Is it truly over?

[hellomoon]

I received hexagram 5 with changing lines 1 and 5 changing to 46.My bf and I are on talking terms again but I’m reluctant to communicate more like before. I wrote about his depression and stress with job. I just feel having our space for now seem so like the best idea, maybe because it’s Venus Rx I don’t know. This hexagram is called waiting, and line one talks about someone not coming to help, so I think this is me because I’m keeping a distance. Then line 5 something is coming to me, but don’t reach out. My gut feeling is it’s telling me to just patiently wait but in the mean time just carry on. This hex is also called Nourished While Waiting, and funny as even though I am hurt and miss him I am very much into my old hobbies and taking care of my health. Definitely focused on myself.So I think it is saying to be patient and don’t give up. That things may turn out fine between us or just for myself. So I did ask a yes or no question but it doesn’t seem like a straight answer. Any thoughts? Thank you.

 

[equinox]

So you are not a couple anymore? It's not clear from this posting and I don't remember that you mentioned it in your previous threads.

And what was the question btw? Did you ask "is it truly over" like in the headline of this thread?

 

[hellomoon]

Hi equinox. The question is in the title thread. Is it over? We never verbally broke up, so yes technically not a couple anymore.

 

[equinox]

`Hello hellomoon

We never verbally broke up, so yes technically not a couple anymore.

I still don't know if I understand it right. You don't have any contact at the moment, but you haven't officially ended the relationship?

 

[hellomoon]

Ok I didn’t want to write too much, my mistake.Okay, so he is going through a lot in his life, emotional ups and downs. So I decided to keep a distance due to him being so stressed out at work. He told me he feels bad that he isn’t the man he would like to be for me.We were in contact two days ago. I just feel things are over between us. Not sure if it is all in my head or really over. Makes sense?

 

[equinox]

Okay, so he is going through a lot in his life, emotional ups and downs. So I decided to keep a distance due to him being so stressed out at work.

And why excactly did you decide to distance yourself? Did he ask you for it or did you decide to do it yourself?

 

[hellomoon]

No he didn’t ask for me to be distant. Okay, not sure if it’s relevant but we were together for 2 years then I moved to a different country for some months for work. Now I’m back to be close to him, so the distance did put a damper on our relationship. So I moved back immediately to be close to him because he was going through so much stress at work and he felt like a “failure “ at his job. But now that I’m back to be close to him I feel distance, in his voice, and emotionally towards me. He told me he is very unhappy in his life and has felt this way since February of this year. So I feel there was nothing to do but be distant to let him sort out his problems. I told him I will always be near him in case he feels better. And then when we talked it was about work and how bad he feels.So I just had to ask the I Ching is is over between us.SOrry, is this making sense. Maybe I asked the wrong question?

 

[equinox]

Okay, good to know. I am off right now but will be back later and answer on your query.
Best regards.

 

[Trojina]

I received hexagram 5 with changing lines 1 and 5 changing to 46.My bf and I are on talking terms again but I’m reluctant to communicate more like before. I wrote about his depression and stress with job. I just feel having our space for now seem so like the best idea, maybe because it’s Venus Rx I don’t know. This hexagram is called waiting, and line one talks about someone not coming to help, so I think this is me because I’m keeping a distance. Then line 5 something is coming to me, but don’t reach out. My gut feeling is it’s telling me to just patiently wait but in the mean time just carry on. This hex is also called Nourished While Waiting, and funny as even though I am hurt and miss him I am very much into my old hobbies and taking care of my health. Definitely focused on myself.So I think it is saying to be patient and don’t give up. That things may turn out fine between us or just for myself. So I did ask a yes or no question but it doesn’t seem like a straight answer. Any thoughts? Thank you.

So to remind us of the background linking to this thread


(...linking to that as it seems pertinent information to this thread and it's a good idea if something is ongoing to link back so people don't keep needing to ask about the background.)



As a direct answer 5.1.5>46 doesn't appear to indicate it is over because well hexagram 5 is waiting with confidence. In particular line 5 asks you to relax and take things easy while you wait.


Line 1 is often a time when it just isn't necessary to take action yet. Whatever you think needs to be done doesn't yet and may never be. I say that because I have had line 1 for concerns that didn't even materialize.


What about the 46, why is that there I wonder. As a sentence we have 'Waiting's Ascending', step by step progress to a goal and part of that step by step process currently involves you/him waiting.


