Inner changes, outer changes and hexagram 36

[cal val]

Louise...

It appears...because of your lack of understanding...that you've never had to worry about money...that you've never had to go hungry. I would say I'm happy for you, but...actually...

I'm happy for me that I've had the experience. It's added a new dimension to my character and taught me a very big lesson about taking things...like money...for granted. I'm happy I had to go into the market with a limited amount of money to buy food and sttreeeettttcccchhhh that money to cover a long period of time. I learned how to cook incredibly economical meals...beans and rice...there's lots of protein in beans and they're cheap, cheap, cheap...spaghetti really stretches a dollar...split pea soup too...oh and I should write a book: "How to make a meal of a potato." And...the best part...I lost weight. I had to limit my portions to just enough to sate my hunger.

It's the nature of this town I've learned over time. I've shared "economical meals" stories with others who have seen good times and hard times here. Soon after I started my job, I was talking about shopping on a budget with the girls, trying to figure out the cheapest meals I could make for the week, and they all had tips to share. They'd all been there at one time or another.

And yes, Louise, you're right. It was silly of me to think the Yi would help me avoid spending money that I don't have. I realize that now...because time has been my best indicator. I'm watching the progress of the liquidation of our assets (since the company I work for is closing their doors at the first of the year), and I'm now able to guestimate that I should probably give notice on the 1st of next month.

Btw, did you happen to read that whole thread. I ask because I was quite honest and frank about why I was hoping the Yi would help me plan ahead. It's all there. But then if you don't have to worry about money, it was probably difficult to fathom.

It's interesting this should come up now. Last night I was approached by a man who once loaned me $5.00 so I could buy something to eat. He's lost his job...he wanted money to buy cat food. I gave him some money. And today I bought a big bag of cat food and some fried chicken from a place he likes and took it to him. I was in a rush, so I couldn't stay and do all the pleasantries...I handed him the food and dashed. He stood there staring at me with a look I can't describe. I just wonder what was going through his mind.

Love,

Val

 

[louise]

I have never lacked money ! Hah thats a joke ! You couldn't be more wrong actually ! But I've had enough here I'll leave you to get on with it. What exactly are you so offended about, its riduculous - no please don't answer me, just ignore me, I can't be bothered with this silliness.

 

[louise]

Do you really think you're the only person ever to lose their job and have no money to fall back on ! It happens everywhere, all the time !

 

[cal val]

Louise...

The issue isn't losing my job, and you know that. Is this a "straw man" approach I'm seeing here? The issue is that I cannot move until I do lose my job. It's really quite simple. It's the law of this land. If I go to another city or state to look for work after losing my job, all is cool. If I quit my job and go to another city or state to look for work, I'm on my own.

But...to answer your last question (which has nothing to do with anything), yes Louise...I'm from the entertainment industry...a very transient industry. People lose and get jobs all the time...every time a movie starts up, people get a job...when it wraps, they lose a job. And so on and so forth. It's a way of life I'm quite used to. That's why I know the rules of unemployment.

Now I have a question for you? Did I say I was offended? Or did you make yet another assumption? Or maybe you're able to get inside of me and know what I'm thinking and feeling? That would have to be the case because, if not, I'm the only one who could possibly know what I'm thinking and feeling. Okay, so that was more than "a" question...*grin*

I don't get offended. I'm responsible for my own emotions. In which case, if I felt hurt by what you said, I would have said, "I feel hurt," NOT "you offended me." But I didn't feel hurt. What you said is all about you...it's about your values and your judgments based on your values. It has nothing to do with me...with my values. So...I didn't "take it on." I left it where it belongs...with you. Enjoy.

Love always,

Val

 

[cal val]

Louise...

Just because it seems you're reading something into my post that doesn't exist, I'll tell you what I thought when I read your post.

Here's my thoughts:

"hmmmm...now why doesn't Louise understand the need to maximize one's resources. Ah...maybe she has a job that pays well and doesn't have to worry about money. I'll just explain to her the situation. But wait! She read the post about trying to get the Yi to help me know the best time to give notice. AH! Maybe she didn't read the whole thread and doesn't know it's because I'm living on a shoe string here. You know, now that I have a pretty good idea of when my job will end, I can see she's right. It was silly to think I needed the Yi to tell me in advance."

And I thought about what's it been like here. And I thought about the earlier days here when I couldn't get a job to save my life and had to eat budget meager meals and how different it was then than now when I can even go out to eat if I want. I don't want...I'm still in "thrift" and "savings" mode, but at least I can afford healthier food now. I can have a serving of fruit every day...and yoghurt...and vegetables...and...*grin* whatever. And I thought I'd share that with you because I think it's been a very valuable life experience. And you know me...I like to write...*grin*

Love again and again,

Val

 

[cal val]

Shelley and Hilary...

