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How to deal with a bully: 42.2>61

yasmin

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I am totally stumped by a reading. A new owner in our building ignores the terms of the lease and does exactly what he wants. What's more he is behaving like a threatening bully, and now wants to become a director of the building co ownership. He would be very difficult to work with... He has been hounding me for information because I am the only director he knows of,and my colleagues are nowhere to be seen. And he has been threatening the managing agents about trivial things and they complained too. Right now, I feel like a rabbit in the headlights. This is very unlike me, always cool, calm and collected, very rational and the one with a plan. But I freak out when I have to deal with aggressive behaviour!

So I asked:what to do about the bully? And got 42.2> 61 huh???

42.2

Six in the second place means:
Someone does indeed increase him;
Ten pairs of tortoises cannot oppose it.
Constant perseverance brings good fortune.
The king presents him before God.
Good fortune.

A man brings about real increase by producing in himself the conditions for it, that is, through receptivity to and love of the good. Thus the thing for which he strives comes of itself, with the inevitability of natural law. Where increase is thus in harmony with the highest laws of the universe, it cannot be prevented by any constellation of accidents. But everything depends on his not letting unexpected good fortune make him heedless; he must make it his own through inner strength and steadfastness. Then he acquires meaning before God and man, and can accomplish something for the good of the world.
:confused:

All I can see is "his perseverance makes him unstoppable, he increases his own interests". But I cannot see his behaviour being for the "good of the world" , ie the good of the building.

Or If I focus on the good of the building, and stay centred and steadfast, I will gather support and become unstoppable? It is a sensible explanation, but it doesn't answer my question: how to deal with him. How to stay centred. I have a problem with bullies!

And 61- inner truth, doesn't help me much either. I don't know what to do. I feel obliged to respond. But all I want to do is block his email address!

I think the bullying is making me panic and I cannot see what the IC is trying to say. I would welcome your more detached views on this matter!
 
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sooo

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Self confidence without acting out the way he is. Keep your cool as usual, wait before concluding, detach yourself from his aggression, demote his authority over you, just be yourself. When he sees his intimidation has no effect, he'll back off. The only force you employ is the kind of truth which could reach the behavior of a proverbial pig or fish, examples of the most difficult of creatures to influence.
 

moss elk

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Or If I focus on the good of the building, and stay centred and steadfast, I will gather support and become unstoppable?

Exactly!


Do not succumb to his intimidation, that is how bullies 'win'.
And do not let him bait you into becoming angry and losing your cool.

Maintain a strict devotion to what is right and you may be rewarded in unexpected ways.
42 has been called "help from above" (heaven)

You go girl!
 
G

goddessliss

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I agree with sooo (when don't I) he always gives good, upfront advice. I read line 2 as maintain YOUR truth. He's just looking for a drama in his life - that's so typical of bullies.
You'll be fine if you can maintain your equilibrium. - Liss
 

Liselle

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In Hilary's book, she lists some Key Questions for each hexagram. One of them for hex 42 is, "What would you do if you knew you were blessed?

As the others have said, 42 means blessing and 61 means inner equilibrium, staying centered. Those hexagrams might be forming the base of the reading, the direct answer to your question: "What should I do?" "Stay centered (hex 61). If you do, you will be blessed (hex 42)."

A way to look at the line might be that it's jumping ahead a bit from that base, reinforcing the message that if you do that, there is no way you can lose. So to paraphrase a bit, "How would you act if you knew the bully won't win?" (As Sooo said, with confidence, needless to say not with arrogance, because that wouldn't be a hex 61 way to be.)
 

Tim K

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Reading Nigel Richmond's description made more sense to me.

It is favourable to cross the great water - to change our approach to things, allow ourselves to see from new points of view. Widening experience and identity is increase.

Manifestations of this tao:
In nature:
On the mountain the tree grows strong sinews, while nourishing the slopes.

For humans:
Knowing he has power, he accomplishes great tasks.
Not for himself, but he is strengthened.

In forms we make:
Seeking the easy weakens into difficulty.
Working in the difficult grows an easy strength.

42.2: It is advantageous in this tao that we should be free of mind attitudes and simply be in the flow, this gives freedom to the magic of the moment.

Tortoise shells are artefacts of magic, and what the tao offers in this line is the magic of the life force providing our feeling with just what it needs. For this to be accepted we need to drop our way of identifying and then choosing (this is the mode that normally rules us, is our king); if this is not sacrificed the gift is not seen or felt at all. Learning to drop our personal activity takes this long perseverance and is the inner good fortune of the tao.


