how to handle this? 43>11

[dragona]

Hello, I am very very upset and feeling destitute. There is no win situation for me.
I don`t even know how to sum this up.
I live with my mother who is ill and very stubborn. She is fighting me on everything almost everyday. After two and a half years of living with her 24 hours constantly, not having one free weekend to change the scenery, I find myself utterly depressed, lost looks, energy, worsened health, and most of all, with very weak nerves.
She just called up my sister to complain and wanted things to change as I lost it and shouted at her. I was rough, but in this heat and with everything else gong on, she just won`t give me a break. Things pilled up dangerously within me.
She thinks my sister is far superior person then me as she has a job and family of her own.
Even tho my sister said that she does not want to bother with our situation in front of my mother and tonight she informed me that she does not want to receive calls from our mother complaining as she has problems of her own, mother remains blind to the coldness presented clearly. Her grandchildren don`t visit, her son in law is too busy to come fix the vine holding construction that can easily fall down on our heads (he is of the profession needed).
Still, my sister comes over sometimes and says "I told you so" with pleasure, as I am an spinster living on her mothers account, even tho there is a great economical chrises here still and I am unable to leave mother alone. I stopped looking for work, it feels that hopeless.
She expects me to call her with updates!
Mother insisted to return from an old peoples home as she was not happy there (she told my sister she was) and I lost my job, was with no income what so ever and totally burned out to try and find another seasonal, 10 hours per day or more kind. Mea culpa. She can`t forgive me for that, and my mother is finding some sort of a sick pleasure in confronting us.
In addition of being broke I lost someone I came to care for and that pushed me over into depression again.
(We don`t have community services branched out, church community, helping cousins ..just to point out).
An advice how to handle situation with my mother and my sister? Hex 43.4,5 >11
A view from an outsider would be of benefit, I suppose.

Sorry about this lenghty background, but I would like to avoid additional explanations. This is to embarrassing as it is.
Thanks for your interpretation:bows:

 

[anon]

Before I study your reading allow to me share a thought:

You are by far one of the most selfless, loving, caring human beings I have ever encountered!

What you do for your mother WILL be rewarded. Mark my words! You WILL be rewarded!

God is very just! And he is seeing through this. I promise!

 

[anon]

I believe your reading is telling you to restore the peace.

Find your self again. .... Meditate. ... Read inspirational books. Keep a positive affirmations journal. Make a deal with yourself.... To refrain from negativity for 7 days .... It's a short time that will change the rest of your life.

Whe your mother fuzzes. ....ignore her
When your sister fuzzes..... Ignore her

Do not feel guilty for being uninterested in negativity! It is your given right! And no one can take that away from you!

Have patience. .... Patience. Patience. Patience. ...you need a great deal of patience to walk away past negative comment and attacks.

eventually they will all give up. And you will have grown way beyond anybody's spiritual expectations. You are strong. You can do it!!! I have faith in you.... Have faith in yourself!!!!

 

[anon]

Walk the middle path and the peace in your home and your life will be restored!

 

[goddessliss]

Hi dragona this is gonna sound harsh but 'She is fighting me on everything almost everyday' there is only a fight if more than one person is participating!!
Hexagram 43 - Breakthrough by Line 2 - be led like a sheep, do whatever it is she wants or ask your sister how she would do it and do it their way - what does it matter as long as you get the end result. This will allow for the energy of Line 5 to come in - someone or something will come to you in an unusual way and help you. Take the help even if it seems a bit strange.

Hexagram 11 - Peace through correct thoughts and actions.

Doesn't sound like it's been working your way so try it their way. Doesn't mean your way is wrong it just means it's not right for them.

- Liss

 

[dragona]

