how do i change to attract soulmate? 40.2.4 -> 2

[elizabeth]

Curious if I am on the right path or not, I asked the Yi, "How do i need to change to attract my soulmate?"

From its resulting hexes (40.2.4 and 2 unchanging), I gather the following:

Hex 40 = deliverance from danger by activity. I have to GET out there (which I have not been doing.)
Hex 40 says "South and west are favourable, for those who go in this direction, that of retreat, will be loved by all."

---> My question is: is this LITERAL? Meaning locations on the globe in the South or West? Bc I am located in the very very north and eastern hemisphere...

"...Turning back brings good fortune and makes it possible to follow the middle way. But those with good reason to go forward should hurry on their way. When heaven and earth are released from the clutch of winter as thunder and rain, the buds of fruit trees and every sort of plant burst open."

I am living in a foreign land and the question is always "is it time to go back" or stay longer. I want to stay longer bc i feel my destiny is here. Or maybe, I just want to believe it is here? I think this is another question for the Yi. Anyhow, to the lines.

LINE 2: Have good clear intention and the ability to really focus and follow through. be bold and sure of yourself. Not necessarily "proactive" but just sure. Follow through. Intend precisely. Know you're worthy. Stay the course. Don't shrink from it or start to think it isn't worth while or that you wont find someone. Do not doubt yourself

Line 4. This one gives me trouble. It reads:
Deliver yourself from your great toe. Then the companion comes, And him you can trust.

The interpretations I found online said the following about line 4: "Here deliverance is difficult and fumbled. It is as if a man were struggling to release himself from bonds by attempting to untie them with his toes rather than his fingers. He has encumbered himself with inferior people, and must break with them before he can join with friends who truly share his beliefs."

---> who are the inferior people, in my situation??

"...In times of standstill it will happen that inferior people attach themselves to a superior man, and through force of daily habit they may grow very close to him and become indispensable, just as the big toe is indispensable to the foot because it makes walking easier. but when the time of deliverance draws near, with its call to deeds, a man must free himself from such chance acquaintances with whom he has no inner connection. For otherwise the friends who share his views, on whom he could really rely and together with whom he could accomplish something, mistrust him and stay away."

Is the Yi speaking about the people around me, the peoeple of the country i live in as being inferior, versus those of my own culture? I can't really guess what else this might mean.

---
Hexagram 2 Receptivity.
2. K'un / The Receptive

The Judgement: The Receptive brings about sublime success, Furthering through the perseverance of a mare. If the superior man undertakes something and tries to lead, He goes astray; But if he follows, he finds guidance. It is favorable to find friends in the west and south, To forego friends in the east and north. Quiet perseverance brings good fortune.

The Image: The earth's condition is receptive devotion. Thus the superior man who has breadth of character Carries the outer world.

I gather this says be receptive.
SO overall I have an image of the bulk of the problems being in the past, 40 is I am now at a good point "but" I have to be and remain open to possibility (line 2) and heed some warning about the inferior people in line 4.

Do others see something else in line 4 or in the reading as a whole?

Thanks in advance,
-e.

 

[steve]

Hi
Ok i looked at this from the outside looking in
All i could see was stay on the path of where u would like to meet this person and 40.4 looking for a like minded person
but it was that 2 be receptive if that person appears, very female hexagram to me anyway
very good stuff

Steve

 

[elizabeth]

PHEW. I really clicked on this thread with trepadation but I will see what others say. Thanks Steve. The direction (east/south) thing has me more than a little bit concerned...

 

[ben_s]

Hi Elizabeth, Wilhelm explains that in the oracle "The Southwest" just represents normal circumstances. 40 says that if are behind normal circumstances, get moving to close the gap, and if you went too far, get back to normal as soon as you can. 40.4 says there is someone who tries to fool you into making them indispensible in your life, but they really aren't worth all that bother. 2 shows that for you, the natural situation is one where there is an open heart and receptiveness. If you have to struggle to make your way, instead of effortlessly receiving just like the land doesn't have to struggle to make the seeds grow, then you are in the wrong place for you. But this might be a matter of the heart or your immediate social circle, not the geography.

