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Not getting over it

em ching

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I've made a big mistake - or maybe not - but the pain of it is huge.
I have cut myself off from someone who made me feel less alone in the world - but they betrayed my trust and made me feel disposable. Though maybe that was as much in my head as his mode of contact. His elitism now -and coldness, cannot be appealed to. I should hate him but I cannot - though he has taken away my voice and standing. So a relation of any kind could be impossible. Friendship must be based on equality after all.

I asked, is he thinking of me?
33.2 > 44

Yuk. Here I must be the clinging inferior man.

What is the correct resolution?
51.1,2,3,4 > 46

It was definitely a shock to the system to realise how little he cared for me as anything in his life. But it's taking time to reach a sense of Pushing Upward away from thoughts of him. Could also be my lonliness at the mo making it so much worse of a loss, and make foolish attempts to contact him when he was clearly pulling away. Though maybe it could only have gone this way if he was always masking basic indifference. It must have meant much more to me, as I'm not so easy with people. Rationally I should forget and write off someone who has made me feel so bad about myself, but it seems uncontrollable - what, or who we hold dear.

How do I achieve the resolution?
29.6 > 59

That is how I feel. He's degraded me so much that I feel trapped - I just needed a friend and the sense that he wasn't even that made me take action - but it only hammered the nail in the coffin further - and now estrangement is the result. But perhaps we're both better for it. Perhaps our similiarites were based on our faults. Some of them anyway. But in other ways it felt positive and creative. I know I just have to have faith that I'll meet others with just as strong a connection.. if it was even that strong and not just a fiction of my imagination or need for that sort of comfort - sometimes I've felt he can express what I feel. And that is why I feel so awful that I've lost someone I could share certain things with - like he gave me an avenue which is now blocked. But maybe I'm not giving others the chance to also be able to fill that role? And the strength of this influence probably means it's unhealthy (44)...

Is the Yi saying it's hopeless? Not meant to be resolved in a friendly sense? Ruined by insecurity - or worse - delusion?

I read something on 29.6 by Hilary:

There may be an attraction to being imprisoned, subject to someone else's judgements and someone else's choices - very secure, no more surprises. Hm, yes, I've done it myself in small ways: 'so-and-so wouldn't be happy with that, so I don't even need to know how I feel about it myself.'

This speaks to me. It's awful to say, but his recognition of something in me made a part of me feel valued and validated... because of the mutual understanding I felt.
But maybe we can't get over people who we feel have used us - especially if they effected us deeply - because, only they could heal that particular bruising to the ego - through their recognition or remorse.

Help :eek:
 
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em ching

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my key: Is there also a sense of the inner self being shocked at the realisations that have come from the shock of the new energy it has received.

This brings a whole new world into view for you. And once you realise that the only constant thing in there is change, then laughter is the best medicine you can take with you on your journey to find the new you.


Yes - discovering the (painful) truth about someone I had so much faith in - has changed the way I see myself, the world and others.

:bows:
 

my_key

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HI EmChing
From what you write here, this is a truely painful situation for you. Remember that although you are feeling lonely and alone you are never really alone and it's important to recognise that you have the strength to bring this to a positive conclusion. So to focus on how to go forward -
How do I achieve the resolution?
29.6 > 59
You achieve the resolution by trusting the process that you are going through now.This is something that you have to face (29), and now is that time. It will be tough and really tie you up in knots (29.6) however as you sit with it all going on in and around you you will start to feel differently and new parts of you will leap up and show you how to go forward. Hex 59 is a powerful place to be. Ask for help and it will come. Somewhere deep inside you will know what to do and how you respond to this challenge will be a great example for all those around you.

Be Well
Mike
 

em ching

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Thanks very much My Key.
Trouble is all there is left to do is forget him. As everyone says. And that takes time and assurance that it's the right thing. Sometimes it feels like the way things should be, or a natural progression, and other times not. But he has left me no choice. I have to face reality and admit my mistakes. I just can't imagine anyone else filling his particular shoes. And I don't mean romantically. As a friend. But if he's moved on, is uncomfortable, or truly indifferent, then of course, this is how it's meant to be. A learning process for me, with someone sacrificed in the process. I was too quick to act on my assumptions, and he may be someone who's happier making enemies, and being unforgiving. Usually because of my insecurities, enmity (well almost) tends to be a by-product for me too. I need to get better at nipping it in the bud when someone has offended me - but at the same time be more independent so that I'm less bothered by that sort of thing - 'I am a rock, I am an island'... then maybe I wouldn't go through false friendships so easily, or create them, or pour so much energy into a relation that isn't working. Maybe some see the shades of gray and others only black and white.

:cool:
:bows:
 
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em ching

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It will be tough and really tie you up in knots (29.6) however as you sit with it all going on in and around you you will start to feel differently and new parts of you will leap up and show you how to go forward. Hex 59 is a powerful place to be. Ask for help and it will come. Somewhere deep inside you will know what to do and how you respond to this challenge will be a great example for all those around you.

Be Well
Mike
Sorry Mike - didn't quite take in the last part of what you wrote before. Yes, this can only make me stronger, perhaps more cynical ( but not a bad thing with balance and discretion) and also maybe now I'm more open to something good than before (in this area of life) - for relief! And able to recognise similar signs in future, and yes maybe even help others in a similar situation some day. But I think I played too big a part in this negative situation - as I was the one with all the feelings, and he probably oblivious.

Do you say hex 59 is a powerful place to be because you have the power to dissolve something negative - reduce it to slush? At the moment it feels like a rotten fish inside me - but I know it's probably confounded by other difficulties I'm having at the moment too.

Anyway I am going to distract myself! Thanks :)
 

em ching

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Detachment from emotions... Or at least transferring their energy into something other than a tantrum and stomping on the ground in one place, is the aim. As the Stoics would say.

I came across this also by you Mike from a previous thread which is helpful to hear:

A little bit of pain and suffering is expected along life's path. I look on these two as good friends giving me reminders that I'm maybe not on track and that I need to get back to what I'm really about.

:cool:
 
I

ichinglover

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Dear EmChing!

I read your post and could not resist...
The situation you describe along with the questions and I ching answers -
it's quite unbelievable!

Unfortunately, I can't really give you insightful interpretations, I'm just a beginner

However, quite recently I went thru the very similar situation, with the same feelings of being betrayed, disposed and abandonded as an "clinging inferior" person

I asked exact same questions you did, and I got exact same answers!!!!

Somehow, we need to survive that, and this is to let you know you are not alone!
 

em ching

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:eek: However, quite recently I went thru the very similar situation, with the same feelings of being betrayed, disposed and abandonded as an "clinging inferior" person

Wow! You got the exact same answers! Which ones?? all three above?

That's amazing. And when these kinds of things happen you can't help but think you're the only one in the world who could have been so 'foolish' to trust the person.

Don't let the bullies win! They are not to be believed. Always saving their own skin.

:bows:
 

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