So the reading does appear to say this isn't over this is a period of waiting in a time of progress towards something. Often journeys of growth have wait times in them. So there's that - but reading the thread I linked to this just doesn't sound a great situation for you at all.



So the I Ching is saying one thing and possibly us human readers will see quite another. As a human reader I don't like the sound of all this distance he wants that you described in the other thread.



Another thing to take into account is that within a relationship Yi can give a picture of that specific time and the goals of that time rather than an over arching picture which is what you want. I've seen this often, not sure why it happens. It might be because we need to live through all the stages of the relationship.


For example I can think of a no hope relationship, obvious no hope from my perspective now but at the time I wasn't getting 'no hope' answers I was getting answers about the next stage of the relationship. I guess if Yi just said 'don't bother' it may sort of diminish free choice and also maybe we need to live through even bad relationships because relationships are massive areas of personal growth for us.


So in your shoes I wouldn't build too much upon this reading as an indicator of long term success in the relationship because I don't think it works like that BUT the time you are in now, the coming time seems to be to do with awaiting progressive developments.


meantime I am very glad to hear this

This hex is also called Nourished While Waiting, and funny as even though I am hurt and miss him I am very much into my old hobbies and taking care of my health. Definitely focused on myself.So I think it is saying to be patient and don’t give up.

Glad to hear you are nourishing your own life because it doesn't really sound a nice situation to be waiting in.


But this is a real relationship we have here, you were with him for 2 years so this isn't just a passing thing so maybe this waiting time has a purpose. Well Yi seems to think so, at least at the moment.

 

[diamanda]

Is it truly over? 5.1.5 > 46
5.1 shows someone waiting far away, so that was the phase when you moved away. During that phase, one of you was enjoying life with someone else (5.5).
46 here might mean either that the new relationship will keep slowly progressing, or that you two will eventually get over that story.

 

[radiofreewill]

While we're waiting for equinox to return, I'll give it a read...

"Is it truly over?"
5.1.5 to 46 ~ Boundarize for proper detachment, so you can start living your best life now.

From Daniel Young's i-Ching:

5. Waiting

Be confident. Unselfish offerings are splendid. The forecast is fortunate. It is advantageous to begin a great undertaking.
​

1. Waiting at the border is correct. Perseverance is good. There are no counter-indications

5. Waiting with adequate provisions indicates good fortune.
​

My read is that he will stay stuck in his dark space for a long time ~ until he decides to get help. In the meantime, however, he won't be able to muster up the energy to either sustain the relationship, or to let it go ~ it'll be an ambiguous float through a low-energy world...

The 'no counter-indications' means that he isn't cheating on you ~ he really does have this debilitating problem ~ with you and everyone else, as well.

The Yi is saying to boundarize yourself so that his emotional state doesn't make you toxic, too? Then, you can be available 'at the border' and enjoy your life, too, as you've been discovering during this most recent break from him?

If it is to be truly over, then it will have to be you who ends it. What is the 'right' way to do this?

46. Ascending

Start out in a spirit of sacrifice on the ascent to success. It is essential to consult a wise person in order to overcome anxiety. Movement towards a bright region is fortunate.
​

This is my opinion, but the best thing you can do is show him what a healthy, balanced lifestyle looks like on you? Consult a therapist and grow yourself while you wait...

...and the result will be fortunate ~ for everyone involved ~ and the whole situation.

I hope this helps!

 

[equinox]

Trojina wrote:

Another thing to take into account is that within a relationship Yi can give a picture of that specific time and the goals of that time rather than an over arching picture which is what you want. I've seen this often, not sure why it happens. It might be because we need to live through all the stages of the relationship.

It is also my experience that the I-Ching's answers are often showing only intermediate steps and minor developments, especially when I often ask on the same matter. So it would be too simplistic to say that Yi says things may turn out fine between you. This may not be what the I-Ching promises (but it doesn't exclude it either) -- 5.1.5<46 indicates that something will happen, the radio silence won't last forever, you'll most likely get a new chance to sort things out/to start new, I don't know.

