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moving on 41>18

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oceangirl

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My landlady's a bit of a nutter (harmless) but it's annoying and she's no idea about personal boundaries and well she wants to be my new best friend, downloads her dramas and then in the next breath will start making sure I remember I'm the tenant.....she's hard work! I just want to do what I'm doing in my life, say hi when I see her, pay the rent etc. etc.
This is an example of her behaviour - Last night I'm sitting watching TV in my bedroom and intentionally didn't answer her knock at the door and she just kept knocking then opened (I can't lock it) and called out and I still didn't answer so she just kept coming until she got to my bedroom door which was open.... who does that. This morning I'm sewing and she just comes in to tell me something trivial and then turns the light off because she felt I've enough light via my sewing machine.....

Anyway the question is more like how can I change this energetically more than anything but the answer to the question looks like I'll literally have to move again (grooooaaaan)!!

Please she me the way to move the relationship to a different dynamic

Hexagram 41.1.3>18

Decrease makes sense for sure and Hexagram 18 Corruption does to but Line 1 talks about finishing something so I can move on but there's nothing (except maybe karma) that I need to finish

Line 3 looks to me like I either find somewhere else to live with somewhere else or I find a partner that makes her stop bothering me.
 
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Thinkclear

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Anyway the question is more like how can I change this energetically more than anything but the answer to the question looks like I'll literally have to move again (grooooaaaan)!!
Personally I don't think the Yi igives you the advice to move again.
If you think this is something energetical, than what does this situation reflect back to what you are doing energetically right here and now?

In that light it seems to me that the Yi is advising you to set boundaries. Maybe LiSe's translation of hex. 41 is more clear.

hex. 41
Get rid of all conditioning and forms. You think you need them for being present in the world, for being visible, being you. But what they do is hide you. They hide your soul, your essence, your creativity, and they can even destroy all this.
If you dare to be your naked self, you will be amazed how great and rich it is. Diminishing is augmenting. Only an empty cauldron can receive others and blessings.
An empty mind is able to do anything. No forms means no limits, no dogma means no restrictions. No future means eternity, no past means no guilt.
Let go in order to find.
Are you to nice to your landlady out of fear of hurting her feelings or to be thrown out?

line 1
Do not become a slave of your duties and not of your wishes. Do what you think you should do, but give people a more important place than your affairs. It is all about increase, and it is only real increase when it includes those around you.
The duty refers to beings nice to your landlady etc.

line 3
Power always has a source. Anything which happens, needs this strong source. It is great to do things together, but the power will only be strong if there is one person who is this source. Having several sources may work, but not without troubles. Someone leaving, some things not working, no clear results. But if there is this one strong source, others will join, things will happen.
With hex. 18 in mind (Wilhelm/Baynes translation: Decay, LiSe's translation: Can 'o Worms) it seems that the Yi gives you in line 3 the advice to "repair" your energetical being.
Power always has a source, but the absence of (personal) power, in this situation setting clear boundaries, also has its source. Take a look inside and look for the reason you do not set boundaries with your landlady (or in general).

LiSe's translation hex 18 (part)
Everybody has alien influences embedded in his soul or body. Many are hidden; one does not even know they exist. It seems as if they are part of the personality. Especially those one collected in childhood. In order to live one’s own life and one’s own fate, one has to get rid of them. The more one succeeds, the more happiness, strength and health will come back.
So to me this once again indicates that something need to be 'repaired'/healed inside.

You asked the Yi "to move the relationship to a different dynamic" and it has given you a perfect answer in my opinion ;)
 
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oceangirl

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Thank you and yes it has - not surprising!! Learning all the time.
 
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Thinkclear

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I would like to add somthing:
Anyway the question is more like how can I change this energetically more than anything but the answer to the question looks like I'll literally have to move again (grooooaaaan)!!
My answer is "that I don't think the Yi gives you the advice to move again".
What I mean is that I don't think that the Yi is giving you as answer to your question, to move.
It might be that as a result of your inner transformation you will move to a new house, but that than is the result of your inner work and not a 'running away from'.
 
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oceangirl

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Yes I understood what you were saying - my gf keeps saying time to move but I really don't think that's the answer in terms of the way to 'fix' this issue or 'running away' as you put it
 

steve

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Hi

I couldnt help but comment, I cannot stand unannounced guests, I have been in very similar situations, I found this advice just now.

