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How to keep a relationship with my ex without getting hurt? 22.2>26

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So, I've started casting the I Ching recently (around 2 months ago) and this is my first time posting here. I've been getting clear results sometimes, confuse at other times, but I'm learning :)

TL;DR: my ex wants to keep our friendship and so do I. However, I always get hurt when we're together, plus she commited a lot of mistakes and always fled from conversations about that. Asking about how to keep a good relationship without hard feelings, I got 22.2>26. My interpretations are at the end of the post, but I'd like some help. You can read the whole post for more details.


Well, the situation: One year ago, I met a girl online and we got along very well. We become really good friends and the friendship evolved into something else. She considered me her boyfriend and vice versa. She's 8 years younger than me, and made me feel young again; on the other hand, she liked my maturity, knowledge and experience, so we kind of had something to offer each other.

She and I live in different states, so it was very hard to meet her, but after 8 months of relationship, I was able to travel to her city. The first visit was wonderful, I felt connected to her and we spent a lot of good time together. I left her city happy, sure about her feelings towards me.

However, less than a week later, she was having sex with another guy. Plus: she admitted she wanted a serious relationship with him. I felt cheated on and tried to talk about that, but she was always "busy" (she was actually spending time with him).

I went crazy, couldn't sleep nor eat properly, or even concentrate at work. I told her that the situation was hurting me, I asked her for help or at least to talk about the matter so I could understand everything, but she just got more and more distant, fleeing away from me. She didn't even once took initiative to talk, even knowing how much I was suffering.

Then I decided that, if she wasn't going to talk, I was going to meet her again. So I did, one month after that, and arrived her city one month ago. We actually hung out once on the day just after my arrival (we went to a show) and it had some good and bad moments (just as friends), but we couldn't really talk about anything. And after that, we couldn't meet because neither her new bf nor her family wanted her to see me again, at least not alone.

I ended up talking by phone, and we clarified many things. I said I was going to move away from her a little, so it would be less trouble for everyone. (Actually, that was something the I Ching told me. A little after arriving, I asked how I was supposed to act towards her, and the result was 54.5>58. I interpreted that as an advice to keep a low profile and let things roll on, not expecting romantic results. Feel free to interpret this in your answer if you wish).

We kept talking, but only scattered and superficial messages. The weeks later were calmer and Ieven felt inclined to meet other people (no success though, which is probably the best). However, I still had some gifts to give her and really wished to see her one last time before leaving.

So, after one month without seeing each other, we finally were able to meet. She invited me to visit a museum we always wanted to go together, her friends were there too. But when I arrived there, they just went away to another place. I was invited, but that was not the planned. Plus, I felt none of the other girls really wanted me there, so I just decided to leave the group as soon as possible.

I felt very disappointed, for no one really tried to interact with me. I couldn't even give the gifts I was planning to give her lol. I'm not sure if she just wanted me there to say "well, I tried", but I went home very frustrated and since them I'm thinking about cuting our ties for good, or at least for a good time, since I always get hurt.

I also admitted to myself I was cheated on and that she probably doesn't really care about me or my well being. I was kind of fleeing from these thoughts, because it would imply many faults on her character, and always tried to put in on the lower age. However, it is what it is, I guess.

But... well, I don't want this to end like this. I still like her, despite everything. Also, we have some friends in common and cutting 100% of the communication won't really be possible.

So I asked the I ching "how can I have a good relationship with her without getting hurt?"

The result was 22.2, changing to 26.

I'm really confused about the result, but I can try a few options, since translations can vary:

1 - this relationship is now actually something superfluous, but I can't see it, just like a beard is superfluous in many cases;
2 - I must consider our friendship as something trivial, not trying to get deeply into her life again
3 - I'm actually superfluous for her;
4 - I have to be patient and let this go on, somehow growing it bit by bit again (like a beard);
5 - I need to be truthful to what I feel and be sincere with her about all of this, instead of trying to make her feel good all the time and keeping appearances of a nice friendship;
6 - I must "trim my beard", that meaning to cut something here and there, but not everything;
7 - I need to take care of myself first, since I've been neglecting many aspects of my life because of this whole situation.

About hexagram 26... Well, I usually don't know how to interpret it. Maybe it's saying I'll need a lot of effort to whatever my decision is.

I also asked if I should tell her about all my bad feelings regarding what she did to me, specially the things I admit now, and I got hexagram 60. So, I think I can't be so harsh and should try to limit my words, considering her feelings despite everything.

I'm leaving in some days, and I really want to talk to her before that. She said she'll try to meet me, but nothing is certain.

Sorry about so much context, but I felt it was important. I'll be glad with any help, so feel free to interpret any of the hexagrams, even if the main question is about the ones in the title. Thanks : )
 
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moss elk

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Asking about how to keep a good relationship without hard feelings, I got 22.2>26.

By Displaying (22) your Maturity (26)
"Adorning your beard"

This would look like:
gracefully, quietly bowing out with a smile. (And Dignity)

Not pining.
&
Not trying to keep a connection that isn't good for you.
 
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rosada

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Welcome johann!

Hexagram 22. Grace is made up of the trigrams Fire below and Mountain above. It is the image of a camp fire that only illuminates a small area suggesting a situation like an online romance where we don't know the full picture and may be filling in the missing details with our own hopes and wishes creating a lovely fantasy that may be hard to maintain face to face. I think of the poem by Edna St.Vincent Milay:

My candle burns at both ends.
It will not last the night.
But ah, my foes and oh, my friends -
It makes a lovely light.

Anyway, supposedly Confucius got this line once and felt very uncomfortable with it as he felt "taking care of one's beard" indicated being caught up in superficial affairs but in your case getting 22.2 might indicate that to have a good relationship with this person requires you keep things superficial.

Hexagram 26 advises holding back.
 
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Thanks for the feedback! That's kind of the feeling I had about it. There's no way we coould keep too close right now, but it would be hard to be completely away from each other. I guess I just need to be mature enough to let our ties loose and become weaker.

I'll try to update the situation whenever I feel it's convenient.
 

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