I'm an Earthling, get me outta here.

[rosada]

I have a girlfriend who has been wondering about a possible partnership and finally, after much soul searching and meeting his relatives has decided this group is just too weird. Her problem now is how to extricate herself. She consulted the I Ching and got 36. Darkening of the Light, unchanging. Seemed like it was advising her to just move on without great fanfare. What interested me was I notice that 37. Family follows Darkening of the Light. I see this as meaning if you're gonna get through something you gotta keep your own light dim or tightly focused, don't show a lot of interest in the place you're trying to pass through, keep moving. Otherwise, if you spread your light, if you take more of an interest in the people around you, it will be harder to leave as you'll become part of 37.The Family.
rosada

 

[em ching]

From that it could be reflecting how, by hiding your light you are not allowing yourself - your true self - to be seen, for fear of hurt or because you don't trust. Whereas if you are vulnerable, and open yourself up, people can see you and get close to you, thus acquire a sense of family or not as the case may be. I guess that's a pretty obvious idea but thought I'd add it to your post!

:bows:

PS I suppose with your friend it could be saying remember who you are and hide your light from people who aren't your kin? And thus could blow it out or distort it somehow. I guess it means protect yourself and don't give them an inch or...

 

[pocossin]

How can girlfriend extricate herself from this weird family?
36 > 36

☷ ☷
☲ ☲

Hexagram picture: Baby Inverted

Hexagram 36 (in my weird interpretation) refers to weaning, which is girlfriend's problem, but it's not clear whether she wants to wean herself off them or ween them off herself. Generally, the adult in the situation weans (separates from) the child, which creates a space for the child to grow. There'd be no problem if there weren't a continued mutual attraction between them. Apparently girlfriend experienced culture shock when she encountered partner's family with its old country ways (my guess). If partner's clinging ☲ to the mother ☷ is excessive, then separation may be the only possibility. But she should give partner a chance by explaining the situation and finding if there isn't some way for her to have her own ☲ private ☷ space amid the weirdness -- a candle in the darkness.

 

[rosada]

Thanks folks!
Interesting. I can see how one might say my friend has had a hard time weaning herself from this fellow, but also one of the issues with the family is the man has a four year old son who, although weaned, is not yet toilet trained. Neither the mother/ex-wife nor the father seem to think this is an important issue but my girlfriend finds it unacceptable. Major, very sad, story here. Somebody died, not sure who, sister?, and kid seems go be stuck. It would take a big commitment from my friend to join this group. I know she feels sorry for the kid but I think she needs to be realistic and not think that she can work magic.
rosada.

 

[pocossin]

Thanks for the correct spelling of weaning. I am spelling-impaired but toilet-trained.

the man has a four year old son who, although weaned, is not yet toilet trained. Neither the mother/ex-wife nor the father seem to think this is an important issue. . .

Unless the child is impaired, seems irresponsible of the parents to me.

 

[bamboo]

so sad about the little boy.

If she got 36 unchanging, it would seem like the advice is even more emphasized. and yeah, get out without necessarily trying to explain oneself.

I am reminded of an elderly acquaintance of mine who lives with her middle-aged daughter. This elderly lady knows she should sell her house and move on and allow the daughter to find her own life. Her excuse is that first they have to clear out the clutter and somehow that never happens. The daughter is a pack-rat/hoarder and the amount of stuff accumulated is overwhelming to both of them. Hoarding and problems with potty-training seem to be related...the psychological need to hold on at any cost. And even though this mother laments the clutter and the situation, I think she is holding on just as tightly as her daughter is. I tried to do an intervention once and was met with extreme resistance...and even some misplaced anger directed at me! so there is the family issue...it isnt wise to try to intervene in tight family systems unless they are ready for the upheaval, and unless they specifically invite your help!

 

[Trojina]

Thanks folks!
Interesting. I can see how one might say my friend has had a hard time weaning herself from this fellow, but also one of the issues with the family is the man has a four year old son who, although weaned, is not yet toilet trained. Neither the mother/ex-wife nor the father seem to think this is an important issue but my girlfriend finds it unacceptable. Major, very sad, story here. Somebody died, not sure who, sister?, and kid seems go be stuck. It would take a big commitment from my friend to join this group. I know she feels sorry for the kid but I think she needs to be realistic and not think that she can work magic.
rosada.

Leaving a child of 4 without toilet training ? Doesn't that verge on cruelty unless the child has some sort of impairment ? Would a child eventually toilet train itself ? Hmm never thought about it before...but the child is of the age where he will be socially ridiculed by other kids for still wearing nappies won't he ? Hope someone somewhere intervenes anyway...comes a point doesn't there when one can't simply say 'its none of my business' when it comes to mistreatment of children ?

Maybe they don't see it as mistreatment.....but it is kind of isn't it ? Surely if your friend finds it unacceptable she doesn't have to do something herself but she could alert some other body who may be able to help. Maybe some kind of social worker just having a chat with them would help. I can't see how she can walk away from the child without trying to help in some way as this could really affect the kid for the rest of his life !

As for the 36 i don't see it as 'move on without fanfare'...36 doesn't indicate moving on, often you can't. you have to live with mad people and pretend to be as mad as them to get by.......er well in which case it may be better to move on....but hopefully not without some attempt of helping the child

BTW when you say hes not toilet trained I'm taking that as he isn't at all, hes still totally using nappies.?..or do you mean he does use the toilet but just has occassional 'accidents' ? They are quite different scenarios. If its the second its of little import of course

 

[themis]

I wonder if the purpose of this association 'coming together' is for your girlfriend to 'rescue'
the child, somehow intervene. Thereafter she can break free, once things have been set
straight.

In some schools 4-year-olds are expected to tie their shoe laces ... all by themselves. That's tough ! Such is life.