Wu: He stops doing his own things, and swiftly goes forward. There will be no blame. He should consider limiting the loss. in relation to line 1

I get a feeling it may be to action something quickly like a lock. That should stop her in her tracks as well, you could always just say you dont feel safe without a lock and you are just about to have a shower. The lock is a good boundary setter for anyone.

Line 3 Maybe to invite other friends over then you could always say I have guests while the door is locked, you could still remain friends by being polite.

Wu: When three persons walk, one will be left out. When one walks alone, he will find a friend.

Hexagram 18 is to me this situation needs to be fixed asap before it does escalate. I always find this hexagram to mean you should fix things as soon as you can, When I get it in readings about work its a clear indication to fix issues before they become one big issue. I am aussie like yourself and think sometimes of hexagram 18 as spot fires in the bush, put them out before you have a full scale fire on your hands. Without being dramatic I think subtle actions may do the trick.

My experience is that people with boundary issues need to be stopped early before they get too comfortable and start setting their own boundaries in their mind in your life. Get down to Bunnings and get a new lock and ask a friend or someone to install it. Then you have one issue fixed, she cant waltz in when she wants.
Take it from there

Steve
 
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oceangirl

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Thanks Steve it's not possible to install a lock though I guess I could put a door stopper in so she can't actually push the door open. I'm more hoping she walk in when I've just walked out of the shower as I walk from the bathroom to my room in the nude - I don't care if she sees me but she might. My gf told me to get a dildo and leave it lying around haha actually two of my gf's suggested it - the landladys very conservative she'd probably pass out in shock!!
 

steve

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LOL

I didnt think she could rent the place without a proper lock, if y6u cant get a lock i would ask the Yi "how do i set the boundaries" that seems to be the question, how to go about it? I suppose you kind of did ask that. I just meant a direct question,
The advice seems to suggest you need to do something.

Steve
 
T

Thinkclear

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LOL

I didnt think she could rent the place without a proper lock, if y6u cant get a lock i would ask the Yi "how do i set the boundaries" that seems to be the question, how to go about it? I suppose you kind of did ask that. I just meant a direct question,
The advice seems to suggest you need to do something.

Steve
You seem to talk in circles :D.
Read the first post again and see what see asked. Although your advice is a good one, it is in my opinion not the answer to her question, being:
Anyway the question is more like how can I change this energetically more than anything but the answer to the question looks like I'll literally have to move again (grooooaaaan)!!

Please she me the way to move the relationship to a different dynamic
As a temporary solution she cerainly should do something physically about the situation, but for the long run a pattern needs to be changed, otherwise it probably will come up again in some other situation. The way I see it is that the Yi is referring to that. Giving a direct answer to her question.
 

steve

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I see what you mean but its hard setting boundaries with landlords or a fear perhaps but I suppose you are right if it can be done. On the other hand the woman is way out of line in the first place and in my opinion making things awkward.
My experience is that you can change or say all you want but that doesnt mean that will work either, enforcing your own boundaries is what I find works best. I dont think a lock is temporary, its there for a reason. My thoughts are that if she a talks to her landlady about boundaries then there is a good chance she is going to be offended. My thoughts are a lock or a door stopper then she doesnt have to say a word. I just get the feeling that if the landlady is crossing these boundaries already then she is either to too stupid to know it or doesnt care. So how do you have a boundary talk with a stranger anyway. Boundary talks I think are for close friends and family. Dogs locks and gates are best suited to annoying neighbour's.
It just my opinion based on what i see from the lines and my experience, sure if she can get the message across without causing friction then great. If she cannot the situation gets even more awkward.

Line 1 is about limiting Oceangirl's current loss, in my eyes correcting that asap.

Steve
 

moss elk

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line 1 seems to be about you not rushing to interact with her every time she wants.

Your rest is rushed and passed by,
your solitude is rushed and passed by,
your peace is rushed and neglected.

