you and he was never in the right place mentally to have a live in partner. I think I've been here too...its horrible but the sense of freedom when one day you wake up and its not your first concern and its receded is wonderful. it feels like getting out of prison, out of emotional darkness into all the light there is.god trojan u r soo right.. my best friend has been telling me from the start ive been accomodating his selfish needs! i didnt listen to her tho becuz i love him, ive been dwindling away slowly because of a lack of energy. i dont do the things i enjoy anymore because im being emotionally drained. i felt things werent right the moment i moved with him to be with him. he pressured me into the relationship, it was a now or never thing.. and slowly i started to lose my independancy and confidence.
now look where this ended up.
I think 49 unchanging is often experienced in a pretty total way...it can seem the thing you ask about has died, gone, disappeared. In a sense it has but its not really death but transformation. Perhaps each time a relationship ends you feel some part of you died, has gone..and so naturally you grieve.but it hasn't ...its just changing and while it changes it can look like its disappeared altogether...think of caterpillar to butterfly for an oft used example. The caterpillar didn't die when it pupated (?) there must have been a time between when it was a caterpillar and when it was a butterfly that it wasn't anything recognisable at all...maybe thats the state you are in with relationships.thanks all for replying, i needed a little time out after this emotionally exhausting time.
a bit has changed since i last posted, things took a turn for the worse and we ended things rather badly.. overwhelmed, confused and having my emotions toyed with, well lets just say i reacted to all this very immaturely.
i said things i now regret and im sure he has too, nothing we can do about it now.
im now back in my hometown, we both agreed we could not be together another day.
im very disappointed at his being unable to hold back from me as we agreed so there would not be tension or any further difficulties and also how i reacted after he pushed me away. i pretty much freaked out, got very upset.
we text scant words here n there about remaining arrangements..
i feel burdened because of all this. good friends turned to... nothing now.
why do I always judge myself so harshly whenever my relationships end?
like seriously it holds me back.. i feel badly for reactions and it takes me awhile to get myself together. i realize that this is not fully my fault, yet i feel so badly.
PO Box 6945,
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).