...life can be translucent

Menu

Hottocoldtohot 43.4.6>9

meganj

visitor
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
543
Reaction score
0
So my supposed bf, changed his mind yet again, I feel like my emotions are being strung along like it doesn't matter how I feel.

He goes from hot to cold, to hot then to cold, I seriously don't know how much I can take. He changed his mind again about how he feels about things, he wants silence between us for a week after I leave.
I was telling him how his changing emotions are making me feel and how it's unfair, then suddenly he says i'm annoying and to go away pretty much.
It's like he's only doing what's convenient for himself.
I told him i'd back off and leave him alone but he came back to me, I wasn't planning on "bothering" him.
If he was so concerned about this then why would he put himself and myself in this position? It's risky because feelings are involved.. perhaps he just doesn't give a ****.

"why does he keep changing his mind, and go from hot to cold back to hot?"
43.4.6>9

I'm starting to think I should just move on, i'm starting to become bitter..
I am such a dope:duh:

4> Being led like a sheep huh

6> This sounds, my belief in maybe that this would work.. yet little did I know he was not in this as much as me and the bad quickly came back one I realized he wasn't.

All this sounds like he didn't completely turn his idea or thoughts to making "us" work again, only in part then changed his mind.

"Should I just forget about him and move on?"
58

Perhaps I will find my joy in not pursuing him.

"How does he feel about us?"
29.3.4>28

3>Danger upon danger, he is pausing and waiting for a way out of this situation.
4>If we help each other then we can find a way out together, I think this could also be related to my moving out.

So overall this reading does not look good at all, I mean it's obviously falling apart.
The situation must change..

"will he come back or is he done?"
3
It looks like after time he may, though there is many difficulties that will have to be pushed through in order for that to happen. It's all on if he has the energy, time or even wants to.

"should I stay away from him?"
9.5>26

I don;t get this at all :confused:

Then
"Why does he want a week of no talking at all?"
45.3>31


Overall this has left me very sad, I was hoping to leave here on a good note.
I have a huge weight on my chest and so tired of it all.............................
 

Trojina

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
19,974
Reaction score
235
First just incase you'd not yet seen all the advice here http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=12642 there it is.

Second.....you don't even need to ask why he does things..or the I Ching do you. Hes treating you like crap...move on.

You can't spend your life dancing around his emotions, and you will get nowhere in understanding this situation with the I Ching as he is actually available to talk to you and won't be clear with you you certainly won't get any further with the I Ching. Who else wants to sit here guessing what hes feeling I don't...but you might have some other takers :rolleyes:

Theres a golden rule I aim for in relationship questions...the more questions you ask about the relationship the less viable it is. if it were viable you wouldn't need to keep asking becasue he'd be letting you know he loves you not talking crap about a 'week of silence'....Good Grief...do you really want to spend any more time being punished one moment and wanted the next....tell him to find some other sucker who enjoys that kind of thing and that you prefer to be loved. Yes hes obviously picking you up and putting you down according to his convenience.....or mood. Thats no use to you so either his shapes up or ships out...and the 43.4.6>9 confirms that...if my own opinion weren't enough.....in 43.6 you need to make a fuss, speak out....don't pretend this is a normal way to be treated !


If he wants a week of total silence it would be kind to explain in detail his reasons....otherwise hes on some kind of power trip isn't he...and he must be fairly confident he has got you where he wants you otherwise he'd be scared that in your 'week of silence' you'd go off with some really nice guy and never go back to him...which is what I hope you will do


What do your friends say ? I ask because 43.4 suggests you haven't been listening to people.
 
Last edited:

dragona

visitor
Joined
Jan 27, 2011
Messages
1,266
Reaction score
0
I have to say, you going away for a while I red as a certain break, a time out to calm the mind...
I had something close to this going on, so i think his behavior is of somebody who wants to be in control, but first and foremost, he needs to be in control of himself. I think he is struggling with that at the moment, you are just a collateral, making mistakes as you go because you don`t listen to him and it is not a surprise because he is not being clear, so it is a confusing you further more...
feelings vs. reason..
I wonder if there is something happening that you do not know of-is he taking some drugs or meds perhaps?
I think the 1st cast is talking also about you, I would try to calm my heart and stand aside, watching things not to escalate much further...and what happens when you don`t oblige? Looks like it is up to you to be the firm one.
p.s. this is not my reading, just my opinion, hope it helps. d.
 
