Need resolution for my sanity....6.5>64

[oceangirl]

Further to this very recent thread re my landlady https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?25209-Hexagram-26

She told me to pay up or a months notice - I restrained myself and have said nothing to her until a natural resolution comes. This morning however I had to talk to her because my power shut down and quite a big argument ensued as she wouldn't let up and bullied and bullied me about this pay up/months notice issue. I kept telling her to be quiet and I would let her know on Tuesday after I speak it through with my counsellor but she just went on and on. Then I walked out and 5 minutes later she came into my personal quarters and off she went again and has now decided to change the rules even further.

How would it benefit me just to pay the extra money she is asking

Hexagram 6.5>64

This just looks like we've just laid our 'cards on the table' but still no resolution Hexagram 64 Not Yet Across.
Unfortunately I may have no choice unless I wish to be homeless.

What is the resolution for my present living circumstances to become stable

Hexagram 38.1.2.4>23

I'm reading Hexagram 23 as me packing up my belongings in my present accommodation.
Hex 37 speaks as the Home being exhausted and Hex 38 Opposing follows - this looks like yes time to move from this home as we have just to high level opposing views which are shown in Lines 1 and 2.
Line 4 - I do feel very isolated and alone in this situation as there just doesn't seem to be a way to get around her continual demands but it seems to show me meeting someone that can help me out in terms of accommodation.

 

[Olga Super Star]

Excuse me, isn't 6.5>64 the only line where arguing is encouraged?!?!
Tell her she can't change the rules even further, what is decided is decided
As for the month's notice, was that agreed? Do you have a contract? If you haven't signed anything, meaning she's not paying taxes, just say Hello Goodbye Aufiedersehen and leave when you have decided to.

 

[oceangirl]

I would leave Olga if I had a place to go to that's for sure - but thanks

 

[Olga Super Star]

I meant leave without giving the notice she requires and without paying more than agreed. You have the universe on your side. It says good fortune.

 

[oceangirl]

.............

 

[equinox]

6.5 --> you will be the "victor" in this conflict, but it's necessary to see the "great man", you need help from somebody, I think of someone with a professional background.

38.1.2.4

38 of course describes the enstrangement and distress you are in.
38.1--> your peace of mind is gone, but it will be back. Try to relax and to collect your strength.
38.2 -->I see "the lane" as a metaphor for the little room for manouvre you have. But you will find help from a "master" (again I think of a professional or another helpful person with knowledge or/and power) Maybe a laywer should write a letter to her and threat to sue her. This could be the only thing impressing her after all you told about her personality.
38.4 --> again, it seems to be clear that there is an ally helping you.
And yes, maybe someone that can help you out in terms of accommodation.

 

[oceangirl]

Thanks blackmilk for always being willing to help me gain perspective.
I'm going to yoga four times a week at present for just $10...a beautiful gift from a caring teacher and that's helping to try and maintain my equilibrium through all of this.
I met someone today who's offered me a place to live temporarily if nothing else becomes available in time.

 

[Trojina]

My counsellor has known my landlady for years as we live in a small town and they're in the same age bracket and made mention of her poor long suffering exhusband at our last session. I mentioned to her during our argument today that I would have to speak to him about her ultimatum before I could make my decision in the hope she would feel humiliated enough to put a stop to all this nonsense so maybe he's the power of authority here.
I met someone today who's offered me a place to live temporarily if nothing else becomes available in time.

Apologies for butting in without having engaged in the thread, I'm not well at the moment, but I have to say what you say regarding your counsellor rings alarm bells in terms of boundaries.

If I understand this right your counsellor has been speaking to you about the ex husband of your landlady whom he knows personally. This isn't what a counselor should do according to their ethical code is it ? That is I don't think your counsellor ought to be discussing your landlady's ex husband with you at all, it is unprofessional surely ?

Also when you say this

I mentioned to her during our argument today that I would have to speak to him about her ultimatum before I could make my decision in the hope she would feel humiliated enough to put a stop to all this nonsense so maybe he's the power of authority here.

Do you mean that during your argument with your landlady you said you would need to speak to the counsellor about the ultimatum the landlady gave you ?

If you do mean that then this is getting very messy with all kinds of boundaries going awry. However awful the landlady is your counsellor had no right to give you private information about her ex husband. Then you are going to use the information this counsellor ought not to have given you at all to humiliate the landlady ?? Liss surely this is not how counsellors should be used or should act. Don't get me wrong I'm not siding with the landlady but nonetheless a counsellor should not be gossiping and giving out personal information about others that their clients can use against those others. It's appalling !

