Jesed's Questions (Relationship diagnostic)

[akath19]

Hi All:

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my current relationship and I've been meaning to ask the Yi about it (I stopped using it after I had a "problem" with it almost a year ago), anyways, I found Jesed's questions very insightful, however I am really reluctant to intrepret them because I don't want to introduce any emotional resonance:

1) Overview of the relationship: 43.2.4 > 63
2) X's position: 54.1.2 > 16
3) My position: 50.1.2 > 30

I also asked this final question from a post made by Miakoda here:

4) What action should I take in the relationship: 35.6 > 16

Please help me interpret this since I really don't think I should be trying this by myself after a while without asking the Yi.

Thanx

Julian

 

[pocossin]

What action should I take in the relationship?
35.6 > 16

Fire over Earth suggests the renewal of sunrise. Line 6 suggests that the situation is becoming critical but advises limited confrontation. Now isn't the time to be punishing. And hexagram 16, that you follow your partner's lead.

 

[gene]

akath

I will deal only with the first reading, hexagram 43 lines two and four. First, this leads to hexagram 63 which indicates this relationship would require high maintenance. You would be like the little fox always checking the "ice" (relationship, coolness) to make sure the relationship stays tenable.

Now, hexagram 43 line 2 carries on this theme by saying, "A cry of alarm..." In other words, you would always have to be on your guard, and always working to maintain the relationship. Line four says, "walking (maintaining the relationship) comes hard. I think the hoarfrost now (hexagram 2 line 2) is here becoming the ice. The coldness.

I hope this helps

Gene

 

[mryou1]

43.2.4 > 63

Parting | Already Fording
Skinning: Acquiring center dao | using center dao
Attending: Position not appropriate, understanding not bright | Possessing place doubt

Big picture: The two of you are separating, and you are actually already in the process of this (whether you know it or not).

By making big changes to your personality, you are acquiring inner dao, which can then be used.

You are presently standing still in a relationship situation that is not appropriate and up until now you have not understood that this is so, but you are beginning to doubt aspects of the relationship, and it bodes well for the future.

Suggestion: It is wise to use acquired dao to find a way out of the present situation (this state of your relationship, or the relationship as a whole)

Note: This is a new method of interpretation I'm working with, and I'm doing this objectively, with no insight into the relationship.

 

[akath19]

Thank you all for your responses, I resonate the most with mryou1's interpretation, the fact is that there are some issues with her and myself that need to be dealt with, what I find strange is that our individual issues affect the relationship in strange and unpredictable ways and there's a lot more going on that what my skewed and partial vision sees (a la 20.2)

 

[diamanda]

Overview of the relationship: 43.2.4 > 63
You are greatly worried about it but don't be.
The problem is not what you think it is.
Something will soon change, something will soon be revealed and the problem will end.

X's position: 54.1.2 > 16
She feels inferior, for some reason, and alone.
She feels threatened by something, maybe she doesn't trust you.
She either fears deception fron you, or she's in love with you, or both.

My position: 50.1.2 > 30
You like her a lot, but still see her as inferior.
But yet, still value her lots, and want to stay with her.
You still have thoughts of leaving her, but still plan to stay.

What action should I take in the relationship: 35.6 > 16
The fault lies with you, somewhere.
She might be subconsciously understanding your hidden doubts.
If you want her to discard her doubts about you, correct your inner doubt.

Apologies in advance if I'm way off with this, but this is how this sounds to me.
Wishing you good luck!

 

[akath19]

Diamanda, are you spying on me in some way?, 'cause I swear your interpretation is EXACTLY what is going on:

Overview of the relationship: 43.2.4 > 63
You are greatly worried about it but don't be.
The problem is not what you think it is.
Something will soon change, something will soon be revealed and the problem will end.

At the time I asked the question I didn't know that she was having a lot of trouble at her workplace and was becoming cold and distant not only from me but from everyone, up to the point where she stopped caring about her family

X's position: 54.1.2 > 16
She feels inferior, for some reason, and alone.
She feels threatened by something, maybe she doesn't trust you.
She either fears deception fron you, or she's in love with you, or both.

This has being going on for quite a while, in February this year we had a very serious conversation and she said that she's afraid of falling in love with me, she said that she doesn't want to fall in love again, that's the big threat (said by herself). So maybe she's in love and fearful that I might hurt her or deceive her in some way.

My position: 50.1.2 > 30
You like her a lot, but still see her as inferior.
But yet, still value her lots, and want to stay with her.
You still have thoughts of leaving her, but still plan to stay.

