Marathon reading session! 3 answers

[applegirl]

Hi all

I really needed some clarity on the circus situation so I asked 3 questions today. Without going into details, myself and the ex met about a week and a half ago. Lots of things were said, including him saying that he didn't know what he was doing, he's a mess and the long-term potential he saw in us was how well we got on day-to-day. He also has regrets about some choices he made while in the relationship. I was just left very sad after it. Acceptance is coming in fits and starts, but I can't shake the belief in us. My reading where Jesed mapped out the calendrical time for that question is still ongoing, and that is pointing to a transitory situation that will be ending at the end of July. So here is what I asked today:

What impact did our last meeting have on X? 3 unchanging
Ok so the meeting caused him difficulty and confusion (Eh, sorry about that Mr X ). He admitted to being confused anyway so I agree that this reflects his somewhat chaotic state of mind.

What impact did our last meeting have on me and X's relationship? 45 unchanging
This has me a little stumped because the way it is now is that I really can't be around him because I feel too much for him. I told him at our last meeting that every time we meet and we get on so well is just a reminder to me of how compatible we are, and that nothing could convince me that we couldn't have made it. So I said that meeting is too painful because we're not together, so I feel that I need to limit our contact now. Yet this suggests a gathering together. I don't understand how what transpired at our last meeting could have the effect of any gathering together, yet it sounds to my hopeful heart that there is an air of regrouping and gathering together again. Any perspective on this would be really helpful because I'm not sure I can see this for what it is.

So, finally, on that note of my belief and conviction, I asked the iChing 'I still have belief in a future relationship with X. Please tell me something I need to know about this belief'. 39.3 -> 8
Well my interpretation is that my belief is obstructed. Wilhelm talks about a retreat, but the retreat is in preparation for overcoming the obstructions. It also talks about unswerving inner purpose bringing good fortune in the end. 39.3 validates this for me, I think it's saying that it's not the time to persist with furthering this belief, but giving up on it would be a mistake, just retreat for now. The relating hexagram about union again suggests groups of people coming together for a united purpose. However the Wilhelm translation also mentions about inquiring again, which I haven't done yet. My intuition is to unravel these readings a little first. I might try inquiring again tomorrow.

So, what on earth is all that about ?!! What with the dynamic of it being a transitory situation, there being an obstacle but to perservere, and then the theme of group interaction and coming together. By the way, my calendrical reading suggested unexpected visitors - 3 of them.

Thanks in advance for any perspective

Applegirl

 

[jesed]

However the Wilhelm translation also mentions about inquiring again, which I haven't done yet.

Yes, Wilhelm´s translation says so. But that is not in the chinese text. On the contrary, the chinese text implies that the primal oracle (meaning, the first consultation) is enduring and worth trusted; therefore, there is no need to ask again

Best wishes

 

[applegirl]

Yes, Wilhelm´s translation says so. But that is not in the chinese text. On the contrary, the chinese text implies that the primal oracle (meaning, the first consultation) is enduring and worth trusted; therefore, there is no need to ask again

Best wishes

Oh thanks for that clarification Jesed, my other translations don't mention that alright but I take the Wilhelm quite seriously.

Today I'm wondering why I even bothered doing the readings, I feel stupid for even persisting in this belief. I feel like I just need to let go, he's clearly moved on and I'm just hurting myself with this feeling that something good could happen. Surely it needs the 2 of us to believe?

Applegirl

 

[diamanda]

Hi applegirl,

In the given situation, this is how i read your answers.

What impact did our last meeting have on X? 3 unchanging
As you said, he's confused. But because it is unchanging, i get the
impression that he was already confused, and it was not the meeting
that made him so.

What impact did our last meeting have on our relationship? 45 unchanging
This sounds a bit like 'it was just a meeting'.
More specifically, a meeting based not on personal feelings, but more
on a 'tradition', a habitual meeting.
Perhaps meaning that, you know each other well, already, so what
difference could one meeting make? Also perhaps that you're both so used
to each other, that you just keep on having contact, out of habit.

tell me something I need to know about this belief'. 39.3 -> 8
There are obstacles ahead, this belief leads to obstacles, so turn
back to your friends (and discuss it with them perhaps). 8 refers
to a heartfelt union, unlike 45. A union with people out of feelings,
and not out of 'tradition' or just happening to belong to the same
group. And i'll guess that this would be what you'd really like with
him. An honest heartfelt union, which all parties mutually want.
As about if you can be the centre of union or not, i think in this
case you are the one in need of help, and 39:3 suggests that you go
back to your friends and unite with them.

As you said yourself, it takes two to share the same belief. And no
matter how compatible you are in other respects, if you're not compatible
in this (ie in wanting the same thing) then obviously a relationship cannot
happen. However i'll say this, since he still wants to see 'how it goes from
day to day' (!?) perhaps there's still a chance. Obviously, for some reason,
he still wants a bit of a hold on you. The reasons, in such cases, are usually
not good... but whatever his reasons are, they will become clear at some
point (at least to you, if not to himself).

