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I blew it

S

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I so screwed this up. I went against everything I said I would do and all Yi's advice and let my shock and anger at the revelation about my ex drive me to complete stupidity. When at 1:00 am this morning I still had not heard from Thomas I got really upset. I, of course, was not upset at him, I was upset about the ex, but I sure took it out on him. I sent him an email telling him about the latest with my ex and then admonishing him for not having responded to me, that the only thing I could figure was that he had lied and manipulated me too. I got one back this morning telling me that he just got home from visiting his family, and that was why he had not responded. He was, understandably, extremely ticked off and told me he basically wanted nothing more to do with me. I am such an idiot. I can't believe I did this. Once again, I let problems with my ex screw up my life. I was in such a good place, and I allowed this thing to invade and destroy it. I did it, no one else. I can't even blame the ex, because only I control my reactions. I sent an apology email this morning, though fat lot of good it will do. It's over, and I have no one but myself to blame.

So I asked Yi what affect of this email? 48.6 to 57 (thats after rewriting it when I received 9 to 62 on the first try)

How will he respond? 37.1.5.6 to 15

Prospects for us now? 15.3 to 2

Anyway to salvage this situation? 6.2.4.6 to 8

Kind of numb and not thinking well at the moment, so would like some comments. No admonishments please, I am kicking myself enough for all of us, thank you. I think the last one is a no, or maybe a warning of how not to do it, not sure. Anybody got a time machine???
 
S

seeker

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One more, where do I go from here? 38.4.6

Seems more positive, but not sure what it means in relation to the question. I got line 6 the other day actually, and thought it was referring to Thomas's attitude against me. Based on recent events, I would guess it was referring to my reaction to him. Would like to think it was referring to him now, but that is probably just wishful thinking.
 

martin

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I wouldn't worry about that incident with Thomas, Seeker. The first 3 readings suggest that what happened might very well have a positive influence on your relationship with him. Perhaps it cleared the air.
It looks like you didn't screw this up in fact, although it may seem so.
happy.gif
 
S

seeker

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Continuing, I asked why doesn't he want to be with me? 50.1.6

Maybe not a good question, and you guys might think its one I don't need to ask but bear with me, this is the way I work though things. I can't move on until I have analyzed it to death and figured out what happened. It's just the way I'm wired. I can't find closure any other way. So, on that note, any ideas on the answer. I would take this is a positive reading if I was asking if he wanted to be with me, but not sure how it answers this question.
 

martin

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If 50.1.6 is a direct answer to your question the first line indicates that he first must get rid of - or maybe work through - something. He is not ready (yet).
It's possible that this is also about you (you are not ready) because, as you know, the I ching has this (nasty?) habit of bending questions about others back to the questioner.

I think line 6 promises at least that the situation will be easier to handle (rings of jade) for both of you when certain things are out of the way.
 
S

seeker

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Thanks for the encouragement Martin, but I don't dare to hope that you are right.

Calumet, woman of few words, but sums it up quite well.

Here is what I see...

48.6 to 57 actually this one has me stumped, but it could be telling me to draw from the well, maybe that this will open up things for me to move on and find someone else???

37.1 Karcher talks about fences and bars. Wilhelm talks of establishing order and the will of the child. I think I would be the child. Based on Karcher I think this line would say he won't respond, with Wilhelm could be a comment that he should have established stronger rules with me initially, ie told me months ago to leave him alone instead of being so nice. Or it could say that he will do that now.

37.5 Karcher talks of mingling with others of mutual affection and Wilhelm talks of the king that exercises the right influence. Thomas always acts honorably. I think this says he will continue to act thus and will look for someone to be with, but not me.

37.6 Karcher talks of connection to the spirit and impressing others. Wilhelm talks of cultivating the personality, working through inner truth and assuming responsibility. Again, while he might be nice about it, I think he will tell me he is not interested.

15.3 Karcher talks of undeveloped potential that attracts others. Wilhelm talks of being modest to make himself beloved. This appears to be positive. But I think it just means that if I act humbly and don't try to force anything else, he will think better of me, not that he would want to be with me.

6.2 Karcher talks of changing goals and going back to where doors are open. Wilhelm talks of not being drawn into unequal conflict. Basically, leave him alone.

6.4 Karcher talks of waiting and something returning to you. Wilhelms says turn back and accept your fate. I don't think Karcher means Thomas will return to me, I think this line talks more of my returning to my own inner peace.

6.6 Karcher talks of the prize being taken away. Wilhlem also speaks of a temporary victory. Not sure what this means, perhaps something will happen to make me think things are ok, but then it will just all blow up again??