Thank you, you are too kind. But you don`t really know me and I am not a saint. I made a bad call and now I am paying for it. Actually, not just one.
I was brought up to have no self-esteem and was not encouraged by my parents to persue my ideas and talents. So I had no courage to leave and try to stand on my own, lived with my parents like many here do.
This now is one of those situations that is not benefiting neither of us in it, as it went over the brim. I have no patience and cannot ignore behavior that is not normal or beneficial (as soon as I got up, I was scolded for lifting the blinds too high, for example, EVERY DAY).
I was selfish to think I will be able to take care of a parent who never thought of me as an adult, no wonder she won`t do anything I say. But if you are living in your parents flat and they say and look unhappy elsewhere and worry daily about how you are getting on, you have no right to deny parent`s request to return to their home, IMO.
The problem is worsened by the fact that she is getting more irrational due to her illness and involves my sister in the situation, not understanding that the pressure put on me is already too much and if they break me, there will only be one more patient in the story. Not that there is much love left between us. Her kids are instructed to stay away, I think and she "does not understand what is going on there between me and mother". It is a lie as she had to take care of her mother in law and that made her bitter on the subject.
I don`t believe in rewards from suffering, Gods help etc...there is just the energy flux where when you give you may get it back but certainly not from those you give to.
I am constantly doing circles in life when I want a spiral movement, if you know what I mean.
And there is no positive boost to give that extra charge, I lack iniciative.
I used to be very patient, I was told, and calm and did yoga and tried to nourish my friends and people around me but that was mostly seen as a weakness and oddness from my side as I never felt I belong, I suppose.

Back to the reading, I found it indicating that anything done openly and sharp will not help.
The 4th changing line speaks of too much roughness, or too much stubbornness, that could be about any one involved in the story. Perhaps that is why the middle way app. is suggested, but then it is only for me, an indication to calm down as others are allowed to act out. That is why I asked for others take on the cast, images alone here are disturbing. Thanks again, d.

 

[dragona]

Lyss, no you are not harsh, But I have to take care of her and it has been going on every day about the same things....I HAVE to make her take meds, HAVE to push her to go outside, to THINK a little bit at least....believe me, it would be easy to let go and I have as things piled up but then I will be told I am neglecting as I was already told that I am ruining her as she would be better off in a place where she just sat in her room and was not taken to see the specialist, for example. Her doc is stationed some 50 meters from our place but of course, she does not want to visit there even. So everything is a fight.
Just recently, I have realized that I was fighting with/for a man just out of the mechanics of this. I was called needy by my "friends" and just recently it hit me how beside myself I am. I desperately need a break that I cannot have.
The ability to let go what you cannot control and vice versa, ok.

 

[goddessliss]

Yep I thought that might be the case just thought I would throw it at you anyway just in case - damn dilemma for you really. Anyway hopefully by just downloading your thoughts here may help you get some sort of release and relief and least you are still thinking and trying to work something better out for yourself xx

 

[dragona]

Or I am distracting myself...by dwelling on less important issues, focusing on things that can never be, entertaining destitute illusion, over thinking everything...even I can see that I need to DO in order to BE.

 

[hopex]

Thanks for encapsulating the whole scenario Dragona - it was hard to
piece through the threads.

I know its cold comfort but I have met several women like yourself who
are left looking after their Mother. My own sister who is married, became
grey and worn out. My Mother used her as a butt for her frustrations -

anyways 43 says its time for decisive action - I am thinking it is some sort
of family meeting. In UK we recognise that carers never get an hour off.

I am sure you are still beautiful the problems here are emotional mental
and pyschological - you need peace, and by the sound of it weekends off.

if you have 2 siblings then get 2 free weekends a month. If money is tight
then research cheap get away options ( I once stayed in a convent in Paris
with an 18 month old baby because I needed to improve my french to become
a teacher - it was wonderful !)

I have not read the other replies but will look at lines - and thank goodness you
have an interest in the Yi so you can be in this online community to avoid isolation.

ps - sadly I lost my Mother and my sister was worse than ever - I am happy to report
she called the other day and is TRULY happy - though we were sure she could not
come back from the low place she got into with it all.

 

[hopex]

now then

line 4 according to Berkers (cant pull Hillarys interp up) says you
have reached the point of total surrender but your words are not
believed. You really are at the end of your tether...things have
reached a peak - as low as they go - we are at turning point.

line 5 - (always good news in the 5th line?) says you find something
of use to you in an unusual place..(it came to me that it might be something
you read here but I am strongly getting 'church' type vibes - maybe as
simple as visiting a church lighting a candle for you and your Mum - every
day for as long as necessary. Or join a class - make a cup of tea friend -
the world is full of beautiful souls...angels even

Anyway it all turns out extremely well - I find 11 the most reassuring of all
the 64 hexagrams - your cry has been heard:bows:

 

[dragona]

Thanks for encapsulating the whole scenario Dragona - it was hard to
piece through the threads. I hope not to do it again, as I really hate it. And I think better when talk out loud or write things down/sketch.

anyways 43 says its time for decisive action - I am thinking it is some sort
of family meeting. In UK we recognise that carers never get an hour off.

