how will waiting for --- affect my life

[Rasalila]

Im in a marriage that I know won't last. There's no animosity, actually it's the opposite, extreme good will and unconditional love. The problem is, it's more of a familial love then a passionate one and there's not really a strong friendship. It's like being with my brother who I love but don't really like that much. I want the best for him but I don't really enjoy his company, there's no connection. We've been together for ten years and have a nine year old son. Last summer I had an affair(the first and only one) with a very old friend and felt such a strong connection. He felt it, too, but obviously it couldn't last. I told my husband everything and we are moving forward as best as possible. Today I asked how I was going to stay with my husband while knowing that I want to be with someone else. And I got 5, Nourished while waiting, followed by 26. I don't remember the changing lines, sorry. So after getting 5, waiting, I asked how waiting for this particular person that I had the affair with and am still in love with, would affect my life and I got 55.2, changing to 34. This isn't the first time i've gotten 55 when asking about him. Another common one I get with him is 8 and 53. Can you tell I've been asking alot over the last year? I don't want to hurt anybody, and my husband and I get along fine. i've been honest with him about my feelings and we're moving into more of a partnership now. I don't want anything to happen abruptly. But I feel kind of stupid holding on to this crush in my situation but at the same time it's kind of fun and exciting to think about. I'm willing to wait, I guess my question was, should i wait. is there anything there to wait for. oh, also, i asked a few weeks ago what the nature of my relationship with -- is and got 32, enduring, making me think it's about long term waiting/commitment. What do y'all think? Thank you in advance if you've read this far

 

[Trojina]

Im in a marriage that I know won't last. There's no animosity, actually it's the opposite, extreme good will and unconditional love.

You have 'extreme good will and unconditional love' but think it won't last ? These things aren't so easy to find, you will want to hang on to something I think ?

I'm working through the post bit by bit to make it easy for me

The problem is, it's more of a familial love then a passionate one and there's not really a strong friendship. It's like being with my brother who I love but don't really like that much. I want the best for him but I don't really enjoy his company, there's no connection.

Hmm. Have you ever been apart from him for any length of time ? I ask because unless you know how much you might miss him it's not a great idea to go for someone else just because of passion, which can be here today gone tomorrow anyway. It is also normal for long term relationships to subside into something gentler which I'm sure you know.

We've been together for ten years and have a nine year old son. Last summer I had an affair(the first and only one) with a very old friend and felt such a strong connection. He felt it, too, but obviously it couldn't last. I told my husband everything and we are moving forward as best as possible. Today I asked how I was going to stay with my husband while knowing that I want to be with someone else. And I got 5, Nourished while waiting, followed by 26. I don't remember the changing lines, sorry.

you do not need to remember changing lines to know what they are. You copy out hexagram 5 and then hexagram 26. You then note which lines of 5 need to change to get to hexagram 26. If you say you don't remember that makes me think you don't know what change lines are...so off I go to draw it on paper. Note you have had no replies yet, you will always get more response by noting the change lines and also your own thoughts on the readings. Here is a link to a sticky for tips on getting themost from posting in SR https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/fri...59-How-to-get-the-most-from-sharing-a-reading

So you had 5.5.6>26. You asked how you were going to stay with your husband while you want to be with someone else ? Well the answer seems to be saying to just coast along without doing anything drastic (line 5) and in line 6 solutions arrive in unexpected form. The 26 actually makes me think of the potential of the marriage, it's history, it's wealth and so on.

Admittedly I am biased from what I have read of your account I'm not convinced about the new love interest very much

So after getting 5, waiting, I asked how waiting for this particular person that I had the affair with and am still in love with, would affect my life and I got 55.2, changing to 34.

Why are you waiting for him ? I mean if he's that passionate why isn't he with you now ? What has he led you believe about the relationship ? I'm not sure what you are waiting for with regard to him ? Are you waiting for him to get in touch or what ?

This isn't the first time i've gotten 55 when asking about him. Another common one I get with him is 8 and 53. Can you tell I've been asking alot over the last year? I don't want to hurt anybody, and my husband and I get along fine. i've been honest with him about my feelings and we're moving into more of a partnership now. I don't want anything to happen abruptly. But I feel kind of stupid holding on to this crush in my situation but at the same time it's kind of fun and exciting to think about. I'm willing to wait, I guess my question was, should i wait. is there anything there to wait for.