Thank you thank you thank you. When it was pointed out that there really is injury in 36, I have been preoccupied with the thought of someone I care deeply being hurt because of the decisions I've made and the direction I'm going in. BUT...I listened to what you both said, and I asked the Yi if something bad is about to happen. I got 43 to 45. Whoa! It says I'll have to flee. It also says I'll be prepared. But this is something I'm already anticipating, and that I'm preparing for, so I'm not sure it answered me, and I'm curious about the transition to 45. I'm going to think on this a bit. It almost sounds like a mass exodus or something...doesn't it?

Love,

Val

 

[shelley]

Wow, Val,

That's a sudden change from all those 36es! Better put that Cloak of Invisibility back in the wardobe.

Is there any way you could force the issue at work through some kind of group thing with your co-workers? (Of course, I get it about the need to lose your job before you can move. Sorry - I forgot you'd explained that before.)

And does 43 suggest speaking up in spite of the dangers and actually confronting management?

Just a couple of thoughts. Maybe way off beam.

Love & hugs,

Shelley

 

[cal val]

Hi Shelley,

Thank you again.

Well IF the Yi wasn't directly addressing the issue of the fading away of "images" of the person who was so instrumental in my growth (which I think it was), maybe it was addressing the fact that my plans to spend Christmas with my kids (and my new grandson...his first Christmas) on a lake in South Carolina blew up that night (11/20). I was doing an email exchange with my daughter while I was trying to write that post, and it was all very painful. We tried and tried to find a solution, and we couldn't. And the thought of spending Christmas in this town...alone...was unbearable...is unbearable...but hopefully, I'll be busy packing and that will hold my focus through the day. Next Christmas is another opportunity. They're going to stop here on their way down for hugs and kisses, so that will have to be my Christmas this year.

<CENTER>

</CENTER>

All I can tell you is the thought of my actions bringing injury to someone I love deeply combined with the thought of not being able to see and kiss that sweet face (above) on his first Christmas, watching...not altogether unsympathetically, as the lives of people around me fall apart, and the fact that danger looms as a result and could descend at any moment is a bit much pressure for a woman like me to take. I just thank God I have the Yi to help me see through the "unknown."

The 43 to 45 was no surprise to me. Shelley...again...you are remarkably aware. Actually the liquidation of assets has been a group effort and everyone that's left in the company (not many) has been in and out of my facility for the last three weeks working as a team toward that end. That could be what the Yi is saying, but, again, it seems like stating the obvious to me. It could also be saying that the experience of being here at such a momentous time in the history of this country will lead to my own gathering together...more experience to make my new endeavors even more successful.

With 43 to 45, the Yi could also be assuring me that by "fleeing the danger," I am moving toward "gathering together." Although I pretty much know this, I am still one to say, "What if it should fail? What if it should fail?" The violence is escalating as one would expect when the main employer, the company that built this town, is preparing for its funeral, and maybe the Yi wants me to be ever aware of the clear and present danger, the need to flee and the good augery of doing so.

I don't want to approach management. In that they've all got 20, 30, 40 years with the company, I'm just so surprised that I, with my little over a year's experience with them, am still part of the team. My panic about the danger has subsided some...been overcome really by my sympathy for these people who stand by watching their lives unravel because of the inevitable change that has disrupted the constancy they've known from birth. I can adapt easily. My life has been anything but constant. They can't. And I can hang with them as long as they need me to. I know that everything happens when it does for a reason.

Although the increasing desperation and consequent violence is a bit frightening, I don't mind all that much staying the extra month...maybe even two (but I doubt it will take that long) because I can see it's all a very educational experience that will impact...color...the direction I'm headed in. I come from a big city in the West, Los Angeles, where options are many and change is constant. I'm in a small town now that hasn't experienced much change and where the company I'm working for has been the only option...for the better part of the last two hundred years. While we've all been working fast and furiously, one woman stopped and looked around and reminisced out loud to me, "The stories this place holds. The ghosts of the past that live here. I'm imagining what it must have been like for my grandparents and parents when they worked here." Generation after generation working in the same place is something I could never have comprehended before. You know there's an archaeological project in progress here...for the study of the fabric of life in a Southern mill town. I got to witness a bit of that life. It's been quite an enriching experience. History in the making. I'm going to do something with it...I'm going to profit from it...*grin* It's a hex 42.3 kind of thing.

At any rate, I believe I understood when I threw the 36, 36, 36 but just didn't want to accept it. There's a clue to my understanding in the title of this thread...there's a natural sequence there. The irony of it all...the thing that's got this man of the hexagram 36 locked in his own self-made prison is the same thing I feel about receiving 36...guilt, guilt, guilt..and one of the things that makes him so wonderful. He doesn't want to see anyone get hurt either. The difference between him and me is I won't let the guilt stop me from doing what I have to to live the life I want. After I received it, I had a dream that was very illuminating, and I took a very decisive step as a result. But that was before Sun or anyone pointed out the very literalness of the concept of "injury" in 36.