I am sure you are still beautiful the problems here are emotional mental
and pyschological - you need peace, and by the sound of it weekends off.
I look like an old dog. Think of that image for a moment.

if you have 2 siblings then get 2 free weekends a month. If money is tight
then research cheap get away options ( I once stayed in a convent in Paris
with an 18 month old baby because I needed to improve my french to become
a teacher - it was wonderful !)
Hah, only a sister and traveling anywhere is a mission impossible...even visiting a colleague in another town is impossible as I am sure my sister would not be able to find the time to spent the afternoon with mom, just for the hell of it. (remember "I told you so`s")

I have not read the other replies but will look at lines - and thank goodness you
have an interest in the Yi so you can be in this online community to avoid isolation.
I never had a problem with being alone...I am creative person, but lately the monotony is too much to bare. I drift when totally alone.

An update on the underlined (if not too dull to follow) as it was reading about that I believe tho I sensed Yi could be giving the general instructions.
Was too upset as the "family meeting" hopex did see took place (tho/because I tried to postpone it) but there is no change.
So I took then that the reading was (and I kinda had that in mind when asking) about how to handle things at that time.

"you have reached the point of total surrender but your words are not
believed. You really are at the end of your tether...things have
reached a peak - as low as they go - we are at turning point."
I really do feel that I can`t handle this any more but when I ask for some cooperation, I only get excuses that are of no solid ground most of the time and that infuriates me.
After all of this time, nothing has changed - going outside, exercising, being more social, less squabbling, brain training - not in one field she had significant progress, but everything as a negative seems to spread on me. So it is logical to think I have failed. Since I know she would rather listen to anybody but me, but then, it is not my character flaw.
So I think and said I will give up as it is useless. But then I should be more forbearing, not push, let it go-but my nerves are really really bad and I can`t reach the Buddhist in me after so much empty efforts.
If a man were to let himself be led like a sheep,
Remorse would disappear.
But if these words are heard
They will not be believed.W.
I understand that I am being advised to change my attitude, it is about my own obstinacy?
For this instant, I think I was advised to let things run its course, not open any other subjects, just beee through the thing.

Weeds always grow back again and are difficult to exterminate. So too the struggle against an inferior man in a high position demands firm resolution. One has certain relations with him, hence there is danger that one may give up the struggle as hopeless. But this must not be. One must go on resolutely and not allow himself to be deflected from him course. Only in this way does one remain free of blame.
Interesting enough, weeds or purslain (Legge) I think are portulacas - plant I bought this month and here it is also known as SPITE because it is stubborn and can spread even on the dry and hot land. http://www.betterlawns.com/July04/blg_4.asp
So, if we make a slight change in the text :
Spite is difficult to exterminate. So too the struggle against an inferior man in a high position (of importance) demands firm resolution. One has certain relations with him, hence there is danger that one may give up the struggle as hopeless. But this must not be. One must go on resolutely and not allow himself to be deflected from him? (his) course. Only in this way does one remain free of blame.

Well then, it looks I must not give up but take the middle road, perhaps between her and my sister, be the link? Or not to bive up on my efforts to improve mom`s condition?
I don`t see how I could make the difference in the long run as I can only see I was advised to stay composed and tried my best at the time of our talk.

maybe you inherit your Mothers' home
when she passes? She is very very vulnerable and scared - I pray
you can see honour in your situation and treat yourself and your
Mother with the dignity you both deserve
The nightmare begins after she passes...Yes, but my empathy is leaving me with my patience, my heart is freezing, it happens for me as I loose respect for someone, so I tend struggle like mad to prolong the hope, remember the man thread...

 

[Grandma]

I was just reading about this exact problem last night in this book:
The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner
http://harrietlerner.com/pages/readersguides/THE_DANCE_OF_ANGER_RG.pdf
I am just going on what I remember from the book:
You can't fight because that is a pattern that keeps things from not changing. But you can decide what you want to do and what you will not do and let you mother know that in a non confrontational, loving manner.Use "I" statements. Stick to your guns. Dont' get caought up in triangles,if you are mad at mom sort that out and explain to her what you are angry about, don't get mad at your sister if you are mad at mom .
Tell your sister for example, I will call you with updates once a (week, two weeks). When you say this to me.....it makes me feel .....Maybe that is my fault but please don't do that in the future...

Get the book though.

 

[ginnie]

She expects me to call her with updates! ... Mother insisted to return from an old peoples home as she was not happy there ... I lost someone I came to care for and that pushed me over into depression again.

