How do I get over him? First reading

[foxfire]

Hello all,

I’m new to the i-Ching and last week, I did my first reading. My question was “How do I heal from the loss of my relationship?” For some context, my 10 year partner left me suddenly and over email in July in quite a shocking manner 2 days before he was due home.

My primary Hexagram was 13 Fellowship with Men, Heaven above Fire.

I had moving lines at the beginning and fourth place:

9 at the beginning means
Fellowship with men at the gate
No blame

9 at the fourth:
He climbs up on his wall;
He cannot attack
Good fortune

Am I to take from this to let go of anger and blame and to pursue my chosen path and completely let go? I’m about to go travelling.

I’m not sure how much to stay in touch with him since I’m worried about his growing depression issues, though right now instead of getting help with things, he’s just distracting himself with work when he said part of the reason for the breakup was he needed to sort himself out mentally.

We’re just about swapping the odd email (more to do with practicalities) and one day I hope we can be friends if I can let go of the attachment, but this sporadic communication is both giving me joy since I miss him, but it’s hurting a lot since he’s not giving much away or talking about his feelings anymore and I’m still really confused.

I’m not sure whether to go no contact to heal? Is there any indication or what is best for me here?

9 at fifth place had me curious about this.

Men bound in fellowship first weep and lament,
But afterwards they laugh
After great struggles they succeed in meeting.

But 9 at third place signals mistrust…

He hides weapons in the thicket; He climbs the high hill in front of it,
For three years, he does not rise up

9 at the top means
Fellowship with men in the meadow
No remorse.

I looked up the relating Hexagram which gave me 12 Standstill/Stagnation, Heaven above Earth.

Standstill. Evil people do not further.
The perseverance of the superior man.
The great departs; the small approaches.

I could say that has related to the situation with my relationship for the past few years since I felt I was always trying to push ourselves out of our comfort zone, but he always felt stuck in a rut and struggled with procrastination. Similarly, since the breakup in July as I’ve not been able to run my business. Interesting that the Hexagram relates to Aug/Sep.

Do I read the changed lines here? Or just the Image/Judgement?

Any insights you can give would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you

 

[rosada]

I'm not clear what hexagrams and what lines you got. Did you get hexagram 13. Fellowship with men in the open, with change lines in the first and fourth place? You would write that as

13.1.4 (First the number of your hexagram then the numbers of the lines you got). If you got 13.1.4 then you read the Judgement and the Image and the lines you got. Although it can be interesting and helpful for your overall understanding of the hexagram, you do not necessarily have to read the lines you did not receive, thus lines 2, 3, 5 and 6 are not pertinent to your reading.

Next you write out your hexagram with the lines you got as "change lines" changed. Thus hexagram 13 with lines 1 and 4 changed becomes hexagram 53 (not 12).

So it appears your reading is 13.1.4 - 53. But I'm not clear if I've understood you. So please post again what hexagrams you got.

 

[Trojina]

I’m new to the i-Ching and last week, I did my first reading. My question was “How do I heal from the loss of my relationship?” For some context, my 10 year partner left me suddenly and over email in July in quite a shocking manner 2 days before he was due home.

That's terrible, a terrible thing to do to you. You must be shell shocked.

I don't know what your reading was ? You read the change lines yes but what was your cast ?

Was it 13.1.3.4.5.6>12 ?

We’re just about swapping the odd email (more to do with practicalities) and one day I hope we can be friends if I can let go of the attachment, but this sporadic communication is both giving me joy since I miss him, but it’s hurting a lot since he’s not giving much away or talking about his feelings anymore and I’m still really confused.

That's both generous and unrealistic surely....but anyway in general I think this reading is very much saying you can't expect to heal so quickly, you have 12 there but what you can do is keep your boundaries, keep yourself safe.


If you did get 13.1.3.4.5.6>12 then you have to take 'getting over him' as an almost military setting of boundaries I feel. Both lines 3 and 4 speak about ways to hold boundaries. In line 3 there's hiding and suspicion which isn't the best way but in line 4 you hold you boundaries clearly. If boundaries are in place you get some space back to handle this on your own terms whilst maintaining a friendlyish connection more like an acquaintance. Lines 1 and 6 show people just outside the gates, or out in the countryside (line 6). There's also line 5 of course which is a reunion or at least a clearing of misunderstanding.


I think there's all these things going on at once, every line is showing aspects of your experience in this. 12 as relating shows a pretty unpromising circumstance for you, you're kind of left in no mans land, communication isn't flowing, everything seems disconnected. That's how it feels but 13 and the lines seem to be advising you to get very clear where your own boundaries are now with him. You don't need to be too flexible and adapt to him. He's just done a pretty callous thing to you and whether he's depressed or not you have to look after you too. So hold your own space clearly.


Line 5 gives me the slight sense he could backtrack a bit so you could have a kind of rebonding but overall I'm not sure you should entirely trust this if it happens. Not because it's not genuine but because even if you reconnect you've still got to look after your boundaries. You can't be having him doing this kind of thing to you.

 

[Trojina]

Oh it can't be 13.1.3.4.5.6>12 as that doesn't make 12 but 2 so it must be ...? I really don't know as Rosada says you need to tell us what you actually cast.

I still think whatever lines you got there is advice on boundaries there


To get 13>12 you must have cast 13.1.3

 

[Trojina]

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