I also don't think that your result necessarily announces a very long wait. An example from my life:
The first of the month had already passed a few days and my tenant's rent should be on my account. But it wasn't.
I was pretty worried because I was broke these times. I hesitated to call her immediately, I didn't want to stress her just because the rent wasn't there timely for the first time ever. So I asked the I-Ching what to do and it answered me with 5.1.5<46. So, it recommended to be patient, I didn't call her. Which was a good idea, because the money came in the afternoon of the very same day

The waiting time in this case was very short -- but it felt like it lasted forever because I was like a cat on hot bricks. (Well unfortunately I didn't listen properly to the Yi to enjoy myself while waiting )
I think this is also an example that I-Ching often gives very small-scale answers.

 

[hellomoon]

Trojana : thanks for your reply. I’m in my 30s I can’t be waiting around for a man, I feel like I’m wasting my life. But I do love him and he feels bad and I guess just wants his freedom for the time being. He knows I’m independent and strong willed, so it isn’t out of my character to around and wait. But I did think this relationship had potential for long term, perhaps I was mistaken. We both really tried to make it work. He did want me to to be close to him again and I blamed my absence for his unhappiness while apart. So that is why I returned as soon as I could. I think I understand why the Yi gave me this answer. I’m a tarot reader and I know how sometimes the cards won’t answer directly instead give you a snap shot of what is going on currently. I hate when the tarot does it but I think it telling what we need to know and what we need to go through like you said.Relationships are hard, we often pick complicated people or get into relationships with what we are currently struggling in our lives. We often choose people who can pull out our pain. Like I said in my post on his depression I told him I will always be open to receive him if he’s gets better and wants to try again, that’s not to say if I meet someone who really interests me I will turn him down because I’m waiting for him. My best friend is married to a man who suffers from depression. When he was at his worse back in ‘05-‘06 he was emotionally distant from her and didn’t feel any attraction towards her. She told me his depression made him feel that way. He eventually got better and fell in love again but it was 1 year of him being distant and emotionally unavailable. So I wonder if me experience depression much different than women. Well, sorry to off topic.But yeah, I think this hexagram is called patience as well (correct me if I a wrong), I’m kind of tired of being patient and nurturing towards me, but I am sensitive to the fact he is suffering emotionally. Thank you T!

 

[hellomoon]

^^^i don’t know why I can’t edit my post, I wanted to say it is out of my character to wait around...And I meant towards him in the last sentence.

 

[Trojina]

^^^i don’t know why I can’t edit my post, I wanted to say it is out of my character to wait around...And I meant towards him in the last sentence.

It's really hard for me to read your post as the words are full of strange arrows and characters. Anyway lots of people are having forum issues so it's not just you. I will tag @hilary; so she can point you in the direction of possible solutions which are in the FAQ section I think though I can't follow the instructions there


The FAQ section https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/faq.php

the instructions from there quoting Hilary are

Yes, they're a few clicks in. You can find the paragraph one under 'Reading and Posting Messages' and the edit button one under 'Reading and Posting Messages' > 'Editing and Deleting Posts'. Or they can be found via the search box, searching for 'edit post' (in titles only, exact phrase) or 'paragraphs' (also titles only).

 

[hellomoon]

Radiotfreewill:Thank you, I don’t think he is in the right frame of mind to be involved with someone else to be honest. It’s good to know he isn’t cheating. He tends to shun people out whe he is down, he has like 1 friend. He is a hermit type.Well, when you love someone you feel their pain too.I’m certainly enjoying my life and planning for my future. I wanted to ask him to move in with me. But I can’t ask him that now, for obvious reasons. What do you mean be available at the border? I wonder if I am doing that already? BecUse I told him I will be here for him if in case he feels better. I do mean it but I am doing my own thing in the mean time. Thank you for your interpretation.

 

[hellomoon]

Hi equinox. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post, it means a lot.Obviously I hope it isn’t over but part of me wants it because I feel it’s the best.I’m glad to hear that it might not be a long wait. I’m interested to see how this casting plays out in real life for me.Thanks for sharing your experience. I am glad it is an auspicious cast, no matter if we get together or not, I will be okay and my heart will be happy. Maybe he won’t be (unfortunately) but I got to think of myself.

 

[hellomoon]

Sorry trojana: yeah, I always been having problems with posting, editing and quoting my posts since I been a member!

 

[hilary]

Thanks for the tag, Trojina.

Here is a workaround to edit posts and here is one to get paragraphs in your posts..

The odd characters appear because you're using 'smartquotes' instead of straight inverted commas. Probably either you're copying and pasting from a word processing program or your auto-correct is inserting them as you type. If you type everything directly into the 'edit' box, that'll work.