Joined
Dec 15, 2011
Messages
724
Reaction score
1
Ahem:blush:... Me again... Here's where I don't give an interpretation, but instead some gratuitious advice:D... :eek:.... I agree with Trojan. I didn't look at the readings, but he sounds like a word I can't use on Clarity:D. In place of that word, how's loser? What is this "week of silence:confused:?" This is supposed to be a relationship, not a monastery, right? Will chanting be allowed during the week of silence? Aaaaahaaa Aaaahaa Ahaaaem.... Are you mourning the dead or something? Maybe the week of silence is for the dead relationship:p...

I hope you don't feel I am being insensitive, I'm being silly, but it really doesn't sound like there is much life there. I say give him his week of silence, and go out and have some fun... and just roll with it... follow it up with a whole lifetime of it.... I remember I had an ex that kept pulling that break crap on me. I let him go on his "break", and just started dating someone else. When he came back, I was happily involved with someone else. Engaged actually:D... Ok, so it was a little fast, but that is a whole 'nother thread:eek:. But, felt good to be the one who put the final nail in that coffin. And, with a ring on my finger:). A big one:D... In the end, victory was mine:cool::D:rofl:(evil villain laugh).

Take your power back Meganj. Please, read that thread I posted on your other page. There are people who do things like that on purpose! It is very intentional psychological abuse... and I don't know him, but this is a huge red flag to me. Wether he is some weird control freak, psychologically abusive, or just really insensitive or stupid, doesn't matter... Get a ferret and get out, don't look back, don't even talk about him... Just move on... And get a ferret:):hug:
 
Last edited:
Joined
Dec 15, 2011
Messages
724
Reaction score
1
Just don't go too far with the fun. Don't go getting married in Vegas or anything. Apparently not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas:eek:. Don't want to learn that the hard way:duh:... But, I hear this handsome gentleman is available... and ready to listen...
 
Last edited:

Trojina

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
19,974
Reaction score
235
What is this "week of silence:confused:?" This is supposed to be a relationship, not a monastery, right? Will chanting be allowed during the week of silence? Aaaaahaaa Aaaahaa Ahaaaem.... Are you mourning the dead or something? Maybe the week of silence is for the dead relationship:p...
:rofl: :rofl:


Get a ferret and get out, don't look back, don't even talk about him... Just move on... And get a ferret:):hug:

:rofl: yes a ferrett wouldn't impose a week of silence.....geez thats funny...
 

Trojina

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
19,974
Reaction score
235
I decided to address the questions as i think the answers are quite clear anyway

So my supposed bf, changed his mind yet again, I feel like my emotions are being strung along like it doesn't matter how I feel.


"why does he keep changing his mind, and go from hot to cold back to hot?"
43.4.6>9
Yi answers you....that you are coming at this question via the idea that tending to the details (hex 9) will actually help you make a decision (hex 43...or you have the belief that there is some detail in his decision process about you that if only you could fathom you'd know what to do to make his behaviour human

Not at all an appropriate stance to take here...you aren't listening (43.4) if you followed the natural flow of events there would be no problem here....i think you would just seperate as you have some time away anyway or you would just become more distant friends. 43.6 you are in pain and not calling out about it....maybe you need to call up some friends...but don't minimize this crappy behaviour...it needs a decision...you can't let it go on. If you let this go on it is like not calling out when you are in trouble and you go further into difficulty



"Should I just forget about him and move on?"
58

Perhaps I will find my joy in not pursuing him.

Hoooorrrayyy yes you will be alot happier without him and will be able to open up more to others...58 is fun, exchange, happiness.



"How does he feel about us?"
29.3.4>28

3>Danger upon danger, he is pausing and waiting for a way out of this situation.
4>If we help each other then we can find a way out together, I think this could also be related to my moving out.
I don't like to say how he feels but this is a picture of someone who has no idea where they are (29.3) ......who is on the edge (hex 28)....who, to be fair, does appear to need a break from emotional intensity (29.4)


Yes give him all the break he needs....he may really need time to get a grip

"will he come back or is he done?"
3
Hex 3 unchanging is often pretty chaotic....this guy is nowhere near ready to make committment and sure enough thats what his behaviour has shown. We have slagged him off a bit as treating you like crap but from his perspective he really isn't ready for committment and he needs to explore and grow not settle down. I don't think the answer says he won't come back....one day...or that he will come back...but he seems to be totally immersed in his own process right now. For you to try to gain emotional sustenance from a person who is in this phase themselves emotionally just doesn't work as you have found out. I think if you want to end it well you could acknowlege he really can't support a committed relationship with you...but you could stay in touch