So, you don't have to get angry or leave. Passive resistence.
Put a door stop under the door.
When she pounds, ignore her.
The next day show her your ear plugs and sleeping mask and say, 'Oh! I use these things to sleep, so I won't hear you when you try to visit at night, don't take it personally.'
(knowing that you did it entirely in response to her person)
 
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oceangirl

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Thanks for all your responses. So far I'm doing the passive resistance thing and when she does what she does I don't interact with her unless she asks me something directly. She's starting to appear somewhat nervous when she speaks to me, which is sad for her, but perhaps a learning curve for her also.
The thing is I'm a very friendly and kind person and I guess that's where people think I don't have boundaries - I had another very recent thread on here about my boss trying to kinda push me around so to me the two are relative. I treated him the same way in terms of passive resistance and he changed the way he was treating me and we went back to the friendly and lovely interaction we started with before he started being a 'dick'!!

So I guess Reducing Hex 41 the way I was interacting with her is Repairing Hex 18 the dynamics.
 

Trojina

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This is an example of her behaviour - Last night I'm sitting watching TV in my bedroom and intentionally didn't answer her knock at the door and she just kept knocking then opened (I can't lock it) and called out and I still didn't answer so she just kept coming until she got to my bedroom door which was open.... who does that.
No one. It's an invasion of privacy and of course you ought to be able to lock your door, that's a fundamental human right surely. The only place you cannot lock your door and choose who enters is prison, hospital and being a small child and maybe hostels. You aren't any of those.

I think a door lock is fundamental to one's sanity.
Please she me the way to move the relationship to a different dynamic

Hexagram 41.1.3>18
A door you can lock. Why is there no lock ? Surely locks automatically change the dynamic. They give you privacy. You shouldn't need to psychologize this, it's too fundamental.

Like if you don't have car locks you don't spend time thinking of how to psychically protect the car, you just get locks don't you ?

I did live upstairs in a woman's house once. She advertised it as a flat wit it's own bathroom and kitchen but it was just the upstairs. She used to come upstairs and turn off the radiators !! She would use the bathroom and move my things. Not even remotely acceptable. She wasn't abusive or unpleasant as such I think she just saw me as a guest in her house rather than a person with a private apartment.

I didn't argue or anything I just found somewhere else after 10 months. It's not worth making a bad atmosphere when sharing a premises. Nonetheless if these people want to rent out their rooms they need to be aware of other's privacy needs.

It is very uncomfortable to come home and find one's things moved and it is very uncomfortable for someone to walk straight into your bedroom !

18 advises this is a situation to be corrected. I do think line 3 advises you to find a place more your own, unless she's not that bad for now ? 18 can refer to any kind of reparation it need not be psychological.
 
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oceangirl

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Thanks for responding Trojina...the reason there's no lock, is it's a similar set up as you describe you had where she invaded your space so it's a bit tricky to be exacting in changing the dynamic. I'm learning a lot about myself and making that into a positive although that doesn't take away from the inappropriateness of her behaviour does it really. I am looking out for another place but I don't want to run away from a bad situation just to find myself in another one as it seems I've done before more than once. It's so weird to me that she just doesn't see what she's doing and the same she's acting as if I'm a guest and not a boarder paying her good money.
 
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oceangirl

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Unfortunately nothing's really changed here at all.....I'm dealing with it better but at the same time it's becoming increasingly hard not to say something harsh to her when she oversteps the boundaries. The more I withdraw, the more she gets in my face so to speak.

How would it benefit me to actually talk to her about the boundary issues

Hexagram 43.3.5>54

Oh yes I'm certainly treated like I'm in a secondary position - as long as I'm meeting her needs and play a supporting role for her download she's happy...

Having to decide hex 43 where I stand in this situation (OMG so frustrating) and whether to make a clean break from her.
Line 3 - going on alone looks like just keep doing my own thing and Line 5 seems to say just wait for things to evolve in their own natural time.
The problem is there are so few rentals that are affordable for me, I did look at one the other day but it doesn't feel right to me, a couple of anomolies that's for sure.
 
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oceangirl

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So if it's not one thing it's another and it doesn't matter what I do or say to try and alleviate things whether I'm passive or I speak up she will just find another thing to focus on. I've finally realised she likes to pray on your weaknesses and she can never, ever be in the wrong so there really is just no point in saying anything at all.
This morning she started on at me again and I reminded her that I don't need the pressure whilst I'm going through this trauma counseling but it made no difference at all, as if she didn't even hear me....before I started the actual trauma counseling EMDR the counselor said you must have equilibrium in your life as best you can but clearly I'm in an abusive situation with absolutely nowhere else to move to that would be any better so to speak.

