How do I convince X to forgive me

[heritage]

Dear all, hope you're all doing well. Any guidance you could afford would be appreciated.

I have a dear friend who I have upset but she will not tell me the reasons why and I am only left to speculate for the reasons.
This is friend of mine is also someone I have romantic feelings for. (We were first friends and roommates, then friends and colleagues). She was working at my company but has since resigned on the day we fought and I had upset her.

I have tried to apologize, for the sake of our friendship, plus convince her not to resign, however I am not having any tangible success getting through to her.

I asked: How do I convince X to forgive me and received: 41.1.5 to 59.

Looking at the relating hexagram of 59 - I think this describes how I am trying to connect with her via a number of different mediums: email, text as well as how I am trying to talk to her about other things as a way to reconcile.

Line 1: I think this line is telling me that perhaps I need to stop communicating/trying for a while. To decrease my interaction with her.

Line 5: I am confused by this line, does this suggest if I increase something by 10x I will have success?


Thank you all very much for your attention.

 

[heartsunite]

Iching 41.1 makes me wonder, what does she get from your continued attempts to convince her of this and that? I’d be asking why she doesn’t speak with you, rather than what you can do to change her resolve.

My advice is to stop pushing. Start reflecting and engage your inner self with the issue I think you are ignoring. If you can engage with the content required then 41.5 will come. Blessings to you.

 

[rosada]

I agree that 41.1 advises decreasing your communications. I think 41.5 is affirming this is the right thing to do.
59. Dispersion also looks to me as saying that completely letting this connection dissolve is necessary as the first step towards forgiveness.
These hexagrams don't comment on whether "forgiveness" leads to reunion - in fact they seem to advise you to completely let the friendship go, that the break up was for the best - but perhaps by releasing your desire to continue you will come to a place of peace and acceptance.

I wonder if her leaving wasn't so much about anything you specifically did but simply her no longer wanting to be in a work relationship with you? Perhaps when some time passes and it's obvious you are no longer hoping she'll come back - like if you hire someone else to do her job - then the friendship will renew? Another thought, was she aware of your romantic attraction? Could that have played a part in her refusal to discuss her quitting? Maybe ask the I Ching if there's a deeper reason why she left and so abruptly. But still the main message here seems to be to let her go her own way.

The planet Pluto, the planet ruling death and transformation, is at the last degrees of Capricorn this year indicating the end of many old established cycles to make way for new opportunities, new ways of seeing things, coming into focus.

Let her go. Take care of you, Rosada.

 

[rosada]

Another thought:
Although the I Ching seems to be saying you can't "convince" other people to forgive us, perhaps we can have an effect by considering Christ's teaching that it is in forgiving others that we ourselves are forgiven. Maybe make a point of consciously forgiving others this week. Literally go through your mind and any issue or person that you recognize as being something you are still holding a grudge about take a moment and meditate on forgiving them. Just saying their name and the word "forgive" even without understanding why can set things in motion.

 

[heritage]

Hi Heartsunite,

Iching 41.1 makes me wonder, what does she get from your continued attempts to convince her of this and that? I’d be asking why she doesn’t speak with you, rather than what you can do to change her resolve.

My advice is to stop pushing. Start reflecting and engage your inner self with the issue I think you are ignoring. If you can engage with the content required then 41.5 will come. Blessings to you.

Thank you for your reply, your idea for a question is a better starting point - to get to the why first!
I'll do that.

 

[heritage]

Hi Rosada,
Thank you so much for both of your messages. I'm actually trying that forgiveness tool now. In fact yesterday I kind of already had begun that by forgiving someone from my past too.
Whenever I get into situations like this I try to forgive people.
About my friend perhaps leaving because of my romantic feelings, I don't think this is the case because she's been aware of it for 7 months and hadn't really affected much. She is also in a different country so that's probably why.

At any rate what I am going to do is trying ask the 'why' question that heartsunite suggested as a first step to trying to resolve / get through this impasse.

I agree that 41.1 advises decreasing your communications. I think 41.5 is affirming this is the right thing to do.
59. Dispersion also looks to me as saying that completely letting this connection dissolve is necessary as the first step towards forgiveness.
These hexagrams don't comment on whether "forgiveness" leads to reunion - in fact they seem to advise you to completely let the friendship go, that the break up was for the best - but perhaps by releasing your desire to continue you will come to a place of peace and acceptance.