An advice how to handle situation with my mother and my sister? Hex 43.4,5 >11

Yi is saying you feel you are at the bursting point or emotional high water point. You feel your sister is wrong and your mother is wrong, too, in many ways. Things are very hard, yet somehow you manage to go on. You are a very strong person. It's important not to conflict with your mother and sister, though. Let yourself be led. Surrender. Whatever they want, do it their way. If your sister wants updates, then give her the updates she wants.

With line 5, I believe Yi is saying that you can be trying to accomplish much but it will be like pulling up wet, slippery spinach. It can be done, but it cannot be done well. It cannot be done well because of all the hindrances that you yourself identified in your posts. Nevertheless, you can be persistent and keep acting on behalf of your mother.

I was thinking: You are lucky to have a mother with enough money to support both you and herself. What would you have done without her? Maybe that fate would have been worse than the one you are suffering through now.

Those old age homes are terrible usually and you are doing the family a tremendous service by taking care of your mother personally, even though she is doing everything to make it hard on you.

In order to surrender, it would be best to master the tendency to have arguments over the trivialities of everyday life. They say the quickest way to end an argument is to refuse to say anything. Refusing to get caught up in those conflicts does not make you into a doormat or a non-assertive person. That makes you into a person whose life will begin to turn into a large, upward spiral, whereas before it was a small circle of sadness and confinement. Unfavorable circumstances and uncongenial relatives are the very stuff out of which spiritual growth is born.

 

[hopex]

i would love to have my Mother back - I am lost without her
no matter how difficult she got - I value the things she did
for me over a lifetime - maybe you inherit your Mothers' home
when she passes? She is very very vulnerable and scared - I pray
you can see honour in your situation and treat yourself and your
Mother with the dignity you both deserve - if things are really
bad some medication may help.... but I feel the reading says the
strength you NEED right now is coming

 

[dancing white ferret]

I have always been touched that even with all your troubles, you have always taken time to respond to my threads and really empathize with my concerns. So, I hope this helps you somehow...

I have some ideas about how this hexagram may relate to your situation. 43 is, to me, about affirming who you are, but also who you are not... Letting go of that last bit of negativity ruling our lives. That last little bit of negativity that is still at the top (maybe at the surface) is what's leading you. It's this one little yin line still controlling things, but all this positive energy underneath this negativity at the top is just waiting to burst forth, if only this one last line would get out of the way. It's still in control. What is leading you in your life that is evil? What are you fighting with? Your mother, your family, true, but what inside you is guiding your behavior. The negative inner voice implanted in your brain, maybe old hurts related to your family, fear of showing your love to your family only to have it cruelly thrown back in your face. Certainly understandable. What is determining your actions? Only you know exactly what that is....

Could something more positive be in the lead? Line 4 says be led like a sheep. Sheep are like this http://www.usbridalguide.com/special/chinesehoroscopes/Sheep.htm , so maybe the Yi is suggesting you be like this, and just go with it. Could be your own higher self in the lead here. Or the you deep down that your hiding under anger maybe and hurt feelings... But, I think the Yi is saying just be the very nurturing loving person you are underneath all the time. Adopt a positive outlook regardless of their behavior. Be yielding, be clear about your boundaries of course, and be calm and peaceful like a sheep. Pull back, stay positive, and watch them fall...

Your family may bring this negativity out in you, or even thoughts of them, as Line 5 seems to point out to me... A weed that keeps growing back. Sounds like whenever they upset you this negativity takes over, and you will have to keep on top of it. But it is still you who is leading you, and you can decide not to let them get to you. Be resolute in your character. You know who you are, and you're great... Everyone here sure knows it, and if your family doesn't say so, well their stupid. But I think the reading says you need to decide to be you anyway, let the negativity go, and focus more on all your virtues. Bring those to light, even when it's not easy...

Sounds like you don't feel appreciated, but also sounds like you want that recognition, like you need some validation. I imagine it would be very difficult to be loving and nurturing to someone who doesn't seem to appreciate it, and is critical of you despite the nurturing role you have in their life. Especially when they seem to put more value on a sibling who isn't putting in the same time or comittment to them. Who knows what she really thinks though? It's hard to tell in families what anyone really thinks or feels. The dynamics are so unique and complicated, and everyone thinks something about someone, and nobody ever feels comfortable showing their real feelings etc... ... They are exhausting... Perhaps that is part of the message here is well. Just be straightforward about how you feel. Just say it, but be peaceful. Don't hide your hurt feelings and concerns behind an angry outburst.