"should I stay away from him?"
9.5>26
I think thats been answered. You need to totally back off the idea of a relationship with him where hes there for you etc because hes emotionally chaotic...ie hex 29, hex 3. You may wish to maintain a friendly sort of relationship with him....I don't know. The answer suggests to me a genuine friendship may be possible since there is generosity there, somewhere. Or it may simply be highlighting that he has been generous in some way....although we see him as hurtful...he has shared something. Did he provide the place you live ? It could be just showing not to think of him too badly since he did provide you with something when it was needed. The answer may also refer to you calling on others help that you can trust

"Why does he want a week of no talking at all?"
45.3>31
because he needs to get his own head together. Any kind of full on phase of inner growth needs space and solitude...generally. He has asked for solitude. Just give it him. He may naturally feel ambivalent as he doesn't want to forgo company and intimacy etc...but the fact is he cannot support a relationship with you

So its pretty clear....we could say he is a **** head ....and we have ;) but he also genuinally needs his own space now so theres no point you giving it him then going back to him when he feels lonesome one night because, as you have seen, he can't give you what you need. If you were happy with the state of play it would be different but I can't see any girl would be...no one can stay well when the one they love blows hot and cold like this....its harmful to you. Perhaps the best is you make a clear decision to finish romantically, you call on other support you have and express your feelings.

You also tell him of your feelings ( 43.6) and maybe retain at least some good feeling between you in that you understand he cannot support any committed relationship with a girl now....hes just not in that headspace. Perhaps hes has so much to sort out in his own head he just can't be tending to your needs. Thats just how it is. If he were emotionally more mature he could explain that to you and have the self discipline to cut off from you to spare you more pain. As it is I think he comes back to you each time he feels a tad vulnerable ( or a tad horny :rolleyes:). You have to take control here for the sake of your emotional well being...and don't fall into the trap of thinking he is there to provide for you emotionally when he actually can't
 
Last edited:

meganj

visitor
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
543
Reaction score
0
thanks all for replying, i needed a little time out after this emotionally exhausting time.
a bit has changed since i last posted, things took a turn for the worse and we ended things rather badly.. overwhelmed, confused and having my emotions toyed with, well lets just say i reacted to all this very immaturely.
i said things i now regret and im sure he has too, nothing we can do about it now.
im now back in my hometown, we both agreed we could not be together another day.
im very disappointed at his being unable to hold back from me as we agreed so there would not be tension or any further difficulties and also how i reacted after he pushed me away. i pretty much freaked out, got very upset.

we text scant words here n there about remaining arrangements..
i feel burdened because of all this. good friends turned to... nothing now.

why do I always judge myself so harshly whenever my relationships end?
49

like seriously it holds me back.. i feel badly for reactions and it takes me awhile to get myself together. i realize that this is not fully my fault, yet i feel so badly.
 

meganj

visitor
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
543
Reaction score
0
god trojan u r soo right.. my best friend has been telling me from the start ive been accomodating his selfish needs! i didnt listen to her tho becuz i love him, ive been dwindling away slowly because of a lack of energy. i dont do the things i enjoy anymore because im being emotionally drained. i felt things werent right the moment i moved with him to be with him. he pressured me into the relationship, it was a now or never thing.. and slowly i started to lose my independancy and confidence.
now look where this ended up.
 

meganj

visitor
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
543
Reaction score
0
49>
it seem putting away the past through radical change shakes me up.
 

Trojina

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
19,974
Reaction score
235
god trojan u r soo right.. my best friend has been telling me from the start ive been accomodating his selfish needs! i didnt listen to her tho becuz i love him, ive been dwindling away slowly because of a lack of energy. i dont do the things i enjoy anymore because im being emotionally drained. i felt things werent right the moment i moved with him to be with him. he pressured me into the relationship, it was a now or never thing.. and slowly i started to lose my independancy and confidence.
now look where this ended up.
Thats reflected in the 29.3.4>28 answer I think....hes treading water, not in a safe place emotionally...sounds like he drew you into his whirlpool , perhaps clung for a bit of help (29.4) but this exhausted you and he was never in the right place mentally to have a live in partner. I think I've been here too...its horrible but the sense of freedom when one day you wake up and its not your first concern and its receded is wonderful. it feels like getting out of prison, out of emotional darkness into all the light there is.
 

