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multiple throws; need perspective here

philish

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Okay. Here I am delicately reconstructing an budding relationship that imploded a year back. We made some positive steps this summer, but I think I blundered this week and sent out an invitation that he wasn't ready for. He responded in a timely way, but his response was a bit of a polite lie. "Would love to meet up, but I'm heading to Europe..." I'm all for politeness, but I'd rather have an honest response. I also value how this connection is forcing me to look at some of my less mature relating skills, so I really want to say and do the better thing here. Better= different than I've done in the past. My weekly reading for this week warned me not to fly too high/expect too much (62.2,4,6). Flexibility would be key.

A little background: This person is enjoying (in professional terms) a little revival of his career, and I know he's terribly busy. He works at a VERY high level in his field (probably the reason I got the 53.6 response), and is truly a workaholic. Or at least has been. It's an exhausting existence that requires a lot of travel.

Why would I find this attractive? I love his work. I was trained in this field, and though I did not stay in the field I understand it. And I like the idea of someone who isn't in my life moment by moment; my daughter consumes most of my attention and energy and I need someone who can really stand on his own and get most of emotional needs met elsewhere. I just divorced a very needy person who was not helping me develop my own independence, so I certainly don't want to go back there.

And yes, I am considering whether I should just file this connection under "It was a nice idea..."

Any help?

Most important thing to know about response: 53.6>39
All he can do is throw me a feather now and then?

Huh? Can you explain? 64.3,5,6>28

How sincere was he by saying he'd love to meet up? 9.5>61
Maybe not so sincere there.

What effect did X intend by this message? 46

did I mess up? 13.5,6>55

Then I LOST all my notes in one keystroke this morning. :rant:

So I took a deep breath and asked the Ching (very nicely) to give me a new reading or two.

Where do I stand with X? 15.6>52

What's the next best thing to do here? 49.3,4>25

General diagnosis of relationship: 47 (OY.)
My part: 13.2,4,5>26
His part: 35

Any help in giving me perspective on my next steps? I need others' eyes on this one.
 

rosada

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My total impression of your hexagrams is that all is not lost and that you should take his response at face value, that is, that he really would like to connect but he is indeed off to Europe. I suggest you email him back something simple and encouraging like, "Hey, way cool, have a great trip!"

rosada
 

philish

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Thanks, Rosada.

Can you explain your reasoning behind the interpretation that he's being sincere? I'm not challenging you; I need insight because I read 9.5 as the inner truth being two people (or two parts of one person) at odds with one another. They fail to connect because something is missing. The image is not pleasant. My question was about sincerity, so I assumed it was the sincerity that was missing.

Whoa! Sorry! I got 9.3 on is he being sincere. That's NOT 9.5.
 

rosada

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Well, you've asked a lot of questions and I'm not a very good typist but I'll try to respond to a few.
61. Inner Truth is the hexagram I equate with sincerity, so for you to get it in response to an actual question about sincerity seems important.

61.3 may be worth considering:

"He finds a comrade.
Now he beats the drum, now he stops.
Now he sobs, now he sings."

This suggests to me that you two are comrades, friends
 

philish

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Looking back through the reading I plucked this from the "what is my position?" I think it helps me understand the relative importance of 9.3. This is from LiSe's site:

9 at 4: War-chariots against a rampart. Not able to attack. Auspicious.
Not everything one knows or sees has to be said. The other person may not want or need it, and maybe it is even injurious. Worst of all is to make others feel inferior or incompetent. When your irritation gets too big to restrain is your own fault, no reason can account for that.
(Changes to hex.37)

I think this means we sometimes overlook polite lies because we all need a safety zone for our faults and limitations. We say we want the unvarnished truth, but we don't. I need to park my fears and my war chariot.

