Leaving while loving 54.1.2.4>2

[lightafterdarkness]

Dear clarity,

My ex partner broke up with me but is having an incredibly tough time, she said the love didn't fade but she stopped seeing a future with me and lost faith in herself and the relationship and saw herself turning into someone who might hurt me cause she lost her patience. She has trouble letting me go and wants to remain friends. I asked;

Why did she leave if she loves me this much?
54.1.2.4 > 2

Backstory: The connection was incredibly strong, however I have some baggage and my ex partner a lack of experience and insight. We didn't have the time to build a proper foundation, we faced some external pressure and also faced some of our fears within the relationship as a result. This was more pressure than the foundation could withstand and the relationship turned toxic. I changed, I felt like I was operating fear based and relationships require understanding of each other's communication patterns, forgiveness, patience and growth and if I wanted change, I had to change the way I approached first. But my partner said she couldn't do the same for me and something snapped in her. I realized it's because she over compensated and didn't share her inner world until the point of being drained and empty. I could foresee this and even warned her about her over compensating and forgetting about herself.. but due to her lack of experience, she had trouble recognizing this and now acknowledges she is more avoidant of sharing her inner world than she thought. She abruptly broke up with me even though she was speaking of commitment and our future days prior. She said it was because she wants this future with me but was in denial about the fact that she couldn't commit to what was needed to achieve it and didn't think she was the person for me.

After the break up we talked for hours and now that the pressure was lifted, we could both see things with clarity leading us to be able to be reflective and communicate and perceive the deeper dynamics, our growth points and much more while holding each other. It was incredibly constructive, vulnerable and loving and what we needed all along during the relationship.

My ex partner wants to keep me a friend in her life and we decided to cut out direct communication but write each other letters twice a month. I do see a genuine person in my ex partner and my love for her is stronger than my desire to be with her. It isn't the first ex I remained friends with. However, I can see how much she loves me and is still having trouble letting go of me and it confuses me to see how she is being contradictive.. I understand she can love me and still not see a future with me nor do I hope for one.. but it is incredibly confusing to me to see she's at times even hurting more than I am.

 

[rosada]

I see this reading as reinforcing what you’ve told us about the situation. That is, that you two got off to a weird start, that she doesn’t see how a good partnership develops and she wants to delay making a serious commitment but leaves the door open for future possibilities.. Meanwhile 2, the barren field sees nothing developing in the future.

I think that 54.2 line describes the real reason for her wanting to step back. When it comes to a partnership here she just doesn’t see it.

54.1 as mirroring what you’ve said here about the relationship starting out in a confused uncertain manner.
54.2 Uncertainty about seeing each other’s points of view.
54.3 Delaying commitment but also wanting to keep the connection.
2. Possibilities but no real plan for the future.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

I see this reading as reinforcing what you’ve told us about the situation. That is, that you two got off to a weird start, that she doesn’t see how a good partnership develops and she wants to delay making a serious commitment but leaves the door open for future possibilities.. Meanwhile 2, the barren field sees nothing developing in the future.

I think that 54.2 line describes the real reason for her wanting to step back. When it comes to a partnership here she just doesn’t see it.

54.1 as mirroring what you’ve said here about the relationship starting out in a confused uncertain manner.
54.2 Uncertainty about seeing each other’s points of view.
54.3 Delaying commitment but also wanting to keep the connection.
2. Possibilities but no real plan for the future.

I agree, Rosada. However it was line 54.4, was this a typo? Thank you for your insight. The future possibility I think is that I find it likely that we'll keep a soft spot for each other however I don't see this being acted on. Thus, no real plan but just empty potential?


Line 1 to me speaks also about perhaps not being able to be the wife, but the concubine and the lame man giving up. Perhaps this shows that she's given up but tries to still get out of the connection what she can get?

I think line 2 speaks to me mostly about indeed a lack of commitment and perhaps a bit of soul searching? I read this interpretation about finding reasons to commit or finding reasons to leave, depending on what you're committed to (running away or approaching) I can see how we have a different point of view here, just within experience but also I found reasons to stay while she found reasons to go.


I think she was really committed to me at first judging by her actions and I am sure she does love me, but I don't think that commitment ever matured because there were raptures before that commitment could strengthen. I think the pressure made her commitment snap. Personally I made the decision to commit even after rapture cause I saw possibility for growth but this also depends on the love and commitment you have and the capacity/strength of a person. I found strength in my love for her and committed, but she found only fear and mistrust and found reasons to step away from commitment.

 

[rosada]

Typo. I’ll edit it.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

Typo. I’ll edit it.

Good to know. Thank you for your insights.

 

[rosada]

I’m seeing these lines as saying your friend doesn’t know what she wants for herself and so she’s not in a position to make commitments to you. She doesn’t want to fake something she doesn’t feel.

54.2 A one-eyed man who is able to see. The perseverance of a solitary man furthers.

She doesn’t fully understand what she wants in life and thus she feels it’s better she remain single.

54.4 A late marriage comes in due course.

She is not overly eager to get married now and isn’t worried if she doesn’t marry till late in life. This makes me feel that her asking that the two of you be friends rather than committed partners shows self awareness. I would encourage you not to feel rejected but also not to try to woo her. Be the friend. Do things together as friends. Love grows when you plant seeds (2).