38.4 Both of these talk of meeting people who are kin to you, Karchers being a bit more encouraging, but I don't think this refers to Thomas. It may just be referring to my friends and family helping me. Or maybe it is telling me to get out and meet someone new.

38.6 Both talk of misunderstandings that are then resolved. May or may not refer to Thomas, could refer to someone new, but again I don't think it means he will change his mind, just maybe see me in a more positive light. Actually, based on the question, it may be saying that there is someone new coming that I will not like at first.

50.1.6 admit I am lost on this one entirely, unless the answer is he is looking for the cauldron and I am not it, though a while ago I asked if we were meant to be together and got 50 unchanging. I used to think that meant something.

Please let me know if anyone has any other ideas.
 
S

seeker

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Crossed you twice Martin, thanks. That does make sense, maybe he is still trying to get over his girlfriend, but that doesn't necessarily mean he would ever want to be with me, just why he doesn't now.
 
S

seeker

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Hmmm, maybe you are right Martin, but I will not stake my life around it again. The reason this is so difficult is that I was so sure it was going to work out this time.

But I asked Yi, ok, Martin sees positive things in these readings, maybe I am missing something, may I please ask again, what are the prospects for me and thomas now? 40.1.2.6 Not the worst of readings, what do you think???
 

martin

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I agree, looks good, very good. I wrote that this incident perhaps cleared the air (because quarrels often do that) and hexagram 40 is in agreement with that. A confrontation is not always a bad thing.
Based on this and other readings I would say that your impulsive action was a step in the right direction.
However, I should be careful here: what the future ultimately will bring for you two is still an open question, I think, but there is progress in this sense that the process is accelerated.
Don't know how this works out exactly. One possibility is that you and Thomas will communicate more and better from now on.

In any case (repeat): you didn't screw this up!
happy.gif
 

jerryd

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Time which is spent in a bad investment may lose you money but time spent in bad relationships will lose the self and encourage ill health.

If you are reading Hex 40 in Book one Deliverance.
Line 1: reads to me like this; the ball is in thomas's court allow him some space.
Line 2: reads to me like this; you have won the battle but the war is not over, thomas will see your frustration and be forgiving, allow time for healing.
Line 6: reads to me like this; perhaps refering to you x-partner? watch you back as you move with caution forward.
 
S

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Thank you both again. And you appear to be right, though I refuse to get too confident again. But...

Where am I now? 11.3 to 19

Where am I now with Thomas? 16.3.4 to 15

Where am I going with Thomas? 64.4 to 4

Not over, but it's going to take a while. So this is some giant test of my patience and endurance
happy.gif
Hey, at least I can smile in cyberspace. Well, if Frank can hold out for 14 months with his love, guess I can do no less. Guess we forge on.
 

jte

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Seeker, a couple of thoughts -

Apologies tend to help in situations like this.

Thomas is probably wondering why you got mad - does he have any idea how you feel about him? Also, he's probably wondering why you mentioned things your Ex is doing - after all, what does any of that have to do with him...

Perhaps a calm, brief, well-worded apology email would help the situation?

Regardless of whether you decide to do that or not, in the long run, don't resign yourself to an obsessive relationship with your ideal/model of a person who you don't actually see. Would you want that for someone you cared about? Of course not. So then why for yourself?

- Jeff
 
S

seeker

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Thanks Jeff. Yes, Thomas is well aware of how I feel about him. That may be part of the problem actually. He has been with someone else and that appears to have gotten him over any feelings he had for me, even though they did not work out, so he may be concerned that I would want too much or get hurt if he never developed those feelings in return. I think for him, we were over months ago when he chose the other girl. He is a very honorable person. He would not have allowed himself to continue thinking of me once he chose her, not right to be with one person and be thinking of someone else.

I did send an email apology, but he was pretty clear in the one he sent me that he did not want anything with me and I should move on. Thats why I am so hesitant to trust any positive interpretations right now. And I never resigned myself to anything, just haven't had any other prospects present themselves.
 

frank

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Hi Seeker,

Hello, dear vulcano :-D. My oh my... are you something :-D.... Telling me to be patient... Guess what the Yi is trying to tell you then...

Martin is at least a great one in trying to get you in peace with the situation first, and yes PATIENCE is a good thing, as I´m in my 15th month, and counting :-D... To me all the answers the Yi has giving you are ONLY trying to tell you TO CALM DOWN... I know what it is like to be obsessive and frustrated towards someone you realy want to be a part of your life, but at least you will NOT GET IT by asking it in a matter you do it RIGHT NOW.:-D...