One of the reasons I pursued this offer was when I asked how X would likely respond, the Yi said, 44.5>50. Just found one of my first throws after I got the email: "What now?" 44.2,3,5>35

I go yin. Submit to Heaven and stop beating myself up.
 

philish

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Sorry. Crossed posts. Here's what LiSe says about 61.3, which translates as one's equal enemy, not comrade. To me this suggests I'm more like a respected foe.

6 at 3: Finding one's equal enemy. Some drum, some freeze, some weep, some sing.
When circumstances are dangerous, one can see people’s truth. Keep your eyes open, next time you will know beforehand what you can expect of everyone. These are the real lessons about mankind, not only about others, but above all about yourself.
(Changes to hex.9)

Honestly, I still think this was a polite lie because I threw something at him he had not signaled he was ready for. Maybe I'm a friendly challenger?

At any rate, I'm not rejecting your advice to simply say enjoy the trip. I think that's the least I could do, for politeness' sake. I also don't want to encourage any more polite lies.
 

philish

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Had a look 'round at other 61.3 answers, and they point to moodiness and lack of centeredness, like one in love who has lost their own self-direction.

I can see where 61.3 would be an appropriate background for the husband and wives looking askance. Nobody is stable here.
 

willowfox

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Most important thing to know about response: 53.6>39 I think that you should realize that he is indeed busy and he knows full well of your interest in him but he cannot meet at the moment due to external hindrances.


Huh? Can you explain? 64.3,5,6>28 It would appear that he is just not ready to go cavorting with you as there are really things that he needs to deal with.

How sincere was he by saying he'd love to meet up? 9.3>61 This says that you were the person who pushed the boat out and but it was never meant to be, so now you feel offended by the truth but it suggests that he was being sincere.


What effect did X intend by this message? 46 Try again, on a better day.

did I mess up? 13.5,6>55 No, you just asked at the wrong time. As you can see, now you are upset but later you will get over it and chat again.




Where do I stand with X? 15.6>52 You are on hold.

What's the next best thing to do here? 49.3,4>25 This suggests that you don't go charging back at him, think before you speak again with him, and then be calm and friendly to him.


Any help in giving me perspective on my next steps? I need others' eyes on this one.
Reply With Quote
 

philish

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Yes, indeed: wrong tide. Just wanted to make sure I hadn't picked the wrong boat, too.

Thanks to both of you, Rosada and WF. And I mean that. :bows: I'm getting better at my own readings, but this was definitely a case for getting another person's opinion.

I think the most profitable thing I can do now (besides respond as you both suggested) is have a look at what brought out so much fear and mistrust within me in this episode. In fact, if I'm honest with myself, I have to say that fear and mistrust probably motivated the invitation, which explains why I was beside myself about it and the response. If we ever do meet I certainly don't want to bring along that baggage! :duh: Been working at dumping it all this while, and yet there's still some cluttering my brain.

But I'll cut myself a little slack; email correspondence is a dodgy way to renew an acquaintance. I say, Bring back old fashioned letters!! :flirt: At least I can perform handwriting analysis on those. :mischief:

Thanks again.
 

tigerintheboat

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Engage in Self Discipline

Whenever I ask that many questions about a topic, I know I have lost my self-discipline. It is hard enough to absorb one or two readings...a dozen is more than I can handle. I have always thought afterwards that more than a couple of readings on one subject in close succession is a mistake for me.

So the reading of yours that caught my eye was:

Where do I stand with X? 15.6>52

I read that as Engage in Self-Discipline (H15.6 --chastise the capital city) and keep a low profile, flying close to the ground. (H52).

Tiger
 

philish

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Yes, TITB. This resonates with my weekly reading.

I responded in a calm and friendly way. No questions, no demands. Wished him well and shared a little anecdote about my girl, as I usually do. The exchange is complete now.

Which is well, as we're finishing a dark moon phase. And dark moons have a little of the obsessive touch to them with unresolved issues. If I want to put this behind me and move on, now's a good time to wrap it up.

I will continue to keep my low profile. Doing otherwise would not make any sense at all.

Thanks for responding!
 

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