As for him, I guess you mean the counsellor being 'the power of authority here', well no of course he's not. I don't think you should be bringing your counsellor into the argument with your landlady He has no authority at all outside of his role as your counsellor. He ought to know better than this.

Keep your counsellor out of discussions with your landlady, why would you bring him into it anyway ? Perhaps advise him that he is breaking boundaries/codes of ethics by gossiping about people he knows, giving you information about them so you can use that against them. I think this is awful.

Unless I have misunderstood then frankly he ought to be struck off. It is absolutely no this job to intervene or to be used as some kind of intermediary in the battle with your landlady. Everything you do with counsellor should be between you and him and you cannot IMO say to the landlady you need to talk to the counsellor in order to know what to do as if he is the authority in this. He isn't you are. He's just a counsellor, it's not his role to take part in battles between people least of all in a small town.

Also consider if he is this loose in telling you all about the landlady's ex husband what do you think he will say to others about you ? If she finds out he has been talking to you about her ex husband in the role of a professional counsellor she would have just cause to make a complaint against him. I know I would.

It reminds of a comedy sketch in the TV series Little Britain where as soon as the client has gone the therapist rings his friends and chats about his clients.

Do you trust this counsellor and is a counsellor enough for what you want one for ? I would have thought a fully trained psychotherapist would be a lot better than a counsellor here. At least a psychotherapist would know better than to gossip about other people in sessions. Really, confidentiality is a pretty basic rule he has somehow failed to grasp.

 

[equinox]

I thought the counsellor we are talking about is a lawyer respectively a legal professional?
... since you, oceangirl, said in one of the last threads, that you'll apply online for being called back by a advisory centre.

 

[Trojina]

I thought the counsellor we are talking about is a lawyer respectively a legal professional?

Lawyers aren't usually called counsellors - unless they are in Australia.

No, Liss just began having therapy or rather counselling sessions for sexual abuse so I think she is talking about that counsellor. She has made no mention of a legal advisor in this thread that I can see.

Actually a legal adviser couldn't go blabbing about the landlady's ex husband either. It wouldn't be professional.

I will check to see if I missed anything. It's possible

... since you, oceangirl, said in one of the last threads, that you'll apply online for being called back by a advisory centre.

she said her counsellor lived in the same town as her though so that doesn't sound the same as an advisory centre.

We will have to wait for Liss to tell us but whether this is a counsellor, ie someone who helps people with mental/emotional issues or a legal counsellor they still can't gossip about the landlady's ex husband and pretend any degree of professional integrity.

 

[equinox]

Lawyers aren't usually called counsellors - unless they are in Australia.

No, Liss just began having therapy or rather counselling sessions for sexual abuse so I think she is talking about that counsellor. She has made no mention of a legal advisor in this thread that I can see.

Actually a legal adviser couldn't go blabbing about the landlady's ex husband either. It wouldn't be professional.

I will check to see if I missed anything. It's possible

I think I start to confuse things -- I know that oceangirl has a therapist, but I thought she also has a legal professional at her side now since she said, that she'll apply online for being called back by a advisory centre.
I agree that it is not okay to gossip about clients -- and for the case that he is a therapist and the landlady's husband is a former client and it was something he told him confidentially, then it is even something he could lose his job over -- and it would be justified.
And if he is a therapist then he is of course not an authority that is helpful or responsible to bring this landlady to her senses.
You need a legal counselling here. (hexagram 6.5 suggested that as well btw)

 

[Trojina]

- and for the case that he is a therapist and the landlady's husband is a former client and it was something he told him confidentially, then it is even something he could lose his job over -- and it would be justified.

I don't think the ex husband is a former client, Liss just said the counsellor knew of him because he was in the same small town

My counsellor has known my landlady for years as we live in a small town and they're in the same age bracket and made mention of her poor long suffering exhusband at our last session. I mentioned to her during our argument today that I would have to speak to him about her ultimatum before I could make my decision in the hope she would feel humiliated enough to put a stop to all this nonsense so maybe he's the power of authority here.

I read it as Liss hopes to humiliate the landlady into changing her behaviour by bringing the counsellor into it, which is not the role of a counsellor at all, any kind of counsellor. Presumably she means the landlady knows the counsellor knows about her ex husband and will feel embarrassed. Obvioulsy her ex husband is none of the counsellor's business. His only business and only 'authority' is in his role to Liss although I wouldn't see counsellors as having any actual authority anyway. It's just a job like any other.

