Mental health and starting a family 18,1.4>14

[catbrown]

I have had depression on and off for around 15 years, and was recently diagnosed with bipolar2 (i didn't even know it came in different types until this year!). Anyway, I've slugged my way through another depressive episode this year and am once again getting things back on track, back to work, feeling pretty good and 'normal' again after being down and out for around three months. I'm in a great relationship and have been married for almost 2 years and I can't get away from the thought that I would love to start a family (something I've always wanted). BUT, I am afraid that I may have children and not be able to cope. Almost all my friends have children now, I have nieces and nephews who I love, and I am close to many little people in my life so I know that having children can bring it's own massive ups and downs to a couple, but for me, I wonder what if we have kids and I can't cope with those ups and downs, or they set me off on my own? Even with basic stuff like sleep deprivation my mood starts changing for the worse. But, then again my Grandmother had depression her whole life on and off and had three kids, and my aunty had bipolar and had four herself, including twins (unfortunately she has passed away since though) ... So if others can do it should I be so worried? Should I take the plunge. I asked the I CHING this particular question, 'what will be the result of my wife and I starting a family? this was my reading : 18,1.4 > 14. I would love the interpretation of anyone who is willing to consider my situation in the light of this reading.
Regards Cat

 

[susannah]

Hello Catbrown

I read to the end of your post and only then realised you're a man.
Not sure why that's relevant, except perhaps as a reflection of me. As a woman, I suppose my default position is to assume that so is the other anonymous person. So thank you for the clue. Perhaps, it was also because you seem to identify very closely with your female relatives.

I meant to start by saying congratulations on being able to say that you are in a great relationship and have been married for 2 years. Wish I could say that!
And, also, it's good to hear that you now have a correct diagnosis for your condition and are handling it better than may have done in the past.

Anyway, I'm answering you, at least in part, because I'm also grappling with an 18 reading. So maybe by helping you, I'll help myself

You have drawn dealing with Corruption turning to Great Possessions.

Overall I think this is positive. In essence;
Get a handle on your situation (which you've done/are doing, it's always going to be an ongoing process, that's life!) and you will be richly rewarded.

I wondered about the Great Possessions... would you be the main bread-winner? It can be a fear for many people about how will they afford a family. Would you both need to work or can one of you stay at home with the kids?
Gosh, I'm sorry, I'm very practical when I am advising people, and I seem to have stumbled into this world of the material. Let me get to back to something more worthwhile;
From Hilary
Look at the sequence of hexagrams, too, for advice. You can enjoy Great Possession, and Great Possession comes from creating Harmony among People. It makes sense if you think about what wealth really is - exchange, being able to participate at a high level in the flow of giving and receiving. The person with a crock of gold buried at the bottom of their garden is not rich .
http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?t=8765
So there is something here about creating harmony with people.. maybe little people

THE LINES
Six at the beginnig means:
Setting right what has been spoiled by the father.
If there is a son,
No blame rests upon the departed father.
Danger. In the end good fortune.

Rigid adherence to tradition has resulted in decay. But the decay has not yet penetrated deeply and so can still be easily remedied. It is as if a son were compensating for the decay his father allowed to creep in. Then no blame attaches to the father. However, one must not overlook the danger or take the matter too lightly. Only if one is conscious of the danger connected with every reform will everything go well in the end.

There is something here about inheritance, through the male line. I wonder if you are concerned your condition is "inheritable" and could be passed on? Yet you seem to associate it with the female line?
Also makes me wonder about your own relationship with your father. It is our same-sex parent that can influence our own view of our ability to be a parent. If you got a difficult/challenging message from him, it may follow that you think you also won't be a good enough parent...
the decay can be easily remedied so maybe these are just thought patterns that you can examine and eliminate?
There is also an element of planning in that last sentence so you are right to be questioning the whole babies/family/being a parent issue. Not because you have "issues" but because you are a sensible human being! And this is exactly what a good parent needs to be. Far too many people bring children into the world without thinking about the consequences. Just look at the teenage pregnancy rates for the UK! (Apologies to any teenage mums reading).

Six in the fourth place means:
Tolerating what has been spoiled by the father.
in continuing one sees humiliation.

This shows the situation of someone too weak to take measures against decay that has its roots in the past and is just beginning to manifest itself. It is allowed to run its course. If this continues, humiliation will result.

Gosh, that's a challenging line.
It seems point back to you being held back by past beliefs. Again, within your own family situation. There are "introjected" thoughts here, you are not being your authentic self. These thoughts seem to come from the family background.. either by example, absent parent etc.. or by being told or feeling you weren't good enough in some way.
That's how I see it anyway. Sorry if I'm wide of the mark.
What are your thoughts about this line?

At the end of the day, kids need love to thrive and that is the situation that you find yourself in, supported by a happy, loving marriage. And the love just grows when babies arrive. I found it hard having 2 kids close together and the 1st didn't sleep till he was 9 months, so your comment on sleep deprivation really hit home! Yet there are lots of babies that sleep through the night.

Overall, I think this reading says that you are right to question your motives.
Do you want children because everyone else has them?
Because you're married now and that's what married people do?
But also, don't let feelings of inferiority hold you back. Where do those feelings come from anyway? That's the root of what is to be examined.

You asked" what will be the result of my wife and I starting a family?" 14 Possession in Great Measure
How beautiful.
Shame I'm a bit far to offer baby-sitting services

 

[mirian]

Dear catbrown,

Hex 18 tells us about conditions that have deteriorated and therefore need fixing. What it is not working right has usually a strong connection with the past, as for instance behaviour that we inherit from our parents or practices that we adopt as right because they have been passed on from generation to generation. So, I think that you can start relating that to your own situation and question to the Y.

Line 1 advises you to take full responsibility for the decision and to be aware of the difficulties that lie ahead, which you are anyway. So, the fact that you have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder does not mean that you cannot start your family.

Line 4, however, is strongly advising you not to underestimate your condition and how it would impact on your family in the future. It looks to me that you cannot simply refer back to examples of your grandmother and aunt and assume that your situation would have a similar outcome. As Hex 18 is related to not so right patterns that keep repeating I tend to believe that you have to question those patterns.

Also, but that is my impression from line 4, it makes me think that if there is any other approach that you should be taking to your condition. I would raise questions like: Are you having the right treatment? Is there any other alternative that could work better? How this could be improved?

Hope that helps somehow:bows:

 

[ginnie]

I think you need to find out if your disorder is inherited. If so, I would really give a tremendous amount of thought as to whether or not I'd want to bring other human beings into this world who would suffer as you have, because when we have children we are passing along our genetic predispositions. In your post you gave a bit of info about your grandmother and aunt, so some degree of depression seems to run in your family. You can choose not to pass on those genes. If you have a strong desire to have children and the money to support them, you might consider adopting a child and see how that goes. I don't mean this reply to be a downer, but this is really serious stuff, inherited mental illness.

 

[catbrown]

Thanks Ginnie, I know inherited mental illness is a problem, I experience it first hand. But I'm also happy to be living this life, so luckily my mother and grandmother decided to have children themselves. I also really wanted a reading on my iching results as opposed to an informative post on my genetics and whether in your personal opinion I should consider passing them on because really that particular conversation is something I will be having with my partner not you.