Trojina

Supporter
Clarity Supporter
Joined
May 29, 2006
Messages
19,974
Reaction score
235
thanks all for replying, i needed a little time out after this emotionally exhausting time.
a bit has changed since i last posted, things took a turn for the worse and we ended things rather badly.. overwhelmed, confused and having my emotions toyed with, well lets just say i reacted to all this very immaturely.
i said things i now regret and im sure he has too, nothing we can do about it now.
im now back in my hometown, we both agreed we could not be together another day.
im very disappointed at his being unable to hold back from me as we agreed so there would not be tension or any further difficulties and also how i reacted after he pushed me away. i pretty much freaked out, got very upset.

we text scant words here n there about remaining arrangements..
i feel burdened because of all this. good friends turned to... nothing now.

why do I always judge myself so harshly whenever my relationships end?
49

like seriously it holds me back.. i feel badly for reactions and it takes me awhile to get myself together. i realize that this is not fully my fault, yet i feel so badly.
I think 49 unchanging is often experienced in a pretty total way...it can seem the thing you ask about has died, gone, disappeared. In a sense it has but its not really death but transformation. Perhaps each time a relationship ends you feel some part of you died, has gone..and so naturally you grieve.but it hasn't ...its just changing and while it changes it can look like its disappeared altogether...think of caterpillar to butterfly for an oft used example. The caterpillar didn't die when it pupated (?) there must have been a time between when it was a caterpillar and when it was a butterfly that it wasn't anything recognisable at all...maybe thats the state you are in with relationships.

I think you are right it can be very destabilising and disorientating coming out of this kind of relationship...because he did de stabilise you. He gave you no solid place to stand and you entrusted him with your heart...so now your heart needs to be gathered safely back to you. On a vibrational level you will still be connected with him so it may be worth doing little meditations/visualisations to draw your own heart safely back to a stable palce within you and let him go in as loving a way as you can muster. I always think these kind of relationships need to be withdrawn from well or they can mess your head up alot longer. A piece of you went to him, literally. People don't realise that about relationships, they stay with you vibrationally alot longer than the time you are just together, so disconnecting needs to be something quite carefully done.

Also, in general, be aware that any feelings of failure aren't entirely down to you as an individual. Our whole society, values 'the relationship' as the holy grail of life.....which is misleading since often the best thing to do when in a state like your boyfriend is in is not to seek out relationship but to develop his relationship with himself. Sometimes it is really better not to have a relationship...but society has no place for that...its kind of not recognised as a valid place to be...so i think one might feel a sense of invalidation as well at losing a relationship...which I think is culturally induced...and as you are part of that culture you of course imbibe/believe it. Shrug that part off

Anyway I think 49 is a great dynamic answer here indicating the pain you feel is all part of the transformation that is happening within you. I do think you might be helped by very conscioulsy caring for your own heart now...like you would if you had a wound on your body. Skin needs time to regrow...skin growing and shedding is a very 49 image. So think of your heart as having painfully shed a skin, give it time to naturally recuperate. Not to shut it down totally but to look after it. I think often we don't look after our hearts too well , they should keep us centred. When you give it away and it gets trodden on in someone elses mad whirlpool it needs a bit of time.....and lots of pink and green. Colour is good therapy...try to have some pink and green around you...that could mean going shopping ;)
 
Last edited:
Joined
Dec 15, 2011
Messages
724
Reaction score
1


Oh, Meganj... Poopersnappers! Breakups stink:(... Sorry to hear, but does sound like it was for the best. Sounds like an abusive cycle was really starting to take hold there...

" he pressured me into the relationship, it was a now or never thing.. and slowly i started to lose my independancy and confidence."

That is a huge red flag, and now you will recognize it in the future. So, this has turned out to be a very valuable learning experience, but yes, does sound like a very emotionally exhausting one:hug:.

This too shall pass, right, Meganj. Don't beat yourself up over your behavior. You are only human. Doesn't sound all that unfamiliar, and I'm sure I've been there done that and then some:eek:... It's nearly impossible to maintain one's composure when dealing with someone like you described. But, it is not your fault things didn't work. No one can make that work! I'm sure you feel confused by all this, wondering why Gary is such a big piece of poo:confused:... It's not because of you though:hug:. Although women who deal with this kind of treatment invariably try to figure out what they did wrong in the relationship. So stop harshly judging yourself:):hug:.

But, it does sound like you are trying to gain a deeper understading of what happened here, which is great! Sounds like you fell for the wrong guy, which can be avoided once you learn to recognize the warning signs of a bad character... Sometimes, it is not obvious. You might find some answers here though, in this book, which I have heard is a very good read on the topic. Haven't read it yet myself, but have heard it is a good one... It's on my list of to reads though...

