Clarity,
Office 17622,
PO Box 6945,
London.
W1A 6US
United Kingdom
Phone/ Voicemail:
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).
Hello,
I used to come to these forums many years ago.
It’s been great to catch up again & find Hilary’s brilliant thread on how to ask relationship questions (after getting into some unhelpful obsessive questioning)
I received the answer “50.2 changing to 56” when asking “How should I respond?” to my boyfriend’s email in which he said he was going to respond to my email but then I had added another two in which I tried to explain things more and he will write back but it’s too much and he’s too tired at the moment.
(He wrote a few days ago, after I angrily drove away from his house that I had “broken him” and that my anger and aggression was unacceptable. I perceive myself as over reacting strongly to what I perceived as his distance, which I now know more surely was related to his having had a very overwhelming few days previously. I had been there to support him through this time but it took a toll on me when he then was very shutdown but attempting to, as he said for my sake “pretend to be normal”. I often interpret being pretended to as scary).
In writing this I realise that of course the Yi has described exactly what is happening. He is so distressed and overwhelmed “afflicted” he cannot approach me. But there IS something real in the vessel. If the vessel is our relationship then what is there is accessible again, but presumably I must continue to step back.
I had never again wanted to be in a situation where I couldn’t communicate directly with a partner. But we are only a three month old relationship and both of us are Asperger’s/autistic. Our biggest challenge so far has been responding to times where he feels criticised and I feel rejected and either of us perceives anger in the other.
There is so much love and goodwill between us, and often we manage to talk about these situations after they’ve happened. But in this instance I fear that my attempt to avoid direct confrontation led to me fleeing in an angry way which felt very traumatic to him. Much more sensitising than for a non-autistic person. (And something, as an autistic person, I was perhaps more likely to do when in a “meltdown” state).
I had been questioning whether we have a future. We are both separated from our marriages and he has youngish children. There is a “soulmate” element to our interaction, but I never expected to fall in love so soon after my marriage end and am wary that he and I could both unintentionally damage each other in the early complicated stages of developing a bond.
There is also a huge complication (sorry-loooong post now). I have just found out I’m pregnant. In the few days since we haven’t been in contact. We talked a couple of months ago about what would happen if this ever happened. I was determined that as I have never wanted children, I would not have a child. He said he loves me so much that even though he didn’t want more, then he would. I have an odd feeling we somehow did this subconsciously on purpose. I know I must tell him. But I’m 99% sure I will not have the baby. And that the loss will be another sad loss on top of the end of my marriage and possibly my new relationship. A few days ago when we were together he dreamed about a man who seemed to be an avatar for him who had “six children (he has three in real life)
and had “another on the way”. I felt like it could be a premonition & consequently took a test much earlier after missing my period than I otherwise might have done.
I have just asked “What does this pregnancy mean for me?” and received 37 1.3.6 changing to 8
(which feels like it very literally reflects my urge for Union and desire to belong to a family, as I currently feel very alone in the world)
and then even though part of me is well aware I perhaps should be asking “What is the right thing?”questions, I actually asked:
“Will we reconcile?”
and received 38 1.4.6 changing to 7.
which I would interpret as further affirming the ball is in his court and that he will respond positively to me despite our estrangement. Though I’m not sure how/when I could then approach the pregnancy. That doesn’t feel like it’s going to reduce his burden of anxiety...
I’m also wondering if the original 50.2 also reflects the pregnancy in some way.
This all feels a bit soap opera and stressful. The intensity feels like an inevitable consequence of our feelings and ways of interaction. But we both also struggle with intensity.
Any thoughts on the readings or a more focused question I should ask would be much appreciated.
I used to come to these forums many years ago.
It’s been great to catch up again & find Hilary’s brilliant thread on how to ask relationship questions (after getting into some unhelpful obsessive questioning)
I received the answer “50.2 changing to 56” when asking “How should I respond?” to my boyfriend’s email in which he said he was going to respond to my email but then I had added another two in which I tried to explain things more and he will write back but it’s too much and he’s too tired at the moment.
(He wrote a few days ago, after I angrily drove away from his house that I had “broken him” and that my anger and aggression was unacceptable. I perceive myself as over reacting strongly to what I perceived as his distance, which I now know more surely was related to his having had a very overwhelming few days previously. I had been there to support him through this time but it took a toll on me when he then was very shutdown but attempting to, as he said for my sake “pretend to be normal”. I often interpret being pretended to as scary).
In writing this I realise that of course the Yi has described exactly what is happening. He is so distressed and overwhelmed “afflicted” he cannot approach me. But there IS something real in the vessel. If the vessel is our relationship then what is there is accessible again, but presumably I must continue to step back.
I had never again wanted to be in a situation where I couldn’t communicate directly with a partner. But we are only a three month old relationship and both of us are Asperger’s/autistic. Our biggest challenge so far has been responding to times where he feels criticised and I feel rejected and either of us perceives anger in the other.
There is so much love and goodwill between us, and often we manage to talk about these situations after they’ve happened. But in this instance I fear that my attempt to avoid direct confrontation led to me fleeing in an angry way which felt very traumatic to him. Much more sensitising than for a non-autistic person. (And something, as an autistic person, I was perhaps more likely to do when in a “meltdown” state).
I had been questioning whether we have a future. We are both separated from our marriages and he has youngish children. There is a “soulmate” element to our interaction, but I never expected to fall in love so soon after my marriage end and am wary that he and I could both unintentionally damage each other in the early complicated stages of developing a bond.
There is also a huge complication (sorry-loooong post now). I have just found out I’m pregnant. In the few days since we haven’t been in contact. We talked a couple of months ago about what would happen if this ever happened. I was determined that as I have never wanted children, I would not have a child. He said he loves me so much that even though he didn’t want more, then he would. I have an odd feeling we somehow did this subconsciously on purpose. I know I must tell him. But I’m 99% sure I will not have the baby. And that the loss will be another sad loss on top of the end of my marriage and possibly my new relationship. A few days ago when we were together he dreamed about a man who seemed to be an avatar for him who had “six children (he has three in real life)
and had “another on the way”. I felt like it could be a premonition & consequently took a test much earlier after missing my period than I otherwise might have done.
I have just asked “What does this pregnancy mean for me?” and received 37 1.3.6 changing to 8
(which feels like it very literally reflects my urge for Union and desire to belong to a family, as I currently feel very alone in the world)
and then even though part of me is well aware I perhaps should be asking “What is the right thing?”questions, I actually asked:
“Will we reconcile?”
and received 38 1.4.6 changing to 7.
which I would interpret as further affirming the ball is in his court and that he will respond positively to me despite our estrangement. Though I’m not sure how/when I could then approach the pregnancy. That doesn’t feel like it’s going to reduce his burden of anxiety...
I’m also wondering if the original 50.2 also reflects the pregnancy in some way.
This all feels a bit soap opera and stressful. The intensity feels like an inevitable consequence of our feelings and ways of interaction. But we both also struggle with intensity.
Any thoughts on the readings or a more focused question I should ask would be much appreciated.