Two ideas for follow up questions
What is the way I get back to a normal, healthy life as soon as possible?
Who is the "big toe" person that can trip me up?

and your question about whether your "feeling of destiny" is the same as "your actual destiny."

 

[Trojina]

I found 40.4 can be about releasing those you normally depend upon to meet your needs, emotional or otherwise. You may have to let go of these before those who you really resonate with can come. It may not make logical sense. One might think 'well i could make new friends while still hanging around with the old ones but it seems if ones energy is invested, tied up in one way its not free to go elsewhere. I personally think this line can mean you need a whole new way of relating, not what you are accustomed to rely on. Consider where you get your main emotional sustenance from right now, consider how its been for you, consider undoing yourself from it, unglueing yourself if you like, letting go the big toe. Getting unstuck from any current dependencies/loyalties (which is how i see Wilhelms 'inferior people' here ) could help alot in you finding what you really want. It frees you up, makes you open(hex 2).

 

[elizabeth]

ben_s and trojan, thanks so much for your input. I know who 40.4 could be, one of two people, either a new person who appeared in my life 2 weeks ago, or...my mother (long story but I truly believe it's one of these two when it should not be). i have made changes not in my immed social circle, which is hard to do, but in HOW I approach life (ie being more open/going OUT instead of sitting at home waiting for the apocolypse) so maybe (?) this change is underway.

Trojan, the mystery in 40.4 to me is that now, and for the past year I really have not HAD any emotional sustenance. So to say "change the source"...well I come back to... there IS no source. So I"ve been trying to see the people I know ("friends") more, in order to meet other new people... This is a change for me. But there is no dependency on anyone else... my mother has a strong psychological hold on me though and i'm working thru eliminating that (even tho i haven't seen her in months and we rarely speak).

Ben, i did take your advice and then ask the Yi the first question on your list, "What is the way I get back to a normal, healthy life as soon as possible?"

The Yi said 11.3 and 19

11. T'ai / Peace

The Judgement --Peace. The small departs, The great approaches. Good fortune. Success.
The Image -- Heaven and earth unite: the image of Peace. Thus the ruler Divides and completes the course of heaven and earth; He furthers and regulates the gifts of heaven and earth, And so aids the people.

Line 3: No plain not followed by a slope. No going not followed by a return. He who remains persevering in danger Is without blame. Do not complain about this truth; Enjoy the good fortune you still possess.

19 Approach.
The Judgement -- Approach has supreme success. Perseverance furthers. When the eight month comes, There will be misfortune.

The Image --The earth above the lake: The image of Approach. Thus the superior man is inexhaustible In his will to teach, And without limits In his tolerance and protection of the people.

__

Have to say that 8th month warning isn't looking too optimistic. Not sure what this means... Hex 11 seems positive and from what I read, represents peace/ideal harmony, coupling (the "love" hex, if ever there was one). For line 3 I found the following but not sure what it is saying to me.

Bad things may be conquered, but they are not destroyed, and may return at any time. We should enjoy our good fortune when we have it, but remain mindful of danger, so that we may persevere against it. As long as a man remains superior to what fate may bring him, fortune will not desert him.

----maybe that means be wary of the big toe person and continue doing what you're doing??

Line 3 - - Everything on earth is subject to change. Prosperity is followed by decline: this is the eternal law on earth. Evil can indeed be held in check but not permanently abolished. It always returns. This conviction might induce melancholy, but it should not; it ought only to keep us from falling into illusion when good fortune comes to us. If we continue mindful of the danger, we remain persevering and make no mistakes. As long as a man’s inner nature remains stronger and richer than anything offered by external fortune, as long as he remains inwardly superior to fate, fortune will not desert him.

Interested in other interpretations.

 

[elizabeth]

Who is the big toe person that can trip me up?

14. Unchanging. Twice.



14. Ta Yu / Possession in Great Measure
above Li The Clinging, Flame
below Ch'ien The Creative, Heaven

The Judgement -- Possession in Great Measure. Supreme success.