 

[lightafterdarkness]

I’m seeing these lines as saying your friend doesn’t know what she wants for herself and so she’s not in a position to make commitments to you. She doesn’t want to fake something she doesn’t feel.

54.2 A one-eyed man who is able to see. The perseverance of a solitary man furthers.

She doesn’t fully understand what she wants in life and thus she feels it’s better she remain single.

54.4 A late marriage comes in due course.

She is not overly eager to get married now and isn’t worried if she doesn’t marry till late in life. This makes me feel that her asking that the two of you be friends rather than committed partners shows self awareness. I would encourage you not to feel rejected but also not to try to woo her. Be the friend. Do things together as friends. Love grows when you plant seeds (2).

That's right, she isn't in a position to make commitments. She said her breaking up with me is really confusing to her because she is still in love with me, but feels the motivation to make the relationship work is lacking. She's completely heart broken but she said it would not be fair to me or herself to stay when she isn't committed anymore, regardless of her feelings. This exact confusion is what made me ask the I Ching, although I am aware love isn't always enough to stay.


54.2 I I can see this being true, she said she feels she needs to work on herself in order to be in a relationship and feels like some things need to be worked out first without the pressure of one. She felt she needs to get her life back on track and feels a bit lost.

54.4 I don't really feel that rejected because I want the best for her and also don't want to be with someone who can't see herself with me. The loss and grief of the loss does hurt a lot and I am having a hard time forgiving myself for the mistakes that added to the end of the relationship. However I do indeed have a very strong feeling that I need to invest in a friendship with her, although it might not end in what I wanted it to be, maybe I'll get what I need. At times a good friend is worth more than a lover. I'll continue to exchange letters with her.

Another interesting synchronicity; Saturday I offered to buy her a meal and she asked me to buy a co op game we could play together in the future instead. We didn't see the description but it said:

"When you cut ties to the past, new bonds form. Build relationships with other Yarny (us playing co op) fostering friendship and support as you journey together."

I thought this was oddly fitting for the situation and a nice synchronicity to share.

Thank you again for your insights Rosada, I'll update in a while.

 

[Cometta]

The maiden in 54 thinks her marriage is a good thing and is happy with being secondary and maybe dreams of being a queen someday. As someone said here this hex is about finding joy in an unconventional way. Imagine she enters the house and after awhile realizes the real dynamics and her real position. I think the only sweet thing she will keep is her first hope, everything else in reality means inferiority, sacrifice and lack of love. In your reading she doesn't keep it to line 5 or 6 as unlike the old times, she knows she is free to leave.
There is always love between human beings, an unconditional one, and we wish to keep the bond with people no matter what. But to navigate every single life and expand it there is more to it than this pure love for humanity.
The first lines in your cast explain her first motives (a love bigger than life) and ignorance of you and what this relationship implies (sacrifice and being secondary). The last one shows her discernement and resolution. And hex 2 with its yin lines she is returning to the original field of possibilities without engaging in any creative endeavour (all the yang dynamic and creative lines are becoming yin).

Or it could mean something else.
You discovered many things in this interaction and it gives you more chances of compatibility in your next relationship.
Wish you love and peace.

 

[lightafterdarkness]

The maiden in 54 thinks her marriage is a good thing and is happy with being secondary and maybe dreams of being a queen someday. As someone said here this hex is about finding joy in an unconventional way. Imagine she enters the house and after awhile realizes the real dynamics and her real position. I think the only sweet thing she will keep is her first hope, everything else in reality means inferiority, sacrifice and lack of love. In your reading she doesn't keep it to line 5 or 6 as unlike the old times, she knows she is free to leave.
There is always love between human beings, an unconditional one, and we wish to keep the bond with people no matter what. But to navigate every single life and expand it there is more to it than this pure love for humanity.
The first lines in your cast explain her first motives (a love bigger than life) and ignorance of you and what this relationship implies (sacrifice and being secondary). The last one shows her discernement and resolution. And hex 2 with its yin lines she is returning to the original field of possibilities without engaging in any creative endeavour (all the yang dynamic and creative lines are becoming yin).

Or it could mean something else.
You discovered many things in this interaction and it gives you more chances of compatibility in your next relationship.
Wish you love and peace.

I guess this translates into the initial enthousiasm my ex felt. She said she was overly enthousiastic in the beginning and because of her lack of experience wasn't aware of the hardships and sacrifices that have to be made in a relationship. Because of my baggage and her lack of consideration or overcompensation at times I didn't need it, a rapture in balance and trust got created. She indeed felt like she was lacking, sacrificing a lot (I didn't ask her to and even warned her for this behavior) and I guess the stress started to outweigh the loving parts of the relationship. Thus knowing she can leave.

The maiden could also apply to me in some ways.

I do think she lacked insight and been ignorant towards me and sacrificed too much in certain ways while lacking in others. She over compensated out of guilt and not love I think. I think her discernment and resolution would come down to not using the heart but using the mind and being decided on that. The original field of possibilities could be being single but not looking to date?

I think your interpretation does apply to the situation and so does Rosada's. I did discover a lot, it wasn't really anything new for me because I am aware of my shortcomings and the problems that came up in this relationship aren't new to me. I did however try to navigate them differently but the problem is, this needs to be done in cooperation. Thank you for your insights and well wishes, I appreciate the effort and time.

 

[Cometta]

The bad news: you are single now (maybe not bad after all), the good news: through this experience you pushed the limits of your mutual awareness and the collective consciousness too.