I Just Don’t Know What To Do 27.1.6>2

[grace heart]

Hello everyone,

It’s been a tough year. Lost a shit*y part-time day job last March, then discovered that my dentist has failed to restore my mouth so spectacularly, I’m now having to sue him. The sales of my books dwindled, so I sold the car in order to pay the bills until I finished my last novel. Started smoking again somewhere along the line. Stopped. Started. Stopped on the All Saints' Day, and by the Grace still smoke-free. Finished the book - two agent rejections thus far. It's a good book, although a bit more commercial than my usual borderline-transgressive YA. And still no sale. Argh.

So now I’ve ran out of money. Been looking for a job, something local, badly paid, not good. I have good education and all that, but I've always wanted to write, that’s it. Plus, things have happened that clear prevented me from having anything like a career - civil war, addiction/recovery, my own bloody-mindedness, that sort of thing. And now I’m suddenly fifty, and all I can do is make coffee (not all that well), and write (which is better than not write).

Worst thing? I seem to have lost the power to just get on with it. I don’t want to just get on with it anymore, f**k IT, I want what’s mine. Terribly inconvenient, you see. A friend asked me to help at her restaurant last Saturday, not only front of house, but in the kitchen, too, and I kind of watched myself standing down there at the sink, and I thought, ‘What happened to you?’ I don’t want to go back there ever again, I’d rather starve. But I have a son in the last year of the college, rent to pay, put food on the table. I’ve been doing this for me and my two children for the last 20 years. Can’t stop now.

Another worst thing: I hate it here. The province. Countryside’s fine, but the province sucks. No opportunities. No jobs. All my friends have moved away. Literally. The only friend that’s left is someone I don’t want in my life any more, due to my pretending that I was fine with stuff when in fact I wasn’t. Never mind, I’m too bust working out what to do with my life to have friends, or a man. Maybe I ought to take up a loan and study something for 3 years, something that comes easily anyway, like photography... and write on the side. And work, of course... But I don’t want to do just anything. Oh dear.

I thought about all of this as I approached Yi this morning. Money? Move? Writing? College? This feeling like I’m kind of done? And the answer came as 27.1.6>2

I get 27.1 alright, I reckon that Yi’s telling me, 'Stop feeling sorry for yourself, girl!' But what about the bigger picture?

Thank you...

 

[moss elk]

Grace,
correct me if I am wrong.

I see line 1 as wanting what another has: being envious
I see line 6 as a dangerous position to be in. (exposed? homeless?)

27 is about providing nourishment.
2 is (partially) about not taking the lead.

Looking at things as a whole,
I would advise to make your living (food shelter...basics) in whatever way you can, and not 'demand' the world allow you financial success only by the creative writing.
Don't be rigid. Take your blessings as they come, and keep working toward your dream.

I am not discouraging you from writing,
only encouraging you to take what survival opportunities you can, and to be glad to have them. (because some people don't)

Here is someone inspiring that I know: one of my co-workers grew up in a housing project (poverty & dangerous environment due to criminal gangs.) and is in an ethnic minority that has been historically mistreated here. He is 50 years old, works full time, and has a published novel (sci-fi/fantasy), is working on his 2nd book, and teaches kung-fu to a small group of students for pay.
He makes these things happen, by his hard work, and by never giving up.
I am honored to be able to call him a friend.

 

[grace heart]

Thank you, Moss Elk.

Envy? No. I never wanted what others had, only what’s mine. Nothing too fancy, either, just some regular security and stability. Entitlement? Totally. The inner child demands.

Your friend does sound lovely and amazing. "He makes these things happen, by his hard work, and by never giving up.” I read this and think, I used to be like this. Maybe I’m just tired.

Thanks again & all the best.

 

[grace heart]

Ok, so I asked again, but formulated a direct question in my head (I often just invite Yi to speak): What can I do to help move my life onward and upward?
The answer was 34, unchanging.
My last book happens to be about self-made Superheroes...

