How to get my child to eat? Hex 52.2.6.4 to 32

[casstone]

My 3 year old daughter is an extremely picky eater and won't even taste most of the food I offer her. It's not that she doesn't Like the food, the main problem is that she refuses to taste anything "new". It's been like this for about a year now and the problem keeps persisting. She's a very healthy girl, grows well and is absolutely not under-weight. I'm getting quite desperate about this behavior though, often she won't even sit down at the table at mealtime and when we're invited for lunch/dinner by friends she won't eat or taste anything unless plain piece of bread perhaps... They say "a child won't starve itself.. sooner or later it will eat" - well, I'm not too sure because my daughter can go on for a whole day and night without eating, she's very stubborn. I haven't been willing to push the situation any further than that honestly.. I feel like I've tried every way to try and get her to eat normally but nothing seems to work.

So. I asked I Ching: How to get my child to eat normally? and the answer was
Hex 52, lines 2, 4 and 6 changing to hex 32

I kind of feel like the I Ching is telling me that the right way is to stay put, to continue ignoring this behavior and to follow the necessary "restraints" or rules with determination, for example: If you don't eat what's for dinner you cannot have a yogurt or bread instead. Which could also mean to go to bed hungry.

What do you think about this? Any advice?
Best regards,
the desperate mom!

 

[meng]

First, I'm getting that your child is overactive, if she won't sit still at a dinner table with others, won't sit still for 30 minutes - Second, in her mind, she is in charge, and refusal is a classic way of displaying control. Her trunk (body) needs to be still, before eating food that's presented feels natural. It doesn't have to meet with her approval. It's what's for dinner, baby girl.

Though I've raised kids, they've never refused eating, lol, unless they had a personal problem, such as using meth or displaying the same kind of rebelliousness. Control, acting out etc, are symptoms. I had a beloved dog that had a lot of chow in him, very difficult to control. What I learned was that it wasn't a matter or reasoning with him, chasing him kept him in control by running just too far again to catch him. No doubt, he was in control. The way that worked was not by force but by shifting his state of mind to calm-submissive. This required understanding of dog-mind, not human's mind. It's the behavior of natural dog packs. They push the hind end of another, misbehaving dog. The dog submits to the pack and pack leader.

Are we humans so different? An IC reading can shift our state of mind in a new york minute. Not just via reasoning but by imparting, like filling the lowered water jar.

Sorry, I digress.

Regarding your daughter, it is more of an awakening and impartation that will snap her out of these control tantrums. Using force only amps everything up, you can't genuinely be apathetic to it, but you can help her to let go of those habitual reactions. And the sooner, the better. It's easier when they are very young than when it settles into their personality foundation.

You are her mom. The earlier she's at peace and security (mountain) with that, the better. Turn down the drama-knob, which she presently controls. Smile, and calmly pat her chair and say, sit, baby girl. From there, I'm with your friends, who say she will not starve herself, any more than she'd hold her breath to death. Sometimes a tantrum first must run its course, but then she still must sit still.

It could be symptomatic of something more serious, but I'd make the goal for her to be still, even for a minute at a time. Just look at adults, who find being still impossible.

 

[ginnie]

When I was a child, I refused to eat strawberries. My mother said, "It's okay, you don't have to eat them. But in six months we'll be having strawberries again, and I'll expect you to eat them then." I don't remember her ever serving strawberries again or this battle over food ever erupting again. My mom put the thought in my head that I was being given some leeway, but she was definitely in charge. I agree with Meng: Take the drama out of this. Be calm and speak with detachment.

 

[pocossin]

You could be the still one. Let her be the mother and get food for you.

On occasion, ask him if he would get you food to eat; let him choose the food he gives. Be sure to eat it. This behavior radically shifts the former food dynamic between you and him and puts him in a new cooperating position with food.

http://life.familyeducation.com/behavioral-problems/foods/41288.html

Also, give small portions. Yesterday at a family dinner my nephew's 3 year old son was given a whole ear of corn and ate none of it. Had he been given a fourth of an ear he might have eaten it and asked for more.

 

[casstone]

Thank you all for your response and advices. You're right, it is a little "control-conflict" and my little one is definitely in control as for what this concerns. She actually does not have any problem with sitting still but often does have her pre-made ideas of what she should be eating and therefore often refuses to eat or taste whats being offered to her.
"Turn down the drama knob-Take the drama out of this" Yes, absolutely and this was a good reminder.

As for now, when she refuses to eat I calmly tell her it's OK. When she gets hungry she knows she can have a fruit and then wait for the next meal to be served. I'm paying attention on not making a deal out of it at all and when she asks for something else to eat after having refused her meal I gently tell her that she can have a fruit or wait for dinner without manifesting any disapproval of her behavior. This seems to be working well because she has started to eat and taste more and more, and when she does she's also very happy to receive the compliments. So all this seems to be encouraging.

52-32 the (gentle)firmness - endurance - flexibility and most importantly - Love

 

[goddessliss]

My son, who is now 18, went for about 12 months only eating sausages or chicken nuggets all with tomato sauce when he was about 10 years old. I never said anything just allowed it to run it's course. He now cooks for himself healthy, nourishing meals.
If my boys(I have 3 who are now all adults) didn't eat what I'd cooked I just said no problem make yourself a vegemite sandwich and that was that.
- Liss

 

[deusa]

Dear casstone
You state yourself she is healthy. What do you want more?
Being a mother myself i understand your anxiety but i would like to underline the fact that hunger is not mediated by others. Not even the mother!

It could help you to read "my child won't eat" by Carlos Gonzalez. Great book!

She senses your uneasiness and that changes her behaviour. Relax, trust your kid, chose good food and let go.

If you make a power struggle with her and she won't eat, you know you have a determined child. She will not be convinced by anybody to do anything stupid. That is very conforting!

My older child, who now eats like a wolf, used to eat such little quantities when he was 3 i was a little aprehensive. But i was determined to not force him and respect his hunger. I must say i consider bread and plain yoghurt (white, no sugar added) good foods to give a kid. And fruit.

Remember too that you are an example. Eat well and with pleasure and, in no time, she will become just like her mum!
Good luck, you can do this! They grow so fast..

 

[deusa]

Just a curiosity: calory restriction by 10% of what one would eat with unrestricted food (basically, us in europe and america) prolongues life, from the amoeba to the primates. Amazing... That explains the habit of fasting...

 

[deusa]

My comments on the reading: she is true to herself. She is eating well, you are the external force trying to change her inner person. But she knows what she needs (with imitations, of course).
Read lise's page. I found it interesting:
http://www.yijing.nl/i_ching/