 

[equinox]

I don't think the ex husband is a former client, Liss just said the counsellor knew of him because he was in the same small town

Right, it's written earlier in the thread.

I read it as Liss hopes to humiliate the landlady into changing her behaviour by bringing the counsellor into it, which is not the role of a counsellor at all, any kind of counsellor. Presumably she means the landlady knows the counsellor knows about her ex husband and will feel embarrassed. Obvioulsy her ex husband is none of the counsellor's business. His only business and only 'authority' is in his role to Liss although I wouldn't see counsellors as having any actual authority anyway. It's just a job like any other.

True, and I don't think that it is possible to bring that lady to her senses by embarrassing her. She seems to be made of stern stuff and a bit insane at the same time. So that would just mean to engage in these power games she obviously needs so desperately and therefore Liss would just run the risk making everything worse.
A cool head and wise action is needed. As said, I think a letter from a laywer would help plus of course relocation as soon as possible.

 

[Trojina]

Yes to me it sounds like the situation has deteriorated past any possible resolution and yet Yi seemed hopeful

How would it benefit me just to pay the extra money she is asking

Hexagram 6.5>64

Line 5 does say good fortune in arguing, negotiating, changing to 64, things aren't settled yet.

Odd that Yi says that

 

[equinox]

Yes to me it sounds like the situation has deteriorated past any possible resolution and yet Yi seemed hopeful



Line 5 does say good fortune in arguing, negotiating, changing to 64, things aren't settled yet.

Odd that Yi says that

Do you read it as the Yi is hopeful in maintaining this tenancy by finding a solution for the money issue?

 

[Trojina]

Well it seems to be hopeful although at this stage I don't see how. Once things get past a certain point of nastiness there's no going back. Yet Liss hasn't had 56.6 or anything suggesting no return for example.

With the other 38 reading it would seem as if her and the landlady have completely different views of the same thing. Line 1 says one can speak with the 'hateful men'. Line 2 that perhaps understanding can be found outside the usual avenues of meeting. I think the 23 is how Liss feels.

 

[equinox]

Yes, this conflict right now seems to be solved to Liss' favour, most probably with a third helping party involved. But staying much longer at this woman's house would be a different matter, since she seems to be crazy. Of course I would wish you not having to move, Liss.

 

[oceangirl]

..............

 

[equinox]

I wasn't hoping to humiliate her in terms of discussing her per se but a bully never wants to be found out do they.

Yes, it's quite obvious that you just want to defend yourself. But it's necessary to find effective ways to do this. Your readings 6.5 and 38.1.2.4 showed that all is absolutely not hopeless.
Can't you talk to a lawyer? I just read that also in Australia people can get help for free or reduced fee if they can't afford otherwise -- if money is a problem.
http://www.probonocentre.org.au/information-on-pro-bono/definition/

 

[oceangirl]

Thankyou - seriously I don't want to defend myself anymore I just want out of this space....I've spoken up and said my piece whether it changes anything from her end now makes no difference to me. She now wants me to sign a contract and take close to $1,000.00 off me for a bond - I don't have the money, not even close, as my car needs just about that amount spent on it asap and I don't want to be locked into a contract with her as there's no guarantee she will stick to it anyway and yes perhaps then I'd have legals on my side but who the hell wants to waste energy on such things, certainly not me.

 

[oceangirl]

...................

 

[equinox]

I agree that moving towards a new troublesome situation would be the least you need now.

But I shy away from saying 'go there' or 'don't go there' -- since we are talking about a delicate, existential subject and I don't know nothing about the offer. I just want to remind that this result could also mirror your own confusion about the whole matter. Just think about this as well.
Can you give some details about the alternative accomodation, about the conditions and the people who live there?

 

[oceangirl]

.....................

 

[Trojina]

Taking quote from the thread you linked to at top https://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/friends/showthread.php?25209-Hexagram-26. Personally I would see no need to tell a prospective/current landlady any of this.

So my landlady knows I'm going through trauma therapy for sex crimes committed against me as a young girl.
She also knows I lost one of my jobs through no fault of my own, she also knows I'm constantly looking for work and work when I get the chance and I also told her I can barely afford to feed myself because she keeps harassing me for more bond money.
I have never ever been behind in my rent or asked to be. The landlady also knows I have car repairs that need doing and actually owe the mechanic for the last job - not much but I do owe him and am trying to find a way to get the money for further car repairs so I can keep my car on the road so I can keep working when the opportunity arises.
Just an hour ago she left a note for me - either start giving me extra money every week so I can accumulate a bond from you or you have a month to move out. Of course she also knows that to find a rental anywhere near here is almost impossible.