(for your own amusement, i read an article once about such situations,
and the advice given was "well let's see if you remember his name from
day to day" lol; meaning, that no-one should accept a confused partner,
what we should want is a loving and committed partner! So, until he becomes
exactly that, i'd suggest leaving him on his own in his sea of confusion.)

 

[applegirl]

Diamanda, my heartfelt and sincere thanks to you for the time and consideration you took over my readings. It's much appreciated.

As you said, he's confused. But because it is unchanging, i get the
impression that he was already confused, and it was not the meeting
that made him so.

You're right there about the confusion - it started for him a while back. The kind of thing he was saying when we broke up was that this could be the biggest mistake he's making in his life and he knows he should be grabbing me with both hands and not letting go. I think since then he's somewhat 'deconstructed' me to validate his decision. There are emotional issues from the past with him and there has been depression there too. Lots of confusion agogo basically!

What impact did our last meeting have on our relationship? 45 unchanging
This sounds a bit like 'it was just a meeting'.
More specifically, a meeting based not on personal feelings, but more
on a 'tradition', a habitual meeting.
Perhaps meaning that, you know each other well, already, so what
difference could one meeting make? Also perhaps that you're both so used
to each other, that you just keep on having contact, out of habit.

Thanks for your reading on this, it's taken me a bit of time to see what you were getting at there because there was nothing habitual about this meeting and of course I'd love to think what was said made some pennies drop. However, the way I'm feeling at the moment is 'why did I even bother' because I can't see how anything can change just because some stuff came out about my character (and strength and loyalty thereof) that seemed to shock him somewhat. So while the meeting wasn't habitual in any way, I guess it's my dejection in general that the iChing could be picking up on. Then from that dejection is my own sentiment that one meeting couldn't change anything.

tell me something I need to know about this belief'. 39.3 -> 8
There are obstacles ahead, this belief leads to obstacles, so turn
back to your friends (and discuss it with them perhaps). 8 refers
to a heartfelt union, unlike 45. A union with people out of feelings,
and not out of 'tradition' or just happening to belong to the same
group. And i'll guess that this would be what you'd really like with
him. An honest heartfelt union, which all parties mutually want.
As about if you can be the centre of union or not, i think in this
case you are the one in need of help, and 39:3 suggests that you go
back to your friends and unite with them.

It's amazing what misplaced hope can do, I didn't see how my belief is leading to obstacles ... my interpretation was that my belief is encountering obstacles at the moment . Yes I'd like a heartfelt union with him, we did have that and we both saw huge potential in growing that and making it a long-term thing. I guess my belief is in that potential as opposed to the reality that has unfolded. I really chose him on a very deep level and I got the sense that he chose me on the same level, it certainly felt that way and he certainly acted that way too.

As you said yourself, it takes two to share the same belief. And no
matter how compatible you are in other respects, if you're not compatible
in this (ie in wanting the same thing) then obviously a relationship cannot
happen. However i'll say this, since he still wants to see 'how it goes from
day to day' (!?) perhaps there's still a chance. Obviously, for some reason,
he still wants a bit of a hold on you. The reasons, in such cases, are usually
not good... but whatever his reasons are, they will become clear at some
point (at least to you, if not to himself).

You're right in everything you say there diamanda! I truly believe we do want the same things, but I think I'm maybe less scared of those things than he is ... he talks about needing to protect himself a lot, and as far as I'm concerned as long as he chooses that over being 'whole' and the vulnerability that entails, he'll not get what he really wants. I think the hold he still wants with me is because of what he saw in me in the first place, someone who has done the personal and spiritual work, someone he could believe in and who motivated him to be all he can be. Thing is that I believed in that higher part of him and his desire to be whole and choose integration over deconstruction (examples include him wanting to quit smoking and get fit 'for me', although when he said that I was having none of it, saying that it was all within himself to be able to choose those things - but you get the point, my influence seemed to make him want to choose better for himself. Guess what, he's put on weight and is smoking like a trooper since we broke up). Seems like he's lost that belief or something. Nothing I can do about that no matter how much I believe in that 'whole' him.

... no-one should accept a confused partner,
what we should want is a loving and committed partner! So, until he becomes
exactly that, i'd suggest leaving him on his own in his sea of confusion.)

I'll toast to that! Thanks so much diamanda, your answer has been very compassionate. I think I'll tattoo that last quote to the inside of my eyelids to remind me that no matter how beautiful the 'whole' him is, if he's only able to choose confusion at the moment I can't be a part of it, it's too damaging and not good enough for me.

There I said it - 'not good enough for me' . I can add that to the tattoo and all

Maybe I can now begin to think about walking away ... baby steps eh

Applegirl