When I first read this my gut reaction to this was there are some resentments, maybe even very old resentments you have with your family, and you are angry and hurt about these things. It sounds like you have come very far in building who you are spiritually, you have trouble fully bringing this into your family life, and they are not making it very easy for you. You can get through it though. Just keep your ...

 

[dragona]

Thank you so very much for the support shown here, tho it is a terrible feeling that someone who never met you values you more as a person then your own family.
I hate to whine,this is not how old me would go about things.
I will update soon when I am up to it and will try to stick to the readings and certainly will take everything you say into consideration.
Thanks again ladies:hugs::bows:

p.s. being led like a sheep/by the sheep could suggest to take easier path, be more meek but then 58.3 I think warns about that, perhaps in another sense

 

[dragona]

Yi is saying you feel you are at the bursting point or emotional high water point. You feel your sister is wrong and your mother is wrong, too, in many ways. Things are very hard, yet somehow you manage to go on. You are a very strong person. It's important not to conflict with your mother and sister, though. Let yourself be led. Surrender. Whatever they want, do it their way. If your sister wants updates, then give her the updates she wants.
It is never the case of someone completely right or wrong, it is the truth. But i don`t seek conflicts, I need peace, I begged for it, then I screamed for it.
She wants me to telephone her and report!! Is it unusual to call a mother and ask how are you, do you need anything, etc. They never offer to take her anywhere, send grandchildren over, nothing but a short visit were she complains as soon as my mother tries to. She confronted me again on the subject, btw and I said why should I do it, talk of the hardships, so you could return with -I told you so? She replied with: "Well, I told you so."

With line 5, I believe Yi is saying that you can be trying to accomplish much but it will be like pulling up wet, slippery spinach. It can be done, but it cannot be done well. It cannot be done well because of all the hindrances that you yourself identified in your posts. Nevertheless, you can be persistent and keep acting on behalf of your mother.
:bows:
I was thinking: You are lucky to have a mother with enough money to support both you and herself. What would you have done without her? Maybe that fate would have been worse than the one you are suffering through now.
Hardly enough money.
Those old age homes are terrible usually and you are doing the family a tremendous service by taking care of your mother personally, even though she is doing everything to make it hard on you.
She is on the waiting list for the state home, a good one, but it takes years sometimes...everything is done through connections here

In order to surrender, it would be best to master the tendency to have arguments over the trivialities of everyday life. They say the quickest way to end an argument is to refuse to say anything. Refusing to get caught up in those conflicts does not make you into a doormat or a non-assertive person. That makes you into a person whose life will begin to turn into a large, upward spiral, whereas before it was a small circle of sadness and confinement. Unfavorable circumstances and uncongenial relatives are the very stuff out of which spiritual growth is born.

I honestly feel that I am turning in the smaller person then I used to be, in that sense.

 

[precision grace]

:hugs:

 

[foxx777]

Dragona;

I know how you feel as my sisters have big homes and wealthy husbands, while my husband left me a widow at age 46 with an adult disabled son, and yep, we lost our home and have to live in with my mother.

I always say I am being tested like Job, and if I did not have some kind of blind, child-like faith, I would go totally mad.

Very much the same situation as you describe.

YES, I also think 43 calls for some decisive Resolution, and clear decision: Take note of line 5; I have found it to be very important:

43. Deciding

Line 4:

There is no skin on the buttocks,
the journey is about to be halted.
Leading a sheep,
aversion goes away.
Words are heard, but not believed.

Making a clear gesture of surrender, to stop being attacked or punished. Just saying that one surrenders may not be enough to be trusted. The aversion to surrendering will go away.
(Having no skin on the buttocks is a result of punishment. Leading a sheep by hand used to be a gesture of surrender for a besieged city.)

Line 5:

Amaranth on the land,
decide, decide!
Targeted action is without fault.

Encountering something of value in an unusual place and needing to decide whether to take it or not. There is nothing wrong with going for it.
(Amaranth is also called Chinese spinach. Both the leaves and the small seeds are edible.)
Hexagram is changing to:

11. Passing Through

Passing through.
Little goes, much comes.
Good fortune, progressing.

Things move easily and supplely. Gains clearly outweigh the losses. Things go well and there is progress.