 

[Trojina]

Worst thing? I seem to have lost the power to just get on with it. I don’t want to just get on with it anymore, f**k IT, I want what’s mine. Terribly inconvenient, you see. A friend asked me to help at her restaurant last Saturday, not only front of house, but in the kitchen, too, and I kind of watched myself standing down there at the sink, and I thought, ‘What happened to you?’ I don’t want to go back there ever again, I’d rather starve. But I have a son in the last year of the college, rent to pay, put food on the table. I’ve been doing this for me and my two children for the last 20 years. Can’t stop now.

Another worst thing: I hate it here. The province. Countryside’s fine, but the province sucks. No opportunities. No jobs. All my friends have moved away. Literally. The only friend that’s left is someone I don’t want in my life any more, due to my pretending that I was fine with stuff when in fact I wasn’t. Never mind, I’m too bust working out what to do with my life to have friends, or a man. Maybe I ought to take up a loan and study something for 3 years, something that comes easily anyway, like photography... and write on the side. And work, of course... But I don’t want to do just anything. Oh dear.

I thought about all of this as I approached Yi this morning. Money? Move? Writing? College? This feeling like I’m kind of done? And the answer came as 27.1.6>2

I get 27.1 alright, I reckon that Yi’s telling me, 'Stop feeling sorry for yourself, girl!' But what about the bigger picture?

Thinking a lot about this cast - it's a weird one, have had it myself in the past. I've been actually trying to feel my way into it through the various times I've received it, rather than think about it in the usual way.


I mean if you try to sense it out kinaesthetically what's there ? Lines 1 and 6 change so 2 comes through to the fore it feels like coming back to earth bringing the hungers and necessities back into earth. It's as if you need to 'land' back into a wide open fertile space.


In line 1 one is somewhat out of touch with their own powers - they might think someone has it better or is doing it better elsewhere. This is a fractious angsty line. Then in line 6 one is reminded one is the source of nourishment and that's not always comfortable or easy because you yourself are making the path up as you go along, you aren't following in anyone's footsteps and that can be quite scary. It's not like you can turn to someone who did your life before and ask them 'what's next' because you are inventing it yourself. So you got both these lines both about your relationship to getting your needs met and they dissolve into the wide open hexagram 2. As a sentence it is 'Nourishment's Earth'. Sounds nice doesn't it. So you have experienced all the aspects of 27, you've gone through from 1 to 6 quite quickly.


Where can Nourishment go here but to Earth ? Perhaps you should practise leaning on things more. Earth is all open to possibility but it's also open to you lying down to have a rest. How do you sense this wide open earth in your answer, and where is it in your life.


It's funny how you sound like a parched wanderer wandering the plains of the earth worn out. Worn out with dealing with hungers also a bit out of touch with the source of the hungers or what they are really communicating to you. I can see you need the earth now, need that hexagram 2 very much which is good news because she never goes away whatever you are doing. I don't think it is surprising you don't feel like doing certain things because you need to get back in touch with what really holds and supports you and back in touch with the hungers and urges that have been driving you.


I know this post is more poetic than practical and that's because it's cast I feel one has to really inhabit and feel more than understand intellectually. I mean visually to me it looks like a wide open mouth with the earth inside- so that the hungers fall away as the earth is allowed to become something to rest and stand and lean on.


Sometimes it's enough just to do what's necessary and no more.


You'll have to take what you can from my waffle post (crossed posts)

 

[rosada]

I think moving to a 2.location that has more opportunity is indicated here. At least it seems you should consider it - and don't think it's not possible. 27.1 promises you can make anything happen if you have faith in yourself!

 

[grace heart]

Thank you, Trojina, for such a considerate post. I actually speak pretty fluent poetic, it's just that I haven’t been speaking it for a while. Been traveling around different lands, I suppose.

"Where can Nourishment go here but to Earth ? Perhaps you should practise leaning on things more. Earth is all open to possibility but it's also open to you lying down to have a rest. How do you sense this wide open earth in your answer, and where is it in your life.”