Sitting here writing this post, I just asked the Yi three questions about these outer changes that are in the works. I won't share two of the Qs and As. You'll understand later. The third one was how this wonderful man is going to feel in a year from now about all that's transpiring. They answered 36.2 to 11. Uggghhh on the injury in line 2...but I like that it moves to 11. I really want to see good things happen for him. I want peace for him. I hope he'll also be happy for me when he sees what I'm able to achieve as a result of my decision to move on.

Love,

Val

 

[midaughter]

Before I read this last post, Val, I was going to give you a bit of my insight-which is about spiritual and emotional maturity. When one is constantly tuned to outer events as the measure of their happiness, naturally life is roller coaster. The I Ching says over and over again 'focus on what endures.'

The I Ching can take you so far in your spiritual life. I note that in your present situation, you seem to only the Yi-a faithful companion to be sure. But the Yi cannot do it all. one needs a real, hands-on spiritual life and spiritual practice whether it be ritual, prayer, mediatation, good works and more, or a combination of any of the above. As you form your new life you must this aspects more priority rather than any short term outwardly- identified needs.

Life isn't going to get any easier; you're going to better at handling it. And being 'a person like' doesn't get you off the hook. Take a few workshops, find art festivals, and make connections for your spiritual work. Last thing I want to say-there is so much to you than you will ever know.


After reading your last post, I see you have decided to move in harmony with the time, always a very, very good thing to do. If you wish, I will stay nearby in case you need some more help.

Love,

Sun

PS I leave you with a meditation/mantra: As you pack, tell yourself I am moving away from darkness. Say this over and over, or any phrase that suits you, so that inner child is aware that you are moving her to safety. I think this is what is needed here.

 

[cal val]

Sun...

Hi there. You've been a mystery to me since you joined the forum, and you're becoming a mystery that I like more and more everyday. You are truly a caring person. You are past the self-centering that occurs when our inner selves want to be acknowledged, loved and respected. Others on this forum are well past it as are you. Thank you so much for your offer of support.

Although the next month or so is likely to be a bit scary, when I get back to LA, things will be easier. Things are very difficult in this town for everyone...and I have no support system here. I do in LA. Plus I've already set in motion "things" I want to make happen...create.

The hurtle I have to clear now is the thought of bringing pain to someone very special. Much of the pain I experienced when I wrote the 11/20 post was my inner child's pain...at the thought of hurting this man...again. She balked. She didn't want to. There's a good reason. As many read on this forum (some might remember...*grin*), when she first began to trust me and open to me, she began to feel a great deal of remorse for the hurt she had caused him when he tried to propose marriage a few years ago. She dealt with it for several days...burst into tears and went on in a couple of posts about her "crime." The guilt was overwhelming until I realized where it was coming from...her...my inner child...she blurted it out to me...her remorse and need for forgiveness...and I consoled her...let her know I love her and understood why she did it...and forgave her. It was soon after that, trusting me still more, that she blurted out the reason for her...my...fear of marriage (in the post to Chris Lofting in the 50 to 8 thread)...something I've waited to learn for the last 19 years. I'm ready now...we're ready.

Love,

Val

 

[shelley]

Hi Val.

I've been thinking more about your 36es. Does this scenario have any resonance for you? :

You asked about your sense of fading. The oracle explained that it's your Higher Self acting to protect you by dimming the intensity of your feelings about your estrangement from your Love - hiding it in darkness - in order to give you the chance to focus your attention on how to deal with your immediate situation. 30.4 says you are granted a brief flash of illumination (against the background of darkness.) 30.6 tells you to be very assertive in dealing with the problems at hand. 11.2 says again to be active, forceful in your actions. You have the power to make things happen. Again you are reminded in 36 that your feelings are being hidden from you for a while to give you the space for this. Finally, 36.1 says that in preparing for flight there's a lean & difficult time (though it seems more like a month or two than three days). 15 advises you to accept the need to put up with the drudgery & discomfort of your job for a bit longer.

So... you've examined all the options, decided you have no choice but to stay a while longer and found a way of presenting this to yourself in a positive light. (Your compassion for the management and the townspeople is exemplary, btw.)
Up to this point, I still think the reference to injury is about explaining that the purpose of the fading is to protect yourself.

When you asked if something bad is about to happen, you were told, "No - by accepting the situation & sticking around to help as much as you can to ease the death-throes of the company, success will come." By having a clear plan & sticking to it, you will be able to bear it, even though it's tough.

As for your questions about whether he'll realise his mistake and how he'll feel about that, well, it does seem pretty dire. I'm not at all sure, though, about asking about somebody else's feelings. And for how he'll feel in a year, there is at least the possibility of a rescue in 36.2.

I feel so sad for you being apart from your loved ones at Christmas. Your baby Santa is adorable, you must miss him terribly. Here's another healing hug:

Hope it helps, even if only a very little bit.

Oh, and btw, I agree with Sun's suggestion of practising positive affirmations every day. If you haven't already tried this, you might be surprised at how much difference it makes telling yourself a strong, positive message out loud.

Love, Shelley