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

I also suggest you check out some of the books the worst of the worst of men read, like Get Laid or Die Trying by Jeff Allen or The Game by Neil Strauss. It is always smart to know how and what the enemy is thinking, and men like this are indeed the enemy for a girl like you. Good to know just how scummy some people can be. And, when you find someone with a heart of gold, you will appreciate them all the more:).

Why you fell for him, well, that you will have to figure out. I'm sure the answer to this is more complicated and something only you can truly figure out. Clearly, your gut feeling on him wasn't great. So you have great intuition, and with a little insight and experience, you will be able to spot the bad apples from miles away:):hug:...

So, how about that ferret:p?

 
Last edited:
Joined
Dec 15, 2011
Messages
724
Reaction score
1
"On a vibrational level you will still be connected with him so it may be worth doing little meditations/visualisations to draw your own heart safely back to a stable palce within you and let him go in as loving a way as you can muster. I always think these kind of relationships need to be withdrawn from well or they can mess your head up alot longer. A piece of you went to him, literally. People don't realise that about relationships, they stay with you vibrationally alot longer than the time you are just together, so disconnecting needs to be something quite carefully done."
-Trojan

Yes, what Trojan is saying here makes a lot of sense to me. You may have formed some negative chords with him. You don't want those kinds of energetic connections with people from your past. Don't keep his old crap around, especially anything like toothbrushes, laundry, cleaning supplies like brooms or waste baskets... you get the idea. This is why I wrote,

"Get a ferret and get out, don't look back, don't even talk about him... Just move on... And get a ferret."

I was being kind of silly about it, but really meant just get out of there. Make a clean break... When I hear stories like this, it always makes me think of when you're watching a movie, and you see the character end up in a bad spot where you know something terrible is going to happen. And even though you can tell they feel a little uneasy, they don't really know it yet. And you just can't help but shout at the screen "Get out of there:eek:!" Or when I was a kid playing video games. I liked the fighting games, and when I found myself in a dangerous spot, everyone in the background would start yelling, "Get out of there:eek:!" Funny, it never seems to do much good:confused::rofl:. Well, anyway, that was what I really meant:blush:.
 
Last edited:

meganj

visitor
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
543
Reaction score
0
this is soo weird because not too long ago i was giving his best friend break up advice.. little did i know!
yah im startin to realize and understand more about whats going on.. i feel like this breakup will allow me to reconnect to my spirit and build my strength.
im gonna go sweat with my grandpa next weekend and hopefully next month around my bday go fast.
so no i dont see this as a total devastating thing.. maybe i was feeling like that before but now i see it as a chance to rebuild and work on my weak points, become a better person.
anyways im on my phone right now and its kind of difficult to get everything off my chest that i would like to say to you guys but I would like to say thank you again to dragona, trojan and ferret.
thanks for the advice, help on my readings and the support!!
:)
 

hopex

visitor
Joined
Jun 8, 2011
Messages
704
Reaction score
1
Hi Meganj
this was all rather predictable - take some steps back and
look at your previous thread - it revolved around 50 I believe

i seem to remember that you were charged with renegotiating the
terms of the relationship in a controlled and measured fashion.
You went off to an early break because the sharing of the dwelling
place was confusing matters

this is a bit like raising well behaved children/ puppies....so
if you can stop spinning your wheels and back track/get back on
track
 

meganj

visitor
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
543
Reaction score
0
getting back on track now that we have space thanks hopex for your insight!

trojan: after thinking about 49 i have gained a new insight thanks to you.
i see it not so much as a bad thing anymore but understand it a bit better, not only does this help my own interpretations of reading better but it helps me understand, i dont particuliarly like the idea of "molting" as indicated in 49, but your image of a butterfly was really helpful! i found some peace thanks to that..
i am starting to let go and just let things be :)

ferret: i am thankful for your contributions because you have also made things a bit clearer with your interpretation of my extreme shyness towards other people and how i have a problem connecting with others, just keep giving.. I keep going back to that and am starting to change my attitude because of this, thank you very much :)
 
Last edited:

meganj

visitor
Joined
Mar 6, 2011
Messages
543
Reaction score
0
i must also say that i do feel free.. like i was caged in by my own relationship and when i left our apartment i felt really free.. it was a relief to feel like that c:
great observation.. and actually what i find weird is ive gotten a hexagram while i was still with him asking for an explaination about how i was feeling (constant pressure), i forget which hex and lines they were but it reflected how i felt perfectly.. in a prison of my own making.
 

Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom

Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).

Top