How best to tackle my anxiety - hex 61.1 to 59

[veronica]

Hello everyone, I'm wondering if you could share your views and experiences regarding hex 61.1 to 59 - I have been in a difficult situation for a long time and as a result suffer from a lot of anxiety, which is impacting on my life and my family. The difficulty comes from having to deal with a difficult ex who is a father to my 10 year old son, who was one when I left. I tried various tactics of co-parenting with this man, only to realise that the only way is no contact, which is difficult as we share a child. Things have come to a head and we are in court again fighting over custody (he is likely to loose some access as my son reported to the teacher that his dad has been hitting him). My anxiety has been really bad as a result so I asked tonight: What is the best way of tackling my anxiety problem and received hex 61.1 to 59. What are your views on this?

Does line 1 suggest that even though I might receive guidance and insight, I cannot deal with the anxiety for as long as my ex is in my life? Does it actually suggest trying to cut him out or does it simply say that I can't have peace as he is in my life?

Please help! With gratitude.

 

[diamanda]

Hi veronica,

Line 61.1 says that worrying is lucky, because there is an actual danger in the situation.
Your anxiety is actually serving a purpose: to rescue you from this danger.
So 61.1 > 59 shows, like you said, that as long as he's in your life, your red flags will be up. The situation with him needs to be totally dissolved. Fly away, like the birds in 61.1 did.

 

[veronica]

Hi Diamanda, many thanks for your reply. Yes I see that too... What I am trying to figure out though is whether line 1 suggests that if I dissolve my involvement with this man, my anxiety will disappear and whether this is actually doable since he is the father of my son and so presumably will always be in my life to an extent?

However, my question was "HOW best to tackle my anxiety" so am I right to assume that the Yi is encouraging me to cut the ties and I will find peace as a result?

Does anyone else have any experiences with this line? This feels like quite a profound reading to me and I would like to get as deep as possible into it so would be most grateful for any responses. This forum used to be so busy, where has everyone gone? Many thanks in advance!

 

[diamanda]

so am I right to assume that the Yi is encouraging me to cut the ties and I will find peace as a result?

Yes that's how I also see it. Because there is a real danger in line 61.1. Your anxiety is not an imaginary fabrication. You said he even hits your child - how can you not have anxiety?

In my opinion what makes cutting ties doable is that the alternative is to continue being involved with a man who is consistently difficult and even hits his own child. For me that's a profound enough reason to feel constant stress and to stay away from him. 59 means dispersion, scattering. Since you got the very first line of 61 (heart) changing only, your anxiety is not deep-seated yet, it has not reached the heart yet - it can still be dissolved by recognising the danger in your life.

 

[rosada]

Not following you Diamanda. Were you perhaps looking at 62.1 rather than 61.1?

61.1
Being prepared brings good fortune.
If there are secret designs it is disquieting.

62.1
The bird meets with misfortune through flying.

 

[rosada]

Interesting how the last line leading up to 61.1 is 60.6, "Galling limitation. Perseverance brings misfortune. Remorse disappears." This seems to describe the severe treatment your son has received from his father and the thought that he will not endure it and will eventually rebel against it - which he did, he told his teacher. Now we move on to 61.1 and you have learned the "Inner Truth" of what is going on. I believe you are being counseled to prepare for the possibility the father might act out again. Certainly the "secret designs" - which I think refers to the fact your child felt for some reason he should not tell you and that you had to learn about it from his teacher - is very disquieting! Perhaps you could get your son a cell phone and tell both him and his father that he is to use it to call you if the dad ever threatens to hit him again.
I think the IC is advising you that making sure your son knows he can tell you what's really happening will be a major help in calming - 59. Dispersing - your anxiety even if the father continues to have visitation rights.

 

[diamanda]

Hi rosada,

I was looking at 61.1, which says:

虞 = anxiety, worry, forewarned (the character is a combination of tiger + shout)
吉 = lucky, auspicious

有 = there is
它 = a snake on its tail
不 = no
燕 = swallows (a type of bird)

Meaning that it's good to worry - when the birds leave it's a sign that there's a hidden danger/snake.
Wilhelm's translation is quite broad. LiSe's translation of this line is more to the point:
"The white tiger: auspicious. When there is a snake, there are no swallows."