The Image --Fire in heaven above: The image of Possession in Great Measure. Thus the superior man curbs evil and furthers good, And thereby obeys the benevolent will of heaven.

Any way to deduce who this might be? Is this a female or male hex? Or a non-person?

 

[willowfox]

Line 40.2 suggests that you need to make changes in your attitude, there seems to be certain things about you that turn away a potential lover, the 3 foxs are the things that you must remove from your nature.

Line 40.4 suggests that you be very careful of who you associate with, as the company that you keep reflects on what kind of person you actually are.

Hex 2 suggests that after you have followed the advise of lines 40.2,4, then shows patience.

 

[willowfox]

Who is the big toe person that can trip me up?

The big toe people are the people you hang out with.

 

[Trojina]

Who is the big toe person that can trip me up?

14. Unchanging. Twice.



14. Ta Yu / Possession in Great Measure
above Li The Clinging, Flame
below Ch'ien The Creative, Heaven

The Judgement -- Possession in Great Measure. Supreme success.

The Image --Fire in heaven above: The image of Possession in Great Measure. Thus the superior man curbs evil and furthers good, And thereby obeys the benevolent will of heaven.

Any way to deduce who this might be? Is this a female or male hex? Or a non-person?

I don't think the big toe people trip you up. The big toe is yours, its what you use to hang on with.

Actually later considering your reading what i see is the need to let go of somethingto move forward in this matter. If the big toe is anything you depend on, like for example your idea of a 'soulmate' might sustain you on an inner level, then that may be something you need to undo. Wishes and fantasies are also things we depend on to sustain us.

Others can't tell you what it is you need to release you have to chew this over inside you. The way i see it the flavour of the reading is letting go of something, which will actually be a relief rather than a sacrifice in order to be fully receptive to others (hex 2)
If you carry preconceived ideas of what a soulmate is and what he might be like then clinging to those ideas could get in your way.

And the 14s say what you need is already available to you. Its a matter of being receptive (hex 2) and undoing blocks (hex 40) to receive it . Seems a good answer to me to your initial question. You don't need to change much at all to attract a mate, only lose some preconceived notions perhaps.

 

[Tohpol]

You don't need to change much at all to attract a mate, only lose some preconceived notions perhaps.

I completely agree with the above - some great advice there.

It really slots into my take on 40 and also my experience on finding the "soul mate." It really is a case of letting go on this. My reasoning is this: the more you anticipate such a thing, the more you desire it, the more it will stay at a distance. Just be who you naturally are, and if in this life, this guy is meant to find you (there's no guarantees of course) then he will, but only if you set up your own natural resonance by finding your true nature. Hence working on oneself is a prerequisite it seems.

The need, wish, desire for that expressed in the question will interfere with the natural process and create "static" That's how it seems to me. Hex 2 really underlines that aspect of being receptive. The law of attraction is grossly simplifed when it comes to finding a life partner in this regard.

Finally, the emotional sustenance that you mention and lack of it is related to the perception of what you think you need to be happy. I mean geeze I can relate to that. But unless we are able to find peace and love in ourselves it just 'aint gonna happen that the soul mate will pick up the signal before then. You can certainly find partners to learn and grow with meantime but it won't be the soul mate. No judgment there either, that's what folks do all the time.

It sometimes requires a hellva lot of "soul searching" lol within ourselves before it is mirrored in the external world.

Topal

 

[elizabeth]

Thanks Trojan and Topal.

Trojan, your "take" resonates a bit more with me. Topal, yours is more what I have heard time and again esp from my inner self talking. I know all this...and it occurs to me I haven't given you context for my question at all.

I am not in hot pursuit of a soulmate. I have been single and not had any dates in 4 years. I do not go out, I don't date online, I have 3 friends in a foreign country where I work from home all the time. I am basically,f or lack of abetter word, a hermit.

