Love interest and old friend: 41.5.6 > 60 and 26.1.3.6 > 7

[deepstillwater]

Hello,

A year and a half ago I went through a very painful breakup with my partner of six years. It was a breakup that took a while for me to get over, as some of the online clarity members might remember. When I first broke up a male friend took a great deal of care and interest in me: I was very flattered and interested but also scared. I wasn't ready for a relationship, and so I did not encourage him and I told him how I felt. But we still continued to spend time together. He is a person I admire a lot.

Recently, something happened or changed within me. I felt ready to commit fully to a relationship and I wanted to be with him. I felt open and happy about it, not at all scared. It just felt as if the right time had come around.

We had a tender moment, but the next day he told me he did a lot to get over me. And that it didn't work for him anymore (a relationship with me). I was very upset, but of course I understand. We had a couple of tense but friendly meet ups with others there, and then on Monday I invited him to read and draw in the park (it was a public holiday). It was what we always used to do, and it was lovely. He initiated to kiss me, and I kissed him back. It seemed very honest and loving at the time. I saw him again last night at a dance event, and he was friendly but didn't treat me any more differently than anyone else there. His text messages are short in reply.

I'm confused about all of this. I'm not sure what to do. Should I be more open with my feelings because I have hurt him before, or pull back a bit to maintain some modesty?

I asked the I ching for advice with regards to this: 41.5.6 > 60
A very auspicious cast.
This does seem like it is a reflection of my feelings that this is the right time. 41.5 also reminds me a little of what my cousin tells me with regards to love: if it is your heart's light it will happen. That there is nothing to do sometimes, it's just fate. If it happens, it's because it was meant to. 41.6... he is perhaps not interested in a relationship?


Six in the fifth place means:
Someone does indeed increase him.
Ten pairs of tortoises cannot oppose it.
Supreme good fortune.


If someone is marked out by fate for good fortune, it comes without fail. All
oracles-as for instance those that are read from the shells of tortoises-are
bound to concur in giving him favorable signs. He need fear nothing,
because his luck is ordained from on high.


Nine at the top means:
If one is increased without depriving other,
There is no blame.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
It furthers one to undertake something.
One obtains servants
But no longer has a separate home.

There are people who dispense blessings to the whole world. Every increase
in power that comes to them benefits the whole of mankind and therefore
does not bring decrease to others. Through perseverance and zealous work a
man wins success and finds helpers as they are needed. But what he
accomplishes is not a limited private advantage; it is a public good and
available to everyone.

After last night, when I saw him and he was nice but not treating me in a special way I was a bit low. I asked the I ching for advice and guidance in this situation.
26. 1. 3. 6 > 7

Thank you in advance for your thoughts.

 

[long yi]

出生时间：年　性别：女　
起卦时间：2015年03月11日23时14分
起卦农历：乙未年正月廿一日子时
神煞：天乙—酉亥　福星—酉　日禄—午　羊刃—巳　驿马—巳　桃花—子　华盖—未
干支：乙未年　己卯月　丁亥日　庚子时
旬空：辰巳　　申酉　　午未　　辰巳

六神　 伏神 　　　艮宫：山泽损　　　　　　　　　　坎宫：水泽节（六合）
　　　　　　　　　【本　卦】　　　　　　　　　　　【变　卦】
青龙　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼丙寅木　应○→　▅▅　▅▅　妻财戊子水　　
玄武　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　妻财丙子水　　×→　 ▅▅▅▅▅　兄弟戊戌土　　
白虎　　　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟丙戌土　　　　　▅▅　▅▅　子孙戊申金　应
滕蛇　子孙丙申金　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟丁丑土　世　　　▅▅　▅▅　兄弟丁丑土　　
勾陈　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼丁卯木　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　官鬼丁卯木　　
朱雀　　　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　父母丁巳火　　　　　▅▅▅▅▅　父母丁巳火　世

The hexagram six line layout tells me there is third party interference.

You suspect that he may have someone else younger [yin wood] in mind (line 3), but the younger person is not an intruder to your relationship [shen metal - younger person not part of your relationship]. This younger person does not have to be a love rival, it can be a child of his or yours from another relationship. If this issue is not resolved, he moves on because the younger person is the unresolved issue.
Line 6; It is all about himself and not you. He has the upper hand.