 

[veronica]

Many thanks Rosada and Diamanda for your sound advice. Yes my son has been told by his father in the past to keep secrets from me (otherwise mummy will take you away from me). The difficulty of giving him a mobile phone is that his father is likely to confiscate it and take a note of the number, in order to harass my son with constant phone calls when he gets back home. My son has been more open about his experiences since the contact with his father has been reduced but a judge last Thursday granted the father unsupervised access again, which is farcical. We are awaiting a proper hearing so hopefully some safeguarding structure could be put in place.

Going back to my anxiety, I still do not see what the full advice here is. Does the reading advise to cut ties with my ex and then the anxiety will "dissolve" as a result? Or does it say that staying anxious for now is a good thing as it might protect my son? The original question was "How to tackle the anxiety?"

 

[rosada]

I think the I Ching is saying that the anxiety is caused by the fact you don't know for certain what is going on: "If there are secret designs it is disquieting." So it would follow that the way to tackle the anxiety is to find a way to eliminate the secrets.
If there is concern that the father would call the boy on the cell phone you could stipulate that the phone is yours and you are only loaning it to him for when he visits dad.

 

[kash]

The hexagram is "inner peace", which is quite apt, considering your question. The first line talks about being guided by what you know is right and warns that if you let external influence affect you that you will get no peace. Seems like a straightforward answer - the way to get over your anxiety is to do what you know is right for you and your child and not let external influences (i.e. your ex) get you down.

 

[rosada]

I was thinking more about this hexagram line too and thinking how incredibly apt it is for your question. I mean what more perfectly describes anxiety than "hidden designs disquieting inner peace"?
Further, I was just realizing that now that the judge has given the father unsupervised visitation anyway, you can reassure your son that he can freely report whatever happens and he wont be prevented from seeing him! So hopefully you'll at least not be anxious that your son is hiding things from you.
Also, just as a suggestion for controlling your own mind so it doesn't constantly bombard you with awful possible scenarios that probably wont ever happen but still drive you crazy, write out the words of 61.1 - 59 and memorize them. Think of them as a mantra. They may not make sense to you or seem to mean anything but as you focus on the words you received for relieving anxiety, you may find you get relief from anxiety! (I once asked the I Ching where my missing glasses were. The hexagram made no sense but just after I read it I found the glasses.)

 

[veronica]

Rosada, that's such an intuitive response! My mind has really been playing tricks on me and constantly bombarding me with awful possible scenarios, to the point that I have made an appointment to see a doctor on Friday to help with my anxiety. Using the reading as a mantra could really help me I feel - which exact words should I write out? The ones of the moving line? Many thanks! Beata

 

[rosada]

I was thinking the words of the 61.1 line. You could also say slowly over and over, "I choose peace, I choose peace, I choose peace."

 

[veronica]

Many thanks Rosada, I have started it last night in bed!

Have been thinking about the reading and realised that there could be another interpretation to this. My situation is very complex, which does not appear obvious to most people on the surface of things, including the legal team. I know the truth (Inner Truth) about my ex and his behaviour and manipulation, but a lot of people won't, unless they have specifically dealt with someone like him. The message might be that I won't be able to find peace until the inner truth is exposed (the artificial barriers dissolved)....

Here is an article, which describes my situation precisely:

https://owlcation.com/social-scienc...ssistic-Personality-Disorder-in-Custody-Cases

 

[veronica]

Interestingly, I asked just now: How can I convince the legal team of what X is truly about? and received Hex 5 Waiting, unchanged!

 

[diamanda]

"The level of psychological abuse, manipulation, true brainwashing, terrorizing, demoralizing, self-esteem destroying that an NPD parent does to their child is hard to wrap your head around. NPD’s seem to be born with the skills of the best torturer imaginable."

Veronica thanks for this article. Being the child of an NPD mother myself, I've read lots on the subject of these conscience-less people, but not from a judicial point of view so far.

The advice in the Image of 5 unchanging says "the superior man eats and drinks, is joyous and of good cheer". The only reason I can think of why this would be to your advantage, is because the opposite would be to your disadvantage. If your NPD is anything like my NPD mother, your ex will most probably use against you an argument along the lines of "how frail your nerves are" (which they obviously are, and you and I can understand why, but the judges don't know the full details). So imo, if you show weakness at the court, you'll put yourself at a disadvantage. While if you appear to be "joyous and of good cheer" perhaps his BS will be more apparent to the judges. Just a guess of what 5 might mean in this case, in regards what you can do to convince the legal team.