I wonder if her leaving wasn't so much about anything you specifically did but simply her no longer wanting to be in a work relationship with you? Perhaps when some time passes and it's obvious you are no longer hoping she'll come back - like if you hire someone else to do her job - then the friendship will renew? Another thought, was she aware of your romantic attraction? Could that have played a part in her refusal to discuss her quitting? Maybe ask the I Ching if there's a deeper reason why she left and so abruptly. But still the main message here seems to be to let her go her own way.

The planet Pluto, the planet ruling death and transformation, is at the last degrees of Capricorn this year indicating the end of many old established cycles to make way for new opportunities, new ways of seeing things, coming into focus.

Let her go. Take care of you, Rosada.

Another thought:
Although the I Ching seems to be saying you can't "convince" other people to forgive us, perhaps we can have an effect by considering Christ's teaching that it is in forgiving others that we ourselves are forgiven. Maybe make a point of consciously forgiving others this week. Literally go through your mind and any issue or person that you recognize as being something you are still holding a grudge about take a moment and meditate on forgiving them. Just saying their name and the word "forgive" even without understanding why can set things in motion.

 

[Trojina]

Dear all, hope you're all doing well. Any guidance you could afford would be appreciated.

I have a dear friend who I have upset but she will not tell me the reasons why and I am only left to speculate for the reasons.
This is friend of mine is also someone I have romantic feelings for. (We were first friends and roommates, then friends and colleagues). She was working at my company but has since resigned on the day we fought and I had upset her.

I have tried to apologize, for the sake of our friendship, plus convince her not to resign, however I am not having any tangible success getting through to her.

I asked: How do I convince X to forgive me and received: 41.1.5 to 59.

Looking at the relating hexagram of 59 - I think this describes how I am trying to connect with her via a number of different mediums: email, text as well as how I am trying to talk to her about other things as a way to reconcile.

Line 1: I think this line is telling me that perhaps I need to stop communicating/trying for a while. To decrease my interaction with her.

Line 5: I am confused by this line, does this suggest if I increase something by 10x I will have success?


Thank you all very much for your attention.

If your friend refuses to say why you upset her then that tells you she is not interested in sustaining the relationship at all doesn't it?

You cannot convince anyone to forgive you moreover if you are placed in a situation where you are begging for forgiveness yet the other won't even say what you've done either

a) you are being manipulated into feeling guilt and it's a power game
OR
b) this person wants an excuse to break with you.


A person might be so hurt they refuse to talk to you and they likely assume if you think about it hard enough you will know what your crime is. But if you come forward and ask for reparation, for reasons and so on after that initial time of wounding and they won't talk then they do not want to build any bridges.(note, I retract this idea somewhat after seeing the other cast but will leave it in anyway)

I have a dear friend who I have upset but she will not tell me the reasons why and I am only left to speculate for the reasons.

As I said above that is either a or b as described above. Making someone sit and speculate over what they could have done wrong is a power game. She could tell you. But what if she just isn't interested in you any more? Then maybe she thinks it's better not to hurt you by telling you why she isn't interested. After all it's never going to be fun when any kind of friend clearly delineates the reasons they don't want to be around you any more. But that may not be the case, afterall it's a very long term friendship not a fleeting one.

I asked: How do I convince X to forgive me and received: 41.1.5 to 59.

Looking at the relating hexagram of 59 - I think this describes how I am trying to connect with her via a number of different mediums: email, text as well as how I am trying to talk to her about other things as a way to reconcile.

Line 1: I think this line is telling me that perhaps I need to stop communicating/trying for a while. To decrease my interaction with her.

Line 5: I am confused by this line, does this suggest if I increase something by 10x I will have success?

It's a very clear answer that you remove energy from this situation, you put less into it. You are asked here only to sacrifice 2 small bowls, which you have done. You aren't being asked to linger over this at all (41.1) nor speculate. And the 59 shows your position, you don't know where you are so you have to let things disperse. In letting go, in letting things disperse, that is not chasing after her or asking more or even worrying about it there is good fortune in line 5. There's a blessing in line 5 in loss.

So the idea here is not to keep trying to make her forgive you. You then asked a follow up question in another thread which supports this cast I think

What caused myself and X to fall out?

Hello members, I had previously casted a reading aimed at finding answers for how I could reconcile with someone. The thread is here: https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/index.php?threads/how-do-i-convince-x-to-forgive-me.34008/ One of the posters in that thread suggested that I start with...

www.onlineclarity.co.uk

Edit; after seeing the 2nd cast I don't think it is that she wants to end the relationship I think it is far more to do with misunderstandings fuelled by other people's communications and that it can therefore be cleared up.