my brother 35.1 > 21

[beatpoet]

My brother is going througha very difficult time. Being his only sibling, I am trying to be there for him and when he asks, advise him. His marriage i s just difficult. My sister-in-law is a challenge for us all. Our approach to date is to pour love on it. We are all aware of her very difficult childhood, so we have a tendency to see current events in light of that. I am of the opinion that in some ways it keeps her unaccountable. There is a young child involved so we are all very mindful of that. My brother worries about leaving the marriage for fear that my sis in law is truly not well (I won't trouble here with all the details), but clearly has some challenging psychological issues.

My brother is torn. Therefore, we have a bit of flip flopping going on. So to better understand, I asked yi:

Does he intend to leave the marriage?

35.1> 21

See the issue is that if down deep he really does want to leave the marriage, then I want to support him in that.

It seems from my read that he wants to, but is afraid to. 21 is a background for legal action, but could also mean "biting through " the issues that concern him. Or I guess it could mean, he isn't ready yet and wants to work further on it. Almost a middle path which we have discussed recently. I feel too close to the matter and would love any feedback.

In so many ways, I am concerned now for his own well being​. While he is strong, he has a tendency to try to be perfect. His health is compromised. He is an older parent.

Thanks for any additional insight.

beatpoet.

 

[Trojina]

My brother is torn. Therefore, we have a bit of flip flopping going on. So to better understand, I asked yi:

Does he intend to leave the marriage?

35.1> 21

Surely to better understand you would ask him not Yi. Asking about the motivations of others is not a great angle from which to understand answers at all.

If you want to help him then ask from your own POV about how you can best help him. All you can get from posting about his intentions here are a group of strangers guesses about what your brother will do. Why would you want that. Only he knows.

See the issue is that if down deep he really does want to leave the marriage, then I want to support him in that.

So maybe ask about how best to support him rather than try to read his mind ?

It seems from my read that he wants to, but is afraid to. 21 is a background for legal action, but could also mean "biting through " the issues that concern him. Or I guess it could mean, he isn't ready yet and wants to work further on it. Almost a middle path which we have discussed recently. I feel too close to the matter and would love any feedback.

It could mean anything, it's all guess work and a waste of effort guess work too IMO. You are trying to read his mind and all you end up with is speculation. If you cannot ask him directly without him answering you directly then it isn't information he wants to share with you.

All you really need to know is how best to support him. What his intentions are is for him to know and share if he wishes

 

[beatpoet]

Hi Trojina,

Perhaps I wasn't clear in my post. I HAVE asked him. This is what I meant by this:

My brother is torn. Therefore, we have a bit of flip flopping going on. So to better understand, I asked yi:

And my purpose is this:

See the issue is that if down deep he really does want to leave the marriage, then I want to support him in that.

Because he is like this:

While he is strong, he has a tendency to try to be perfect.

When people are confused, you know how it is, they can be afraid of admitting what they really want deep down. We speak often on the topic for the past couple of months which in terms of my brother means it has reached beyond what he can handle. I was merely asking the yi for insight on did he really intend to leave or are we dealing with just releasing frustration. I certainly don't want to find myself making points about his wife since later it could cause him discomfort in the future if he is just seeking some relief.

Hope this makes my interest in feedback on the line clearer!

beatpoet.

 

[beatpoet]

My brother

Hi Trojina,

Perhaps I wasn't clear in my post. I HAVE asked him. This is what I meant by this:

My brother is torn. Therefore, we have a bit of flip flopping going on. So to better understand, I asked yi:

And my purpose is this:

See the issue is that if down deep he really does want to leave the marriage, then I want to support him in that.

Because he is like this:

While he is strong, he has a tendency to try to be perfect.

When people are confused, you know how it is, they can be afraid of admitting what they really want deep down. We speak often on the topic for the past couple of months which in terms of my brother means it has reached beyond what he can handle. I was merely asking the yi for insight on did he really intend to leave or are we dealing with just releasing frustration. I certainly don't want to find myself making points about his wife since later it could cause him discomfort in the future if he is just seeking some relief.

Hope this makes my interest in feedback on the line clearer!

beatpoet.

 

[Trojina]

Ah right so even he doesn't know if he intends to leave his wife ? He wants to know what his motivation or desire is ?

35.1 from Hilary's translation in wiki

'Now flourishing, now stopped.
Constancy, good fortune.
Empty of truth and confidence.
Enriched, no mistake.'​

I think this says sometimes you can put all of your best intentions into something and still not get the warm response you'd like but it's okay, Yi is comforting I think saying it's still not wrong to keep trying. Hilary's commentary is helpful on this one, if you don't have her book then you need it.

The point is here not to think/say 'OMG this isn't working I quit' but simply stay the course and let things come into their own when the time is right.

That's the theory. In practice the line is hard to live through because when one tries to offer one's best but it is not well received it is very disheartening. But rather than be disheartened Yi says remaining constant is good.

If the answer shows his own motivation then it seems to me he may be sorely disheartened but wants to persist...but actually I don't think it's showing him except to show him disheartened. I think this is advice from Yi to stay with it. It really seems the best thing to stay with it and not mind too much when efforts are not rewarded because still, out of all this come enrichment eventually.

Also he is in 35, a time of headway and progress, it's only at line 1 he meets a a lack of appreciation, that doesn't mean he needs to give up.

 

[beatpoet]

This was truly helpful. Thank you, Trojina. I think it is also accurate as I sense in him that he truly is disheartened, but yet trudging forward. He told me with a few weeks "I don't want to break up my family." Two days ago: "I can't do this anymore. I don't have so much time in life left. I want to spend it in peace and pursuing my art."

See to me this may sound like a flip flop. Maybe for him it like pieces in a mosaic. No duality just parts of a whole picture. That is why I sought help from the Yi, I don't know where to rah rah:

ompom:

I want to be there for him since my sis in law is truly unconscious. Can't expect a child to do calculus. I mean she doesn't have certain skills and she really is a challenged personality. One of those ppl who literally manage to create conflict wherever she goes. All her relationships end whether it be work colleagues or friends. My brother is the only continuous force and us.

Thank you so much!

beatpoet.