I don't know. Has this guy told you what you are waiting for ? Are you still in touch ? What's happening ?

oh, also, i asked a few weeks ago what the nature of my relationship with -- is and got 32, enduring, making me think it's about long term waiting/commitment. What do y'all think? Thank you in advance if you've read this far

Long term waiting for what though ? 32uc could mean just staying as you are now, I don't know

 

[Trojina]

Hang on is this guy the same one you wrote about here ?

https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?24658-Returning-to-a-past-love

People responded to you but you didn't ever return to that thread

 

[Rasalila]

Hi! Thank you. I never responded to that other thread because I was looking in the wrong place so I hadn't realized that anyone else had responded until now. No, that was another guy. Me and my husband were separated for a year. Prior to that I had left the state to go to school for six months in my home town, where I had the affair with the old high school friend. I then moved there permanently and took up an infatuation with another old boyfriend. That's who the other thread was about. Wow. I sound like a mess. I think you're right on about all of it and the lover from last year isn't around and doesn't want to be around. He's living with his girlfriend, actually. I just started obsessing about him which happens from time to time. Me and my husband are trying this again, but I seem to have a problem with obsessing over past relationships. But what life and the i ching is telling me is to chill the f*** out and focus on what I have right in front of me instead going into fantasy land about other men. I think it's me trying to escape. Thanks so much for all of your thoughtful responses and I will get onto that other thread and update.

 

[Trojina]

The problem is, it's more of a familial love then a passionate one and there's not really a strong friendship. It's like being with my brother who I love but don't really like that much. I want the best for him but I don't really enjoy his company, there's no connection.

So it's like your husband has become a kind of stranger ? Great, that means you can re-discover him all over again which might be exciting.

I know that may not be realistic but then again so often there really is everything you want with the one you're with but it got lost and buried somewhere but it's still there waiting to be re- found.

I think as with everything people can start to take 'short cuts' with each other. When you know him so well, know what he's going to say, you can stop listening to him and him to you and that leads to sort of not really seeing who one another is and that leads to a kind of forgetting which leads to other people looking extremely exciting in comparison. And yet so often the shiny new toy/person after a while isn't the answer to everything and then after a while you'd be remembering all the things you miss about your husband.

I can't say that is how it is for you since I don't know, it's just hearing the story as you tell it that's sort of the thoughts that come to me.

Also your husband sounds really nice

 

[oceangirl]

Hi Rasalila - well I think you are a mess in terms of you sound like you're running around and around in circles looking for 'something' other than facing the truth of what's right in front of you....hmmm but what is that truth??? Waiting - yes chill the F*** out. Good idea. I think your whole being sounds like it needs to calm down....Wait - have a glass of wine and nourish yourself on good food (and things) like the company of your husband and child. Like Trojina has said about Line 6 - the solution arrives in an unexpected form....I'm thinking that's not another affair - something a lot more substantial than that. Restrain yourself from anything external to fix whatever is going on for you.....relax sista, sit for a while and enjoy what you've got right now. Love the One You're With - Crosby, Stills & Nash

 

[Rasalila]

It's funny you would mention that song. I used to think, when I was a teenager, how ridiculous that song was but now it totally makes sense to me. Yes, I'm going to keep working at this marriage. I know that I use romantic intrigue with new people as an escape from reality. Obsessing about a new person is like a drug for me. Lots of changes these last two years but I'm working to forgive myself. Maybe y'all can help me again. I woke up so sad this morning and full of guilt and regret for everything I'd put my family through recently. I do a general reading every morning, this morning I kind of weepily asked for some clarity on what was going on, why I was so sad and what to do about it and I got 34 changing to 41. What do you guys think? Seems so contradictory, the great power followed by decrease. Also wondering how you guys view the second hexagram and if you even read the changing lines when there's more than one. Thank you, it's been so comforting reading your responses.

