I am so unhappy 2.2.5>29

[goddessliss]

Hi,

At present I am feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of being a single parent and it is making me very unhappy.
Over the last 2 years or more I have had to pick up the devastating emotional pieces not only for myself but for my son and just as I am starting to feel lighter and able to get on properly with my own life I now find that I am in a situation which I do not want at all.
We live in a high unemployment area and an area that is almost devoid of public transport, certainly for this situation.
However my son has managed to get a job for himself which is 5 days a week starting at midday or a bit later and working 6 - 8 hours.
But....I have to drive him because there is no way for him to get there. It is a 40 minute turn around for me twice a day. Once to take him to work and once to bring him home.
So not only am I spending 80 minutes of my time for no personal gain or joy but my days are so restricted I cannot actually go far at all. I have already been doing this for about 4 weeks. This was brought home to me today when a friend and I were trying to make plans to get together to do some sewing which would include a trip to the shops which are about half hour away in the opposite direction to where my sons works. This just about nearly brought me to tears.
This also restricts the possiblity of my gaining employment for myself. My sons employer is not open to flexibility.
When I have spoken to my son about all this he has almost begged me to keep driving him as he loves it so much.
I have been the best mother I can for 25 years but I feel it's now time for me.
But I am so unhappy.

How can I get around this driving situation with my son

Hex 2.2.5>29

What is the alternative to me driving him Hex 38.1>64

thku
Melissa

 

[sooo]

Hi Melissa,

I have to ask the obvious question: why isn't your 25 year old son independent enough to be driving himself around by now? My interpretation of Yi's answer would hinge on the answer to that question.

For example, 29 could represent habitual (over)mothering, and 2.2,5 (2 is also a mother) may be be giving him the impression that it's no sacrifice or sweat to you to be his personal chauffeur and caregiver.

Sounds to me like the lad could use a little tough love, and the mom should let go of feeling that unless she does something (for him), it won't get done, and be giving the impression that it's no big deal for you (line 5), when in fact it creates separation and opposition between you, and keeps you apart from living your own life (38), and it could be keeping him from finding his own way across his own life's challenges (line 1 and 64).

 

[yxeli]

Hi Liss,

I'm really sorry to hear of your sadness. This situation seems so hopeless when I read your post. What a horrible system of government there must be in Australia for there not to be any public transport in your area? It seems alien to me. You can get pretty much anywhere (for a price) in Ireland on a bus or train...


Hex 2

02 Devoting, Trusting (Dual-mindedness)
In a context of devotion we utilise trust.

Trigrams : devotion (bottom), dual-mindedness (top) : with/from devotion comes duel-mindedness. [earth over earth]

A situation of darkness - be it the horrifying, cold darkness of 'nothing' or the protective, warm darkness of a womb. Fear elicits a need for protection from the dark as does devotion to another/others drive the need to protect against the dark through the exploits of another/others (protection in numbers). This realm is of potentials and so reflects all other hexagrams, where it nurtures 'yang' etc.

obviously Hexagram 2 is indicating your situation very well, you are in the dark, unable to see a clear way out of your troubles here. in relation to your question 'how can i get around this situation with my son?' I was specifically interested in the line 'Fear elicits a need for protection from the dark as does devotion to another/others drive the need to protect against the dark through the exploits of another/others (protection in numbers)'

You are obviously devoted to your son and you want to be able to provide him with what he needs, the 'protection against the dark', but I think its also expressing that its outside forces that have gotten you here, things out of your control. i would also suggest that 2 is talking about both you and your son 'seeking identity', by means of finding your own individual paths at this point.

I also want to emphasise 'trust' here. Trust that this situation can and will present a clear light in the dark for you to follow.

Line 2 from Rosada http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=3207&page=3

"Streight, square, great," seems to be discribing physical perameters like "hight,depth and weight", and if "Without purpose" could also be "Without repitition or practice" then perhaps at this point in our conciousness developement we are being advised to see things as they are, no need to refine our vision further before recognizing it's manefestation.

Other phrases come to mind:
Time will tell.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
...''

another translation from 123iching ACTUALLY talks about jobs, in this line saying 'this line triggered, indicates receptiveness to following,by learning from one who you are designated to submit to, one can build ones capability to do ones job'

So from both of these translations, I would say that it is a time to allow this predicament to happen, with time things will change and also, that with time if your son holds his job, that an alternative will become apparent eventually.