This reminded me of the words my Shiatsu practitioner left me with last month: “For your homework, find a spot that feels safe, lie down and let the earth support your body weight. That’s it - but make sure you do it every day.” And I was going to, but got caught up in my “fractious angst” (brilliant!), and spiralled up, up and away. I get Earth a LOT (second hexagram). It had always supported me, through both way thicker and thinner. So why on earth (hello pun) am I getting this message that it no longer will? Straight back to Line 1 - confidence is the key. Although, do you actually need confidence in order to have faith?

 

[grace heart]

(Trojina)*

"Sometimes it's enough just to do what's necessary and no more.”

Exactamundo!

*soz, the reply-with-quote button refuses to load.

 

[grace heart]

I think moving to a 2.location that has more opportunity is indicated here. At least it seems you should consider it - and don't think it's not possible. 27.1 promises you can make anything happen if you have faith in yourself!

Thank you, Rosada. Excellent point - I would relocate today, if the right door were to open. There really isn't anything left for me here, but I'm reluctant to get rid of this rental before my 18-year-old is fully independent, or well on his way.

Also, about a year ago I bought a globe light I now have on all the time, and often speak to. I dream of great journeys. The sense of wonderlust is dizzying. The Earth is calling.

*well, this site sure works much better on Mozilla Firefox (rather than Safari).

 

[grace heart]

By a popular demand (of one... and no, it ain't me), and for what it's worth, here's a little 8-months later update on the 27.1.6>2 situation:

1. Got offered an admin job at the local college mid-February. Accepted. Still going strong. Earning just about enough to keep a wolf from the door. Good enough.

2. No agent took on the novel I've finished last November. Decided not to hurl it down the indie route just yet, but chuck it into an imaginary trunk and write another novel. Got up early, wrote before work. Four months later, it's all done. About to start seeking representation.

3. Some time last month, I suddenly realised that my job was leeching away more nourishment that it was giving. Plus, people were being made redundant left right and centre. What to do? I sat there at my desk one afternoon, staring at my hands. And I thought, “Am I really who I think I am?”

4. Having slept on that question, I woke up no longer interested in finding the answer. Instead, I went to the Student Admissions at the college I work at, and applied for BA (Hons) Visual Communication: Photography. Saw the course leader the next day. It turned out that she not only knew my work but also liked it. Offered me a place there and then, I’d say more on the strength of my writing than my photographic work. I’m starting the end of Sept. Super excited to learn again, about art, too. Financially, this is possible because I can get a student loan – and the current loan arrangements in the UK are such that I’ll probably never have to pay it back – plus, I’ve made friends around the college, and have been offered regular yet casual invigilating hours throughout the year. They’re paid 50% more than my current hourly rate.

5. I've started smoking again. Hell, I do find it grounding. But I’m also thinking, “How about you give something else a chance to ground you? Something good, and lasting?” So I’m putting it down again on Monday. Never give up giving up. Never give up, full stop.

 

[Trojina]

You've done really well I'm jealous I am now the one in 27.1

 

[grace heart]

Oh good! Means you're about to discover new strengths, talents, highs and depths... Probably meet new people, too, because more often than not we need others to reflect to us who we truly are... especially who we're not.

And I don’t mean to make you cringe, dear Trojina, but you have helped me so much over the years with your insights, intuitions and general musings. Even had one of your answers screenshot and kept on my laptop for a good long while. So believe it when I say that you're one special lady, a lady who once told me to have faith in myself, because for crying out loud, I can only be who I am, so may as well be it 100%. Now let’s go and eat. Feed that uniqueness, help it grow nice and strong.:bows:

 

[Trojina]

 

[Olga Super Star]

By a popular demand (of one... and no, it ain't me)

Well it looks like by falling back onto the ground you found yourself, the ground working as a bed to hold you and push you back into the world.

I'm envious too in a way. Maybe I should start doing pilates at that expensive place since my 27>2 was about that one

Thanks for updating!