how to best proceed 6.2.3.5.6 >62

[elizabeth]

I have a struggle now in how, mentally and therefore emotionally, to approach an issue with the man who just reappeared in my life. I think about him all the time, and had fought last fall to figure out if he had feelings. I finally decided he did not, I put him out of my mind and presumed i'd never see him again.

In order to protect my heart, but to also give this a chance -- IF THERE IS SOMETHING there to give a chance to -- how is it to best proceed, for what is best for me in the long run? The Yi says 6.2.3.5.6 >62.

Because there are 4 changing lines, not 5, I am paying attention to all 4. I presume it's a path or outline of sorts. Here's my take:

L2 -Timely withdrawal prevents bad consequences. Dont push it. OR, save yourself, spare your inner family the disruption, and return to the peace of your own home or dao. (put it out of your mind??) Calming ones own contentions spares others the unrest.

L3 He nourishes himself on the ancient virtues and remains firm and constant. There is danger, but good fortune at last. Who serves a king should do his work and not seek fame. This is a warning of the danger that goes with an expansive disposition. DOnt push. But what is the danger -- it sounds like the danger is on adhering to old virtues, ie dont get stuck in the mud but dont push? middle road? Concretely what does this mean?

L5 - The moment has come for conflict. The cause is good and the judgment of an impartial man brings good fortune. Time to submit the conflict to binding arbitration or mediation. There is nothing to lose.
This implies an evolution into conflict of sorts but what? Inner conflict in my case already exists. Is this saying dont ask for clarification outwardly on anything (?) thats all i can think of that would cause a conflict in my case. That or expecting/hoping for something and it doesnt happen. Then comes disappointment. But i already feel that inside.

L6 - Dont carry the conflict too far. Avoid it. (??)

I found this in the archives: "All the lines leading up to 6.5 tell how to avoid conflict, so the conflict hasn't actually started. Further, the judgement it says, "A cautious halt halfway brings good fortune." again suggesting hexagram 6 is about not carrying the conflict too far. Perhaps the good fortune in 6.5 is not only that the judge decides in one's favor, but the fact that there even is a judge, someone who can resolve the conflict before it leads to actual war.

Interesting that it is line 6.6 that discribes an actual war like event, as the sixth line is considered to be outside the main message of the hexagram, again emphasizing 6.Conflict is about avoiding, rather than experiencing arguments?"

Is the message just "dont rock the boat now and stay small" in terms of presenting myself outwardly? My other advisors all suggest the opposite...

 

[chingching]

6 can be about internal conflict as well, and it seems you are conflicted and 62, a lot of thoughts going through you head... maybe?

6.2.3.5.6 > 62 says to me cognitive behavioural therapy is how you can give it a chance (its a simple practical approach to change your behaviours).
What is the root negative thought that all the other conflicting thoughts are based around?
I don't want to get hurt.
And here is how to approach that in a 62 way.

has he hurt you ? no.
could he hurt you? yes.
why?
he might not reciprocate?
do you know that for sure? no.
Is there anyway you can know that? no.
would you still be alive if he didn't return your feelings? yes.
are you still a useful valuable and lovable person even if he does not return your feelings? yes.
Is it possible he might return your feelings. yes. (if you answered no to that, then ask how can you know that, and if you answered that you can read minds then I would say why are you using the yijing )

and you can go on with these small questions bit by bit and start to disprove all the negative thoughts in your head. Plant your feet firmly on the ground. The only way to protect your heart without it ending up dusty and permanently closed is to make it a big one, be generous with love and it will come back to you. Throw a rock in a puddle and then there is no puddle, throw it in an ocean and then there is no rock.

 

[elizabeth]

Chingching thanks. Your post really made me stop and consider this, and I think it goes a bit further.

To the first question, ("Has he hurt me? ") right at this very moment, this week, I feel the answer is "yes". For me this process of seeing him, receiving his attention, and getting hints of romance without either being very clear about it, or without it being constant, *is* hurtful to me. It shouldn't be but it is. Bc when I stop and think -- oh that wasn't romance, he's not interesed as I thought -- I go through a rollercoaster of emotions, crash and burn. If this wasn't present, I would be on a more even keel. Before he came by I was minding my own business. His flowers and care and attention and time -- put me on cloud nine. And then I fell off the cloud when I realized this wasn't the beginning of a relationship (at least it doesnt look that way yet). It was a one-time deal. And that really hurts.

I also feel that if i DO open my heart, I risk not only getting hurt but losing the friendship in its entirety. For example, I open up, make myself more vulnerable, give more, and if he rejects me, he could very well walk away from the friendship too. Then i'm left, in a way, with less than before.

This is what is hanging me up -- i feel like I am stuck and dont really have any way of behaving that will allow me inner peace. If i do nothing, I wonder "what if" and i remain passive. Others have advised me that if I do this, nothing WILL happen bc i need to at least demonstrate some interest of my own, which i haven't done yet.

If I act, I can lose what we do have, even though that may be nothing in the first place.

I thought about this all night... Two friends have suggested that he is present enough in my life that if I indicate interest on my behalf it COULD Push the friendship into something more. I can think of many reasons why it might not though -- he's very consumed by his work and maybe even Goddess from Heaven is not interesting enough to him for him to dedicate time to her at this point.

When I fell in love for the first time i remember the rollercoaster, but i wasn't in tears three days later. Love is supposed to be happy. I guess lovesick is not the same thing...??

 

[chingching]

I know...love...sigh

in terms of your yi reading the advice is to only do small things, no grand gestures, maybe just maintain the friendship but not a close one, its no good falling into the trap of having a man treat like a girlfriend in all respects except for romantically.

I see what your conflict is (6) and the advice is you cant really do much (62)...
Maybe someone else in here has deeper knowledge of these two hex's...

perhaps you could ask yi why am I experiencing this roller coaster of emotions

 

[elizabeth]

I think i know why i am experiencing the roller coaster. Because I like him and he doesnt like me back, not in a clear way, and his attentions are not constant. And that's like an emotional tug of war on me.

What to do about it i'm not sure. I can't stop thinking about him. I feel there's something to do. To put him out of my mind i have to tell myself no friendship, no nothing, anymore. Don't even stay in touch. If I dont do that, I wonder when I will see him next, and then wonder how I should act and what I shoudl say or do. Meanwihle I'm coming out of surgery and my hormone/steroid levels and body/mind have already been through a lot -- i'm told medically that's part of the rollercoaster now too. Kind of like i was in a truck going 300 miles per hour and it crashed, but the damage is only on the inside.