Line 5
In the thread posted above, some people have desribed this line as the 'resurrection line' of the hexagram, a sure way out of where you find yourself. The yellow undergarment talked about was even given as an anecdote by one member, so possibly wear this colour or look for it in your surroundings, be it on a person or on something else.

On 123iching, it also emphasises being humble to the core, with this attitude we gather people around us to help us on our journey. Maybe this line is indicating that you might look at local people in your area- is there a carpool, or is there someone that happens to travel in your sons direction everyday? Look around the place where you live, don't be shy about letting people know your problem, and be humble and modest and maybe someone can help you out. Also, this has just occurred to me, have you asked your son to be on the lookout too? has he friends that also have jobs in the same area? Get talking.

Hexagram 29

This hexagram talks about becoming so used to the drudges/dangers of life that they can no longer affect you. 'multiple perils' make you stronger. It also advocates the idea of leaving behind fear, fear of the future, fear of being stuck in a pit you cannot see anyway out of.

In another translation i find it interesting the emphasis on 'social knowledge'. The Yi might again be telling you to talk this through, spread it around everyone you know. If there is no public transport in your area, you can be assured that there's more then a few people in your neighbourhood who are having very similiar problems.

I hope this helps. Keep the faith.

Yxxx

 

[yxeli]

also liss, on a sidenote i tend to agree with sooo here-- he is 25. He must be able to arrange another way of getting to his job without having to rely on you.

 

[goddessliss]

Oh am sorry sooo and yxeli I have been a mum for 25 years but I have 3 sons - the youngest who is 16 is who am I talking about here.
After I posted it I talked through it with him(16y.o.) and said we have to compromise somehow so he has come up with a solution that he will work on tomorrow with his boss. And you are right sooo I have always said to my kids that nothing is too much for me to do and if can make it happen I will, and I have, but I burnt myself out.
Mainly I did it all these years cause I was trying to make up for the lack of their father taking any responsibility and feeling compassion towards my boys because of it.
I have tried the car pool idea and asking around but he works funny hours which is part of the problem. Interestinly enough at present there is a survey by the local council about what people need and want in regards to public transport.
Thankyou for your replies and I will see what happens, as usual the support on this forum always helps me to keep on keeping on. x

 

[chingching]

What a horrible system of government there must be in Australia for there not to be any public transport in your area? It seems alien to me. You can get pretty much anywhere (for a price) in Ireland on a bus or train...

Ireland is a lot smaller than Australia.

 

[goddessliss]

Update - between my son and myself we were able to find resolution, no third party just being receptive to each others standpoint and so far so good.

 

[hopex]

hexagram 2 is about the tireless mare - so much for that then Goddessliss
you sound truly knackered !

When can the lad drive himself - its 17 here in the uk

Also I love the fabrics idea - can you order online and have it
delivered to you

29 repeating chasms - do you keep finding yourself in the
same pit of despond? I had to change my reactions to things
when I saw a cyclical pattern to my energy depletions

Does too much descend on you at once - try to be more
conscious of the amount you are dealing with at any one
time - could your lad save for a bike or is that dangerous?

 

[hopex]

Melissa - just looked more closely into the lines

line 2 - says that though you are remote you are very well
stocked and organised

line 5 confirms that everything you need is at hand why
should you change anything

I am thinking you have 3 men in the house - you should
not have to lift a finger - also you have internet so you
can let everyone else deliver pick up and spend your time
concentrating on this gig with your friend

Sounds like you can create your own happy little cottage
industry sewing things - lots of good could open up - 80
minutes could be spent listening to lessons on CD or learning
a language ----

29 definitely telling me there is a slump you repeatedly go into
and I am thinking its doing too much for able bodied lads and
kneeeeeerrackering yerself - put yer feet up

 

[goddessliss]

Thankyou for your interest and interpretations, hopex.
To set the story straight - I do have 3 sons but the oldest 2 live in different parts of Australia so cannot physically help the situation but I know they would help they were here and next week the oldest one and his wife are coming for a weeks holiday and said he will do the driving for me.
The repeated slump would be that I keep finding myself in this giving situation with no return but now I have changed that. My son worked it so he is working one less day and longer hours on the other days so it actually now gives me more time to do things like sewing with friends etc. He is also paying for all the fuel costs instead of just some and paying me board so it was a good lesson for me to work through.
It is only another 5 weeks and he will have is motorbike learners license so I will probably only drive him to work when it is raining. So to me it now reflects line 2 and 5.
I am hoping to find a market for the things I am creating through my sewing but I guess that is another question for the Yi!