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I am just wondering about the issue of tactics in love. For example, the female playing coy, the male chasing, because the female has more to lose if she doesn't secure the male and he scarpers when she's pregnant... Which may still be active in more adaptible females (?) Or are we more than animals and love and respect does exist, aside from selfishly? Or do men get bored easily? (I don't mean to sound sexist in this thread but I am a woman so what can I do?)
Basically I am always nice, I think, in relationships. I don't consciously play the game, but maybe I should!! I do see in myself, that in the past I have tended to like a person more the less interested they seem in me... although not strictly... And I feel when I properly like someone, I like them more the more attention they give me! So maybe it's all a myth... I am currently sort of seeing someone, long-distance; friendly communication and reciprocal so far, but I do feel like I'm usually the one waiting around for him, ie. he seems more in the driving seat. Is this because I'm not playing the game? I do think he's more busy than I am though, so I'm counting the days more than he is... My mother says I should play it cooler... like he seems to be... but I have seem to have more faith than that (strange considering my experiences...)
What I'm trying to get at is, as long as you're not overly/weirdly/desperately keen, friendly encouragement wouldn't put someone off who really likes you? After all, they say love is blind. So maybe someone will like you, fundamentally, almost regardless of how hot or cool you play it? Or am I being naive?
Is love a game?
Seems to suggest treating it as such, could cause rot. And my mum has never been lucky in love, is still single, but she has had experience and in the past when she's advised me to play it cooler, she has been right... (but I'm too nice/can't help myself! I like to communicate/share... and treat guys as friends rather than potential prizes...)
What can you tell me about 'treat 'em mean keep 'em keen'?
Hex 28.5 > 32
It's ok but then the relationship would lack gusto? You may get the man, but it wouldn't be based on truth, but the appearance of flowers grown from something dead/old becuase you weren't yourself????
What can you tell me about 'real' love:
46.2,3 > 2
I like this I think. Give (to a degree, what you have, naturally...) without being afraid of not receiving (?) (46.2) and have faith (line 3) but also don't expect too much (line 3). Don't be quite so scared, be natural. Follow the signs (hex 2). I have in the past, and perhaps even again now a bit, denied negative signs becuase I've so wanted things to work out... but I don't think I'm pushing him in this relationship so far, but maybe I am in my predictable friendliness? Will he get bored!? Or does he like being respected?... hmmm... Also I know there is the difference between men and women's brains (i.e. men are less inlcined to communicate unless the girl is in front of their noses...)
Any thoughts and interpretations would be most welcome on this most confusing of subjects
Dear Em, I think the key in a man-woman relationship is that both are wholly themselves before they try to connect with someone else. If you "need" the relationship, either you will devour it -- or it will devour you. You have to be comfortable, confident, and happy within you first. You need to be dispassionate and satisfied when you look at what this guy offers and what you can offer.
This, to me, is hex 24,3. Where is your essence? What are you doing for yourself? So far as the follow-up line 24.5 -- It is your "fault" that this is a problem. But, more than that, don't blame him for wanting to be a whole person and thinking you've got other things going on as well. This is what both of you should be doing. I mean, if he is excessive, doesn't give you the time of day, pays little attention and isn't loving as he should be -- then it's not a thing and he's not a partner. It's not going to work at all. But both of you should be in balance with your own life versus a combined life. And that is your work, so far as I can see, to complete this cycle in your life [hex 63] and develop yourself to a position as a whole person who feels perfectly OK on her own, and is looking for somebody else who is the same. Otherwise, we have, potentially, you looking for fulfillment from a man when you don't know what fulfillment feels like. Initially, that's something you have to teach yourself, which is what I think the lines are telling you.
This isn't "playing hard to get" -- it's real! What I'm describing is a self-motivated person who doesn't sit and wait for anybody. It may LOOK like someone playing hard to get but, actually it's somebody who IS hard to get because she is busy, happy, interested and interesting and very much in demand. It's the flip side of needy, waiting and trying to figure out what game to play. You don't need that; you're far too smart and capable of far more.
Thanks Arabella. Strong words. I like what you say. Especially in the last two paragraphs quoted above.
Well, I'm not quite that sad. I am keeping busy, but I work from home and haven't had much of it of late, and I find I am far more motivated to do and enjoy things, when I feel confident about him. I have a couple of classes, but besides that I hardly leave the house. Also I am at home with my parents at the moment, and have absolutely zilch social life. Nothing. Which is a contrast to him... which possibly makes me over-keen to communicate with him...
But that's no excuse for my feelings being dictated by him the way they have been of late but I guess I'm only human and no man is an island.. and as I have not much of a social life as I said, there's a big gap to fill and few distractions to soften the blow if he doesn't... But I must smarten up here. And remember that things will be speeding up for me soon - both socially and work wise - so then it'll be a whole different condundrum in our perpetually long-distance relationship Tricky....
PO Box 6945,
+44 (0)20 3287 3053 (UK)
+1 (561) 459-4758 (US).