Recently a man literally popped into my life and aroused in me a ton of feelings and thoughts. It really threw me for a loop. He is FAR from my soulmate for a number of reasons (he isn't even a good temporary mate for that matter). But the sort of spark/incident/" aha" moment that occurred made me stop and think.

UNTIL THAT POINT I had decided I do not need a soulmate or a boyfriend or a husband or anyone in my life. I have been alone so long, I"m content that way.

THis encounter changed those thoughts 180 degrees.

I began to think I really am HAPPIER when I am around another person (or persons). I began to think how super and fabulous it would be to actually share my time and my life with someone.

From THAT standpoint -- from the standpoint of "is this lonely/hermetic existence really my Fate" -- as I had come to believe deep down, is really true -- from that place I posed this question.

My point is, as far as I can objectively see, I am quite FAR from clinging to the idea of a soulmate. I Just feel compelled to point that out bc people think from the question that it is my 24 hour airtime thought. No. I want to know if I have had the wrong approach for the past 3-4 yrs in presuming I should live as I have been living, in presuming it is "correct" for my own personal path.

So having said all that, I am still confused on what my big toe hangup is. I have to let go of something to be more receptive. Is the letting go possibly a geographical issue? That is the only thing I can think of -- that staying in the country I am is my crutch, clinging to the idea that I should stay here. But the previous interpretations suggested that this isnt a geographical issue at all.

I am stumped!

 

[Tohpol]

Thanks Trojan and Topal.

Trojan, your "take" resonates a bit more with me. Topal, yours is more what I have heard time and again esp from my inner self talking. I know all this...and it occurs to me I haven't given you context for my question at all.

Yes I thought you knew all this Elizabeth. I remember your past posts. But that isn't the point. What you write in the following is interesting:

"I am not in hot pursuit of a soulmate. I have been single and not had any dates in 4 years. I do not go out, I don't date online, I have 3 friends in a foreign country where I work from home all the time. I am basically,f or lack of abetter word, a hermit."

[...]

"UNTIL THAT POINT I had decided I do not need a soulmate or a boyfriend or a husband or anyone in my life. I have been alone so long, I"m content that way."

Ah yes, it's amazing what we can make ourselves believe in order to escape from hurt, or any number of reality nasties.

So, what prompted the idea that hermitude was a healthy choice? Why did you believe that being a Martyr to fate would be healthy for you? Could be another way to punish yourself or to unconsciously limit the possibility of finding someone. Maybe you're actually scared of it? Perhaps you have an idealized notion of what it means to be in a relationship as expressed by the "soul mate" concept?

What's the root of all this?

It is very possible that we subconsciously set things up so that we believe that we are somehow undeserving of a good relationship and it becomes a self-fulfiling prophecy. This is especially true when you have been brought up by one or two narcissistic parents.

Never going out, not dating at all, working from home and having few friends and being a hermit is neither conducive nor nourishing to any aspect of yourself unless you want to shut the world out. And so guy comes along and trips your chemicals which are lying dormant and it's unsurprising that your sleeping self would start reacting under such a false set of circumstances.

14 is very much about sharing energy in the right way as well as 40 for releasing something, like a block in your self perception - they could both be very much related.

Just some thoughts FWIW - feel free to discard.


Topal

 

[elizabeth]

Wow, Topal. Wow. That is all I can say. (and: thank you!) Ok. There is much here to work with.

So, what prompted the idea that hermitude was a healthy choice? Why did you believe that being a Martyr to fate would be healthy for you? Could be another way to punishing yourself or to unconsciously limit the possibility of finding someone.

Could be. And now, I am thinking was at least in part that, if not completely so.

... Maybe you're actually scared of it? Perhaps you have an idealized notion of what it means to be in a relationship as expressed by the "soul mate" concept?

I think fear is one part. I think...its also sort of a self-fulfilling cycle. You get hurt (for example) or can't find someone (for example) and you stop going out. And you're "safe". The aloneness hurts. But it hurts in a different way than the rejection or the betrayal hurts... Either way is damaging. But one way you risk happiness. As a hermit, you kind of ensure that dull numb contentedness. At least, I could persuade myself it was OK and normal. Not everyone is lucky enough to find a mate...

