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Nervous about upcoming confrontation with an ex.

Flax90s

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Hi everyone,

Recently, my ex and I had gotten into an argument. I had lost my temper and demanded that she would get out of my life. She was upset but complied.
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I feel like I may have gone too far.
She is currently in a bad place in her life. According to her, I am her "family", someone who will always have her back.
I always tell her that I love and care about her... Maybe I am not being true to my words. I feel like my words and my actions are not in rhythm. How can I claim to care for her but insist on leaving during the hardest time of her life?
Anyway, I decided that I am going to apologize to her. I want to let her know I'm not lying when I say I care and I'll stay if it means that much to her.
I'm very nervous about how this is going to go. There's a possibility that she could react terribly.. or maybe not? I don't know. I need to prepare myself for whatever is coming. I asked I ching: how will she react? I got 31.2.3.4.6 to 59.
There are so many changing lines, I don't even know where to begin. Any ideas?

Thank you!
 

Wairua

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Hi flax90s, I am new so please take this with a grain of salt.

I would look at line 2 as saying you need to think this through carefully. I'm unsure but caring for someone when they want to be loved. Is like line 6 saying it's all talk.

I cant know but what are you really offering tangibly, emotionally, as it might hurt her more.
 

Flax90s

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Hi flax90s, I am new so please take this with a grain of salt.

I would look at line 2 as saying you need to think this through carefully. I'm unsure but caring for someone when they want to be loved. Is like line 6 saying it's all talk.

I cant know but what are you really offering tangibly, emotionally, as it might hurt her more.
When I saw these lines.. My first impression was the same as yours: "think this through carefully". However, before I asked this question, I had already planned out this trip. I'm traveling across states. Theres really no more "think this through carefully" because it's already done. My intention when casting this reading was to get a glimpse of her reaction.. Any ideas?
 

diamanda

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How will she react? 31.2.3.4.6 > 59

Attraction (31) was very delayed (31.2), when it happened it was only physical (31.3), it was too confusing (31.4), and was full of empty words (31.6) - and this failed attraction story has now dissolved (59).

Because you're asking about her reaction, and since it was not her who was confused and empty-worded, I assume that the situation described in 31>59 is how she sees your relationship.
 

Flax90s

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How will she react? 31.2.3.4.6 > 59

Attraction (31) was very delayed (31.2), when it happened it was only physical (31.3), it was too confusing (31.4), and was full of empty words (31.6) - and this failed attraction story has now dissolved (59).

Because you're asking about her reaction, and since it was not her who was confused and empty-worded, I assume that the situation described in 31>59 is how she sees your relationship.
Wow.. I just had an "ah hah" moment reading this. I am almost 100% certain you are right on this one.
Oh well, it is what it is. I am quite tired of this relationship... I think if she reacts terribly, I'll just leave and let it be. I don't really have it in me to try anymore...
 
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butterfly spider

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Hello - I feel that your reading is to do with your last paragraph and sentence. You are tired of the relationship and have lost the impetus to make it work. And yet, you are in a way making her the decision maker in this. If SHE acts terribly.....then you will leave it and let it be. YOu made a decision to end, and yet you are dithering about it all - even though she is not in a good place.

With the 59 around, you have to decide what you want out of this. Also what is a terrible reaction - upset, angry, depressed.....how are you going to judge? Is there an element here that you want confirmation that your actions to leave her were justified.

These are just thoughts, sitting here, without knowing specifics - I am sure it is a difficult position for you.
 

diamanda

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Flax - is this the same old manipulative ex, who constantly pulls/pushes you?
Butterfly spider makes an excellent point - focus on what you truly want, not on her reaction.
 

Flax90s

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Yes Diamanda, this is the same girl.
These days I find it hard to not feel angry when I think of her. I feel like I'm being mistreated. I don't think I even like her as a person.. Yet, I love her. Does that make any sense?
The last time I talked to her was on Thursday. My flight is on the first weekend of March. There's definitely a part of me that doesn't want to go.
Butterfly spider is definitely right. I really don't want to be in the wrong.
Well, here are my thoughts: I am going to see her and offer my sincere intention to be her friend.
If she doesn't accept my offer, I will not push it. I'll stop responding to her occasional texts and calls.
 
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butterfly spider

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a friend is different from a person in a relationship......perhaps this is what you need to separate
 

Flax90s

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How do you suggest I do?
I am having a hard time seeing right from wrong. I can't seem to decide what is the appropriate way to behave/ or approach her.
 

diamanda

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It was she who broke up with you, and told you she doesn't love you, right?
Then, despite knowing that you were still in love with her, she wanted to remain "friends".
(which, by the way, is impossible when one of the two is still in love).

And when you painfully accepted the "friend" role, she just took advantage of you when she needed help.

My conclusion is that she has absolutely no right to blame you for the break up.
She does blame you though, because she knows she can toy with you, bully you, and confuse you.

I can't seem to decide what is the appropriate way to behave/ or approach her.
Imo, don't go to visit her. Tell her politely that you do want to remain friends, however for that to happen there needs to be some distance between you first, till you both completely recover from the relationship. I am 100% certain that true friendship is impossible between ex partners while all the break-up issues are still 'alive'.

Apologies in advance if I got the story wrong, but this is the impression I got.
 

Flax90s

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No, you're absolutely right Diamanda. I've decided not to go and I suppose I'll take the blame. I tried my best, I really did. Maybe someday someone will do better for her.
Thank you for your advice :)
 

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