I do love her, yet there is so much going on in her head (many issues, caused by her childhood and a previous lover and other stuff) that sometimes it's tiring for me just trying to understand her, I wouldn't use the word inferior but I do feel sometimes that there's too many issues for me to handle.

I've been having thoughts of leaving her for about a month now (probably since I asked these questions), however it seems to me that leaving someone when they've just opened up and accepted their problems is wrong and frankly abusive, and as you said, despite everything I still love her and want to stay.

What action should I take in the relationship: 35.6 > 16
The fault lies with you, somewhere.
She might be subconsciously understanding your hidden doubts.
If you want her to discard her doubts about you, correct your inner doubt.

This has crossed my mind before, especially today, however I just don't know how to do it, I mean, there's A LOT going on (both her and I have a lot of mental issues that need to be dealt with) and "faking it 'till I make it" just doesn't seem to cut it for me, maybe I'm looking at things the wrong way but I don't know what to do in order to correct my inner doubts.

Now, after your little "mind reading session", is there any advice that you can give me?, maybe some follow up questions for the Yi?

 

[diamanda]

Wow, I love it when a reading turns out to be so helpful. No spies, don't worry!

Most people have issues of one sort or another. The question is, why do her issues bother you? Does she talk about them too much, or does she act too weird, or both?

How about you speak with her and let her know it's sometimes getting too much for you, and suggest turning the attention to more pleasant things for both of you? It's all good to help each other, but focussing on issues only is indeed a bit too heavy. I'd suggest you two have more fun together (very much in line with hexagram 16). Perhaps this would strengthen your love and bond with her, and would alleviate her mistrust and issues. Not sure what other questions you could ask, sorry, nothing comes to mind right now.

 

[akath19]

Wow, I love it when a reading turns out to be so helpful. No spies, don't worry!

Great!....I was starting to feel a bit like the Truman Show

Most people have issues of one sort or another. The question is, why do her issues bother you? Does she talk about them too much, or does she act too weird, or both?

Actually, her issues hadn't been that important until this year (actually until about 3 months ago), they also aren't there ALL the time, in fact, when we're together the issues are almost never present, they surface when we're with other people mostly.

What bothers me is that they're there, I mean, the fact that there are issues makes me want to solve them as fast as possible so that we can both be happy, both as individuals and together, I guess it all boils down to "issues = unhappiness" for me.

How about you speak with her and let her know it's sometimes getting too much for you, and suggest turning the attention to more pleasant things for both of you? It's all good to help each other, but focussing on issues only is indeed a bit too heavy. I'd suggest you two have more fun together (very much in line with hexagram 16). Perhaps this would strengthen your love and bond with her, and would alleviate her mistrust and issues. Not sure what other questions you could ask, sorry, nothing comes to mind right now.

I said something to that effect yesterday, I said that I was worried that she was turning into someone cold and distant (she said so herself last Tuesday, she also said that she didn't recognize herself because of that), I also said that I wanted to have the perfect woman I fell in love with back, I just couldn't say that sometimes it's too much for me, to me it feels like if I say that I would be subconsciously saying "I'm sorry, you're too damaged for me".

I'm definetely going to focus on us having fun together, I've been (still am) too focused on the issues and how to solve them that I've completely lost track of that happiness and love that we have shared, that is entirely mea culpa.

Thank you for your response, you actually made me realize some mistakes that I've been making this year, I guess right now I need to organize my head (I'm nowhere near balanced you know) and just have fun with her.

 

[diamanda]

(...) when we're together the issues are almost never present (...)

(...) the fact that there are issues makes me want to solve them as fast as possible (...)

(...) I guess it all boils down to "issues = unhappiness" for me (...)

If her issues bother you so much, even when they don't interfere with your life as a couple, then it's much clearer what 35:6 means. You can use force only to discipline your own hometown/self, you cannot forcibly solve someone else's problems, and "fast". And if you cannot handle the existence of issues, I'm afraid you'll be very disappointed in life. The vast majority of people have issues. And not just once - life is like this that when one issue is solved, another one is certain to emerge, always. Issues are challenges that we all need to learn to deal with, and live with.

(...) I also said that I wanted to have the perfect woman I fell in love with back (...)

(...) would be subconsciously saying "I'm sorry, you're too damaged for me" (...)

(...) I'm nowhere near balanced you know (...)

Sadly nobody's perfect (except Chuck Norris of course). However, if you really feel she is a very damaged person, then why not try to find someone who is more on your wavelength, nothing wrong with that. I hope all this doesn't sound like a mini philosophy lesson! I guess I mainly disagree with your point that issues = unhappiness, but then again this is only my opinion. It's up to you to decide how strongly you feel about it, and what degree of perfection you're after in the other person.