Line 5; if you try to go out with someone else, line 6 means that he may try to come back to you.
Although the text part of hexagram analysis produce a better picture of the situation, I have a different view. It is not indicated in this hexagram that he loves you and treasure you. He plans to leave.

下兑上坎: Tui is the lower trigram and kan is the upper trigram in hexagram 60. The lower trigram Tui metal produces the water kan in the upper trigram. The movement trigram is the kan trigram. In this arrangement, it is very difficult to achieve a marriage relationship because you carry all the weight.

Hexagram 60 means that when a person starts the journey of romance, she expects to identify a person with many exceptional qualities. If she experience a setback, you will realize that she has to lower her standard to find someone suitable to fullfil her dreams.

I did not have time to review the other reading. Hexagram 7 means dispute and it is not a good indication as the change hexagram. The easiest way to gain insight to resolve the issues is either run a Tarot card reading or convert the hexagram 60 into the Tarot card equivalent, you will get your answer.

 

[deepstillwater]

Thank you Long Yi,

There is no child (his or mine) but there is a younger dancer (a female) who has created friction between us as I feel he cuts me to preference her, yet she does not have feelings for him. At least that is obvious to me and other women. The younger dancer and I are friendly though, and I have tried to avoid situations where I feel I am placed directly in competition with her. We have caught up separately for coffee and chats and maintain a very friendly interaction with each other.

There are lots of younger dancers that he knows though, that I have no relationship with at all.

I have wondered if he was going to move overseas or if he plans not to dance with me anymore (he is my dance and competition partner for the past year and a half).

I am sad to hear that is it not indicated in the hexagram that he loves and treasures me. Once he told me he did deeply. Things have changed.

Thank you long yi for your help
deep

 

[Trojina]

Hi Deep,

in response to your PM I read your post. He's clearly protecting himself from being hurt again from what you say here. Yi aside the only thing I can see to do is to have a very open talk with him. Tell him your feelings and then let him have some time to make a choice.

41.5 might indicate offerings now may be worthwhile....but overall the cast does look like he has chosen to have reservations (60) and may have very consciously chosen just to stay friends (41.6)

But then again you asked for advice for you and I'm wondering if what is required is a very simple humble offering. No games, no tactics, no OTT declarations, but just something very clear and simple and also respectful of his boundaries ?

Hmm re the kiss and then the backing off....no that's not the way forward. You also need boundaries (60) I see it as you make your offering very simple and clear and then if he chooses to be with you....go and kiss to your heart's delight. If he isn't choosing to be with you then you don't kiss. I think it's quite a 60ish thing isn't it ? Kissing is intimate....you both need to be clear about being intimate or not.

I could also see the cast as reducing (41) boundaries (60) which boils down to a clear communication, an open offering from you. I mean along the lines of 'I know I hurt you before but now I am quite sure I would like to be with you and I just want you to know that'.


Of course I ain't no 'love expert' so you'd have to tailor that to what feels right for you

After last night, when I saw him and he was nice but not treating me in a special way I was a bit low. I asked the I ching for advice and guidance in this situation.
26. 1. 3. 6 > 7

7 for relationship questions makes me think tactics, aims...and of course 26 suggests holding back, which to me looks like a tactic.


It might be this is a sort of drawn out courtship dance where he's not too sure and it's a long game of hide and seek. What the advice is ?

My personal view is you'd be better to be open about it all and have a clear conversation about it. But I don't have much time for tactics and plots in romantic liasons. Which isn't to say that Yi is not advising you to hold back....I don't know. My own bias is that 41 asks you for a simple, very honest offering to him.


My view is why let complications happen if you love him. If you love him tell him then the ball is in his court. You have to tell him in this instance because you turned him down before. If he knows your feelings but doesn't want to go ahead then at least you can console yourself that you tried. There's nothing worse than later wishing and wondering about what might have been.

 

[deepstillwater]

Thank you Trojina,

Truth is I'm not a love expert either, but your clear take on things is really helpful. Thank you!
I have told him how I feel, very clearly on Monday again, so the ball is in his court. So now I console myself that at least I tried.
Clear, respectful and open communication: that's what I'll aim for. With an acceptable measure of 60.
I think I have indeed been placed as a friend 41.6 although he has attraction towards me. But I can't be kissed just as a friend, I'm not built like that.
Thanks once again