 

[dragona]

To surrender to their expectations?!
Heard a bit of the conversation and it turns out my sister is still envious of my parents favoring me as the youngest (only her impression), but they sure made it up to her latter on as putting her up on the pedestal as a sacrificing wife and mother and here I was, not having someone to "teach me a lesson/smack me" as my mother told me once. I never was in a hurry to get a husband but I surely feel the need to pair up but with quality.
So my sister expects me to have no ambition, why should I have better life then hers? She is always stinging with remarks of my laziness, free time, not up to hard work, etc. and it is clear picking a fight sign,just mean but my mother is so in love with her and of course, sees nothing and her mind is going as well...I hope this explains it.
I will make no apologizes for wanting to work in my profession and I worked on a few very hard and straining jobs, but who cares...
My mother wants me to get a job and a family but without leaving the house or she calls the police or bothers neighbors or worse. Told her that if she is better then by the consequence so am I, but as I said, she is beyond reasoning.

This is why i find it hard to be meek, perhaps just very reserved but that drives them insane.
Again, I apologize for bringing this all up.

Optimism of hex 11 I see only as a sign to try calm down, meeting of different creative forces depicted, may turn up positive, but it is not an easy ride as quite a few threads here showed.
So, when I get it as here, feels more like:to calm down and soothe the process you must step on the break (towards loosing it), appear more cooperative at least and keep it going with the struggle cos there is nothing else you can do.
I think the reading was referring to the situation of the moment, I see no great progress from it, realistically.

 

[ginnie]

No one can know how hard it is to live with a person who is now beyond reasoning, except you, who is in such close contact with her. My heart goes out to you.

Are there any sort of social services available for you, a sole caregiver for one elderly person who has got dementia or Altzheimers?

A small amount of money is still better than no money at all.

There is the story of the glass and the water half-way up in it. Some people see the glass as being half full and other people see the glass as being half empty. You are seeing the glass as mostly empty, even though it does have some water in it.

One practice to re-train the mind is to make a list of 5 things you are sincerely grateful for each night before going to bed. This is called doing a gratitude list.

Do you have a meditation practice? I don't know how anybody survives without one.

 

[dragona]

It is Parkinson`s and the major problem is unreasonable fears leading to lessened exercising, leading to lessened blood circulation, leading towards worsened nerves,leading etc....she refused fizio, prescribed vitamines, so I did not make an appointment...tired..
What angers me is that if she would only cooperate and listen and trust what I say, it would be so much easier. And she does not make the connection with things above as constantly finding excuses. I think even the specialist is wondering about so much fear. She lived in this town most of her life for god`s sake, she has a small garden, a balcony, 24 hours help, long street to walk upon, people to greet but she is acting as the world is plotting to kill her!
I know it is illness, but the doctors are not very animated. "Give her a pill if restless" or "its no wonder she is disoriented" does not help me much.

 

[dragona]

Hello, just an update since you all have been so very kind and helpful.
Yesterday I have decided to give up trying. I will only do the necessary - prepare meals, pills and clean as much as I can. But that is all. And this time I mean it. There is no helping this woman (from me).
She does not appreciate my efforts and is really perfidious in handling me. As we speak, she is frying eggs while the lunch meat is defrosting as she is not going to beg me to fry them for her but she would ask me what dish she could use to prepare them - while frying pen resting on the stove. It goes on and on, day in day out...accusations and spitefulness. Especially ironic since I was the one begging her to eat even if forcing it-for th sake of nourishment, begging to do this or that...and was called not normal or boring.
Wearing thorn and over sized clothes to the doctors and making especially snide comments after asking her to stop with them after a long day, finally made me realize how stupid I was.
The specialist said things have gone to the extreme and it needs psychiatrist involvement. Hallelujah, after a year, he decided it is time to go that road again! Doubt it will help much, did not the last time - downers made her totally useless. But since she is refusing every possible suggestion from me or my sister and even meds she does not fancy, its out of my hands. I don`t care anymore, I am closing my heart.
My sister has closed hers while ago, so this is following, really. After asking me why I haven`t tossed something in the trash, I replied that I can`t carry it alone. No reply.
Perhaps defeatist, cold or however one may think but only that worked in my family.

 

[cris]

Hey Dragona!
I hope you're still around and willing to provide an update on how this turned out for you. I got the same casting in reply to the same query around a similar situation, although I had more practical matters in mind (medical, legal, financial) than interpersonal or emotional. Your experience would be enlightening. I anyway hope all worked out fine in the end