 

[akath19]

If her issues bother you so much, even when they don't interfere with your life as a couple, then it's much clearer what 35:6 means. You can use force only to discipline your own hometown/self, you cannot forcibly solve someone else's problems, and "fast". And if you cannot handle the existence of issues, I'm afraid you'll be very disappointed in life. The vast majority of people have issues. And not just once - life is like this that when one issue is solved, another one is certain to emerge, always. Issues are challenges that we all need to learn to deal with, and live with.

Actually it has taken me a lot of soul searching to come to that same conclusion, I always thought that if I could just fix all our problems everything would be fine, but now I realize that the only thing I can do is be there for her and help her with whatever she wants my help.

My main issue is that (this is of course not easy for me to say but I'll go ahead and say it), for a year I've been battling to overcome an addiction, it's something so shameful that not even she knows, so in a way my intolerance and negativity comes mostly from that, the neurological changes that an addiction crests basically destroy every sense of happiness a person has, sadly my relationship with her has suffered the most, and now that she's having issues as well it seems a bit too much to me, that's why it seems like I can't stand her issues (which in reality, without any external influences I do)

Sadly nobody's perfect (except Chuck Norris of course). However, if you really feel she is a very damaged person, then why not try to find someone who is more on your wavelength, nothing wrong with that. I hope all this doesn't sound like a mini philosophy lesson! I guess I mainly disagree with your point that issues = unhappiness, but then again this is only my opinion. It's up to you to decide how strongly you feel about it, and what degree of perfection you're after in the other person.

Of course Chuck Norris's perfection isn't up for discussion!!

I think that we're both damaged in many ways (actually I think a verse from an Incubus song perfectly describes us " What's wrong with you is good, for what's wrong with me and I think maybe we should stick together") I guess my point of "issues = unhappiness" means that our issues (both individual and as a couple) are holding us back from expressing our full potential (again both as individuals and as a couple), I've seen her bellydancing and she's got enough talent to become a great professional dancer, yet her own mind holds her back, also her fears and my own have always stopped us from being fully together as a couple, those are the kinds of things that hurt me the most.

 

[diamanda]

Oh no, really sorry to hear you're battling an addiction, it must be very difficult for you. I hope you have supportive family and friends to help you out. Wishing you lots of strength with it! Hexagram 16 might be referring to that then - 16 is about music, fun, but also deception, self-deception, illusion, and I've definitely seen it before to mean addiction as well. You've had hexagram 16 in two of your answers, it may well have to do with that.

I wouldn't bet, though, that she doesn't know anything about it, because of line 54:2 ("The one-eyed can still see"). Even if she hasn't actually witnessed it, she might have sussed it out anyway.

I see what you mean about all those issues preventing both of you from realising full potential, you're right. The good thing is that you don't seem to be giving up without a fight! You're still trying to correct any faults of your own, you still want to be there for her. So wait and see - the test of time will tell if your relationship is strong enough to mature and grow even through and after such troubles - it well may!

 

[akath19]

Oh no, really sorry to hear you're battling an addiction, it must be very difficult for you. I hope you have supportive family and friends to help you out. Wishing you lots of strength with it! Hexagram 16 might be referring to that then - 16 is about music, fun, but also deception, self-deception, illusion, and I've definitely seen it before to mean addiction as well. You've had hexagram 16 in two of your answers, it may well have to do with that.

Thank you for your kind words diamanda, I do have a friend and my brother to support me (I feel so ashamed that I haven't really told people about my problem).

I didn't know 16 had anything to do with self-deception, and yes, since I starteed my recovery I have been having this negative and violent thinking regarding her and our relationship, I've so much as said some hurtful things once, for which I apologized.

I wouldn't bet, though, that she doesn't know anything about it, because of line 54:2 ("The one-eyed can still see"). Even if she hasn't actually witnessed it, she might have sussed it out anyway.

Of course she knows something about it, I've been moody, negative and needy this whole year, I don't think she knows that I'm addicted to anything, nor than I'm in recovery, but she does know that something's going on, quite likely she thinks that I'm having issues or something like that.

I see what you mean about all those issues preventing both of you from realising full potential, you're right. The good thing is that you don't seem to be giving up without a fight! You're still trying to correct any faults of your own, you still want to be there for her. So wait and see - the test of time will tell if your relationship is strong enough to mature and grow even through and after such troubles - it well may!

Again, thank you for you words, they mean so much to me right now, I've been having a particularly bad week (they called them neurochemical storms or the pits) and I've only been able to think negative thoughts.

I'm of course willing to work on myself (even if I weren't with her I still would) and I'm willing to do whatever it takes in order to be with her and make us realize our full potential!!