Intimacy and Passion

[caustic]

Hi everyone. Well, in the past I have asked not one but three times the same question (not all at once). I'm not proud to have asked it, and I'm not proud to be admitting to it, but I have felt the need to do so. I asked the IC Will I ever have a fulfilling sex life?

The first response was hexagram 25 with lines 2.3.5.6 changing to 34. I believe that 25 is about having no expectations and 34 is giving the advice to not abuse power. I don't want to pressure anyone to do anything they don't want to or are not ready for; and I don't want to be a pushy jerk. I'm not interested in hurting anyone to fulfill my own selfishness.

The second response gave me hexagram 22 with lines 3.5 changing to 42. I believe that 22 is about outward appearances. I believe that 42 is about increase, but I've also heard that it can be about sacrifice. Maybe some people will think 42 makes things pretty straightforward, but I just don't feel that it is.

The third response gave me hexagram 13 with lines 2.5 changing to 14. I found an old post on this site where someone was explaining that hexagram 13 with lines 2 and 5 can be about a marriage, but I still feel 13's focus is on companionship. I know there are a fair number of marriages that are strictly for companinoship and don't have much in the way of intimacy or passion. Honestly, I really don't want to be in a sex-starved marriage.

I admit that this is a subject that causes me great anxiety. I really have a lot of emotions tied up in it. I guess, from a psychological point-of-view, this stems from living through a childhood of parental rejection. My parents were not very affectionate in any type of way. I was even having a conversation with my father a couple of years ago where he literally said "How often was your mother kissing and hugging on you?" I answered the truth when I told him never. He said "Exactly!"

I've lived with rejection from my parents, and I've faced a lot of rejection from the small handful of romantic mates I've had so far. One of the forms of rejection I've faced from romantic mates in the past has been sexual rejection. I think a couple of them may not have been physically attracted to me. I won't lie, it hurt me very badly. It has and still hurts me so badly that I'm afraid of ever getting involved again. I just don't have the emotional fortitude to face the rejection and the pain again.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to just use someone, or be used by someone. I want to be in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship with someone. I want us to like each other as people. I want for us to be friends and to get along with each other and to care about each other. But I'm not going to lie to myself or anyone else about the fact that sex is important to me. I know some people just want platonic companionship, and I'm not judging anyone for that. I'm not opposed to being just platonic friends with such people, but at the same time I don't want to go down the path of trying to date a person like this. And I don't understand why some people who are interested in sex will date someone they are not sexually attracted to.

At this point, I'm honestly kind of afraid of the opposite sex. If I must resign myself to a celibate life, then I need to begin to mentally, spiritually and emotionally prepare myself for this.

Thank you to everyone for reading this very long post. And I have much appreciation to anyone who has any views on the three readings listed above.

 

[cutiecat]

Hi! It is very brave of you to share your feeling this way. Here is what I think based on my female intuition. You need to go to the gym or do some sort of body shaping exercise. You would benefit greatly from a sensitive female therapist. You may find places where for a fee or for free you may act out your sexual fantasies in a safe, mutually agreed way. And please do not be afraid of us We are terrified ourselves anyways

-CC

 

[sooo]

Hi, Caustic.

Let me offer my impression.

I think the Yi advises that thinking too much or trying too hard creates just the opposite of the condition you would like to attract to yourself. A rumbling stomach chases away the rabbit. A hungry eye will chase away the object of your desire. Relax with yourself. 22 is more than superficial adornment, it is the green in leaves, the red in a rose, or a genuine blush, revealing your tender vulnerability. Be genuine and worry about nothing. You accomplish a state of 42 by creating the conditions for it, and that begins with your own perception of yourself. Regardless of the love you've never received, you can still love yourself. Then, if or when someone is attracted to you, it won't be just anyone, but someone who really wants to know you and love you.

 

[caustic]

Hello, Sooo. Thank you for your very warm, kind and insightful response. Yes, the rose's red and the leave's green is going to reflect how healthy the plant is on the inside. I know loving one's self is very important, but coming from the the family I come from, that's a lot easier said than done. People who are raised by loving families grow up to love themselves; people who grow up in families without love tend to have a lot of problems with self love. This brings me to Cutiecat's suggestion about seeing a very sensitive female therapist, which is a very good idea (but I have to say the rest of her advice is not really my cup of tea). Some sort of therapy is definitely in order for me, if for nothing else but to get me to a much healthier psychological and emotional place.

Again, Sooo, thank you so much!

 

[caustic]

I think the Yi advises that thinking too much or trying too hard creates just the opposite of the condition you would like to attract to yourself.

Someone should tell this to whomever it is who wrote "The Secret".

 

[cutiecat]

Again Caustic, my advice comes with huge disclaimer! Take whatever resonates with you and leave the rest out Though taking yourself to the gym and exercising is an act of self love and self care.
-CC

 

[sooo]

Caustic, I'm glad you found it helpful. Thanks for your thoughtful response.

I think the Yi advises that thinking too much or trying too hard creates just the opposite of the condition you would like to attract to yourself.

Someone should tell this to whomever it is who wrote "The Secret".

That's an interesting and valid comparison, however there's a difference to the degree of opposite affect between affirming visualization and 'hungry eyes', though in a wider sense, hunger can be noted in 27.4, where the tiger spies about with sharp eyes. But there is a palpable difference between the two. The Secret has to do with shaping ones reality through creative visualization, and what it calls "mastering the laws of attraction".

Hex 45 is an example of drawing or gathering to you. However, it points out that in the gathering process, we also gather the good, bad, beautiful and ugly, and it's up to our discernment to sort them out, and to work for the good of the whole. Therein lies the difference from the kind of hungry projection I was speaking about: the kind which causes just the opposite effect of gathering or attracting to us our true heart's desires. When the heart is big and open, it attracts others. When our eyes are staring hungrily to satisfy only our own sexual hunger, then we attract only those who are also only hungry sexually.

But our heart desires more than that, and so the vicious cycle of unsuccessfully chasing after our own desires perpetuates. This is not 'mastering the laws of attraction'. How to attract only the horny and needy when you're horny and needy may gather a whole lot of things you'd not wish for along with it: STD, broken marriages, abandoned or torn children, financial ruin, and possible irreparable damage to your sense of worth.

Contrarily, when you rise to give faith to your greater vision, your greater love for others and for yourself, you automatically attract/gather to you those with like greater vision and love. And if ti-ming says now is not the right time, then we remain content and yet confident, that we will attract to us the desires of our heart. We just have to be watchful of what we desire, and be wise to know ahead of time the result of our wishing.