"What's the root of all this?
It is very possible that we subconsciously set things up so that we believe that we are somehow undeserving of a good relationship and it becomes a self-fulfiling prophecy. This is especially true when you have been brought up by one or two narcissistic parents."

Yes, narcissistic parents (of which i have a very strong maternal unit, ahem,) and growing up hearing, "..do not ever get married, do not ever have kids". When I was 8 yrs old my mother told me that countless times. I never considered it at the time. What 8 yr old is thinking of marriage and kids for Pete's sake? I sure wasn't. But the damage , i guess, was done, on some level...

So I am fulfilling HER prophesy. I shouldn't be happy...therefore i now am the one creating conditions of isolation to make HEr wishes come true.

I think?

"Never going out, not dating at all, working from home and having few friends and being a hermit is neither conducive nor nourishing to any aspect of yourself unless you want to shut the world out. And so a guy comes along and trips your chemicals which are lying dormant and it's unsurprising that your sleeping self would start reacting under such a false set of circumstances.

14 is very much about sharing energy in the right way as well as 40 for releasing something, like a block in your self perception - they could both be very much related.

Just some thoughts FWIW - feel free to discard. "

Nope, no discarding here! This is all EXTREMELY helpful.

So could that line, the big toe hangup, be this? The mother stuff, the past, and me being ällowed to be happy?

 

[Tohpol]

Could be. And now, I am thinking was at least in part that, if not completely so.

I think fear is one part. I think...its also sort of a self-fulfilling cycle. You get hurt (for example) or can't find someone (for example) and you stop going out. And you're "safe". The aloneness hurts. But it hurts in a different way than the rejection or the betrayal hurts... Either way is damaging. But one way you risk happiness. As a hermit, you kind of ensure that dull numb contentedness. At least, I could persuade myself it was OK and normal. Not everyone is lucky enough to find a mate...

I think It's actually quite easy to find a "mate." People do it all the time. For sex, for friendship, for "fun" for kudos etc. The question is....is it someone truly complementary? That's very difficult. You can find someone right now, and he would probably match your condition as you are right now. That need not be a bad thing. You can take second best, or even third or fourth. Depends what you want. Soul mates are possible but they only come when you've woken up to yourself imo, or at least to the point where the other can pick up on it. Assuming of course everyone is destined to meet that special person this time round. That's what drives so many to grab hold of the nearest available person!

You see, I can only speak for my part and from what I've observed. There is no RIGHT way for you, only that you can really dig deep and be honest with yourself. And then take action while being gentle with yourself. It can't be undone over night.

Yes, narcissistic parents (of which i have a very strong maternal unit, ahem,) and growing up hearing, "..do not ever get married, do not ever have kids". When I was 8 yrs old my mother told me that countless times. I never considered it at the time. What 8 yr old is thinking of marriage and kids for Pete's sake? I sure wasn't. But the damage , i guess, was done, on some level...

No doubt at all. However, it doesn't mean you have to be a victim. You acknowledge it, you get angry, then you finally forgive. That's a process. And then you might be at the point where your emotions are YOURS and thus your capacity to take repsonsibility for yourself becomes yours and yours alone. This is what is meant by letting go perhaps. Live your life for you and don't be tied to the injured child. This is effectively what we are talking about here. There's parts of ourselves that were shut away as children, parts that were "punctured with poison" darts and painful arrows from our parents and society. The child copes with this by dissociation. A natural mechanism in fact. But if this emotional wounding is not resolved then it is the dissociation and memory that will continually resurface in situations that remind the mind/body about the original programming.

So I am fulfilling HER prophesy. I shouldn't be happy...therefore i now am the one creating conditions of isolation to make HEr wishes come true.

I think?

So could that line, the big toe hangup, be this? The mother stuff, the past, and me being ällowed to be happy?

From what you've related about your history, I would say it's a very strong possibility.