My take on this: You wanted this to happen, your soul wants this experience of confronting the bully, and the universe/god/angels made it happen, appreciate this opportunity for growth!
It won't be easy, but in difficult times the progress is more substantial.

Line 2 and h61 shows, that you should drop all prejudice, old behaviour and change your viewpoint about bullies, take a new approach knowing that you are strong inside. He can't hurt you physically right? Participate in this activity with a new mindset. And this will benefit the whole building.

And 61 just reinforces this, be centered yes, be strong inside, like sooo said.
sooo said:
The only force you employ is the kind of truth which could reach the behavior of a proverbial pig or fish, examples of the most difficult of creatures to influence
 

yasmin

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Thank you all for your thoughts! Pigs and fishes- I hadn't thought about that, it made me smile. It would take a solid core of inner confidence to influence them... Very true. I also really like the idea of "what would you do if you knew the bully couldn't win?"

One of the difficulties is the physical proximity. So far he has been hounding me with emails, and physically going to the managing agents to yell at them. What if his next move is to come bang on my door? We live in the same building, after all. I really need to put an end to that behaviour, one way or another. It feels menacing. The sooner I deal with it, the better. I don't want things to escalate.

I am now off to practice staying centred and confident, ahem. I will keep you posted!
 
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rosada

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Dear Yasmin,

One more thought:
If you have been in the habit of answering his emails right away try waiting a bit longer to respond. If you usually answer in 24 hours, wait and don't get back to him for three days. By answering emails quickly we build up the energies and things become frantic = I think of a ping pong match where the balls are being slammed back and forth. By letting a bit of time go by you put yourself in control - you are being the boss, he has to "wait" on you - plus if you let a bit of time go by and re-read his email later you may find you no longer feel his words hit you so directly, you find you are able to read his emails like an English teacher checking for spelling.

Best wishes,
Rosada
 

rosada

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Thinking about this some more...

How about sending him an email thanking him - in other words don't respond to his bully side.

Dear -----

Thank you for bringing your concerns to my attention. You've raised some important issues and you make good points. I will pass on your suggestions.

Sincerely,
------

good luck!
Rosada
 

yasmin

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Thanks Rosada, I love your very practical suggestions!

I am definitely going to hold off on responding. And when I do, It will be a well considered, courteous, but firm response.

I realised this is not personally about me, it's a board matter. I sought advice from our law firm, and I am contacting the other directors from whichever cave they are hiding in, and asking them to step up to their joint responsibilities. By shifting perspective, suddenly the bully doesn't look so powerful anymore.

Meanwhile, to calm down and get grounded I decided to make a huge batch of soup with a dozen different types of vegetables. Chopping calms me down and producing food gives me a comforting sense of security, go figure - the little things that help us through life:)

That said, I'm still not sure this has that much to do with 42.2. Except as a sign of encouragement "do your thing, you can only be successful". In this situation, I would have understood getting something with 33, 7, 43...
 
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goddessliss

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Hi Yasmin, When my son at 14 was being bullied by boys of 17 in our local neighbourhood, I suggested he keep a record of everything that happens, big or small, because that's what the police want to see when you report something like this. Well as soon as he took his power back his whole 'enegy' changed and haha they never bullied him again. - Liss
 

yasmin

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I just realised that I had never given an update on this situation.

I called in the other board members and asked them to share responsibility. We all agreed that the 5th seat on the board should be filled as soon as possible, with someone who would make a genuine contribution to maintaining the building. We drew up a list of fair qualifications which was circulated at an AGM, and encouraged applications. But hardly anybody turned up, not even the bully! In the end, one of the coowners, who had been in the building for nearly 10 years agreed to come on board. He has been amazing, fair, practical, resourceful, carrying his load of the work. And this episode also brought the board together as a team, and we now share information and decision making systematically, by email or Skype.

As for the bully, he stopped bullying us, but he moved on to join the garden committee for the entire terrace. They were taken by surprise, and he now wages terror on them, trying to change the nature of the garden, which has been ornamental for 150 years, into a playground with slides and swings, ignoring council restrictions (the garden is part of a conservation area).

So in hindsight, how did 42.2 play out? I had to reach out, and was blessed with support from my colleagues. The episode transformed the way we operate as a team, for the better. And although he was given a chance to vent his concerns and apply for board membership, the bully never showed up- our collective energy probably proved to be too strong for him. But everything was done fairly and by the book.
 

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