Effect of the mail to Thomas (48 > 57)
- He will hear you... Give him time!

How will he respond (37 > 15)
- In respect to limitations

Prospects to us (15 > 2)
- Be modest, WAIT and see...

Salvage the situation (6 > 8)
- Let the struggles INSITE YOU GO and be in a bond WITH YOURSELF... (first :-D)

Were do I (you) go from here (38 > 19)
- Try to get some rest in approaching two different kinds of ´wants and needs´ insite you, before you can reach for what you want... WHAT DO YOU WANT... (really) :-D???

Why doesn´t he want to be with me (you) (50 > 34)
- ´Cause it´s a powerfull situation... (I realy wander if this has really something to do with YOU, as lines 1 & 6 are changing, and those are no Human-lines... they ´stand out of time´... It´s not in YOUR control....)

What are the prospects for me (you) and Thomas (40 > 21)
- Liberate yourself from ANY form of prospect and move on (first)... By having no idea everything will be formed in a matter beyond your imagination!

Where am I (you) now (11 > 19)
- At least you are trying to be in control over yourself again... Be modest

Where am I (you) now with Thomas (16 > 15)
- Enthousiasm like a suporter at a foodball game... and then the team looses... Where is the enthousiasm now? IT´S INSITE YOU! Do not seek it outsite yourself in another person, but WITHIN you (first!)

Where am I (you) going with Thomas (64 > 4)
- Something to learn here, the YI already told you many, many times :-D... Be like the little fox who jumps over the stones in the water, and get his tail wet... BE PATIENT!!!

YOU ARE NOT THE TEACHER, YOU ARE THE STUDENT ;-D

And yes, it is so hard to believe all this when the hormones are flying around too, and things happening with your daughter and the ex... Man, and then I´m only having anxieties over a dear collegue... :-D

I realy hope I´m not that hard on you, as that is not my purpose (really, honestly not...), but I can only tell from my own experience and the expertise I have in the Yi (only numb in love affairs on my own acount...:-D) what I think is going on here.

And finaly, if you realy want to know: He will hear you, but BE PATIENT...

HANG IN THERE, DEAR, because I´m with you!!!

Hugs,
Frank
 

martin

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Questions about relationships are tricky when the people involved have no or not much contact with each other. A positive looking reading doesn't necessarily imply that one will be together (again) in the future. Sometimes it only means that one makes progress in dealing with ones feelings about it and that may include getting over it and letting it go.

So, I hope I was clear enough, Seeker, when I wrote that what the future ultimately will bring for you two is still an open question. The readings that you got indicate that the process of resolving this issue is accelerated and I would say that you can have confidence in that process, although the outcome is uncertain. You can trust that it will lead you to a better space and that the decisions that you and he will take will be right for you both.
 
S

seeker

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Thanks Frank, and no you are not too harsh. I know all that, just not easy to do. What do I want? I want someone to share my life with, sounds corny but I want the fairy tale. Thomas is everything I ever wanted in a man and had finally decided just did not exist. Now I know it does, and if the universe could bring me someone else that I could love, respect and admire as much as I do Thomas, someone who makes me feel as safe and whole as he does, I would gladly accept. But honestly, could it get on with it??? I have just endured so much and my ex did so much to mess things up, I guess I just thought there would be some justice in the universe. It doesn't seem right that after everything he did, he has someone and I don't. I know that life isn't always fair, but I have always thought there was at least a balance. I just keep waiting for the scales to tip, and I thought Thomas would be that.

Martin, I know you were not saying it was a done deal. If there is anything I have learned over the past few months, it is that positive seeming readings are not always what you think. I used to do cartwheels on the rare occasion I got 58, but after my experiences I am extremly wary of that hex now. I used to cringe at 12, 39 or 47, but I now see the positive side of those. Again, though, you have to be careful. For instance 12.6 says standstill ends, but that does not necessarily mean it moves ahead positively, could mean the situation ends all together. I got that one recently and thought it meant Thomas and I would be moving ahead together, never occurred to me it would just mean that the wait for an answer would be over. It has definately been a learning experience. The advice you get is always correct if you interpret it right, but the outcome is never guaranteed. It only gets you where you need to be, which may not be where you want to be. 39.6, thats the lesson alright.

And for the next chapter of my life, see does it ever end??? I was presented this morning with a new problem outside of my romantic troubles. Maybe the universe is just trying to give me something else to focus on, yeah, thats it.
 

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