Topal

 

[elizabeth]

I actually had this convo with a good friend of mine. The whole injured child thing is one I became aware of about 3 years ago (just when my hermetic phase began, truth be told...before that I dated even more, which is odd but the hermetism was not conscious I mean...it wasn't consciously related to punishing myself in any way, rather, to trying to make life easier... it's hard to explain).

But anyway... I am aware of these issues. What concerns me is how do I know I'm past them? I mean I would argue I am past them now. I had this "moment" when I met that man... and I had sort of a turning point...leading me back to this forum and this question. So I would say the process is underway. In which case once again the Yi is telling me what I already know .

 

[Tohpol]

I actually had this convo with a good friend of mine. The whole injured child thing is one I became aware of about 3 years ago (just when my hermetic phase began, truth be told...before that I dated even more, which is odd but the hermetism was not conscious I mean...it wasn't consciously related to punishing myself in any way, rather, to trying to make life easier... it's hard to explain).

But anyway... I am aware of these issues. What concerns me is how do I know I'm past them? I mean I would argue I am past them now. I had this "moment" when I met that man... and I had sort of a turning point...leading me back to this forum and this question. So I would say the process is underway. In which case once again the Yi is telling me what I already know .

It's the unconscious stuff that tends to dictate things! Being aware of it intellectually is one thing, really FEELING it and working through it is another. You'll know when you are past these issues when you begin to see changes in your life that are not repeating the dynamics you've got used to. That might take a bit of time.

So, lots of luck I wish you well.

Topal

 

[elizabeth]

I guess that gets back to the beginning. One huge change that would be a sign of success is if I did find a soulmate. It would mean all that "stuff" was in the past and I was a new person, I was the most "me" that I can be.

Thanks Topal for all of your help. I dearly appreciate it.

 

[Trojina]

So having said all that, I am still confused on what my big toe hangup is. I have to let go of something to be more receptive. Is the letting go possibly a geographical issue? That is the only thing I can think of -- that staying in the country I am is my crutch, clinging to the idea that I should stay here. But the previous interpretations suggested that this isnt a geographical issue at all.

I am stumped!

Not wishing to counter what Topal has said I think the letting go could possibly be a geographical issue but only you'd know that. I have no idea what your location means to you (and I'm not asking you btw) you have to find that out. This is where i see Luis point about Yi divination not being a team sport. Any interpretations here can't tell you what the letting go is about, they can suggest thats all - only you will have an accurate feel for what it might be, only you are in your life. I don't think its a case of 'together we'll crack it' - 'we' being you and members here, I think its case of you , the Yi and you when it comes to figuring what the letting go is about.

.

 

[willowfox]

Line 40.2 talks about catching 3 foxs which represent desire, ignorance and fear they are putting negative ideas into your mind, the line says that you must destroy these things that are currently holding you back, it is a matter of persevering.

Line 40.4 talks about getting free of your big toe, this represents a person that is currently in your life, someone you are attached to by birth, she, as you have said, had a detrimental influence on you and this is another reason why you cannot get what you are looking for, a separation is called for, a need to remove her influence from your mind/

 

[elizabeth]

hi Trojan,
In other words: there is no EASY way out. Ha ha. I should have known!

Truly, I don't know about the geographical issue. It is way bigger, no pun intended, than I am. That is,there are nuances and issues that influence anyone living in a foreign country -- they affect who you are and your day to day. What I don't know is if they can fundamentally affect your Fate OR if I am in fact, by being here, living it out. Either this is part of my path, or I am here hiding from things. Except... I dont think I"m hiding, per se, as I'm aware of the issues, and the distance (geographical) from the influencing "people" is a good thing for me, not a bad thing. ALthough then too I am aware geog. location should make no difference on how other individuals influence you, it is all and only a matter of inner struength (or should be).

I posted another question in a separate thread to try to shed light on this... Thanks for your input.

 

[jesed]

Hi Elizabeth

Just in case the comment could be useful

"Forgive" is such a great and challenge word. And it is coming to your Yi's answers again.

What do you need to forgive?
Who is the one to forgive?

Best wishes