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How to Fill this Void? 58.2.4 >3

marybluesky

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Hello everyone!

I really feel the need to have someone in my life who stirs my passion, someone reliable and intimate to share my time, feelings and hobbies with... but there is no one. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but the void is real. To me, this passion is the force of life.
I love someone I can't be with, and can't find another person to replace him (I have tried ... no one until now).
So I consulted the I Ching and asked: How to Fill this Void? The answer: 58.2.4 >3

58 is Joyous Lake- Opening: "The superior man, in accordance with this, encourages the conversation of friends and the stimulus of their common practice."
58.2 refers to the inward sincerity and confidence; and 58.4 says that the subject isn't still at rest (that's true). There is danger, but by being aware of it and bringing joy to others, she will be joyous.The relating hexagram is 3- Sprouting.

My take is that the I Ching invites me to be sincerely open and joyful around others - and there is difficulty as I begin this course.

I am a straight-forward person and there are people who confide in me, but this doesn't replace the missing (not requited?) passion. I'm confused, not knowing what to do about it.
What do you think?
 

moss elk

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In 58 one joins with friends.
In 3 one establishes delegates to act on ones behalf.

Sounds like reaching out to friends for matchmaking.

Your post sounds like you haven't let go of that guy yet. (you will have to, in order to make room for someone new.)
Is line 4 saying not to compare someone new to the old guy?
 

marybluesky

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Thanks Moss Elk. The guy is a friend indeed.

Yes I haven't let go of him because, although we never dated, the quality of our friendship and feelings were great+ I was really attracted to him.
I'm rather introverted and meeting new people isn't my strength; however met some guys with whom didn't find the potential to form any satisfying relationship. They seemed to be after a quick fix in a methodical way, not really interested in me; so even couldn't be my friend, let alone an intimate partner.
 

marybluesky

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After about two weeks, I can read it another way:

How to Fill this Void? 58.2.4 >3
I should open myself to others in a joyful way (58); and it's somehow difficult as I'm just starting(3).

58.2 says that I should be sincere and confident while opening-up, and 58.4 reminds me that by caring too much about the result, I'll lessen the joy- the emotional fulfillment that fills the void. Both lines refer to being present instead of seeking external validation.
I have a mild crush on someone at this moment. Maybe the reading invites me to go forward?

Anyway, now I can read it more clearly.
 

Freedda

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Good morning Mary Bluesky:

Hexagram 58, which is called 'Joy' and 'Opening' is made of the double trigrams Dui - which is often named Lake or Marsh, and is associated with joy and happiness. Cyrille Javary calls it 'Expressing Heartiness,' which brings to mind cheer and warmth, and perhaps strength and even genuine sadness of the heart.

But to me what you're describing feels different than this, like you're describing an addiction instead of love. It's as if your thoughts and overwhelming need for passion have replaced what you might really desire and need. (Similar to how you've described your loving friend, whom is still, somehow not quite 'right' for fulfilling your needs.) ....

Besides describing joy, Lake can also describe a wound or hurt, perhaps an instance when our soft, gentle side was exposed and then wounded. So, I wonder then, that instead of this unrelenting search for Passion, if you might want to gently explore if there is some heart-felt wound that needs to be 'exposed, - meaning brought to light, so that it can heal.

Maybe this healing is the answer to 'How to Fill this (Unfulfilling, Unattainable) Void?' and instead might make available to you what the poet Gary Snyder describes as the 'serene and generous fulfillment of natural loving desires.'

Kindly, David
 

marybluesky

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Update: Well, I'm not feeling the void anymore, at least not as much as I felt when asking the question.
How the void was filled? You can't precisely say what happens in these processes of life, but there have been moments around others, as well as activities- even tasks- that kept me busy, which helped me to reduce my dependency to past people/feelings/situations step by step. After a while, I realized that I was distance enough to close those files.
What I did? Expending time with new people through hobbies +setting short-term goals specially to finish/improve incomplete work.

Back to the reading, it could mean being Open (58) to New (3) things in my life. Hexagram 58 is joy, which heals the past wounds; as well as sharing this joy by opening up to others: the shared activities. I can see their effect on me and how they fulfilled the need to connection that was absent in my love life. That said, it was Difficult at First (3) to feel close enough to this new people- they were strangers and I missed the bond I felt with previous loved ones.
58.2 sounds referring to finding joy in confidence in people, in my abilities and in life in general. 58.4 shows my situation at the time I asked the question (restless), also says I had to correct my conduct- my approach- to find joy. Interestingly, in Shaughnessy's translation of the line we read "a transitional illness has happiness" that shows the restlessness is temporary and the joy is on its way.
Besides describing joy, Lake can also describe a wound or hurt, perhaps an instance when our soft, gentle side was exposed and then wounded. So, I wonder then, that instead of this unrelenting search for Passion, if you might want to gently explore if there is some heart-felt wound that needs to be 'exposed, - meaning brought to light, so that it can heal. Maybe this healing is the answer to 'How to Fill this (Unfulfilling, Unattainable) Void?'
Now I can see how. I didn't the first time I read your reply, David. Thanks.
 

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