Think about it. If you are renting a room to someone there is only one thing you and landlady need to know about one another and that is the terms of payment.

If I were renting a room out, which I have in the past, I would not consider any of the above of any relevance to me. The tenants personal problems are not mine. I'm just renting a room I'm not their social worker and I need to survive too. Whether they have been sexually abused or not has absolutely no bearing on the current agreement you make. Why would you tell her about the counselling for sex abuse ?

Seems to me like boundary issues here muddy the situation and have not been helped at all by your counsellor.

None of these things you listed above should have any kind of impact on the agreement between you. At least not in the situation between a private landlord and tenant.

I think perhaps she started to feel insecure about whether she was going to get a deposit at all. I don't know if that is what you mean by a 'bond' ? Here in UK one has to pay the landlord a deposit an upfront sum of money returnable on leaving the property provided the property is left in good condition.

So that is normal practise. Was it the case that you said you couldn't pay this deposit/bond but would pay it to her incrementally ? After hearing you were struggling did she say something along the lines of 'okay you cannot pay it at once but please pay it me in portions weekly' ?

I don't think any of the things you listed above have anything to do with her, they aren't her problem.
If I am renting a room all I want to know is can you pay the money I ask ? I don't need to know about the situation with the garage repairs or the fact you suffered sexual abuse and receive counselling.

Sure if a person was a tenant for a while and they had a bad month most decent private landlords might agree to defer the rent or something like that. But you are a new tenant (?) and I think, from what I understand, she is freaking out that she will get no deposit from you.


Okay I could be wrong given I don't know the figures etc but FWIW it seems to me the problem is exacerbated by lack of clarity around boundaries.

You don't have to tell a new landlord anything. All landlords care about is regular payment and a well behaved tenant.

You asked how it would benefit you to pay her and got 6.5. I think that was asking you to consider her POV. I can't, not being Australian, figure how much she is actually asking and clearly if I isn't reasonable then you shouldn't, but my point is I don't think you should be bringing in your personal issues into the contract with the landlord/any landlord. Keep it separate.

I most certainly don't feel your counsellor has any role to play in the issue here and what is more I thought he was meant to be counselling you on sex abuse.

I went to see my counsellor today, apart from the fact that he does know her, he's appalled at the behaviour does to me as a tenant but didn't give me a solution because clearly there isn't one but it does help to talk it out. I'm pretty clear in myself I don't want to be here but wonder if the offer of alternative accommodation is right for me or if it may result in another unstable situation marred with difficulties

Now this is a strange statement. You already anticipate that if you move there will be 'another unstable situation marred with difficulties'. I'm no expert but what I perceive in all these different places you live is that the lack of clarity about boundaries really hampers you every time. It can seem as if you regard the deal with you and the landlord/landlady as personal, emotional, to do with what's fair and what isn't but it shouldn't be, it should just be a financial contract. Don't tell landlords about your vehicle repair crises, nor your temporary work situation, nor debt nor anything else.

I used to keep very quiet indeed with my last landlord. The last thing I'd want him to know was I was in debt or my work had dried up. It only makes them edgy, worried that they won't get their money. It's better to pretend everything is fine and give them the money agreed.

It hasn't ever worked out when you have lived with a landlord on the premises has it ? There is always disaster every single time isn't there ? So that is why you worry moving on won't solve the problem because actually moving on never has solved the problem before. Ideally you need your own apartment but presumably that's out of budget. So if you cannot get your own place then maybe the issue to look after/protect/be cautious of is your boundaries. Be clear in your mind your contract with your landlord/landlady is not an emotional or personal one. Your problems in the rest of your life are not their concern/business and theirs aren't yours.

If you don't like anything I've written I am happy to edit it out if you PM me. I'm not aiming to side with her or anything like that but it does look to me like one common factor in all these living situations is that it gets far too personal.

 

[betrdanevr]

Lawyers aren't usually called counsellors - unless they are in Australia.

No, Liss just began having therapy or rather counselling sessions for sexual abuse so I think she is talking about that counsellor. She has made no mention of a legal advisor in this thread that I can see.

Trojina, all due respect, but I hope you consider leaving ^that^ part out. I think Liss can talk about it if she wants, but not us.