How best can I get through this enviable situation at this time

Hexagram 58.2.5>51

Yes it's totally shaking me up Hex 51 but I'm really not finding any Joy Hex 58

Line 2 - I'm definitely not taking any pleasures to try to alleviate this situation - perhaps she gets pleasure out of harassing me to get through this herself....she does it to her sister, pushes and pushes her until they end up in an argument - I've seen it and heard it.
Line 5 - I'm really not sure how to guard against her harassment because I don't know what she's going to find to harass me about.
I don't do anything abnormal and I've spoken to others about this dilemma and they just say she's obvious got issues and mental health problems but unfortunately that doesn't really help.

Clearly the only thing to do is move.
 

equinox

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Yes it's totally shaking me up Hex 51 but I'm really not finding any Joy Hex 58

Line 2 - I'm definitely not taking any pleasures to try to alleviate this situation - perhaps she gets pleasure out of harassing me to get through this herself....she does it to her sister, pushes and pushes her until they end up in an argument - I've seen it and heard it.
Line 5 - I'm really not sure how to guard against her harassment because I don't know what she's going to find to harass me about.
58>51
Do not allow her to compromise your bright nature. Do not let her get to you, stay friendly (in a distant way), but be firm in setting your boundaries. That includes as well not to lose yourself inwardly in focussing on her issues.
The other reading 11>40 showed that you will have good fortune in finding something better, even if it may take while.
Trust in it.
 
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oceangirl

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Thankyou - that makes sense.....in a funny roundabout way I had so much support from others today. I was considering moving away from the area but someone has offered a potential business opportunity so that's made me rethink.
 

steve

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I was thinking that maybe she needs the money as much as you need the room, maybe say look I am going to need a lock on my door if i am going to stay, would that be okay as I say I think its that or move again.
People like that advertise cause they need the money, maybe hexagram 54 is saying you feel like the victim but you may be not as much one as you thought or this part needs to be corrected.
I understand completely how you feel, just ask if she says no then clearly you know her motives.
To be honest she doesnt sound very intelligent must be a way to out smart her.

Call her bluff

Steve
 
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oceangirl

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Hi Steve - oh no she definitely doesn't need the money, I know that for a fact - she's just plain greedy through and through. She started hassling me for more money because of her greed - there's so much more to this than I post here - she finds out people's weaknesses and goes out of her way to be mean and horrible to them. I've become friends with one of the neighbours and they've told me stories about what she did to the last tenant and how she used to be knocking on their door all the time when she first moved into this house 18 months ago....so this is not personal towards me but unfortunately it's very hard to deal with when you're on your own like me. The other neighbours next to me are so lovely as well and they don't like her either.
 

steve

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damn, pity the neighbours dont have a spare room, i would only rent a room out 1 if i needed the money or a friend or family member was in dire straights, why is she renting rooms she sounds quite mad

Steve
 

steve

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just ask her about the lock and see what she says or ask the YI it might be favourable
she actually starting to annoy ME now, grrr

Steve
 
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oceangirl

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haha not surprising - no I've managed to block her without a lock, so she's found something else. She started hassling me when I went into her to pay the rent this morning.
 

steve

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Ok well back to the original cast you have managed the first step, I think YI was advising you in hindsight this is not going to be a one step process, its reminding me of game of chess

Steve
 
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oceangirl

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With hex. 18 in mind (Wilhelm/Baynes translation: Decay, LiSe's translation: Can 'o Worms) it seems that the Yi gives you in line 3 the advice to "repair" your energetical being.
Power always has a source, but the absence of (personal) power, in this situation setting clear boundaries, also has its source. Take a look inside and look for the reason you do not set boundaries with your landlady (or in general).

LiSe's translation hex 18 (part)
So to me this once again indicates that something need to be 'repaired'/healed inside.

You asked the Yi "to move the relationship to a different dynamic" and it has given you a perfect answer in my opinion ;)
I would like to add something:
My answer is "that I don't think the Yi gives you the advice to move again".
What I mean is that I don't think that the Yi is giving you as answer to your question, to move.
It might be that as a result of your inner transformation you will move to a new house, but that than is the result of your inner work and not a 'running away from'.




After rereading this thread again last night it all started to really make sense to me and these words have helped me a lot, more so last night when I realised how much I got caught up in her vortex of issues.
Particularly the underlined above.
 

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