 

[rosada]

There is an expression, "How you do anything is how you do everything." I think of this when I read your postings here and how you've told us the hexagrams you've received but in a very SUPERFICIAL manner. You mention that you got hexagram 5 changing to hexagram 26 but you forgot the lines. Why didn't you look them up? Did you think they were unimportant or were you expecting the people you were asking for assistance to know the lines or look them up for you? I thought at first you didn't give attention to the lines of that cast because it wasn't the one you were asking about. However now you tell us you got "34 changing to 41", again not posting what the lines are, again demonstrating that you either don't think lines are important or that you don't want people to give you a reading based on the lines or you assume the people you are asking for help will either know the lines by heart or will look them up for you. Whatever. The thing is, are you going about managing the other areas of your life in this same skim-the-surface sort of way? As I re-read what I have written I realize my words could be interpreted as me scolding you - please know that is not my intention! I just don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't sound critical. I am trying to point out to you what I see as a pattern in your posts in the hopes that if there is a pattern here and you become more aware of it, then you will be able to recognize how you sabotaging yourself by not being more thorough in other areas of your life also. If you find yourself day dreaming about what Might Have Been or What May Be you are avoiding some task that needs to be completed in the present. Perhaps this is the message in 34 - 41, Power Decreased, as in, if you don't apply your energy and your focus to what you have already created you will not be able to sustain it in the future. So look around you, ask yourself "What have I been avoiding doing?" Maybe you need to clean a cupboard or write a thank you note or join a gym but I promise you, if you (5.5) get more deeply into your here-and-now life, all the love and fulfillment you think you've missed will start showing up on your door step like (5.6) three unexpected guests!

Also, I'm not saying getting into the here-and-now will necessarily mean you fall in love with your husband - although it would probably be helpful it you were to put a focus on the relationship and work out an arrangement where you are not having to pretend anything. The fact that it sounds like he rather calmly accepted your having stepped outside the marriage and not for a fling but because you were looking for emotional fulfillment - love! - makes me think "No wonder she daydreams!" I mean, my God! Where was that man's head at? If I had learned my partner had been having an affair I would have burst into tears, yelled, "What the hell happened???" "How can I change?" "I'll do anything!" and insisted we start couples therapy the next day. So anyway, your husband's response suggests he may not be willing or wanting or even knowing how to build the dynamic relationship you are longing for, but don't be satisfied with a SUPERFICIAL charade. Don't put your life on hold pretending your marriage is something it's not. Either rebuild the marriage or re-write the contract - but don't beat yourself up or quietly endure!

m2c. Rosada

 

[Rasalila]

Honestly, I haven't been sure how to interpret changing lines when there's more than one because they often contradict each other. But I'll be sure to include them from now on. It's challenging to tell the whole story in a paragraph. We've been dealing with this for almost two years so, yes, there's been lots of tears and fights and trying to figure out where to go from here. We also went through selling our house and moving out of state and many other huge traumatic events in the last two years. We're literally just trying to pick up the pieces. And he's definitely aware of his part in all of this, too. I don't blame him for what I did but we've been through alot. I'm also familiar with that expression about the way you do one thing is the way you do all things and I've changed small habits before that have led to greater ones. I'd like to take more time to be thoughtful on these posts, but I'm usually writing, like right now, right after I get home from work and just before I pick up my kids. Thank you for your honest and thoughtful response.

 

[Rasalila]

Hi, just looking back on my old threads and updating everything. Reading the replies again from Rosada and Trojina and remembering how annoyed I was with their responses! I was in serious denial and pissed off at anyone who pointed to the truth. I went way, way down into several dark nights of the soul over the last year or so. I would not repeat the last year for anything. But, turns out, that you guys were totally right! I was running and running, being inconsistent, being flaky, wanting an easy fix. I guess I needed to go to hell and back in order to see what was right in front of me. My husband and I have re-committed to each other and although it hasn't been easy, it's been a beautiful journey and I'm so glad I didn't make any permanent mistakes and lose him. I've discovered new things about him, remembered the things I fell in love with and we're actively growing together and learning how to communicate. That other guy I was obsessed with ended up getting married(thank you, universe, for protecting me from myself) I'm so grateful that y'all were honest with me and didn't pull any punches. One thing that really helped was seeing a nutritional therapist and getting on supplements. My adrenal glands were totally fried, not surprising, and now that I've gotten my physical health into a better place, I feel so much more calm and grounded. Went a little coocoo for a while there, but feeling better than ever now, and so grateful to still be with this wonderful man.

 

[rosada]

Thank you so much for this update, Rasalia. It's good to know you're doing so much better now!